After 8 Years Of Disrespect From My Dad's Friend, I Finally Told Him Everything

Summary

The narrator describes years of enduring disrespect from Harold, a condescending family friend of her father. After years of infantilizing and belittling comments, Harold crosses the line during a family event by questioning her parenting. Frustrated, the narrator finally confronts Harold, telling him she hates him, despite her father's disapproval. Over time, she establishes firm boundaries to avoid Harold at family gatherings. Meanwhile, her relationship with her father improves slightly, especially after he begins therapy, but her resolve to keep Harold out of her life remains steadfast.

Takeaways

• 😠 The speaker has been dealing with condescending behavior from their father's friend, Harold, for over eight years.
• 👎 Harold consistently disrespects the speaker, patronizing their age, education, and parenting choices.
• 😡 The final straw came when Harold asked if the speaker had considered giving up their baby for adoption, leading the speaker to confront him.
• 🍼 The speaker, now a 26-year-old engaged mother, feels Harold infantilizes them despite their accomplishments and responsibilities.
• 👋 The speaker finally told Harold they hated him after years of pretending for their father's sake, resulting in some tension with their dad.
• 👨‍👩‍👦 The speaker has set clear boundaries, deciding to avoid any future events where Harold will be present.
• 🤝 The speaker’s relationship with their father is rocky but has slightly improved, especially with their father now respecting these boundaries.
• 💔 Harold tried to justify his behavior as concern, but the speaker does not believe his apology was genuine.
• 👶 The speaker prioritizes their child, fiancé, and job over managing their strained relationship with Harold or their father.
• ✅ The speaker is ultimately satisfied with how things have unfolded, maintaining distance from Harold and enjoying their life with their growing family.

Q & A

What is the main issue the narrator faces with Harold?

The narrator has endured years of disrespect, condescension, and infantilizing behavior from Harold, her father's friend, which finally led her to express her frustrations.

How did Harold typically treat the narrator over the years?

Harold treated the narrator in a patronizing and condescending manner, often belittling her education, hobbies, and personal decisions, especially regarding her age.

What incident finally caused the narrator to confront Harold?

The breaking point was when Harold interrupted a conversation to ask the narrator if she had thought about giving up her baby for adoption, which the narrator found deeply offensive.

How did the narrator’s father react to the confrontation between her and Harold?

The narrator's father called her the next morning, upset about her confrontation with Harold. However, after a discussion, he agreed to respect her decision to avoid events where Harold is present.

How did the narrator handle Harold's behavior during her father's girlfriend's birthday party?

The narrator spent most of the party ignoring Harold's advice and comments, but eventually decided to leave after Harold questioned her parenting and asked if she considered adoption for her child.

What boundaries did the narrator establish with her father after the incident?

The narrator made it clear that she would no longer attend any events where Harold was present, although she didn't expect her father to end his friendship with him.

How did Harold attempt to explain his offensive comments about adoption?

Harold claimed he was genuinely concerned about the narrator becoming a mother at a young age and apologized to her father, although the narrator did not accept his explanation.

How has the relationship between the narrator and her father evolved since the confrontation?

Their relationship improved after the confrontation, with the father respecting the narrator's boundaries regarding Harold. The father also started therapy, which has helped improve his behavior toward the narrator.

What was the narrator's husband’s reaction to the confrontation with Harold?

The narrator's husband supported her fully, expressing pride in her for finally standing up to Harold and agreeing with her decision to leave the party.

How does the narrator feel about maintaining her relationship with her father despite the issues with Harold?

The narrator has mixed feelings but chooses to maintain a relationship with her father for the sake of family unity. She emphasizes that her focus is on raising her son and maintaining her relationship with her husband.

Outlines

00:00

😤 Confronting Harold After Years of Disrespect

The speaker describes an eight-year history of disrespect from Harold, a friend of their father. Despite never having a close relationship, Harold frequently infantilized and patronized the speaker, dismissing their boundaries and achievements. The final straw occurred during a barbecue when Harold called them an 'impolite brat.' After years of tolerance, the speaker avoided events where Harold was present. At a recent family event, Harold continued his condescending behavior, questioning the speaker's parenting. After Harold asked if they had considered putting their child up for adoption, the speaker finally confronted Harold, stating they hated him before leaving the party. This led to mixed reactions from family members, with the speaker's fiancé supporting them, while their father disapproved of the confrontation.

05:02

😡 Establishing Boundaries with Harold and Their Father

Following the confrontation with Harold, the speaker discussed the situation with their father, who dismissed Harold's past behavior as insignificant and suggested both parties should apologize. The speaker clarified that they had disliked Harold for years and were firm in their decision to avoid events he would attend. They made it clear that their father could continue being friends with Harold, but they would no longer tolerate his presence. The conversation highlighted the father's inability to recognize Harold's offensive behavior, but after some back and forth, the father agreed to the speaker’s terms. Despite this agreement, their relationship with their father remains strained.

