WOMEN need GAME too: understanding how women get commitment

Summary

Dr. Orion Taban's talk addresses the concept of 'game' in dating, emphasizing its necessity for both men and women, but for different reasons. He explains that while men often use 'game' to secure sexual encounters, women need it to guide relationships towards commitment. Taban argues that many women lack this 'game', which is a skill in stimulating interest and leading interactions to desired outcomes. He encourages women to understand and develop their 'game' to achieve meaningful relationships, noting that simply wanting something isn't enough to attain it.

Takeaways

• 🎯 Both men and women need 'game', but for different reasons.
• 💡 Women often approach dating with the hope for a serious relationship, not just casual encounters.
• 🌟 Men typically go into dates with a focus on immediate attraction and potential sexual encounters.
• 🚪 Women are considered 'Gatekeepers of sex', thus their consent is crucial for sexual encounters to occur.
• 💞 Men are seen as 'Gatekeepers of commitment', and they can be swayed towards a serious relationship through 'game'.
• 🤔 Most women do not enter dates with the expectation of a sexual outcome, yet it happens due to men's intentions and 'game'.
• 🛑 Directly expressing the desire for a committed relationship often does not work as a strategy for women, similar to men explicitly wanting sex.
• 🔄 The traditional 'game' for women involved making men uncomfortable until they concede to their desires, which is not an effective approach.
• 📚 Women need to learn and apply effective 'game' to guide relationships towards commitment, especially in a dating market with less social pressure.
• 💌 The speaker encourages women to understand and develop their 'game' to achieve their relationship goals, as it is a valuable skill in today's dating landscape.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Dr. Orion Taban's talk?

The main topic of Dr. Orion Taban's talk is the concept that women also need 'game' in dating and relationships, and how it's not just for men.

Why does Dr. Orion Taban say that women generally dislike dating?

Dr. Orion Taban suggests that women generally dislike dating because they are usually looking for relationships, and dating is seen as a necessary evil to achieve that goal.

What is the term 'game' referring to in the context of the talk?

In the context of the talk, 'game' refers to the skills and strategies one uses to attract and engage another person's interest, leading the interaction towards a desired outcome, such as a sexual encounter or a committed relationship.

According to the speaker, what is the primary intention of men and women when they go on a first date?

The speaker suggests that men typically have sex as their primary intention on a first date, while women are more focused on finding a potential long-term partner.

What role does the concept of 'The Gatekeepers of sex' imply in the talk?

The concept of 'The Gatekeepers of sex' implies that women have the power to decide when and with whom sex occurs, and that men need to have 'game' to persuade women to engage in sexual encounters.

How does Dr. Orion Taban describe the traditional approach of women in expressing their desire for a committed relationship?

Dr. Orion Taban describes the traditional approach of women as inelegant and ineffective, where women directly express their desire for a committed relationship, which often does not work on men and can be compared to men directly expressing their desire for casual sex.

What does the speaker suggest is the key to getting a man to commit?

The speaker suggests that the key to getting a man to commit is to generate sufficient interest and attraction in him and to possess the skills to guide the connection towards a committed relationship, rather than simply expressing the desire for commitment.

Why does the speaker compare women's historical 'game' to 'dread game'?

The speaker compares women's historical 'game' to 'dread game' because it was often based on making men uncomfortable or nervous about not meeting the woman's expectations, which only worked on men with limited options.

What advice does Dr. Orion Taban give to women who want a committed relationship?

Dr. Orion Taban advises women to learn and develop their 'game' to effectively guide a man's interest and attraction towards a committed relationship, as simply wanting it is not enough to achieve it.

How does the speaker describe the modern dating market in relation to the value of sex?

The speaker describes the modern dating market as one where sex is not as valuable as it once was, since it is not as difficult to obtain, and therefore, women seeking a committed relationship need to be strategic and learn effective 'game'.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 The Necessity of 'Game' for Women

Dr. Orion Taban introduces the concept that 'game' is not just for men but also necessary for women. He explains that while men and women need game for different reasons, it is essential for both genders to navigate the dating world effectively. Using the analogy of a first date, he illustrates how women often don't intend to have sex but end up doing so due to the man's 'game'. Conversely, women may desire a relationship, and through their own 'game', can lead a man to commit. The key message is that 'game' is about understanding and influencing the dynamics of attraction and interest, regardless of one's gender.

