Reading minds through body language | Lynne Franklin | TEDxNaperville

Summary

In this insightful presentation, Lynne Franklin introduces the concept of mind-reading through understanding body language. She explains that people process information in three distinct ways, which are reflected in their body language: as 'lookers' who think in images, 'listeners' who think in words and sounds, and 'touchers' who think in feelings and tactile sensations. By recognizing these styles, one can adapt their communication to build rapport and increase persuasiveness. Franklin provides practical tips on how to identify and interact with each type, emphasizing the importance of matching verbal and non-verbal cues to connect more effectively with others.

Takeaways

• 🧠 People's brains process information in three different ways, which can be identified through body language.
• 👀 Understanding someone's primary thinking style can help in presenting information effectively and increasing the chances of agreement.
• 🙅‍♀️ Body language cues are not always straightforward; for example, a person looking down does not necessarily mean they are uncomfortable or uninterested.
• 👦 James represents 'lookers', who think in pictures and images, and make up 75% of the world's population.
• 👚 'Lookers' can be identified by their good posture, stress in shoulders, wrinkles in forehead, thin lips, and frequent eye contact.
• 👁️ To build rapport with 'lookers', use lots of eye contact and visual language like 'I see what you mean'.
• 👂 Marge represents 'listeners', who think in words and sounds, and make up 20% of the world's population.
• 📚 'Listeners' can be identified by their less focus on appearance, tendency to look down and to the left, head in hand, and mumbling to themselves.
• 🗣️ To appeal to 'listeners', avoid constant eye contact and use auditory language such as 'That sounds good to me'.
• 🤗 Marina represents 'touchers', who think in feelings and tactilely, and make up 5% of the world's population.
• 💋 'Touchers' can be identified by their readiness to hug, comfort over style in dressing, full lips, leaning in, and reaching out to touch.
• 🤝 To build rapport with 'touchers', allow them to touch you if comfortable, and use language that reflects feelings and touch like 'Reach out and tell me what you think'.
• 🤔 An individual's thinking style can be determined by how they remember important memories: visually, auditorily, or kinesthetically.
• 🔑 By observing body language and language use, one can adapt their communication style to build rapport and persuade more effectively.
• 📧 Even in written communication, one can identify a person's thinking style through the type of language they use, which can guide how to respond.

Q & A

What is the main premise of Lynne Franklin's presentation?

Lynne Franklin's presentation is about understanding how people's brains process information differently and how to read their body language to communicate more effectively with them.

According to Lynne, what percentage of the world's population does James represent and what does it mean?

James represents 75% of the world's population and is identified as a 'looker', meaning their brain processes information primarily in pictures and images.

What are the key body language indicators that Lynne mentions to identify a 'looker'?

Key indicators for a 'looker' include standing tall with good posture, dressing well, holding stress in the shoulders, having wrinkles in the forehead, thin lips, and giving lots of eye contact.

How should one build rapport with a 'looker' according to Lynne?

To build rapport with a 'looker', one should give them lots of eye contact and use language with a visual component, such as phrases like 'I see what you mean' or 'Let's picture working together this way'.

What percentage of the world's population does Marge represent and what is her primary thinking style?

Marge represents 20% of the world's population and is identified as a 'listener', meaning her brain processes information primarily in words and sounds.

What are some body language cues that suggest someone is a 'listener'?

Cues for a 'listener' include not being as well-dressed, looking down and to the left, putting their head in their hand in 'telephone posture', mumbling to themselves, and being the 'pen clicker' or 'banger of the pen on the table'.

How can one appeal to 'listeners' effectively?

To appeal to 'listeners', one should avoid giving them too much eye contact as it can be overwhelming, and use auditory language, such as 'That sounds good to me' or 'Let's talk this over'.

What percentage of the world's population does Marina represent and what is her primary thinking style?

Marina represents 5% of the world's population and is a 'toucher', meaning her brain processes information primarily through feelings and tactile sensations.

What are the typical body language characteristics of a 'toucher'?

Characteristics of a 'toucher' include being ready to hug even strangers, dressing for comfort over style, having full lips, leaning in during conversations, reaching out to touch others' arms, and looking down when recalling memories.