Keywords

💡Boundaries

Boundaries refer to the personal limits that the narrator sets to protect her emotional and mental well-being. In the script, Harold repeatedly crosses these boundaries by infantilizing the narrator, making condescending comments, and disrespecting her role as a mother. Setting boundaries is crucial for her as she navigates her relationships, particularly with Harold.

💡Condescension

Condescension is the act of talking down to someone in a patronizing manner, which is a recurring issue between Harold and the narrator. Harold consistently belittles the narrator, undermining her education, hobbies, and ability to be a parent, which fuels her growing frustration over the years.

💡Infantilization

Infantilization refers to treating an adult as if they were a child, which Harold does to the narrator repeatedly. For example, he calls her a 'baby' despite her being an adult with responsibilities like marriage and motherhood. This behavior is a major source of tension in their interactions, as it disrespects her autonomy.

💡Parenting

Parenting is a key theme in the script, as the narrator is a new mother. Harold's judgmental comments about her parenting and her age as a mother exacerbate her discomfort. His remarks, like suggesting adoption and criticizing her ability to care for her child, reveal his disrespect and ignorance about her role as a parent.

💡Adoption Comment

The adoption comment is a pivotal moment in the script where Harold crosses a major line by suggesting that the narrator consider giving up her child for adoption. This comment reflects Harold's insensitivity and lack of respect for her choices as a mother, ultimately leading to the narrator deciding to confront him.

💡Father-Daughter Relationship

The father-daughter relationship is central to the narrative, as the narrator struggles with her father's inability to recognize Harold's disrespectful behavior. Despite this, she tries to maintain a relationship with her father, but their differences in recognizing what is offensive and their differing values make it challenging.

💡Confrontation

Confrontation in the script refers to the moment when the narrator finally tells Harold that she hates him, after years of tolerating his condescending behavior. This moment marks a turning point for her, as she stops trying to keep the peace and stands up for herself and her boundaries.

💡Avoidance

Avoidance plays a role in how the narrator has coped with Harold over the years. Instead of confronting him earlier, she would avoid events where he was present. This pattern shifts when she becomes a mother, and Harold's comments become too much to ignore, leading to the eventual confrontation.

💡Respect

Respect, or the lack thereof, is a key issue between the narrator and Harold. Throughout their interactions, Harold shows little respect for the narrator’s boundaries, her intelligence, and her life choices. The script highlights how a lack of respect in relationships can erode trust and lead to conflict.

💡Therapy

Therapy is mentioned in relation to the narrator's father, who begins attending sessions after the narrator pushed him to do so. While the father’s behavior has improved since starting therapy, this also emphasizes the narrator's hope for healthier relationships, particularly with her father.

Highlights

The user reveals that Harold has been infantilizing and condescending toward them for eight years, making comments about their age and education.

Harold’s condescending behavior continued despite the user being 26 years old, engaged, and a mother.

The tipping point came when Harold questioned the user's parenting, suggesting they give their baby up for adoption.

The user finally told Harold that they hated him after years of enduring his disrespect, despite previously avoiding conflict for their father's sake.

The user's fiancé expressed pride in them for standing up to Harold, though their father disapproved and led to a brief argument.

Harold later claimed his adoption comment was out of genuine concern, but the user did not believe his apology.

The user set clear boundaries with their father, stating they would no longer attend events where Harold was present.

The user expressed regret over disrupting the peace but acknowledged the long-standing frustration with Harold’s behavior.

Despite Harold’s apology to the user's father, the user stood firm on not forgiving him or apologizing for their reaction.

The user's relationship with their father became rocky, but they chose to maintain boundaries without cutting ties.

Harold’s girlfriend also exhibited condescending behavior toward the user, reinforcing the user's dislike of both Harold and his new partner.

The user's father began attending therapy, which has led to improved behavior and communication, though their relationship remains strained.

The user’s father respected their boundaries regarding Harold, avoiding events where Harold would be present and improving their dynamic.

The user reflected positively on their son's development and the fulfillment of motherhood, despite the tensions with Harold and their father.

The user is satisfied with their decision to distance themselves from Harold, focusing on their family and work while acknowledging ongoing challenges with their father.