05:02

👀 Men's Perspective on Relationships and Sex

This paragraph delves into the typical mindset of men when approaching first dates, highlighting that most men are initially focused on casual encounters rather than seeking a serious relationship or marriage. It contrasts this with women's intentions, which often lean towards finding a committed relationship. The speaker points out that despite men's initial casual intentions, they can end up in long-term relationships or marriages due to women's 'game'. The paragraph emphasizes that men are the 'Gatekeepers of commitment', and with the right influence, women can guide men towards a deeper commitment.

10:03

💡 The Art of Female 'Game' and Its Impact

The speaker discusses the importance of 'game' for women in securing committed relationships. He argues that simply expressing a desire for a committed relationship upfront is ineffective and compares it to men directly seeking sex, which is equally off-putting. The paragraph emphasizes that women need to develop their 'game' to subtly and positively influence men towards commitment, rather than using negative tactics that create discomfort or pressure. The speaker also addresses the reality that men's interest in sex is generally low, and thus, the 'game' must be sophisticated enough to make them invest in a deeper relationship.

Keywords

💡Psychology

Psychology is the scientific study of the human mind and its functions, particularly those affecting behavior. In the context of the video, it is used to discuss the psychological aspects of dating and relationships, emphasizing how understanding these aspects can lead to better relationships and personal satisfaction.

💡Game

In the context of the video, 'game' refers to the social skills, strategies, and techniques that individuals use to attract and engage with potential romantic partners. It is not just about physical attraction but also about the ability to stimulate interest, build rapport, and lead interactions towards a desired outcome, such as a sexual encounter or a committed relationship.

💡First Date

A first date is the initial meeting between two individuals who have connected through a dating app or other means, with the intention of getting to know each other better in a romantic context. The video discusses the different expectations and intentions that men and women may have going into a first date, and how these can be influenced by their 'game'.

💡Gatekeepers of Sex

The term 'Gatekeepers of Sex' refers to the idea that women are often seen as the decision-makers when it comes to sexual encounters, having the power to grant or deny access to sex. This concept is used in the video to explain why men need to have 'game' to succeed in leading a date towards a sexual encounter, as they must persuade the woman to consent.

💡Commitment

Commitment in the context of the video refers to the willingness of an individual to enter into a long-term, exclusive relationship with another person. It is one of the potential outcomes of dating, and the video discusses how 'game' can influence whether individuals end up in committed relationships.

💡Dating App

A dating app is a software platform typically used on smartphones, designed to help individuals meet and connect with potential romantic partners. The video uses the concept of dating apps to set the scene for discussing the dynamics of modern dating and the role of 'game' in these interactions.

💡Relationship Goals

Relationship goals refer to the desired outcomes or objectives that individuals have in mind when entering into romantic relationships. In the video, it is suggested that women generally have more defined relationship goals compared to men, who may be more focused on immediate sexual gratification.

💡Attraction

Attraction is the feeling of being drawn towards someone or something, often due to physical appearance, personality, or other appealing qualities. In the context of the video, attraction is a key component in the 'game' of dating, as it is what drives individuals to pursue and engage in romantic interactions.

💡Vulnerability

Vulnerability in the context of the video refers to the state of being open to attack or harm, especially in the realm of emotions and relationships. It is used to describe the position men find themselves in when they are highly motivated by sexual desire, making them potentially more susceptible to the 'game' of women who seek committed relationships.

💡Social Pressure

Social pressure is the influence exerted by a group or society on an individual, encouraging them to conform to certain expectations or behaviors. In the video, it is mentioned that there is less social pressure today for men to commit to relationships, which changes the dynamics of 'game' and what women need to do to achieve commitment.

💡Dread Game

The term 'dread game' is used in the video to describe a negative approach to achieving one's goals in dating, where individuals use shame or discomfort to pressure their counterparts into giving them what they want. The video suggests that this approach is not effective and is akin to a 'lose-lose' situation.

Highlights

Women also need 'game' in dating, just like men, but for different reasons.

Women generally dislike dating and often hope for a relationship rather than a casual encounter.

Men and women approach first dates with different intentions, with men often seeking physical attraction and women seeking a potential relationship.

The concept of 'game' is about stimulating interest and attraction, and leading interactions towards a desired outcome.

