I failed to lose weight for 10 years. Here's what I learned.

Summary

The speaker shares a deeply personal journey of struggling with disordered eating, including binge eating and obsessive thoughts about food. Despite a strong knowledge of nutrition and fitness, they found themselves unable to control their eating habits, leading to fluctuating weight and a sense of failure. The turning point came with the realization that the pursuit of an ideal body was causing more harm than good, and that a healthy relationship with food was the key to overcoming these challenges. The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding that disordered eating, dieting, and body image issues are interconnected, and that one cannot be addressed without considering the others. They advocate for making informed choices about whether to pursue weight control or a healthy relationship with food, and share how accepting their natural healthy weight led to a more balanced life, including stable weight, fewer cravings, and the freedom to enjoy food without guilt or obsession.

Takeaways

• 🍽️ The individual struggled with binge eating and an unhealthy relationship with food, feeling constantly hungry and obsessed with food.
• 😔 They experienced difficulty feeling satisfied after meals and observed others eating without the same preoccupations, leading to feelings of jealousy.
• 🚫 The person tried various diets and weight loss plans but found motivation waning over time, from months to hours, and ultimately succumbing to binge eating.
• 📉 Despite a deep understanding of nutrition and fitness, their weight continued to fluctuate and increase, causing embarrassment and distress.
• 🔄 They engaged in a cycle of restrictive dieting followed by binge eating, which was emotionally and physically draining.
• 📈 The turning point came from watching a video of a woman who overcame similar struggles, leading to a realization about the need to heal the relationship with food rather than just focusing on weight loss.
• 💭 The realization that low self-esteem and a poor body image were underlying issues that contributed to the unhealthy relationship with food.
• 🔑 Acceptance that weight loss might not be achievable and that focusing on a healthy relationship with food could lead to a more balanced life.
• 🌟 The pursuit of a 'dream body' was seen as a barrier to achieving the desired lifestyle and happiness, rather than an enabler.
• 🤔 The individual came to understand that disordered eating, dieting, and body image concerns are interconnected and cannot be separated.
• ⚖️ The decision to either fully commit to a healthy relationship with food or to weight control must be an informed choice, understanding the implications of each path.

Q & A

What was the individual's initial perception of their relationship with food?

Initially, the individual was envious of people who could eat freely without overeating or undereating and did not constantly think about food. They struggled with feeling satisfied and often experienced binge eating, which led to feelings of self-loathing.

How did the individual's approach to dieting and weight loss evolve over time?

The individual's approach to dieting and weight loss started with enthusiasm and motivation, but over time, the ability to stick to a plan diminished from months to weeks, days, and eventually hours. They found themselves constantly binge eating despite numerous attempts at different diets and strategies.

What was the turning point for the individual in their journey towards a healthier relationship with food?

The turning point was when they came across a YouTube video of a woman who had transformed her relationship with food and no longer binge ate or obsessed over food. This encounter led the individual to realize that their problem was disordered eating and not a lack of discipline or natural hunger.

How did the individual's understanding of their self-esteem and body image impact their relationship with food?

The individual gradually realized that their low self-esteem and poor body image were significant factors contributing to their disordered eating. They understood that their life goals and self-worth were too closely tied to their body, which was counterproductive and harmful to their well-being.

What was the individual's ultimate realization about their body and weight loss goals?

The individual realized that their pursuit of a specific body type and weight loss was, in fact, causing the opposite of what they wanted. The obsession with weight loss was leading to binge eating, obsessive thinking about food, and a lack of control. They understood that they had to let go of these goals to improve their relationship with food.

How did the individual's life change after they accepted their inability to lose weight and maintain it?

After accepting their inability to lose weight and maintain it, the individual started focusing on building a healthy relationship with food. This shift led to a balanced appetite, weight stability, and freedom from the obsession with food. Their life opened up, allowing them to enjoy social activities and pursue their goals without the burden of disordered eating.

What is the 'three-part package deal' the individual refers to in the context of disordered eating?

The 'three-part package deal' refers to the interconnected aspects of disordered eating: binge eating and obsessing over food, dieting and restraining food intake, and allowing body weight and shape to dictate self-worth and life choices. The individual explains that one cannot choose to keep only the parts of this package that they like.

Why is it important for individuals to understand the full implications of pursuing weight control versus a healthy relationship with food?

Understanding the full implications is crucial for making an informed decision about one's relationship with food. It helps individuals to be aware of the potential sacrifices and challenges they may face and to prepare themselves mentally and emotionally for the journey ahead.

