How to KEEP YOUR COOL with women: the sandwich strategy

Summary

In this episode of 'Better Living Through Psychology', Dr. Orion Taban discusses emotional survival tactics for men during disagreeable interactions with women. He introduces the concept of 'weaponized intimacy' and advises against defensiveness, which can escalate conflicts. Instead, he suggests using a 'verbal sandwich' technique to reframe women's statements as emotional expressions ('I feel...') and recognize their temporary nature ('...right now'). This approach helps maintain emotional control and avoid regrettable reactions. Dr. Taban also emphasizes the importance of accurate reflection to deescalate tension and validate feelings without agreement. His advice aims to foster healthier communication and emotional understanding in relationships.

Takeaways

• 🛡️ The talk is about emotional survival tactics for men to handle difficult interactions with women without escalating the situation.
• 🗡️ 'Weaponized intimacy' is a term used to describe when personal information shared in trust is used against someone in an argument.
• 💢 The speaker advises against becoming defensive as it can validate the attacker's perspective and embolden them further.
• 🧠 The concept of a 'verbal sandwich' is introduced as a method to reframe what a woman says by adding 'I feel' at the beginning and 'right now' at the end.
• 💬 By adding 'I feel', it's easier to recognize the statement as an expression of the woman's emotional state rather than a personal attack.
• ⏳ Using 'right now' emphasizes the transitory nature of emotions, suggesting that feelings can change quickly and may not be permanent.
• 🔄 The speaker suggests that engaging with negative emotions can prolong them, and non-engagement can be a better strategy to deescalate.
• 🔄 Accurate reflection is recommended as a communication tactic to show understanding without agreement, which can help deescalate the situation.
• 🔄 The speaker emphasizes that reflection is not the same as agreement, approval, or commitment, but rather a way to communicate 'message received'.
• 💖 The 'verbal sandwich' technique should also be applied to positive emotions to maintain a balanced perspective and avoid being overly influenced by emotional statements.
• 📚 The talk concludes with an invitation for feedback and an encouragement to like, subscribe, and consider becoming a channel member for additional perks.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Dr. Orion Taban's talk?

The main topic of Dr. Orion Taban's talk is how to keep your cool with women during emotionally charged interactions, as a form of emotional survival tactic.

What does Dr. Taban refer to as 'weaponized intimacy'?

'Weaponized intimacy' refers to the act of using something shared in trust and confidence against someone in a quarrel, causing concentrated emotional pain.

Why should a man avoid becoming defensive during a woman's personal attack?

Becoming defensive can validate the attacker's perspective, emboldening them, and it often leads to a loss of emotional control, potentially causing one to say or do things they might regret.

What is the first rule of thumb when dealing with an actively hostile woman according to Dr. Taban?

The first rule of thumb is not to make the situation worse by avoiding defensiveness and trying to keep one's cool.

What is the 'verbal sandwich' technique suggested by Dr. Taban?

The 'verbal sandwich' technique involves mentally adding 'I feel' at the beginning and 'right now' at the end of a woman's emotionally charged statements to help understand and deescalate the situation.

Why is it important to add 'I feel' to the beginning of a woman's statements?

Adding 'I feel' helps to acknowledge that the statement is a reflection of her emotional state rather than a personal attack, making it easier to not take it personally.

What is the role of 'right now' in the 'verbal sandwich' technique?

'Right now' is used to emphasize the transient nature of the emotional state, reminding oneself that the feelings being expressed are temporary and likely to change.

What is the purpose of using accurate reflection in emotionally charged conversations?

Accurate reflection helps to deescalate the situation by showing that the speaker's message has been heard, which can lead to the speaker becoming quieter and more reasonable.

How does Dr. Taban suggest responding to a woman's statement like 'you don't love me' using the reflection technique?

An effective response could be to say 'You feel that I don't love you,' which is a simple reflection of her feelings without agreement or approval.

Why should men also apply the 'verbal sandwich' technique to positive emotional statements from women?

Applying the technique to positive statements helps maintain a balanced perspective, allowing for an assessment of the reality and significance of the claim without being overly influenced by the emotional expression.

What is the final note Dr. Taban gives regarding the 'verbal sandwich' technique?

The final note is the importance of using the technique for both negative and positive emotional expressions to keep one's emotions in check and respond appropriately.