How can one build rapport with 'touchers'?

To build rapport with 'touchers', one should allow them to touch if comfortable, or provide a point of contact like a handshake if not. Also, using language with a feeling or tactile component, such as 'I want to hear how you're feeling about this', can be effective.

What exercise does Lynne suggest to determine an individual's primary thinking style?

Lynne suggests closing one's eyes and remembering an important memory, paying attention to whether the memory is recalled as a movie of images, as words or sounds, or as feelings and tactile sensations, which correspond to being a 'looker', 'listener', or 'toucher', respectively.

What is the ultimate goal of understanding and adapting to different thinking styles according to Lynne?

The ultimate goal is to become a more persuasive and effective communicator by building rapport with all kinds of different people, regardless of their primary thinking style.

How can one determine the thinking style of someone they are not in the same physical space with?

One can determine the thinking style of someone remotely by paying attention to the words they use in phone conversations or written communication, as 'lookers' use visual language, 'listeners' use auditory words, and 'touchers' use feeling or kinesthetic language.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 Understanding Brain Processing Styles

In this opening paragraph, Lynne Franklin introduces the concept of mind reading through understanding how people's brains process information in three distinct ways. She emphasizes that recognizing these styles through body language can improve communication and increase the likelihood of agreement. Lynne shares a personal anecdote about misinterpreting a client's behavior due to a lack of awareness of these styles, highlighting the importance of not making assumptions based on limited observations.

05:03

👀 Identifying 'Lookers' and Building Rapport

The second paragraph delves into the characteristics of 'lookers,' who make up 75% of the world's population and think in pictures and images. Lynne describes the body language cues of lookers, such as good posture, stress in the shoulders, wrinkles in the forehead, thin lips, and frequent eye contact. She then provides strategies for building rapport with lookers, which include maintaining eye contact and using visual language to communicate effectively.

10:06

👂 Recognizing 'Listeners' and Their Communication Preferences

In this segment, Lynne introduces 'listeners,' who represent 20% of the population and process information in words and sounds. She outlines the body language associated with listeners, including less focus on appearance, a tendency to look down and to the left, 'telephone posture,' mumbling, and pen clicking. To connect with listeners, Lynne suggests alternating eye contact and using auditory language, such as phrases that include the concept of sound or speech.

🤲 Discovering 'Touchers' and Their Empathetic Connection

The fourth paragraph presents 'touchers,' the 5% of people who think in feelings and tactile sensations. Lynne describes their body language, such as a readiness to hug, comfort over style in dressing, full lips, leaning in during conversations, and reaching out to touch others. To build rapport with touchers, Lynne recommends allowing physical contact if comfortable and using language that conveys feelings or touch, like phrases that suggest emotional connection or physical interaction.

🔮 Reflecting on Personal Processing Styles and Adjusting Communication

In the concluding paragraph, Lynne invites the audience to self-reflect on their own brain's processing style by recalling a memory and noting how it was recalled—visually, auditorily, or kinesthetically. She stresses the importance of adjusting one's communication style to accommodate different thinking styles to build rapport and become more persuasive. Lynne also points out that understanding someone's thinking style can be achieved through their choice of words in emails or phone conversations, encouraging practice and attention to language as tools for effective communication.

Keywords

💡Mind reader

A 'mind reader' in the context of the video refers to someone who can discern another person's thought process or preferences by observing their behavior, particularly body language. It's not about supernatural abilities but understanding human psychology and non-verbal cues. The video suggests that by recognizing these cues, one can tailor communication to better connect with others.

💡Body language

Body language is the non-verbal aspect of communication, which includes posture, gestures, facial expressions, and eye movement. In the video, body language is the primary tool used to determine a person's cognitive style. For instance, the script describes how a 'looker' might stand tall and maintain good posture, which indicates their preference for visual information.

💡Cognitive style

Cognitive style, in this video, refers to the way an individual processes information and thinks, which can be visual, auditory, or kinesthetic. The video emphasizes that understanding a person's cognitive style can help in building rapport and communicating more effectively. For example, 'listeners' think in words and sounds, and their body language might include looking down and to the left when recalling auditory information.

