you’re not boring, you just lack social skills

Summary

In this video, Chistin shares her personal journey from being a shy, insecure individual to a confident, sociable person. She outlines key habits of highly sociable and confident people, including the importance of saying 'no' to set boundaries, balancing conversations, and opening up about personal struggles. Chistin emphasizes that genuine connections come from vulnerability and follow-up, and highlights the role of confidence in building meaningful relationships. She also discusses how taking things personally and seeking validation can hinder social growth, offering practical advice to enhance social skills and build deeper friendships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Stop saying yes to everything and start saying no to prioritize yourself and build confidence.
• 😀 Confidence is more important than meeting many people; fewer meaningful connections are better than many shallow ones.
• 😀 Ask people about themselves, but balance it by also sharing your own experiences to foster genuine conversations.
• 😀 Open up about your feelings and experiences to create deep, lasting connections with others.
• 😀 Don’t take rejection or someone saying no personally; it usually reflects their own life and priorities.
• 😀 Avoid seeking validation from others; focus on authentic relationships instead.
• 😀 Develop hobbies or side projects to make yourself more interesting and engage with others meaningfully.
• 😀 Take action rather than overthinking choices about hobbies, friendships, or side hustles.
• 😀 Follow up consistently with people you connect with to strengthen and maintain friendships.
• 😀 Social connections can also be nurtured online; meaningful conversations aren’t limited to in-person interactions.
• 😀 Friendship quality depends on effort and follow-up, not just initial interactions.
• 😀 Being genuine and vulnerable helps build rare, deep connections that last even with infrequent contact.

Q & A

What is the main transformation described by the speaker in the video?

The speaker describes a 4-year transformation from being a shy, insecure person to a highly sociable, confident individual who can strike up conversations with strangers and build meaningful connections.

Why does the speaker suggest stopping saying 'yes' and starting saying 'no'?

Saying 'no' exudes confidence, helps set boundaries, and prevents overextending oneself. Constantly saying 'yes' often signals insecurity and makes it harder to build genuine social connections.

How does confidence impact the quality of social interactions according to the speaker?

Confidence allows people to engage deeply in conversations, be vulnerable, share opinions, and take social risks, which leads to more meaningful connections compared to simply meeting more people.

What is the role of asking about others in building relationships?

Highly sociable people ask about others to show genuine interest, which creates a balanced and reciprocal conversation. However, overdoing it without sharing about oneself can hinder connection.

Why does the speaker emphasize sharing personal experiences and emotions?

Opening up about personal experiences, struggles, or feelings fosters deep, genuine connections. Vulnerability allows others to relate and respond authentically, strengthening bonds.

What examples does the speaker give for online social connections?

The speaker mentions engaging with people on LinkedIn by commenting on posts, sending DMs to share appreciation, and connecting over shared experiences, showing that meaningful connections can happen online too.

How should one handle rejection or people saying 'no' according to the video?

Do not take 'no' personally; it usually reflects the other person's schedule or circumstances rather than your value. Learning to accept 'no' gracefully is a sign of confidence and helps maintain boundaries.

What advice does the speaker give about hobbies and side hustles?

Engaging in hobbies or side hustles makes a person more interesting and confident. The speaker suggests focusing on doing what feels good rather than overthinking whether it will be successful or impressive.

Why is following up important in maintaining friendships?

Following up ensures that connections are nurtured and not left to chance. Simple actions like sending a message or greeting someone in person can solidify bonds and show genuine interest in the relationship.

What common misconception about making friends does the speaker address?

The speaker notes that many people think making friends will fix loneliness. However, loneliness is more about personal self-confidence and genuine connection rather than simply increasing the number of social interactions.

How does the speaker differentiate between seeking validation and seeking friendship?

Seeking validation focuses on being liked and receiving affirmation from others, while genuine friendship is about mutual connection and shared experiences. Confusing the two can lead to insecurity in social interactions.

What does the speaker suggest about the approach to starting hobbies or side projects?

The speaker encourages a 'trivial and often' approach rather than a 'rare and crucial' mindset, meaning one should start hobbies or projects without overanalyzing them and focus on enjoyment rather than perfection or approval.