How did the individual's perspective on their body and weight change after developing a healthier relationship with food?

After developing a healthier relationship with food, the individual found that their focus on weight and body shape diminished. They began to care less about their appearance and more about being healthy and fit. The individual's confidence grew, and their body became a less significant aspect of their identity.

What advice does the individual give to others who are struggling with similar issues?

The individual advises others to educate themselves about the realities of both pursuing weight control and developing a healthy relationship with food. They emphasize the importance of making informed choices, understanding the potential outcomes of each path, and being prepared for the challenges that may come with their decision.

What resources does the individual offer for those interested in working on their relationship with food?

The individual offers a 55-minute video that explains the basics of the approach they use to help others improve their relationship with food. Interested individuals can request a call to discuss further if they find the approach resonates with them.

Outlines

00:00

🍽️ Struggling with Binge Eating and Food Obsession

The speaker describes their past difficulties with binge eating and an insatiable appetite. They express jealousy towards people who can eat without overthinking and share their personal challenges with feeling satisfied after meals. The narrative details a cycle of dieting, motivation, and ultimately, failure to maintain a healthy eating plan, leading to a loss of trust in their self-control around food.

05:02

🔍 The Illusion of Weight Control and Its Impact

The paragraph discusses the speaker's realization that their knowledge of nutrition and fitness did not translate into personal success with weight management. They recount their fluctuating weight and the embarrassment it caused, despite their best efforts and understanding of health. The speaker also touches on the emotional toll of their disordered eating, including the loss of friends and the feeling of being trapped in a cycle of failed diets and unsustainable eating habits.

10:03

🤔 The Turning Point: Understanding Disordered Eating

The speaker shares a pivotal moment when they discovered that their problem was not a lack of discipline or natural hunger, but disordered eating. They reflect on their past belief that a certain body type or weight loss was essential for happiness and success. The paragraph highlights the realization that their pursuit of an ideal body was, in fact, contributing to their unhealthy relationship with food and low self-esteem.

15:04

🌟 Acceptance and the Path to a Healthy Relationship with Food

The speaker talks about the turning point in their life when they accepted that they would not achieve their dream body and how this acceptance allowed them to start healing their relationship with food. They describe the process of letting go of the pursuit of a specific body type and instead focusing on building a healthy relationship with food, which led to weight stability, balanced appetite, and freedom from food obsession.

20:06

📉 The Irony of Weight and the Pursuit of a 'Natural Healthy Weight'

The speaker explores the irony of their past focus on weight loss and how their disordered eating was contributing to weight gain. They discuss the concept of a 'natural healthy weight' and propose that a healthy relationship with food will allow the body to find its own balance. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of understanding the package deal of disordered eating, dieting, and body image, and the need to make an informed choice about pursuing weight control or a healthy relationship with food.

💭 The Misconceptions and Desire for Informed Decision-Making

The speaker expresses their wish for greater awareness and understanding of the realities of food relationships and body image. They discuss the lack of information and the presence of misinformation that can lead to uninformed choices about body and weight. The speaker shares their personal journey and how they eventually found a path that allowed them to feel good about their body and not be overly concerned with its appearance, as long as it was healthy and functional. They offer support to others in making informed decisions about their relationship with food.

Keywords

💡Disordered eating

Disordered eating refers to any pattern of eating that is not healthy or sustainable, which can include binge eating, overeating, under-eating, and emotional eating. In the video, the speaker describes their personal struggle with disordered eating, which involved binge eating and an unhealthy obsession with food, leading to feelings of guilt and self-hatred.

💡Binge eating

Binge eating is a specific type of disordered eating characterized by consuming large quantities of food in a short period, often to the point of discomfort. The speaker mentions binge eating as a daily struggle, highlighting how it was a part of their unhealthy relationship with food and contributed to their feelings of dissatisfaction and lack of control.

💡Healthy relationship with food

A healthy relationship with food involves eating in response to hunger and satiety cues, without guilt or emotional attachment, and enjoying food without overthinking. The video's narrative centers around the speaker's journey to develop such a relationship, which ultimately led to weight stability and a balanced appetite.

💡Weight loss journey

A weight loss journey refers to the process of losing weight, which often involves changes in diet and lifestyle. The speaker discusses their attempts at various diets and weight loss plans, emphasizing the difficulty of maintaining motivation and the cyclical nature of their efforts, which ultimately did not lead to lasting change.