💡Rapport

Rapport is the harmonious relationship or understanding between people. The video suggests that by adapting one's communication style to match the cognitive style of others, one can build rapport. Building rapport is crucial for effective persuasion and communication, as it fosters trust and understanding.

💡Visual language

Visual language in the video pertains to the use of words and phrases that evoke images or visual concepts. It is associated with 'lookers,' who think in pictures and images. The script advises using visual language like 'I see what you mean' to connect with individuals who have a visual cognitive style.

💡Auditory language

Auditory language involves using words and phrases that relate to sounds or the sense of hearing. This is linked to 'listeners,' who process information through words and sounds. The video provides examples such as 'That sounds good to me' to illustrate how to communicate with auditory thinkers.

💡Kinesthetic language

Kinesthetic language relates to the sense of touch and physical feelings. It is used to communicate with 'touchers,' who think in feelings and tactilely. Phrases like 'I want to hear how you're feeling about this' are examples of kinesthetic language from the script, which can help build rapport with touchers.

💡Eye contact

Eye contact is the act of looking into someone's eyes and is a significant aspect of body language. The video explains that the amount and manner of eye contact can vary depending on a person's cognitive style. For 'lookers,' maintaining eye contact is crucial as it signifies attention and engagement.

💡Stress indicators

Stress indicators in the video refer to physical signs that suggest a person is experiencing stress or discomfort. For example, 'lookers' may exhibit stress by holding tension in their shoulders, which is mentioned in the script as a clue to their cognitive style.

💡Posture

Posture in the video is a part of body language that can reveal a person's cognitive style. A good posture, as seen in 'lookers,' can indicate confidence and the importance they place on visual appearance. It is used as a non-verbal cue to understand how a person processes information.

💡Persuasion

Persuasion is the art of influencing others to agree with or adopt a particular point of view. The video's theme revolves around using an understanding of cognitive styles and body language to become more persuasive. By adapting communication to match the cognitive style of the audience, one can increase the likelihood of agreement and acceptance of proposals.

Highlights

People's brains process information in three different ways, which can be identified through body language.

Understanding brain processing styles can help present information effectively and avoid social missteps.

A personal anecdote illustrates the importance of recognizing different thinking styles to avoid misunderstandings.

James represents 75% of the world as a 'looker', whose brain thinks in pictures and images.

Characteristics of 'lookers' include good posture, stress in shoulders, wrinkles in forehead, thin lips, and lots of eye contact.

To build rapport with 'lookers', use lots of eye contact and visual language.

Marge represents 20% of the world as a 'listener', whose brain thinks in words and sounds.

Listeners often look down and to the left, exhibit 'telephone posture', mumble, and may click pens.

Appealing to listeners involves avoiding constant eye contact and using auditory language.

Marina represents 5% of the world as a 'toucher', whose brain thinks in feelings and tactilely.

Touchers are likely to hug, dress for comfort, have full lips, lean in, and touch during conversations.

Building rapport with touchers involves allowing physical contact if comfortable and using feeling or tactile language.

A self-assessment exercise helps determine whether one is a 'looker', 'listener', or 'toucher' based on memory recall.

Understanding one's own thinking style is crucial for effective communication and rapport building.

The presenter challenges the audience to observe body language and adjust their communication style accordingly.

Adapting language to match others' thinking styles can significantly increase persuasiveness.

Even without physical presence, one can discern thinking styles through the language used in emails or phone calls.

The presenter encourages practice of these communication tools to become the most persuasive person in any room.

Transcripts

Reviewer: Morgane Quilfen

Hi, I'm Lynne Franklin.

I have one question for you.

How would you like to be a mind reader?

(Audience) Yes.

Because part of me is thinking,

"I bet your mind's thinking, 'That's not going to happen.'"

Here's the truth.

People's brains process information - they think - in three different ways.

And their body language will tell you all day long what their primary style is.

You just need to know what to look for and what to do when you see it.

And it's not one of those where she's leaning back,

her arms are crossed, she's frowning, so she must be unhappy.