Transcripts

after eight years of disrespect for my

Dad's friend I finally told him

everything years ago my dad met Herold

through mutual friends and they hit it

off I was 18 and in college when I met

him and we never had a close

relationship however he always seemed to

think of himself as a family friend and

was extremely infantilizing and

condescending towards me every time I

saw him I'd try to tell myself it wasn't

that bad only for him to prove me wrong

less than a minute later Harold would

disrespect my boundaries say things like

you're not 19 you're a baby while I was

talking to other people and patronize me

my education or my hobbies whenever he

had the chance he always noticed that

annoyed me to which he'd playfully ask

if I hated him I always said no but only

for my father's sake the final straw

came the day Harold interrupted a

barbecue to say I really like you even

though you're an impolite brat I was 20

years old I've been quiet all day

working on a paper during the barbecue

but replied patiently and politely

whenever anyone addressed me and even if

that hadn't been the case I knew he

didn't have the right to talk to me like

that after that I started making an

effort to avoid any events I knew he'd

be attending yesterday was my father's

girlfriend's birthday they threw a small

lunch party at my Dad's apartment I went

there with my fiance and our

six-month-old son Harold was there I

hadn't seen him in months but he still

talked to me as if I was a dumb child

never mind that I'm engaged a mother and

26 years old I spent the whole party

ignoring his helpful advice about me

being too young to get married or be a

mom it helped that most of the other

guests seemed to disagree with him my

baby spent most of the afternoon

sleeping there's a bassinet in my old

room he woke up hungry so I went to

breastfeed him and excused myself from

the party for a while I got back to

jokes and comments All from Harold about

how I was probably struggling if my son

was managing to leech me away for so

long he went on to interrupt a

conversation I was having with another

of my dad's friends to question pretty

much everything about my parenting he

doesn't even have custody of his

daughter by the way and to make more

comments about my age I decided I

couldn't take it anymore after he asked

if I'd thought about giving my baby up

for adoption I got my son and told my

fiance we were leaving we said goodbye

to everyone except Harold when we got to

the door Harold came to ask why we were

leaving I tried to make up an excuse but

he kept trying to make us stay after a

small back and forth he jokingly asked

if I hated him and this time I said yes

I do can we go now he didn't say

anything and we left on the way home my

fiance said he was proud of me my father

called this morning to say the opposite

and we had a small fight but ultimately

decided to drop the subject I'm sure

this isn't over but if it keeps going it

won't be because of me this is far from

my proudest moment and a small part of

me regrets it but I'm done with that guy

edit Jesus Christ Superstar that's a lot

of comments to answer some common

questions I don't think Harold is in

love with me Harold didn't tell me to

give up my son he asked if I'd thought

of doing so when I got pregnant it was

still an awful question especially since

he interrupted a conversation I was

having with someone else my dad's

girlfriend's pregnant friend who was

asking about my own pregnancy and

delivery to ask it I don't like making a

big deal out of things unless necessary

if I'm uncomfortable I leave if I don't

like someone I avoid them it's usually

less stressful the fight between me and

my father ended when I told him about

the adoption comment I don't think he

gets that's not the only reason I left

but it was definitely what broke the

camels back I really don't need my

father to stop being friends with Harold

he's a grown man capable of making his

own crappy decisions I never told my dad

I hated Harold because I never thought I

had to like him in the first place he's

my father's friend not mine and I've

been distancing myself from Harold since

I was 20 meaning I haven't seen him much

in the last 6 years my fiance was on the

other side of the room and wasn't

listening to Harold's comments I filled

him in when we got to the car he's 100%

on my side update hey guys I wasn't

going to write an update but I just got

some free time and I figured I'd fill

you in I'll start by addressing the very

frequent assumption that Harold has

feelings for me I really don't think

that's the case his comments always came

out as annoying and condescending but

never sexual but I will say that your

comment scared the out of me and

the fact that the general consensus was

heral was weirdly heartwarming I

also want to add that while I did regret

what I said a little bit I never doubted

I'd done the right thing I think most of

my regret came from the fact that my 8

years of keeping the peace were over it

took some time for the Le to sink in

truth be told I've been wanting to do

this since the barbecue incident which

was when I went from I don't like that

guy to I can't stand that guy my father

called Herold the day after I made my

previous post when confronted about the

adoption comment he tried to twist it as

him being genuinely concerned about me

being a mom so soon and that he didn't

think I knew what I was doing he did

apologize to my father I don't buy any

of that the next day my dad told me

about the call he said I should forgive

Harold for what he thought was an honest

misunderstanding he also told me I

should apologize too since I'd

overreacted by telling Harold I hated

him for such a small reason many of

Harold's past comments were made with my

father close by it often happened in the

middle of conversations with other

people so he'd be too distracted to

register them he also wouldn't notice

them most of the time my dad doesn't pay

enough attention to anything that

