Nurse Dies and Gets Shown the Truth About Energy and Moments (Powerful NDE)

Summary

Penny Whitbroat recounts her near-death experience in 2015 due to an allergic reaction. She describes being neglected in the ER, administering her own epinephrine, and slipping into a coma. Penny shares her out-of-body experience, meeting her deceased grandmother, and a profound encounter with God. She discusses the messages of purpose, love, and forgiveness she received, which transformed her life and inspired her to share her story with others.

Takeaways

• 🆘 Penny Whitbroat had a near-death experience due to an allergic reaction in 2015.
• 🏥 Despite having an EpiPen and previous medical training, she received inadequate care at the hospital, leading to a life-threatening situation.
• 💔 Penny experienced a sense of abandonment and distrust in the healthcare system due to the nurse's initial response.
• 🚑 Penny had to self-administer a second EpiPen dose while waiting for proper care in the ER.
• 🏃‍♀️ A doctor's quick response to Penny's worsening condition saved her life after she coded.
• 🛌 Penny was placed in a medically induced coma and flown to another hospital for treatment.
• 🤔 During her coma, Penny had a profound out-of-body experience, questioning her existence and reality.
• 👵 She encountered a spiritual presence that she believed to be her deceased grandmother, offering comfort and insight.
• 🌟 Penny was shown the impact of her actions and the interconnectedness of all people by a divine being.
• 🔬 The experience led Penny to a deeper understanding of her purpose and the importance of compassion and forgiveness.
• 💬 Penny decided to share her story to inspire others and spread a message of hope and purpose.

Q & A

What was the cause of Penny Whitbroat's near-death experience?

Penny Whitbroat had a near-death experience due to an allergic reaction, which caused her to quit breathing.

Why did Penny go to the hospital?

Penny went to the hospital because she was experiencing an allergic reaction and had difficulty breathing.

What was Penny's concern about the nurse at the hospital?

Penny was worried about the kind of care she would receive from a particular nurse she knew from her previous work at the hospital, who initially seemed to misunderstand the seriousness of her anaphylaxis.

Why did Penny use her EpiPen before going to the hospital?

Penny used her EpiPen because she had an established allergy to shellfish and was experiencing an allergic reaction.

How did Penny feel when she was placed in a wheelchair in the hospital?

Penny felt that her condition was worsening and she thought she was going to die as she was left in a hallway in a wheelchair where no one could see her.

What happened when Penny gave herself the second dose of EpiPen?

After giving herself the second dose of EpiPen, Penny's condition temporarily stabilized for about 15 minutes before her breathing issues returned.

How did Penny's medical situation change when she was moved to a room with a bed?

Once in a room with a bed, Penny's condition deteriorated further, making it difficult for medical staff to insert an IV due to her anaphylaxis, leading to additional treatments and eventual respiratory failure.

What was Penny's experience during her time in a coma?

While in a coma, Penny described experiencing vivid sensations of being in a dark place, struggling to breathe, and having a sense of isolation and claustrophobia.

How did Penny's perception of reality change during her near-death experience?

Penny's perception of reality shifted dramatically as she had an out-of-body experience, observing her own body from above and interacting with a spiritual presence that she believed to be her grandmother.

What message did Penny receive from the divine presence during her NDE?

Penny received a message of love, acceptance, and purpose from the divine presence, which reassured her that she was created on purpose for a purpose.

What decision did Penny make after her near-death experience?

After her near-death experience, Penny decided to embrace her purpose and stop building walls around herself, choosing to live more fully and share her experience with others.

Outlines

00:00

🚑 Emergency Room Allergy Crisis

Penny Whitbroat recounts her near-death experience in 2015 due to an allergic reaction. She visited the hospital with difficulty breathing and used her EpiPen for an allergy to shellfish. Despite knowing the nurse, she was concerned about the quality of care she would receive. The nurse's initial skepticism about her condition and the lack of immediate medical attention escalated Penny's health crisis. Left in a wheelchair in an isolated hallway, her condition worsened. After self-administering a second EpiPen dose, a doctor's intervention saved her just in time. She experienced a code blue, an out-of-body experience, and was eventually placed on life support and transferred to another hospital for treatment.

