Man up: for the benefit of women

Summary

In this episode of 'Psychax: Better Living Through Psychology,' Dr. Orion Teraban challenges the societal expectations of masculinity, specifically the way phrases like 'man up' and 'a real man' often define men by how they serve women. He critiques the prevailing cultural narrative that dictates men should prioritize women's needs over their own and questions why this standard is rarely reversed. Dr. Teraban encourages men, especially young ones, to recognize that the dominant culture does not genuinely support their growth into strong, independent men. The episode calls for a shift in perspective towards self-defined masculinity.

Takeaways

• 😀 The concept of 'real man' is often defined by how men conform to societal expectations about benefiting women, rather than focusing on their own well-being or self-interest.
• 😀 The common phrases like 'man up' or 'a real man' rarely encourage men to act in ways that benefit themselves, but instead push them to prioritize women’s needs over their own.
• 😀 There is an absence of similar societal imperatives for women to act in ways that benefit men. The term 'a real woman' is rarely used in mainstream culture, reinforcing the idea that women are self-defined and free to act in their own interest.
• 😀 A significant issue is the way young men, often without critical reflection, internalize messages about masculinity that are framed by societal expectations regarding their role in relationships, particularly with women.
• 😀 Men are often told that their value is derived from their ability to provide for and prioritize women, while their own health, happiness, and self-interests are marginalized or ignored.
• 😀 The dominant culture does not support men in becoming fully actualized individuals. Instead, it pushes them to adopt a version of masculinity that is primarily oriented toward pleasing or benefiting women.
• 😀 The advice men receive about relationships, health, or finances is often framed by an imperative to maintain women’s happiness, even if it means sacrificing their own interests or well-being.
• 😀 The push for men to 'man up' is always linked to their duties toward women, but there is no comparable expectation for women to 'woman up' in a way that benefits men.
• 😀 The rhetoric of self-sacrifice for the sake of women is normalized for men, while any deviation from this is considered selfish or inadequate, leading to internalized shame for men who seek to prioritize their own needs.
• 😀 The speaker calls for men, especially young ones, to recognize that the dominant culture has little interest in fostering independent, strong, or happy men, and urges men to seek out communities that value masculinity for its own sake.

Q & A

What is Dr. Orion Teraban's main critique of how society defines masculinity?

Dr. Teraban critiques how masculinity is defined in terms of how men serve the needs of women, rather than focusing on men’s own growth, well-being, and desires. He points out that societal expectations for men often prioritize benefiting women over developing the individual man’s strength, health, and happiness.

How does Dr. Teraban describe the use of the phrase 'man up' in modern culture?

Dr. Teraban explains that the phrase 'man up' is typically used to compel men to act in ways that serve others, particularly women. He argues that these commands are always framed in terms of what men should do to meet the needs of women, rather than their own needs.

What examples does Dr. Teraban provide to illustrate how men are expected to 'man up'?

He gives examples like working a side hustle to support a woman, prioritizing a woman's well-being over personal health, or staying in a relationship for the sake of a woman's emotional needs, even if it doesn't benefit the man himself.

What is the significance of Dr. Teraban's gender-switching thought experiment?

By reversing the genders in his examples (e.g., suggesting that a 'real woman' should sacrifice for a man’s benefit), Dr. Teraban highlights how such ideas are considered unacceptable and sexist when applied to women. This contrast underscores how society allows similar expectations for men but would denounce them if applied to women.

Why does Dr. Teraban suggest that men should not define their masculinity based on societal expectations?

Dr. Teraban argues that men should define their masculinity independently, free from societal pressures that prioritize serving the needs of others. He believes that society’s focus on how men can benefit women undermines the true development of men’s personal strength and happiness.

What does Dr. Teraban mean by 'the dominant culture does not want masculine men'?

Dr. Teraban suggests that society doesn't encourage men to become strong, independent, or prosperous in their own right. Instead, it pressures them to conform to expectations that serve others, particularly women, rather than fostering their personal growth.

How does Dr. Teraban recommend young men navigate societal pressures?

Dr. Teraban advises young men to seek out supportive communities and like-minded individuals who view masculinity as inherently positive, helping to counteract the societal pressures to conform to external expectations that don’t serve their best interests.

What is the impact of societal imperatives on young men, according to Dr. Teraban?

Dr. Teraban believes that young men, often in good faith, internalize societal expectations related to masculinity, expecting that conforming to these norms will lead to positive outcomes. However, he argues that these norms don’t actually benefit men, and often hinder their personal development.

Why does Dr. Teraban ask, 'Why would we allow that to happen?'

Dr. Teraban is questioning why society allows masculinity to be defined by what men can do for women, rather than by their own intrinsic value and potential. His rhetorical question highlights the imbalance in societal expectations of men and challenges the listener to reconsider these cultural norms.

What does Dr. Teraban say about the lack of the phrase 'a real woman' in modern culture?

Dr. Teraban points out that the phrase 'a real woman' doesn't even exist in modern culture, implying that women are automatically validated as real, and can define themselves independently. This contrasts with the constant societal pressure on men to prove their worth in relation to others, particularly women.