All women play blackjack: know when to hold 'em

Summary

In this episode of *Psyx: Better Living Through Psychology*, Dr. Orion Terban explains how women navigate the dating world like playing a game of blackjack. He uses this analogy to illustrate how women evaluate their romantic options, balancing attraction, risk, and time. Women, like blackjack players, must decide whether to 'hit' (pursue new opportunities) or 'stand' (settle in a relationship), considering both their current partner and potential alternatives. Dr. Terban encourages young men to focus on improving their value and becoming 'contextual Alphas' to improve their chances of securing lasting relationships while navigating the complexities of modern dating dynamics.

Takeaways

• 😀 Women approach dating like a game of Blackjack, making decisions based on both their situation and external options.
• 😀 In Blackjack, players must assess both their hand and the dealer's show card; similarly, women evaluate their own attractiveness and available options when dating.
• 😀 A woman's decision to 'hit' (pursue a new option) or 'stand' (settle in a current relationship) is influenced by the potential risk of 'busting' (missing out on better opportunities).
• 😀 Men’s physical attractiveness plays a major role in why women pursue relationships, and this value decreases with time, much like the odds in Blackjack.
• 😀 Women often use both their current relationship (the cards in hand) and the potential options (dealer's card) to determine whether to settle or seek something better.
• 😀 The decision to 'hit' or 'stand' is often a difficult emotional choice, as the woman weighs her desire for a better option against the risks of waiting too long.
• 😀 The concept of 'mate guarding' in relationships can be explained by the need to secure one's position when more attractive options appear in the environment.
• 😀 A woman’s 'flakiness' and unpredictability in dating may be seen as a result of vacillation between settling and waiting for someone better.
• 😀 The more attractive a man appears in the context of his social circle (a 'contextual Alpha'), the more likely he is to be perceived as a safer bet in relationships.
• 😀 Over time, as a man improves his value proposition (his 'hand'), women are less likely to exhibit the vacillation described, indicating more stable interest in him.
• 😀 The key to navigating female dating behavior is understanding that while many factors are beyond a man's control, improving his value and context can increase his chances of success.

Q & A

What is the main analogy used in the script to explain women's dating behavior?

The main analogy is comparing women's decision-making in relationships to playing the game of blackjack. Just as players in blackjack assess their cards and the dealer’s card to make informed decisions, women consider their current partner and potential future options when deciding whether to stay in or leave a relationship.

What does the term 'busting' refer to in the context of dating?

'Busting' refers to a woman reaching a point where she feels it is too late to secure the kind of relationship she desires, typically because she waited too long or didn't settle when she had the chance.

How does a woman decide whether to 'hit' or 'stand' in her dating life?

A woman decides whether to 'hit' (pursue other opportunities) or 'stand' (commit to her current partner) based on two factors: her current relationship (her hand) and the potential for better opportunities (the dealer’s card).

What does Dr. Orion Terban mean by the 'contextual Alpha'?

A 'contextual Alpha' refers to a man who positions himself in social environments where he is one of the most attractive or desirable options. This increases his chances of a woman choosing to stay with him, as she perceives him as a safer, more valuable partner.

What role does 'vacillation' play in female dating behavior?

Vacillation refers to a woman's indecision in dating, where she might repeatedly oscillate between staying with a current partner or pursuing someone else. This behavior occurs when she finds her current partner attractive, but not attractive enough to fully commit, causing her to seek other potential options.

Why does the analogy of holding a 16 against a 10 in blackjack represent a difficult decision in relationships?

In blackjack, holding a 16 against a dealer’s 10 is a tough decision because the odds of busting by drawing another card are high, but the chances of winning are low. Similarly, in relationships, a woman may face indecision when her current relationship isn't ideal, but the risk of leaving for something uncertain feels daunting.

How does understanding the 'dealer's show card' help a woman in her dating decisions?

The 'dealer's show card' represents other men who might be potential partners. By considering these options, a woman can assess whether to stay with her current partner or 'hit' by exploring new possibilities, based on how strong those other options seem.

What advice does Dr. Terban give to young men in the dating pool?

Dr. Terban advises young men to focus on improving their value proposition, becoming the best version of themselves, and seeking environments where they are seen as a 'contextual Alpha'. This increases their chances of attracting women who will commit without vacillating.

What impact does a woman's perception of her partner’s attractiveness have on her decision to 'hit' or 'stand'?

A woman's perception of her partner's attractiveness influences whether she feels comfortable settling with him or continuing to search for a better option. If she sees him as less attractive than others, she is more likely to 'hit' (pursue other opportunities), but if she finds him sufficiently attractive, she may 'stand' (commit).

What does Dr. Terban suggest is the key to reducing the vacillation in a woman's dating behavior?

Dr. Terban suggests that the key to reducing vacillation is for men to improve their value and position themselves as desirable partners. As a man becomes more attractive and confident, women will perceive him as a safer choice, leading to fewer indecisive behaviors.