It's actually understanding how their brains work

and then presenting your information

in a way that people can see it, hear it, and feel it,

and increase the chances that they'll say yes

to whatever you're proposing,

and also decrease the chances that you'll do something stupid

like this.

Back in my 20s, before I knew any of this stuff,

I had a client who was a corporate controller,

and he would sit across from me in meetings,

and he was always looking down, with the occasional glance up.

And I thought, "Okay, well, he's a numbers guy.

He just feels comfortable looking at the numbers."

And then as time went on, I thought, "Well, you know, he's just socially inept,

and he doesn't know how to give me eye contact."

And finally, because I was young and stupid,

I thought, "Every time he's looking up, he's looking at my chest,

and I'm offended!"

And there was one point - I, when in a meeting, went,

"Excuse me, I'm up here."

Ooh, yeah, talk about judgmental.

Here's the scoop.

This guy's brain worked in a way

that he was never going to give me eye contact.

And no matter how many times I modeled the behavior

I wanted him to use,

all that did was make both of us feel uncomfortable.

So, how can you tell?

How can you read people's body language to read their minds?

We are going to show you right now.

And that means I'm going to bring out our first body language model, James.

(Applause)

Thank you, James.

James represents 75% of the world.

You didn't know this about James,

but James is a looker.

(Laughter)

What that means is that James' brain thinks in pictures and images,

in pictures and images.

And here's how we can tell that James is a looker

from his body language.

First thing, he stands up tall.

He has good posture.

Second, he's dressed well

because appearance is important to lookers.

The next thing you'll notice about James is

that he holds a little stress in his shoulders -

lift up your shoulders a bit - he holds his stress there.

Next thing, you'll notice he has wrinkles in his forehead

because James looks up when he remembers something he has seen,

and he looks up more often than most of us do.

Next thing you'll notice about James is that he has thin lips.

Suck them in.

And this is a chicken-and-egg thing.

We're not quite sure why lookers have thin lips,

but most of them do.

And the other thing about lookers is they give you lots of eye contact.

Look at them, look at them, look at them, all of them, look at all of them.

Thanks, James.

James: Thank you.

(Applause)

Lynn Franklin: Okay, now that you know that James is a looker,

here are the two things you do to build rapport with him.

The first is that you give him lots of eye contact

because he literally believes

if you do not look at him, you are not paying attention to him

and you are ignoring him.

The second thing you do with lookers is

you give them words that have a visual component to it:

"I see what you mean"

or, "Look at this"

or, "Let's picture working together this way."

So, you use the type of language that is going on in James' brain.

Those are lookers.

Seventy-five percent of people in the world.

Our next body language model is Marge,

and Marge represents 20% of the people in the world.

(Applause)

Marge is a listener.

What this means is that Marge's brain thinks in words and sounds,

in words and sounds.

And this is the body language that you will see in a listener.

First, Marge - not as well-dressed as James,

because appearance is not as important to her.

(Laughter)

Sorry, Marge.

Next, Marge has a tendency to look down and to the left

because that's where you look

when you're remembering something you have heard.

Next thing you'll notice about Marge is

that a lot of times, she'll put her head in her hand.

It's called "telephone posture."

Other thing you'll notice about Marge is

that she has a tendency to mumble to herself.

Go ahead and mumble.

Marge: (Mumbles)

(Laughter)

LF: And it's not that she's crazy,

it's that she thinks in words and sounds,

so she's literally talking to herself.

Another thing you'll notice about Marge -

yep, she's the "pen clicker" and the "banger of the pen on the table."

These are listeners, 20% of the people in the world.

Thanks, Marge.

Marge: Thank you.

(Applause)

LF: If you want to appeal to listeners, you do two things.

The first thing, you do not give them lots of eye contact.

It freaks them out.

That's exactly what was going on with that corporate controller.

So, what you do is

that when they're speaking, you look at them and you look away.

And when you're speaking, you look at them and then look away.

The second thing you do with listeners is that you use words that are auditory:

"That sounds good to me"

or, "Let's talk this over."

That's the type of language their brain uses,

so you're using that to appeal with them.

Listeners, 20% of the people in the world.

And our final body language model is Marina.