05:05

🌌 Out-of-Body Experience and Darkness

Penny describes her out-of-body experience during her medical crisis. She found herself floating above her hospital bed, observing her daughter and the medical staff. She attempted to interact with her daughter but was unable to. Penny then experienced a period of darkness and isolation, which she likened to being trapped in a jail of her own making due to past emotional wounds. This黑暗, disorienting experience left her questioning her existence and reality.

10:06

👼 Encounter with Deceased Grandmother

In the darkness, Penny had a profound spiritual encounter with a large, bright spirit that turned out to be her deceased grandmother. Her grandmother reassured her of the continuity of life after death and explained the concept of energy conservation as a divine law. This meeting brought Penny comfort and a sense of connection to something greater than herself, offering her a new perspective on life and death.

15:09

🔍 Life Review and Divine Correction

Penny experienced a life review where she witnessed the impact of her actions, both positive and negative. She saw how a small act of kindness towards a stranger in a grocery store had a ripple effect that continued to help others. Conversely, she was shown how her silent judgments and negative thoughts about a coworker affected that person negatively. God corrected her, emphasizing the importance of controlling her thoughts and focusing on the good in others.

20:15

🧬 Divine DNA and Purpose

Penny was shown the interconnectedness of all things through a journey along the spirals of her DNA, culminating in a revelation that God is present even in the so-called 'junk DNA.' This experience solidified her understanding that she, and all people, are created with a purpose. She grappled with the idea of returning to life to fulfill that purpose, rather than remaining in the divine presence. Upon deciding to return, she awoke in the hospital with a renewed sense of purpose and a mission to share her story.

Keywords

💡Near-death experience

A near-death experience (NDE) is a profound psychological event that typically occurs when a person is close to death or experiences what they perceive as a life-threatening situation. In the script, Penny Whitbroat recounts her NDE after an allergic reaction led her to quit breathing. Her experience is central to the video's theme, illustrating the profound impact such an event can have on a person's life and beliefs.

💡Anaphylaxis

Anaphylaxis is a severe, potentially life-threatening allergic reaction that can occur within seconds or minutes of exposure to something you're allergic to. In the transcript, Penny uses her EpiPen for an anaphylactic reaction to shellfish, but still ends up in a critical condition, underscoring the severity of the condition.

💡EpiPen

An EpiPen is a widely recognized brand of epinephrine auto-injector, a medical device for the emergency treatment of anaphylaxis. Penny mentions using her EpiPen during her allergic reaction, highlighting the importance of having immediate access to such devices in life-threatening allergic scenarios.

💡Coma

A coma is a state of unconsciousness in which an individual cannot be awakened, fails to respond normally to painful stimuli, light, or sound, and does not maintain an airway naturally. Penny was induced into a coma as part of her medical treatment, emphasizing the gravity of her condition and the measures taken to stabilize her.

💡Ventilator

A ventilator is a machine that helps patients breathe when they cannot breathe on their own. Penny was placed on a ventilator due to her anaphylaxis, illustrating the life support measures that were necessary to sustain her during the crisis.

💡Intravenous (IV)

Intravenous therapy, often shortened to IV, is the administration of fluids, medications, or nutrients directly into a vein. Penny's medical team had difficulty placing an IV due to her anaphylaxis, which is a common issue in such severe reactions as veins can become difficult to access.

💡Benadryl

Benadryl is a brand name for the drug diphenhydramine, an over-the-counter medication used to treat allergy symptoms. It is mentioned in the script as one of the medications administered to Penny during her emergency, showing the efforts to counteract her severe allergic reaction.

💡Steroids

Steroids, specifically corticosteroids, are a class of drugs that are often used to treat inflammation and suppress the immune system. In Penny's case, steroids were administered to help manage her anaphylactic response, showcasing the multifaceted approach to treating such conditions.

💡Spirituality

Spirituality refers to a sense of connection to something greater than oneself, or the search for meaning and purpose in life. Penny's NDE involved profound spiritual experiences, including encounters with divine figures and insights into the nature of existence, which are central to the narrative and message of the video.

