GUYS: find your UGLY DUCKLING, or: how to find a good woman

Summary

In this episode of 'Psych Hacks: Better Living Through Psychology,' Dr. Orion Tarabin shares a dating strategy for men, encouraging them to look beyond physical attraction when choosing a partner. He discusses the pitfalls of dating highly attractive women, who may lack emotional maturity due to constant attention. Instead, Dr. Tarabin advises men to seek women who have blossomed later in life, developing both emotionally and intellectually. These women, often termed 'ugly ducklings,' tend to be more emotionally available and less likely to take male attention for granted, making them better long-term relationship partners.

Takeaways

• 😀 Prioritize emotional intelligence over physical appearance when choosing a partner.
• 😀 Beautiful women may struggle with entitlement and lack of emotional maturity due to being excessively praised for their looks.
• 😀 A partner's attractiveness should not be the sole criterion for selecting a mate; personality and emotional maturity are crucial.
• 😀 Dating women who bloom later in life (in their late 20s or early 30s) can offer more fulfilling relationships.
• 😀 Women who have developed themselves outside of their looks, such as building a career or pursuing other personal growth, are often better partners.
• 😀 Avoid pursuing women who rely heavily on their physical appearance and the attention they receive from others, as they may be harder to connect with emotionally.
• 😀 Focus on women who may have been overlooked in their younger years, as they tend to appreciate attention more and may offer more emotional depth.
• 😀 The concept of the 'ugly duckling' refers to women who may not have been conventionally attractive in their youth but develop into well-rounded, attractive individuals later.
• 😀 Relationships with women who have gone through a 'character-building phase' are often more stable and satisfying due to their more mature outlook on life.
• 😀 Attention from a man becomes more valuable when it is given to someone who hasn't been inundated with admiration for their looks alone.

Q & A

What is the main theme of Dr. Orion Tarabin's advice in the video?

Dr. Orion Tarabin advises men to seek women who may not fit the 'traditional beauty' standards but have developed other important qualities over time. He suggests looking for women who have undergone character development, much like the 'ugly duckling' who later becomes a beautiful swan.

What is the significance of the 'ugly duckling' reference in the context of dating advice?

The 'ugly duckling' reference is used to illustrate the idea that some women may not be as physically attractive in their younger years but later grow into more attractive, well-rounded individuals. The key takeaway is to focus on women who have developed themselves beyond their looks, as they can offer more meaningful relationships.

How does Dr. Tarabin describe women who grow up with beauty and the challenges they may face?

Dr. Tarabin explains that women who are very attractive from a young age often develop a sense of entitlement and may struggle with emotional intelligence and distress tolerance. Their early experiences of constant attention can lead to difficulties in maintaining healthy relationships.

Why does Dr. Tarabin believe that dating beautiful women can be difficult?

Dr. Tarabin believes that dating extremely beautiful women can be challenging because many of them have not developed other important qualities such as personality, skills, and emotional maturity. These women may also have unrealistic expectations of relationships due to their experiences of constant admiration.

What kind of relationship does Dr. Tarabin believe is ideal as he gets older?

As Dr. Tarabin ages, he values effortlessness in a relationship. He prefers a partner who can seamlessly integrate into his life without causing excessive friction or draining his time and energy, allowing both partners to enjoy their experiences together.

How can a woman who has not been the center of male attention develop important qualities?

A woman who hasn't received constant male attention, like the 'ugly duckling,' might invest her time in personal growth activities such as building a career, developing skills, or caring for loved ones. This allows her to become more well-rounded and emotionally mature, which benefits her in relationships.

Why does Dr. Tarabin advise against pursuing women who are constantly sought after for their looks?

Dr. Tarabin advises against pursuing women who are constantly sought after for their looks because they may have a distorted sense of self-worth and could view male attention as less valuable. Additionally, such women often face overwhelming competition from many other men, making a genuine connection less likely.

What does Dr. Tarabin mean by the term 'late blooming' in the context of women?

Dr. Tarabin uses 'late blooming' to refer to women who may not have been traditionally attractive or focused on beauty in their younger years but have developed into more attractive and well-rounded individuals later in life. These women have likely developed other important traits, such as emotional intelligence and career success.

How does the 'ugly duckling' analogy relate to mate selection?

The 'ugly duckling' analogy suggests that a woman who has had to develop herself beyond her looks may offer more valuable qualities in a relationship. These women are likely to have higher emotional intelligence and greater relationship compatibility, making them better long-term partners.

What should men look for in a woman according to Dr. Tarabin?

According to Dr. Tarabin, men should look for a woman who has developed other aspects of her personality and life beyond her physical appearance. These qualities include emotional maturity, career development, and personal growth, which contribute to a more fulfilling and stable relationship.