And Marina represents five percent of the people in the world.

Give her a round of applause.

(Applause)

Marina is a toucher.

Not what you think.

(Laughter)

What that means is that Marina's brain thinks in feelings and tactilely,

in feelings and tactilely.

And here's the kind of body language you will see in a toucher.

First thing and the biggest tell in touchers is

whether or not they've ever met you before in their lives,

they are ready to hug you.

(Laughs)

Second thing you'll notice about touchers is

that they are dressed for comfort rather than style.

Next thing is that they have full lips.

Give them big lips.

(Laughter)

Same thing - I know, more touchers have full lips.

Next thing you'll notice about touchers is that they have a tendency to lean in

because they are trying to decrease the amount of physical space

between you and them,

and build rapport that way.

Touchers also have a tendency to reach out and touch your arm

when they're in conversation with you.

And touchers also have a tendency to look down

because that's where you look

when you're remembering something you have felt.

Thanks, Marina.

Marina: Thank you.

(Applause)

LF: You want to build rapport with touchers -

5% of the people in the world?

Here are the two things you do.

If you feel comfortable, let them touch you.

(Laughter)

Appropriately, please.

But if you don't feel comfortable, because a lot of us,

if you've never met somebody and they're ready to give you a bear hug,

the last thing you want to do is go ...

because we've all done that, and it does not build rapport.

So, if a toucher's coming at you and you don't feel comfortable,

stick your hand out.

Give these people a point of contact with you.

That's what they're looking for.

The second thing you do with touchers is

you use language that either has a feeling to it or is tactile.

So, "I want to hear how you're feeling about this."

"Let's get in touch."

"Reach out and tell me what you think."

That's the kind of language that appeals to touchers -

people who process information in feelings and tactilely.

I'll read your mind again,

and you're probably thinking, "Which one of these three am I?"

Let's figure that out right now.

What I want you to do is close your eyes,

and remember an important memory.

Now, this could be something from your childhood:

maybe your 10th birthday party

or something that happened to you last week.

So, an important memory.

Now I want you to pay attention to how you're remembering it.

Are you remembering it like a movie or a series of pictures and images?

Are you remembering it by hearing what people said

or describing what happened?

Or are you remembering it by how you felt or how things felt to you?

Okay, open up your eyes.

How many of you remembered it like a movie?

Right, most of you.

How many of you were describing it to yourself

or remembering what people said?

Right, listeners.

And finally, how many of you remember how you felt

or how things felt to you?

Right, now you know who you are.

That's the good news.

Here's the bad news.

You're going to treat everybody else as though they think the same way.

And you've already seen how awful that can be

when you're working with a corporate controller

who has a different way of thinking.

Here's my invitation to you.

I want you to start paying attention to other people's body language

to figure out how they think.

Because here's the magic part of it.

Once you start presenting your ideas in a way that they get them,

they will say yes to you more often.

But here's the scoop too.

I'm not asking you to become somebody else,

because you can't change how your brain works.

It's true, you think in all three ways,

but just the way you have a dominant hand,

you have a dominant style.

You can't change that.

But what you can do is accommodate your language, both body and verbal,

with the people you're with

in order to build rapport,

which allows you to reach the full spectrum of people

that you're hanging out with.

And here's the other magic thing.

You don't even have to be in somebody's presence

to figure out how their brains work.

Interested?

Right, all you need to do is listen to or look at the words they're using.

So, if you're in a phone conversation, listen for the words.

If you're reading an email, look at the words.

People who are lookers will use more visual language.

People who are listeners will use more auditory words.

People who are touchers will use more feeling, kinesthetic words.

You don't have to be in that same space to know who they are.

So, here's my challenge to you.

Go back and read some of the emails that you have sent,

and you'll notice, now that you know who you are,

the kind of language that you're using,

and it'll back that up.

It happens with everybody.

So, 10 minutes ago, you didn't think you could read people's body language

to read their minds.

And now you know what to do.

So, practice this stuff on the people at home

or the people at work,

and when you do this,

and when you use these tools

to build rapport with all kinds of different people,

you'll become the most persuasive person in the room.

Thank you.

(Applause)