💡Afterlife

The afterlife is the belief in a realm of existence after death. Penny's account of her NDE includes vivid descriptions of an afterlife, suggesting a continuation of consciousness and a complex reality beyond physical death.

💡Purpose

Purpose refers to the reason for which something is done or created, or the object of a person's ambition or efforts. Penny's experience led her to reflect on her life's purpose, a central theme of the video that encourages viewers to consider their own life's meaning and direction.

💡DNA

DNA, or deoxyribonucleic acid, is a molecule that carries the genetic instructions for the growth, development, functioning, and reproduction of all known living organisms. Penny's description of seeing God within her 'junk DNA' is a metaphorical way of expressing the divine presence within all living beings and the interconnectedness of life.

Highlights

Penny Whitbroat had a near-death experience due to an allergic reaction in 2015.

She had an established allergy to shellfish and used an EpiPen.

At the hospital, she faced skepticism from a nurse about the severity of her condition.

Penny had to administer her second EpiPen dose herself due to the nurse's lack of immediate action.

She experienced stridor, indicating her airway was closing.

A doctor finally intervened after hearing Penny's stridor.

Difficulties in finding a vein led to a decision to take Penny across the hall for treatment.

Penny went into cardiac arrest and was placed on a ventilator and life flight to Lexington.

She spent five days in an induced coma.

Penny had an out-of-body experience, observing her own body from above.

She felt her daughter's fear and emotions from the out-of-body perspective.

Penny was frustrated by her inability to interact with her physical body.

She realized she had built a metaphorical wall around herself after her divorce.

Penny's grandmother appeared as a spirit, providing comfort and insight.

She was told by her grandmother that there's no death, only a change of forms.

Penny experienced a vision of God, who confirmed her purpose and existence.

God showed her the impact of a small act of kindness she had done years prior.

Penny learned the importance of controlling her thoughts and focusing on the good in others.

She was given a message to share her experience with the world.

Penny's decision to return to life and fulfill her purpose.

Her experience led to a significant change in her perspective on life and relationships.

Transcripts

my name's penny whitbroat and in 2015 i had a  near-death experience when i had an allergic  

reaction and i quit breathing so i had gone to  the hospital wasn't sure what i was having a  

reaction to and i had an epipen because i had  an established allergy to shellfish so i had  

used that i got to the hospital the nurse that was  there i knew because i had worked at that hospital  

and i was a little worried about the kind of care  i would get not necessarily from the hospital but  

that particular nurse and so when i walked in  she said you know what do you need to be seen  

for and i'm wheezing and looking up and i can't  breathe and and so i barely can speak and i'm like  

i'm having an allergic reaction and and i set the  empty epipen on the counter so she could see that  

i had taken that and she's like well if you took  that why did you come here and i thought oh great  

you know i'm gonna die she doesn't even understand  the basics of anaphylaxis and to be fair we don't  

see a ton of it in the er but we do see it so she  takes me back and she says you know we don't have  

a bed so i'm gonna put you in a wheelchair they  had a clean room but not a bed i'm like i don't  

need a bed she's like no no you have to wait till  we get to bed so she puts me in a wheelchair and  

rolls me down this hallway that leads to the  bathroom and the doctor's sleeping quarters  

so nobody's down there and i'm just sitting  in this hall by myself where no one can see  

me and it's just getting worse and worse and i  was having to look up to be able to breathe and  

and i thought i'm gonna die and so luckily epipens  come in two packs so i went ahead in the er gave  

myself my second dose and that held me for i don't  know maybe another 15 minutes and then i started  

having strider which is this really squeaky  breathing sound you have as your airway closes and  

a doctor heard it and she stuck her head down the  hall and she's like oh my gosh so she runs down  

the hall gets the wheelchair wheels me into the  room that has a bed and they get me up there and  

now because i'm in anaphylaxis my veins have all  kind of flattened out they can't get an iv in me  

it's a very very bad position to be in she's like  we're going across the hall and i thought oh no  

they're going to end up coding me because that's  trauma you know and i worked there so i know what  

the trauma room's for and i had nurses on either  side trying to put ivs in and they were all just  

