If the person youre dating starts to pull away- DO THIS.

Summary

This video addresses the emotional rollercoaster of dating, focusing on the anxiety that arises when someone begins to pull away. It emphasizes the importance of regulating your nervous system and responding with authenticity, rather than reacting impulsively. The speaker encourages open communication with a partner, acknowledging that shifting dynamics might be due to personal issues rather than a reflection of your worth. By fostering self-compassion and maintaining healthy boundaries, the video offers strategies for navigating relationship uncertainty and finding clarity, without resorting to manipulative tactics or self-doubt.

Takeaways

• 😀 Regulate your nervous system: When someone you're dating starts pulling away, it's essential to manage your anxiety and stay grounded. Simple techniques like going for a walk or holding ice cubes can help bring you into the present moment.
• 😀 Don't match their energy: Responding to their behavior by pulling away or becoming anxious will not be authentic. Instead, communicate openly and calmly.
• 😀 Take your time in dating: Avoid rushing into a connection. Getting to know someone over a longer period helps you form a more authentic bond, rather than getting lost in the thrill of initial attraction.
• 😀 Avoid protest behavior: Responding to someone's emotional distance by shutting down or becoming passive-aggressive only worsens the situation. Try to maintain a healthy, calm response.
• 😀 Communicate openly: If you notice a shift in the dynamic, have a conversation with the person rather than letting anxiety build. Express your feelings clearly without making assumptions.
• 😀 Understand your worth: Don't base your self-worth on whether someone is choosing you. Focus on self-empowerment and being content with or without the person you're dating.
• 😀 Set boundaries early: If someone comes on too strong, set healthy boundaries. This helps avoid feeling overwhelmed and creates space for the relationship to develop naturally.
• 😀 Recognize the addiction loop: When someone pulls away after being overly attentive, your brain may go through withdrawal. Acknowledge this response without letting it dictate your emotions.
• 😀 Embrace emotional regulation: Feelings are not facts. When you experience anxiety or panic, pause and assess the situation rationally. You're not in immediate danger.
• 😀 Focus on clarity: If communication becomes unclear, ask for clarity in a calm and non-accusatory way. Healthy communication helps avoid misunderstandings and builds stronger relationships.

Q & A

What happens when the person you're dating starts to pull away after initially being very engaged?

When the person you're dating starts to pull away, it can trigger anxiety and insecurity. You may start feeling as though you’ve lost them, and your nervous system can go into panic mode because you feel unsafe without their attention. However, the reality is that your safety comes from within, not from the person you're dating.

How should you respond if your partner starts distancing themselves?

Instead of matching their energy or resorting to protest behaviors like incessant texting or passive-aggressiveness, it's important to communicate openly and authentically. Regulate your nervous system first and approach the situation calmly with a conversation, rather than reacting impulsively.

What is protest behavior in relationships, and how does it manifest?

Protest behavior occurs when someone with high anxiety feels that the connection with their partner is being threatened. It can manifest in actions like excessive texting, shutting down, passive aggression, or even yelling. This behavior is often an attempt to regain connection, but it can end up pushing the other person further away.

Why is it important to regulate your nervous system when you're feeling anxious about a relationship?

Regulating your nervous system helps you stay grounded and present, preventing overwhelming emotions from taking over. Techniques like going for a walk or holding ice cubes can bring you back to the moment, reducing the feeling of danger and helping you think more clearly about the situation.

What does it mean when someone says you should 'match their energy' in a relationship?

Matching their energy refers to reacting to someone’s behavior by mimicking it, such as withdrawing or being distant when they are. However, this is not an authentic response, and if you value open and honest communication, this approach is counterproductive and inauthentic.

How can you assess whether your partner's behavior change is a sign of something serious or just a temporary shift?

It's crucial to observe the overall dynamics of the relationship. If the only change is a decrease in texting frequency without a significant reduction in quality time spent together, it may be a minor shift. However, if there is a complete withdrawal and lack of effort to make plans, it could indicate a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.

What should you do if you feel your partner is inconsistent and it's triggering your anxiety?

You should express your feelings by asking for clarity. Communicate openly by saying, 'I’ve noticed a shift in our dynamic. Am I picking up on this correctly?' This can help address any misunderstandings and bring the issue into the open.

How do attachment styles influence reactions to a partner pulling away?

Different attachment styles react differently when a partner pulls away. A secure person might calmly communicate and move on if needed. An anxious person might spiral into self-doubt and fear of rejection, while an avoidant person might welcome the distance but still feel some rejection. Understanding these dynamics can help you navigate the situation more effectively.

What is the importance of setting boundaries early in a relationship?

Setting boundaries early helps establish a healthy pace for the relationship and prevents emotional burnout. It also ensures that both parties are getting to know each other genuinely, without overwhelming expectations or emotional intensity too soon.

Why is it harmful to react impulsively or follow 'clickbait' dating advice when you're anxious about a relationship?

Reacting impulsively or following clickbait advice like sending manipulative texts to get a response can lead to inauthentic interactions and further anxiety. Healthy relationships are built on honest communication and self-respect, not on strategies that manipulate emotions for control.