💡Self-esteem

Self-esteem is the value and confidence one has in oneself. The video highlights how the speaker's low self-esteem and poor body image were intertwined with their disordered eating habits. They did not initially recognize the impact of these psychological factors on their eating behavior.

💡Body image

Body image is a person's perception of their own body. The speaker's poor body image was a significant factor in their struggle with food and weight, as they believed that achieving a certain body type was essential for happiness and success. This belief was later recognized as a barrier to developing a healthy relationship with food.

💡Mindful eating

Mindful eating involves paying full attention to the experience of eating, including the taste, texture, and aroma of food, and listening to the body's hunger and fullness cues. The speaker contrasts mindful eating with their previous obsession with food, indicating a shift towards a more balanced and intuitive approach to eating.

💡Cravings

Cravings are strong desires for a particular type of food, often high in sugar or fat. The video script describes how the speaker experienced numerous cravings, which were a symptom of their disordered eating. Overcoming these cravings was part of the process of establishing a healthier relationship with food.

💡Diet

A diet is a specific selection of food that individuals follow for health or weight management reasons. The speaker recounts trying various diets, such as fasting, keto, veganism, and calorie counting, but found them unsustainable and ultimately unhelpful in achieving a stable and healthy relationship with food.

💡Emotional eating

Emotional eating is the act of consuming food in response to emotions, often as a way to cope with stress, anxiety, or sadness. The speaker implies that emotional eating played a role in their disordered eating habits, contributing to the cycle of binging and feelings of guilt.

💡Natural healthy weight

Natural healthy weight refers to the body weight that is in balance with one's overall health and well-being, without the need for strict dieting or disordered eating. The speaker discusses reaching a point where they accepted their natural healthy weight as part of developing a healthier relationship with food.

Highlights

The individual never considered a relationship with food that didn't involve overeating or undereating until watching a video on YouTube.

A sense of jealousy was felt towards people who could eat without being overly preoccupied with food.

The struggle with feeling satisfied and the constant battle with an insatiable appetite led to binge eating daily.

A cycle of binge eating and self-loathing was prevalent, with a lack of trust in one's ability to control eating habits.

Motivation for dieting and weight loss was strong but never lasted, leading to a pattern of failed attempts and short-lived adherence to plans.

The realization that the pursuit of a dream body was causing more harm than good, including weight gain and disordered eating.

A shift in perspective occurred after accepting the inability to achieve a certain body type, leading to a focus on healing the relationship with food.

The journey to a healthy relationship with food involved letting go of the obsession with weight and dieting.

The individual experienced a transformation in their relationship with food, leading to weight stability and balanced appetite.

The pursuit of weight loss and body image goals was identified as a package deal that either needs to be fully embraced or rejected.

The importance of understanding that disordered eating, dieting, and body image are interconnected was emphasized.

The individual's life improved significantly once they stopped focusing on weight and started focusing on a healthy relationship with food.

The realization that the pursuit of a dream body was actually hindering the ability to achieve the desired lifestyle and happiness.

The individual found that as they started doing the things they wanted in life, the motivation to change their body decreased.

A new understanding emerged that a healthy relationship with food could coexist with a fit and healthy body, without the need for strict control.

The individual now helps others to make informed choices about their relationship with food and body image, without the pressure of misinformation.

The speaker emphasizes the personal nature of the decision to pursue weight control or a healthy relationship with food.

The importance of knowing that it's possible to feel good about one's body and not be overly concerned with its appearance was a significant realization.