really sketchy and like this thing's not going to  hold up and they're giving me shots of benadryl  

and shots of steroids and more epinephrine and  more epinephrine and by the time my husband got  

there he walked in and i'm sitting straight up  in the bed looking up and just you know tears  

because i couldn't breathe and he gets the doctor  he's like you got to do something she's going to  

quit breathing and the doctor's like oh no no  we've we've got plenty of time and i remember  

hearing that and then everything kind of started  feeling very like i was in a tunnel or something  

not like a tunnel of light but if you've ever  passed out that kind of distant feeling where  

voices sound far away and and i thought that this  is it and so i quit breathing fell over and they  

called the code and i was out of my body at that  point looking down and i didn't recognize me and  

i thought oh man she's in rough shape she's the  one that's coding you know i hope she does okay  

and i saw everybody run in and kind of as they  were running in my husband was being pushed  

out of the room and that's it you know i didn't  wake up so they induced a coma and put me on the  

ventilator put me on a life flight to lexington  put drilled an iv into my shin which i didn't know  

could be done funny as a nurse you'd think i'd  know that but yeah they've got like a little  

dremel and they just screw that thing right  into your shin bone and they can give you  

drugs that way so that was good so they take  me off to lexington and i spend i want to say  

five days in an induced coma before i can  come off the ventilator but in that time  

the first thing that happened was i kind of  came back too and i was in my sister's car  

and she lived in wisconsin at the time and she was  driving to get to kentucky and it was pouring rain  

late at night and i'm like what is she doing  out this late the weather's terrible you know  

i wonder if something's happened to the kids  and and so she pulls over at this gas station  

underneath this canopy and she puts her hand in  her purse and pulls out her phone and so i lean  

over and her clothes are wrinkled and mismatched  and i'm like what the did she like get dressed  

in the dark what is going on here you know so she  pulls out her phone and she types in hang on kiddo  

i'm coming which was kind of interesting because  i saw that after i came out of the coma and you  

know had a confirmation of it then you know i saw  that and then i was back in this dark place so i'm  

in this place and it's dark like a lot of people  haven't really experienced complete darkness but  

it was completely dark and i couldn't determine  how big it was how small it was because it was  

so dark but i had an image of me there somehow  i couldn't figure out like what was holding me  

and i try to move and i can't move and it feels  like something's holding me down and it feels like  

i'm really having to struggle to breathe and i'm  super claustrophobic so that totally freaked me  

out and i had like this panic attack and then this  i called it the deep sleep the deep sleep would  

just come and like take over and then i would be  asleep and i'd wake up and this goes on and on  

for i always tell people if i had to give it  a time what it felt like compared to time here  

because time there is so different it was about  10 years and i keep going in and out and i'm  

what am i doing here what is this place have i  died did i ever exist and it went on for so long  

that i started to question if i'd ever really  existed i thought maybe i've been here so long  

maybe something terrible happened and you know i  was cast away to this place and i've just made up  

that whole life just to have something to think  about and cling to and you know why is no one  

looking for me and and i just i couldn't figure  out what was going on and something tells me  

or i get this inclination to lean forward and so  when i say lean forward i don't mean like at the  

waist i mean lean forward like this and when i  did it all of me went like that like a plank the  

direction that i was pointed in i could move that  direction and i'm like oh my gosh i can move this  

is incredible and so i saw like a light way off on  the left and i thought okay i'll go that way so i  

turn my body and i'm now flying crazy fast that  direction and you can't see anything super dark  

and i'm thinking man i hope i'm in an open space  or i'm gonna you know run right into something so  

i get to that light section it's kind of like a  barrier and there's something on the other side  

and so i just kind of kept staring and kept  staring and eventually it got clear and i could  

see me laying in a hospital bed on the other side  and my daughter was there and she was standing to  

my right but kind of behind me in front of the  ventilator i remember looking at her shirt and  

for some reason i knew it was summer i had that in  my head and i thought why is she wearing a flannel  

shirt in the summer you know she's so funny that  way and i looked at the from where i was which i  

would say was felt like you know maybe 30 feet  away i could see the fabric on that shirt and i  

