"Bad Texter" or Just Not That Into You? | Matthew Hussey

Summary

In the early stages of dating, communication can often lead to frustration and anxiety, particularly regarding texting frequency. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing the difference between inconsistency and scarcity in communication. Over time, communication should evolve to foster a sense of closeness and connection. Rather than debating the medium, individuals should focus on expressing their needs for closeness. Building self-confidence is crucial for articulating these needs effectively. The video concludes with an invitation to a retreat designed to enhance self-worth, ultimately improving dating experiences and personal relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Early dating can create anxiety over communication frequency, leading to questions about interest and investment in the relationship.
• 📉 Communication should show a trajectory of improvement over time; stagnation may indicate a lack of interest.
• ⚠️ Inconsistent communication (lots of messages one day, silence for days) is a red flag and may suggest the person is juggling multiple interests.
• 🔍 Scarcity of communication differs from inconsistency; it may simply indicate that you're not yet a priority for the other person.
• 💬 There is no 'right' amount of texting or calling; compatibility in communication styles is essential.
• 🎯 Focus on the need for closeness rather than the medium of communication; feeling connected is more important than how that connection occurs.
• 🗣️ When addressing communication issues, frame the conversation around connection and closeness, rather than debating texting preferences.
• 🤔 If someone claims to be a 'bad texter,' it can be a distraction from discussing deeper issues of connection.
• ❤️ If you don't feel close to someone, it's vital to communicate that need, as happiness in the relationship hinges on feeling connected.
• 🌟 Building self-confidence is key to setting standards in dating; feeling worthy leads to more assertive communication about needs and desires.

Q & A

What should I consider if I'm feeling anxious about someone not texting me enough in the early stages of dating?

Evaluate whether the communication is improving over time. In early dating, it's normal for someone to not prioritize communication as much, but over days and weeks, you should see a trajectory of increased contact.

How can I differentiate between inconsistency and scarcity in someone's communication?

Inconsistency refers to erratic messaging patterns, such as being very communicative one day and then disappearing for days. Scarcity means you simply feel there isn't enough communication, which could be due to them not valuing communication as much as you do.

Is there a right amount of communication to expect while dating?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer; it depends on compatibility. It's about finding a balance between no communication and excessive communication that leaves no room for personal life.

Why is it important to focus on the need for closeness instead of arguing about communication mediums?

Focusing on closeness helps address the emotional connection in the relationship rather than getting sidetracked by whether texting or calling is preferable.

What should I do if my partner claims to be a bad texter?

Instead of getting into a debate about texting, express your need for connection. You can say that you feel distant when you don’t hear from them and suggest alternative ways to stay connected.

How can I initiate a conversation about my need for more communication without sounding demanding?

Approach the conversation playfully but assertively. You might say something like, 'You need to text me more, okay? Bye!' This light-hearted approach opens the door for a more serious discussion.

What if the conversation about communication reveals that my needs are incompatible with my partner's?

If they cannot meet your communication needs, it may signal a compatibility issue. The focus should be on whether you feel happy and connected rather than solely on their feelings for you.

How can self-confidence impact my ability to communicate relationship needs?

Having deeper self-confidence allows you to clearly express your needs without feeling unworthy of great treatment. When you feel good about yourself, you’re more likely to advocate for what you want.

What is the purpose of the retreat mentioned in the transcript?

The retreat aims to help individuals build self-confidence and self-worth, equipping them with the tools to effectively communicate their relationship needs and enhance their love lives.

How can I ensure that my conversations about closeness remain constructive?

Keep the focus on your feelings of connection and needs rather than getting distracted by who likes texting or calling. Frame the conversation around your desire to feel close to each other.