doesn't either concern or anger him and

he'll most likely forget it until he

gets angry at something else later

anyway he's like a methhead goldfish we

also have different definitions of

what's offensive so he'd never think

they were a big deal I told my father I

wasn't exaggerating when I said I hated

Harold and that the adoption comment was

far from being the only reason I listed

most of the condescending treatment and

comments I could remember including the

ones from the party he didn't remember

any of them I made it very clear that

I'd hated Harold for years prior to the

party and that I had nothing to

apologize for I then stated that I'm no

longer coming to any events Harold is

invited too my father doesn't need to

stop being friends with him or even stop

inviting him to stuff but he can no

longer expect me to show up as well I

will ask him beforehand and if he lies

I'll leave my father called me dramatic

but I pointed out that I've been

avoiding Herold for 6 years now and no

one even noticed so it clearly wasn't a

problem I've only seen him a handful of

times since the barbecue incident and

only twice for more than a few minutes

the lunch party last week and another

party back when I was pregnant it

clearly didn't ruin my father's life I'm

not obliged to like his friends any more

than he is to like mine there was some

back and forth but he agreed to my terms

we spoke yesterday about something else

and he mentioned Harold was upset I

ignored that I'm not going and see with

my father yes I'm very well aware he's

an and I came really close to

cutting times with him in the last few

few years but I ultimately decided it

wouldn't really fix anything maintaining

my relationship with him has gotten a

lot easier since I moved out as we only

see each other a couple times a month he

gets frustrated that I don't call or

text much but doesn't complain about it

anymore I don't see the point in going

NC with someone who no longer has any

say and how I live my life I'd rather

just take note of what my father did

wrong when I was growing up and then

make sure to raise my own kid

differently he's on thin ice though and

has been for some time he's not allowed

to babysit mostly because I don't trust

him to spend more than an hour alone

with a baby without falling asleep on

the couch I began pushing for him to

start doing therapy back when I got

pregnant and he finally got started back

in June his behavior around me and my

younger sister who still lives between

our very divorced parents has improved a

lot since and I've made it clear to him

that he won't be allowed near my son if

he stops attending this is the first

time in my life my father has improved

his behavior it's hard to be hopeful but

I'm trying and if I ever do go and see

with my father it won't be because of

Harold so that's it overall I'm

glad I don't have to deceive anyone

anymore my relationship with my father

is Rocky but I won't dwell on it my main

responsibilities are my son my fiance

and my job and that's not changing

anytime soon and to those who mentioned

Jesus Christ Superstar and Blue Oyster

Cult in my last post has anyone told you

you're awesome today because you

are update two hey guys wow I can't

believe it's been over a year since I

last posted about this I planned on

updating some time ago these past few

months I've been caught up and raising a

toddler getting married yay working like

crazy and rewatching Supernatural

needless to say I've been busy busy

openly avoiding Harold has been working

pretty well my father has been

respecting my boundaries whenever he

invites me and my husband over for lunch

or dinner I ask who else will be there

if Harold's coming he tells me he hasn't

lied so far and doesn't usually insist

when I tell him I'm not coming since my

last post I've only seen Harold once at

my dad's birthday party a few months ago

yes I knew he'd be there my father

promised he'd tell him not to talk to me

also some of my father's friends kids

most of whom I used to babysit would be

there I hadn't seen them in a while and

I love them more than I hate Harold I

ended up spending most of the party with

my son and the kids Harold didn't talk

to me at all so I guess my father was

true to his word my husband and I did

catch him staring at us a couple times

but I decided to ignore it I caught my

husband staring back once and the

walking marshmallow I married actually

managed to look threatening I love this

man you know who did talk to me Harold's

Girlfriend yes he is one now she

interacted with me twice first she came

over to CP over my son before making a

comment about how he needed a haircut ha

haa I already hate you later she

approached me and said you're shy aren't

you I said no she laughed and said yeah

you're shy she said all that in the same

tone one would use to talk to a

six-year-old I managed to keep my

expression schooled otherwise I would

have told her I'm not shy I just chose

to spend the whole party with the kids

because they were better company than

her and her annoying as boyfriend so

yeah based on both my interactions with

her Harold's girlfriend is insufferable

in other words they're perfect for each

other I don't have much else to add my

father broke up with a woman he was

dating last year long story and

has a new girlfriend friend she is not

annoying or psychotic and I actually

really like her they won't last a year

my relationship with my father is still

not perfect by the way but it has

improved he's actually started

apologizing to me a lot more often I

don't know whether it's the therapy or

the fact that motherhood has apparently

made me terrifying but I'll take it and

I'll give credit where it's due he's a

very good grandfather I'm also glad my

father is respecting this Herald

boundary I very much don't want this man

in my life honestly I'm pretty satisfied

right now my little boy is thriving part

of me really misses the baby times but

but I grow prouder and prouder every day

getting to know my kid has been

fantastic