knew what it would feel like and i'm like whoa  that's weird and i knew what she was thinking  

which was weird because i never know what she's  thinking she's a very private person i started  

kind of taking you know surveying the room i  could see that i was in soft restraints so that i  

couldn't move my hands i looked to see what drugs  i was on and i looked at my vital signs and i'm  

like okay i'm critical but stable i'm in a coma  because i know what those drugs are used for and  

apparently i'm just in a coma or something and  i'll wake up and i'll be all back together again  

and i thought well this is great you know  hopefully i survive and i can get back in or i  

die and things get straightened out over here  so i'm not stuck in this dark place and i kind  

of refocused and was looking at my daughter and  i could feel her feelings and hear her thoughts  

and she was scared and she's like the most stoic  person i've ever met and it just broke my heart  

that she was scared because it's not anything  she would ever even tell me you know and so i  

put my hands out to to grab her and pull her to  me and hug her and my hands hit the wall and i  

just lost it i don't know what's going on here i  was sure that you know it had something to do with  

god and i was like what are you doing you know why  would you torment me like this you know what have  

i done that's that's earned me this and i just  was so frustrated and enraged and i got sucked  

back into the darkness and so i wake up again and  i'm like okay you know how to move now let's go  

so i go back toward the left i get to the light  and the barrier and the barrier instead of being  

hard this time is more like a bubble and so i  put my hand to touch it and my hand went through  

and i'm like oh that's so cool and so i put my  other hand through and i'm like okay do i just  

like can i just pop in over there and i did i just  went right through and i was over me and i was  

looking down at the bed and i made it over like  what do i do now do i like lay down on top of me  

and will i get sucked back in and then i'll wake  up and everything will be okay or i wasn't sure  

what to do you don't get instructions or anything  it's crazy and so i was staring at the me in the  

bed and i was trying to get her to open her eyes  and i'm like come on you know open your eyes and  

i'm just trying to will it and it's not happening  and so i'm getting mad and i thought okay now calm  

down you don't want to get mad and get sucked  back and it's too big let's just get her to move  

her finger you know that would be something i'm  looking at at my finger in the bed and i'm like  

come on move your finger move your damn it she  won't move her finger you know and it just i was  

it's the most frustrating thing i've ever done and  so i got sucked back but just onto the other side  

of the wall i didn't get sucked all the way back  and i started thinking i'm like okay this can't be  

accidental i must be here for a reason there's  got to be something i'm supposed to figure out  

or learn how did i get in this place and just  kind of like from my spirit it comes out you  

made this place i wasn't even shocked by it  i heard it and i'm like that's true i did  

so when i was on this side after my divorce  i had just kind of closed myself off because  

i'd been so hurt by that and more so hurt about  the abandonment of the kids you know that just  

broke my heart and i thought you know i'm never  going to get into another relationship and people  

like i enjoyed working and had friends at work i  didn't socialize with anybody outside of work i  

have social anxiety anyway and so like i would  get really stressed at answering the phone or  

and it was just getting worse and worse and so  i had just completely kind of built this wall  

around myself to protect me from ever being hurt  again and you know the things that you build up  

here are stored up in heaven and you have to deal  with them whether they're good or bad you know and  

so that's what this was this was this physical  manifestation of this isolation the jail that  

i had built imprisoned myself in thinking i was  somehow safe maybe i was safe but i wasn't living  

and so when i realized that there was this crack  and then where the crack happened and light  

started coming through and i was over the moon i  was like oh my gosh there's i'm gonna get out i'm  

gonna get out of this this is great and so this  whole thing is cracking open almost like an egg  

and this big big bright spirit starts coming  toward me and i'm like oh my gosh there's other  

people or things or whatever here i'm not alone  you know and so this this spirit who's female  

comes to me and she's just huge she's huge she's  grand you know not just big in size she puts her  

arms out and i'm immediately drawn into her arms  without her touching me and she's holding me to  

her chest and these the darkness is breaking apart  in shards and it's she's got this like whirlwind  

of energy that's going around us and as the  shards would come and hit her energy they would  

be flung off and then they would be gone they  couldn't fly around anymore they disappeared  