Transcripts

absolutely didn't cross my mind that I

could be that way and just eat freely

without over underere eting or not

really think about food if I'm not

hungry not be very interested in food

that is not a notion which crossed my

mind I was simply jealous of those

people and that's about as far as that

thought process ever went I used to find

it exceptionally hard to feel satisfied

I would go to meals with family or cook

with my other half and then I would

watch them I would watch them eat

and think I don't understand how you can

actually be genuinely engaged in the

conversation and you're just eating

you're enjoying and then you might leave

some on your plate and then walk off and

go and do something else meanwhile I

just never felt satisfied I felt like I

had this

insatiable appetite for food I felt

physically hungry all the time I felt

like I was obsessed with food I had so

many cravings and at its peak I was

probably binge

eating every day and by binge eating I

mean I mean actually binge eating I mean

eating to the point of feeling

unbearably full and I hated myself for

it I hated myself for it I I remember

even making a video kind of like this

one but it was just a personal one to

myself where I was crying into the

camera begging myself after I'd had a b

to never ever do that

people eat how do they know how to just

eat normally why am I like this I didn't

trust myself at all around food I mean

sometimes I was so motivated with the

new plan or or or Diet sort of way of

eating or or weight loss Journey that I

was on sometimes I was so motivated that

I could that was that exceeded my desire

to eat but it it never lasted you know

and as the year sort of crept on it went

from me being able to stick to a healthy

eating plan or a weight loss Journey you

know over a period of a couple of months

then it became a few weeks and then it

became days and then it became hours um

to the point I was 10 years in and and

basically constantly binge eating and I

would play this little game with myself

of you can't bring all of these you know

chocolate and biscuits and and sweets

and cakes into the house don't bring

them into the house because you know

you're going to be good now but

ultimately I would find myself on the

way to the shops going to buy loads and

loads of sweets and chocolate knowing

full well what I was about to do right

making the the decision almost of it's

okay I'm going to go and you know

satisfy all of this I'm going to eat

everything I want and then tomorrow I've

started I've already planned this whole

new Journey that I'm going to go on

where I'm going to lose weight and I'm

going to get really healthy and I'm just

going to be so disciplined I'm going to

be so controlled and it was such a

beautiful picture in my mind that I

created I was like this time this is the

time that I'm going to finally succeed

and have everything that I want and my

journal was filled with all of these

plans it's like okay 12 weeks and I'm

going to lose x amount of weight over 12

weeks and this is how many calories I'm

going to eat or this is the plan that

I'm going to be following or like this

is the fasting schedule that I'm going

to be following and I would write it all

out to see how much weight that I'd be

losing in a certain amount of time to

sort of build up my motivation and I get

really really excited about I'm like yes

okay you know maybe I can do it but I

knew you know after enough rounds I knew

that I wasn't going to stick to it

anymore I didn't have any faith in

myself or my willpower or discipline to

see it through but you know what else

was I what else was I going to do when

everything first started I started

dieting was like restricting my food in

order to lose a little bit of weight and

after not very long it started to be

well yes I want to lose some weight but

also I have to diet and I have to

control my food and I have to restrain

myself because otherwise I'll gain

weight if you'd given me the option of

hey do you want a million P or do you

want to be in your dream body I would

have chosen than the second any day and

over the years I was gaining weight

that's the thing I mean I was going kind

of up and down but it was gradually

getting higher and higher and I just I

remember thinking this is so unfair and

it's so

embarrassing because I knew more about

nutrition more about Fitness more about

health as it were than most people on

planet Earth by this point I put more

time into it I put more energy into it I

planned it's all basically all that I

thought about is my number one priority

and yet I was the one that struggled I

was the one that had a weight problem I

was the one that couldn't control my

weight I was the one that couldn't

control my eating I was the one that

liked food too much how do you explain

to someone that you you go home

sometimes often and you eat five bags of

cookies and still want more I mean what

does that say about a person but what

people would see is my weight going up

and down and that mortified me that

absolutely mortified me because

sometimes I would lose weight and I'd be

really motivated and I'd manag to stick

to it and I'd manag to sort of like

control my Hunger or just like push it

away and I would lose some weight and

I'd feel amazing sometimes people you

know people would say things as well oh

my God like you look so great and then

and then I would just lose control and I

would fly off the handle and then I

would just be overeating overeating

overeating for days sometimes weeks like

desperately trying to get the control

back but failing at it and my weight

would go up and it's like well you know

I don't want to see anyone now and I was

just totally trapped I was absolutely

totally trapped there there was nothing

that I could do about it and I knew that

if I managed to lose the weight and keep

it off that my life would be completely

different I'd be able to feel confident

I'd be able to wear the things that I

wanted to wear I would feel like the

best version of myself but the more

years that went by and the more things I

tried you know like fasting keto ra

veganism Whole Food plant-based