and so she was like just with her energy casting  away the darkness and it just was getting brighter  

and brighter and i'm crying like ugly crying  i mean i was just overwhelmed that there was  

somebody there and i didn't initially know who  she was and so i'm freaking out and she says um  

calm yourself dear one just in her mind and i hear  it in my mind i always tell people if you've ever  

had surgery when they start giving you that  drug to put you to sleep you can't fight it  

but you feel it course through you and that's  what it was like it was like her words broke down  

and coursed through my body and caused exactly  what she wanted to have happened to happen  

and so then i was calm and and i thought okay who  who is she she's so familiar and so i look up and  

she's got these brilliant green eyes and and i  look up further and then on the top of her head  

it looks like flames and it's this orange red hair  and i knew who she was i'm like oh my gosh it's my  

grandma it was amazing to see her on that side she  died when i was nine or ten and so i looked at her  

and i'm like you're alive and she's like of course  i'm alive and she's like there's no death you know  

this you learn this and i'm like no i don't think  so and she's like yes you learned this when you  

were really little remember she says energy  can't be created or destroyed it just changes  

forms that's god's law borrowed by man and i was  like of course of course that makes perfect sense  

i had all i'd always been a believer and i had  believed in god and was hoping there was heaven  

you know we're all hoping for that but i didn't  feel like i had any real assurance of it and there  

she was giving me this assurance based on science  you know that you do you do go on it we can't  

extinguish your light it has to become something  else and she was just so comforting to me and she  

was holding me and just very very sweet and i  kind of got lost in that and when i came back  

to myself i realized i was alone and i was just  floating in the light you know just was enjoying  

it it was really nice and and then all of a sudden  everything shook it was more like an earthquake  

from the beginning of time to the end of time like  things that didn't even exist yet were shaking it  

was crazy i could feel it all the way to my middle  and and i knew it was god and so i immediately  

tried to start thinking of good things that i  had done because i'm like he can read my mind  

you know pull something good up to the front  because i don't know you know i mean there's been  

some bad and i don't want him to lead with that  and i couldn't think of anything i've been a nurse  

i mean i could have thought of a million things  but i was stumped and all of a sudden there's this  

light and it's much brighter than the light that  i'm in and it gets closer and closer and he says  

i am and i had heard that a million times you  know the great i am all these different things  

and i never really understood it but you know he  was making this declaration and that the creator  

of everything was here and i really understood it  in that moment when he said that you know i am i'm  

the one who made you i'm the creator of everything  you know everything exists as i will it so and  

it was just crazy and and so i'm still trying  to think of good things i got nothing and so i  

get this sense that we're gonna look at my life  and and he starts with good which i appreciated  

and he shows the situation where i'm at a store  and the lady in front of me doesn't have enough  

to pay for her groceries just since and she's  trying to figure out what to put back and i  

remember how that got me in my gut because  i had been that single mom for years and  

you know you always put back the thing that that  you need not the thing that your kid would enjoy  

and so she's like well you know and you'd see her  putting back like moisturizer and you know she's  

not going to put the kids mac and cheese back and  and i'm like oh so been there and so i fish in my  

purse and i get the what she's short and i hand it  to her and she doesn't want to take it and she's  

just super embarrassed and i'm like it's okay i've  been there take it you know don't put anything  

back and it just broke my heart for her and he  showed me that situation played out years ahead  

and she's working as a volunteer in this food  pantry and this woman comes in and doesn't have  

enough food and she's humiliated and embarrassed  and she's like it's okay i've been there you know  

she packs up this lady's groceries and i thought  wow i never thought it that far forward i thought  

it was a nice thing to do that day but i didn't  think it would impact her or anyone else i mean  

i'd done some really much bigger things and i was  thinking i was kind of a little put out by that  

i'm like wow i did this huge nothing you want to  talk about that incredible thing i did you know  

not just this but it was that thing that explained  to me that what your purpose is in the moment that  

you're in it's not some huge big brand thing  everybody's trying to figure out where are you  

right now who can you help and and that was the  importance that i didn't ignore that and so then  

he shows me the bad and it was this woman that i  worked with who was terrible if you were a patient  