vegetarianism calorie counting macro

counting gyming nutritionists diet pills

the more I started to feel like there

was no hope for me it took me twice as

long to get any of my qualifications up

to a certain point because I was just so

distracted by food I had lost a lot of

friends because I didn't want to go out

and see them or they would always want

to do things involving drink or food

what did it feel like my problem was I

didn't even really think too much about

what I thought my problem was at the

time I I I honestly think I just thought

I like food too much or I'm naturally

hungrier than other people and I've got

more Cravings than other people and

that's what my problem is you know

because I had

from the age of seven I had memories of

stealing food trying to seek out food

you know and it was really problematic

it was to the point that in my school we

had to keep our lunch boxes in the

classroom because someone was stealing

food out of other kids lunch boxes and

it was me you know so I just I didn't

question it in my mind my problem was

that I'm hungrier than other people and

I like food more than other people and

that sort of like my cross to bear in

life that's the thing i' had experiences

of sticking to a a plan or or a diet or

way of eating long enough to lose weight

so in my mind it's like well you

obviously are

capable at doing that and I would

constantly watch what I eat in a day

videos of other people I definitely had

a sense of what if I just lose the

weight and then I will feel obviously

then infinitely better and like I've

arrived I've succeeded now I can live my

life and be the person I want to be then

I'll just be motivated enough to

maintain that weight L I thought I had a

problem with delaying gratification I

didn't really know why I was different

to other people I just knew that I was

different and I just thought they they

just care less about food they were

lucky they were just lucky and I was

unlucky and it was that simple

absolutely didn't cross my mind that I

could be that way and just eat freely

without over or underere eating or not

really think about food if I'm not

hungry not care as much about food in

like the healthiest way possible not be

very interested in food I was simply

jealous of those people and that's about

as far as that thought process ever went

and it wasn't until I was on YouTube one

day and I came across this this

thumbnail of 3,000 calories and it was

this thin woman and naturally I clicked

on it because I was just so obsessed

with calories and weights and all these

things and bodies I clicked on it and I

heard myself in her story and that was

the first time it ever happened before

and she was talking about how she used

to binge eat loads and always think

about food and would obsess over food

and now she could eat loads of food and

she was weight stable and she didn't

really think about food and kind of like

life was great and she was one of those

people now that I was jealous and in awe

of and it was that was the moment where

things changed that was the Catalyst for

me discovering that my problem was not

being unlucky or undisciplined or

naturally hungrier or naturally with

more cravings and other people my

problem was disordered eating my mind

had been very geared up to how do I eat

less and how do I lose weight the

question that was not on my mind was how

do I heal my relationship with food and

the thing that really didn't cross my

mind even then and took years for me to

fully understand and come to terms with

and accept was that I struggled with low

self-esteem and bad body image I did not

see my goals that I had for my body and

for my life and how much my life was

dependent on my body as a negative thing

whatsoever that was something which I

really wanted to keep I wanted to keep

pursuing weight loss I wanted to keep

pursuing my dream body because that was

me being the very best version of myself

that was me being confident and

attractive and getting all the things I

wanted and being happy and having all

this fun and living this amazing life

and I had no idea at that point that

my body image and the goals I had with

my body and how much it meant to me that

was in essence creating all of the

things that I didn't want in my life

such as the weight gain first of all

ironically the binge eating the

obsessive thinking around food the extra

hunger the extra Cravings all of these

things were wrapped up together and it

was a packaged deal I didn't know that

it was a package deal but it was a case

of you want all of it you want the binge

eating and the dieting and the the

pursuit of a dream body you want all of

that or you want none of that and you

have to choose but no one told me that

no one relayed it like that to me and if

they had I probably I don't know maybe I

would have listened depends how they

would have related to me that was the

thing that made me waste years and lose

out on my teenage years and my early 20s

to some degree and honestly the only

thing that actually created a turning

point a real turning point in my

relationship with food was that I came

to accept and come to terms with that I

wasn't going to lose weight and that I'd

really exhausted every single option

absolutely every single option and when

I say that I mean it literally and I

done everything three times and my dream

of achieving a certain body type it died

I think if I had had any hope remaining

that there was a diet out there that

even if it was really painful difficult

to stick to there was a diet out there

that would allow me to lose weight and I

would be successful I think that I would

still be I I would still be in that

maybe to this day but I lost all hope on

that one day and it was the best thing

that ever happened to me because it gave

me the space to actually start working

on my relationship with food instead and

it's sad and it's tragic and the ironic

thing is is that I have everything that

I always wanted now it's just in a

different way to what I always pictured

and the road to get there is different

to what I pictured or what I had

expected I now am one of those people

that eats freely without over underere

eting I don't have to track anything I

don't have to analyze anything I don't

have to monitor anything I don't have to

eat

mindfully I eat nutritious food I also

eat ice cream it's not a big deal I

don't really have a lot of Cravings I

have some I don't really emotionally eat

I'm weight stable my appetite is

balanced and it's appropriate for what

my body needs I just don't think about

food in that way at all and I'm free and

I get to live my life and I'm confident

and I'm self assured and I'm pursuing

the things I want in life and all of

these things that I wanted and in trying

to achieve them doing my best to try to

help myself to achieve them I was making

I was getting further away from them and

that's why I found myself in such a

predicament why so many people find

themselves in such a predicament because

the very things that we try to do to

help ourselves in our eating and in our

pursuit of feeling confident and amazing

and having and going after the things

that we want in life Etc in our way of

doing that we are actually getting

further away and so yeah people do get

trapped I got trapped spiraling and the

irony is that as I started gaining a

healthy relationship with Fe and all of

that noise and that those challenges and

and those struggles started to dissipate

more and more over time and my life sort

of opened up and I could go and do more

things I could go out for dinner I could

go and hang out with my friends and I

was feeling better as I started to

Snowball the ironic thing is is that how

much I cared about my weight and shape

and size started to come down because

and I can only say this with hindsight

but because all of the things that I had

wanted to change my body for I started

to be doing them anyway and so the

motivation to change my body became less

and less over time you know before it

was like okay I need this particular

body so that I can feel and have and do

and wear all of these things and that

list of things started to get smaller

and smaller and smaller as I was doing

them and then the less that I was caring

about my weight and the less dependent

that I was on changing my body the more

more my relationship with food got

better and so it became this

self-fulfilling cycle and so there are a

few things I've learned just from my

personal story not my professional

experience that can keep us stuck in

disordered eating completely

unnecessarily and that is one not

realizing that the problem that we have

is disordered eating in the first place

two that not believing that we are

capable of having a healthy relationship

with food or it hasn't even crossed our

mind that we could be that way three

having the absolutely categorical belief

that a certain body or weight loss is

the only way to have all the things that

we want and deserve and and need in life

and four having any remote chance or

believing there's any remote chance that

there is a way for us to achieve our

perfect body through dieting and

controlling and restraining food because

what I leared and I learned this lesson

the hard way and maybe we all need to

learn the lesson the hard way I don't

know it's a three-part package deal it's

binge eating thinking about food all the

time obsessing over food feeling out of

control not trusting ourself with food

that's part one then there is the

dieting restraining controlling that's

part two and then part three is having

our body dictate what we think about

ourselves how we get to feel what we get

to do what we feel we get to have and

having our life and identity and goals

wrapped up in body control and it's sort

of a case of like once we developed

disordered eating then it's a case of

well do you want all three or do you

want none of the three but we can't just

pick and choose which parts we like and

which parts we want to keep and which

parts we don't it doesn't really work

like that and the ironic thing with the

conversation about weight is that it's

so it was so important to me right to

lose weight and the irony is is it was

my disordered eating that was making me

gain weight more and more above where

what I like to call my natural healthy

weight which is different for all of us

and the logic that I often lead with and

often give to clients of mine is if you

have a healthy relationship with food

let's say that you come to understand

that you believe that you're capable of

having one you believe you can have a

healthy relationship with food where

sort of in Balance naturally appetite is

regulated you don't really want to over

or undereat just everything you picture

when you think of a healthy relationship

with food the logic I lead with is that

in response our body is going to

regulate its own weight unless we have a

medical condition or take medications

that influence our body's ability to

regulate its own weight if we have a

healthy relationship with food then our

body's going to settle where our body

wants to settle as it were our bodies

don't think but just humor me on that

we've got a healthy relationship of food

and that's going to give us a certain

body at different life stages and that's

what I refer to as our natural healthy

weight but those two things they go hand

in hand and to then try to change our

body significantly outside side of that

natural healthy weight where we sit that

would then mean by default that we no

longer have a healthy relationship with

food and therefore have a disordered

relationship with food and there's no

right or wrong which one we pick whether

we want to pursue weight control we want

to pursue a healthy relationship food

and let our body settle where it wants

to settle and work on our confidence and

our body image and sort of life and

building up our life so that we're

thriving in our lives regardless of what

exactly our our body weight is doing or

we can pursue weight control and there's

no right or wrong it's very very

personal decision but what's frustrating

for me is that I didn't have and people

still don't and have an accurate

understanding of everything involved to

make an informed decision about that