you didn't want that nurse if you were working  a hall you didn't want to work it with her and  

she just was kind of it just didn't feel like she  was very attentive to her patients i was always  

answering her call lights and her iv alarms and i  just i never said anything negative to her never  

talked about her because i hate gossip but in my  heart i was holding this you know over her and um  

god flashed back and showed me her whole life and  showed me the things that her dad had done to her  

for years and i mean it was amazing that she  wasn't a psychopath and here having been used  

in her whole life what does she decide to dedicate  her career to helping other people and i'm like is  

she doing a great job no but i mean considering  where she came from she's doing great and god's  

like you have to control your thoughts you're  having all these negative thoughts about her  

and that has energy and you're putting it on her  and you're making it harder for her to be who who  

i intended her to be you're you're chaining her  and i felt so bad i thought i was doing so well  

by not speaking those things and not gossiping and  not being hateful to people but if you're walking  

around harboring it you're injuring them just the  same and and he's like you know you have to look  

for the good in her and capitalize on that and  then i felt so bad that i hadn't done that because  

i had such an opportunity to do it you know to  point out any good that she did i could have  

done that and it changed me it was good there's  a million things that happen that i never get  

to talk about because it would take weeks but at  that point i'm trying to decide you know whether  

i trust god and i want to let god in and because  i knew he knew me and knew everything about me  

and i just didn't know whether i wanted to let  that kind of power have any sway over me and so  

i was standing there and and i had to make this  choice you know was i going to kind of surrender  

myself to god and i thought okay i will and his  energy kind of this light came through my toes up  

my legs into my middle and it was like a cloak  it was swirling around inside me like healing  

hurts and all these things that i didn't even  remember were problems and went up and it went  

around my heart and up through my throat in my  mouth and i was able to sing just these beautiful  

songs and i i'm like where is that coming from  i'm a terrible singer and then it kind of came up  

and it was going to come out of my eyes and it was  so warm and so accepting and loving that i didn't  

want to let it out so i squeezed my eyes shut  and it shot through my eyelashes and my eyelids  

and hit the light that was got on the outside of  me and then came rushing back in went up through  

all the different curves in my brain and was  lighting up my brain and everything i had never  

understood i understood and everything i didn't  know that i didn't know i knew and you know he  

blocked that i didn't get to have that coming back  but it was amazing in that moment like everything  

finally made sense so we kind of go through that  moment and we're gonna go through this journey i  

wasn't understanding like if we were gonna go over  and i was gonna stay permanently or what was going  

to happen but i knew i had to make a decision  on this part too and i got all kind of irritated  

inside and i was like whoa whoa whoa wait a minute  you know you're you're overwhelming me with all  

this love and goodness and stuff but where were  you when my boys were struggling and my daughter  

where were you when their dad left you know where  were you when they walked to the mailbox every day  

to get something he promised to them that never  came where were you you know it was one thing for  

me to struggle through that divorce but they were  kids you know these are innocent children where  

were you and it was pointed and i was angry and  and he didn't even like flinch at that you know  

he he understood and he's like oh dear one you've  completely misunderstood me let me show you and so  

he flashes forward and i can see i'm i'm sitting  in the seat in the bleachers next to my son and my  

oldest grandchild is playing soccer so at the time  when i had when i quit breathing and had all this  

medical issue he was two but in this vision he's  five and so he's running up and down the field  

and i remember looking at him and seeing the sun  on his skin and on his hair and just being like  

wow he's just so alive you know and he's running  and my son looks over to me and he says mom i'm  

gonna be the dad to him that i deserved and i'm  like you're breaking that chain you're breaking  

that cycle of broken homes and and absent fathers  and you're doing that through you know my kids and  

it still gets me every time and i thought okay you  know if we had to be the generation to take that  

hurt to be able to turn it around okay then it's  okay and it made sense to me and you know i've  

since shared that with my son but so when when my  grandson was five i was actually at a soccer game  

and my son actually looked at me and said that and  i was like okay you know because you get really  

far out if you have a fantastical experience the  further out you get from it the more you kind of  