right if there is fundamentally a way

for someone to have the exact body type

that they want and they feel confident

they don't feel like their confidence is

vulnerable um or dependent on their body

and therefore is vulnerable and they

feel like they've got a healthy

relationship with food or they feel

happy in all right then it's like well

there's no problem you know there's

absolutely nothing wrong with that at

all and I think that's the idea that I

had in my mind for so long or that I

hoped would maybe be the case I'm not

really sure but that's not the reality

for most of us right and so there's

almost like this this Mass delusion

about this there's so much

misunderstanding so much misinformation

and so much ignorance as well

surrounding this that I wasn't able from

to make an informed decision for myself

for the longest time I didn't know that

I could have a healthy relationship with

food I didn't know that I could be

healthy and fit and weight stable

without controlling my eating I didn't

know that I could be confident even if

there are things on my body which don't

align with what I previously wanted to

have I didn't know that I could care

significantly less about what my body

looked like and that it could be the

least interesting thing about me for

anyone else whatever they want to do

whatever choice they want to make

whether they want want to pursue weight

control and they're they're in on that

or they want to pursue a healthy

relationship with you I've got no

personal skin in the game with that I

just want to help people to make the

informed Choice with gains versus

sacrifices on each side without any

misinformation or any false assumptions

to be able to make that informed

decision that I felt like I wasn't able

to make for a decade I might at certain

points have made the decision of no I

want to pursue weight control and a

certain and body type there were a lot

of times on my journey where that would

have been the choice that I made and at

least then knowing okay and that means I

will probably continue to binge eat and

think about food all the time and have

these intense cravings and have to make

these sacrifices in my life at least I

would have made that choice knowingly

you know and I wouldn't have been

surprised or maybe even beat myself up

for all of these things that were

happening that come part and parcel with

trying to control my weight so heavily

if I had known that that was going to be

really difficult to achieve the body

that I wanted and maintain it you know

psychologically speaking physically

speaking then again at least I would

have been able to make that choice more

informed and more prepared and more

aware it was this sense of well I should

be able to control my body in this way

and it should be easier than it is and

there's something wrong with me because

I'm thinking about food all the time and

I have all these cravings and I want to

binge and there's something wrong with

me that my weight fluctuates and it's

really hard to control and maintain at

least that idea of there's something

wrong with me because it's not working

how I pictured it in my mind at least

that wouldn't have been there if that

was the choice I wanted to make and I

really would have wanted a lot earlier

on to have known to have fundamentally

known that I was able and capable of

having a healthy relationship with food

and all that it means for me today and

that I was capable of feeling good about

my body and honestly just not really

caring too much about my body as long as

it's healthy and fit and I can do the

things I want to do I would have wanted

to know that that was an option for me

again so I could have made an informed

decision there would have been lots of

times on my journey where that would

have been the thing that I wanted to

choose for myself and I've had those

conversations with other women women

that have spoken to me and considering

going down the path of gaining a healthy

relationship with you and then

ultimately they decide actually you know

what I'm not done with trying to

deliberately lose weight and control my

body at this point I'm not done with

that yet and I'm not ready or looking to

pursue a healthy relationship with food

and that's after we've discussed all the

ins and outs of it you know and it's

like okay if that's theice choice that

you want to make more power to you off

you go you know and at least they go off

knowing that and not surprised when they

struggle in certain ways in the ways

that they do and they've made that

choice knowingly and willingly for

themselves a joke because I'm biased on

the side of a healthy relationship with

food just because it it has made my life

everything that I wanted it to be and it

makes the lives of my clients everything

that they want to be because I'm biased

on that side what I do often joke with

with clients once they come on board is

look the reality is is if it were

possible and something exists where

someone could have the exact body that

they wanted and have a healthy

relationship with food the person that

invents that they would we would know

about it CU they would probably be the

richest person in the entire world hey

lovely if you've been watching some of

my videos and you're interested or

you're curious about maybe working

together on your relationship with food

and you'd like to have a discussion

about that then you're very welcome to

request a call what you can do is you

can head to the description and if you

follow that link through you will be

prompted to watch a 55 minute video that

I've put together which will take you

through the very basics of the approach

that we use you can see if you resonate

with it and this not only helps you to

assess if our approach might be worth

considering for you but it also means

that if we do have a call then all of

that time can be focused on you rather

than covering what I like to refer to as

the basics which I go through with

everyone initially and if if it looks

like it might be a good fit for working

together then we can have that call to

discuss everything further take care and

maybe speak to you soon