question it you're like well you know but that  confirmed that was god's confirmation for me in  

that moment and he's like keep going forward you  know you're on the right track and it just was so  

important when i saw that i just i just completely  was okay to let myself be 100 vulnerable to god  

and so i just opened up and he grabbed my hand  and we started going through the spirals of my dna  

and i was you know looking at everything and  as we would go through a strand i could feel  

it like stroke over my skin and i was like oh my  gosh that's just amazing and we're going and it's  

super fast we're going really really fast and we  get down to this one spot he just stops like you  

know hitting a wall and he says do you see me  and and i'm like well yeah you're everywhere of  

course i see you and he's like no and he points  to this spot in my dna and he's like right there  

do you see me and i looked and i did and it was in  that that part of our dna that they call junk dna  

that we don't know what that dna does and and i  it was funny because it hadn't actually been that  

long ago that i had read about junk dna and  he was right there and i was like oh my gosh  

you're in me and he's like yes i'm your father  just like your father is your father you can say  

he's not but we could do testing and figure out  that he is he's your biological father whether  

you want to admit it or not and i'm your father  whether people want to admit it or not and it just  

blew me away and so i knew at that point that if  we went past that then i was staying and i'm like  

all right i'm in let's stay you know and i felt  like so loved and accepted like i didn't have  

to do another thing a lot of us have this idea  that you've got to constantly be doing for god to  

be loved you know you have to be doing something  that measures up and it wasn't like that he loved  

me because he made me you know and he adored me  and he thought me up and i i remember thinking  

you know how long did he think of me because  i thought of my children before i had them and  

when i first got pregnant what would they be  like and what would their lives be like and and  

i thought it can't be much different for god you  know he's knitting you together and he's got to  

be you know kind of seeing you live out your life  and i thought how long did he think of me before  

he decided to make me and he made me on purpose  he could have made somebody else but i'm on  

purpose for a purpose and i'd never really gotten  that and i looked back at my life and i thought  

you've wasted it you know yes you're a nurse and  you you're raising good kids and all this stuff  

but you've not fulfilled your purpose and if you  check out now i mean it's like cheating you just  

quit you're just a quitter and i didn't want to  be a quitter you know and i felt like i had not  

embraced everything that i am by being a creation  of god by building that wall around me and i  

thought okay well could i go back i didn't know  and i thought could i go back and tear down the  

wall and i thought i could do that that would be  a start and so i made that decision to go back  

and he immediately started pulling pulling away i  could feel that distance and i started to cry and  

and so i wake up i'm in the hospital room  there's a nurse sitting beside the bed and  

she's like oh you're back and i look at her and  i said i was with god and she's like oh that's  

nice dear i'm like no no i mean like just a  minute ago i was with god and she's like oh  

that's good let me go get your family so she goes  and gets the family and i'm like i was with god i  

mean just a minute ago i was with god and they're  like that's good and they're looking at the nurse  

and she's like well maybe everybody should  leave you know she's just just been off the  

vent for a little while we don't want to wear  her out and so she sends everybody away and  

she leaves the room and turns the lights off  and pulls this curtain in front of this glass  

like wall that's in that room so they can see  you and god reappears like in the room and it  

scared me and i screamed because i didn't  expect him just to pop in and he laughed  

i'm like oh you scared me and so he laughs  he's like why did i scare you and i'm like  

well you i thought you were gone he says i'm never  gone i'm like well i know you're never gone but  

you don't just pop into rooms like that that's  startling you know and he thought it was funny  

and so he had given me this message and he's like  i want you to share this message with the world  

and you know that he is god and he is the creator  and that we are made on purpose for a purpose and  

one of my friends who always called and checked  on me called me and he was always asking me to  

do this speaking engagement for the international  association of near-death studies has a support  

group up in simsy and i always said no or thought  of a reason not to do it because i have terrible  

social anxiety and he called and i said yes before  i could stop myself and he was shocked he was like  

what i'm like just hang up now or i'm gonna make  something up just go and i've said yes ever since  

i've not had another episode of respiratory  failure things slowly started to settle down  

you know we got some answers as to what was going  on with me but it's been quite a journey [Music]

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