Women are considered the 'Gatekeepers of sex', and men are the 'Gatekeepers of commitment'.

Most women do not intend to have sex on the first date, but it can happen due to the man's intentions and 'game'.

Men can end up in committed relationships and families, not because it was their initial intention, but because the woman had 'game'.

Men often treat women the way women treat money, seeking to enjoy their time without taking on additional 'jobs' like relationships.

Most men are not looking for relationship goals; their primary goal is often sexual satisfaction.

The 'hunger' for sex in men can be compared to a starvation mindset, focusing solely on the immediate desire.

Women have an opportunity to use 'game' to guide men into relationships, but most are not skilled at this.

Directly expressing a desire for a committed relationship often does not work, as it is akin to men expressing a desire for casual sex.

Having 'game' is essential for both sexes to 'get past the gatekeeper' and achieve their dating goals.

Traditional female 'game' often involved making men uncomfortable until they gave in to demands, which only works on men with few options.

The goal of 'game' is to make the other party believe that advancing the relationship is their own idea.

Women can get any man they want, but they need 'game' to get them to do what they want, such as committing to a relationship.

Men are studying what women want to improve their 'game' for sexual encounters, highlighting the need for women to also learn 'game' for committed relationships.

The transcript challenges the belief that time alone will lead to a committed relationship and emphasizes the need for skillful 'game'.

Transcripts

I'm Dr Orion taban and this is psych

Better Living Through psychology and the

topic of today's short talk is women

need game too this one is for the ladies

women it turns out you also need game

game is not just for the boys however

men and women need game for different

reasons let me help you understand this

let's say you're about to go on a first

date with a guy you matched with on a

dating app you're probably not thinking

to S I hope he'll let me Smash like I

hope the date goes so well that he'll

take me back to his place and do

whatever he wants with me there might be

some women out there that think that and

feel free to get in touch with me if

that's you but they're decidedly in the

minority my understanding is that women

generally dislike dating if they're

thinking anything before the date it's

probably something like please God

please Jesus alab Buddha please make him

better than the last guy please make

this the last first date I ever have to

go on please hear my prayer and that's

because women generally want

relationships and if they could skip

right to that part they would however

they can't so dating is something of a

necessary evil for them this is also why

they're generally not very good at it

but that's the subject for another

episode in any case that's my

understanding of how women tend to

approach first dat however it's also

true that most women have had sex with a

guy on the first date how did that

happen that wasn't the woman's primary

intention going into the date right did

she just stumble into bed no it happened

because that was the guy's primary

intention and because he had game that

is the guy was able to sufficiently

stimulate that woman's interest and

attraction and confidently lead the

interaction in the direction of a sexual

encounter after all women are The

Gatekeepers of sex so sex happened

because the guy was able to find a way

inside nice work guy the point is that

most women don't go into that situation

hoping for or expecting that outcome and

yet that outcome happens every day

that's game now let's take a look at it

from the other side shall we as a guy I

can tell you that when we're about to go

on a first date with a woman that we

matched with on a dating app we are not

thinking I hope she's the one I hope

this is the love of my life and my

future wife and the mother of my

children I hope she's willing to take it

slow and that she's ready for a serious

relationship because that's sure what I

want now there might be some men out

there who think that way but they are

decidedly in the minority most men are

thinking I hope she looks like her

pictures and she lets me

Smash that's how men tend to approach

First Dates however it's also true that

men end up getting married and starting

Families how did that happened that

wasn't the guy's primary intention when

he started pursuing her did he just

stumble onto the altar no it happened

because that was the woman's primary

intention and because she had some game

that is the woman sufficiently

stimulated the man's interest and

attraction and was able to direct the

interaction in the direction of a

committed relationship after all men are

The Gatekeepers of commitment so

commitment happened because the woman

was able to find a way to get inside

nice work lady the point is that most

men don't go into that situation hoping

for or expecting that outcome and yet

that outcome happens every day that's

game now before I go any further if

you're liking what you're hearing please

consider sending this episode to someone

who might benefit from its message

because it's Word of Mouth referrals

like this that really help to make the

channel grow you can also hit the thanks

button and tip me in proportion to the

value you feel you've received from this

message it's donations like that that

really help to keep the lights on here I

don't do corporate sponsorships or

product placements even though I get 50

offers every day to do that this helps

me stay independent and allows me to

produce this high quality content for

you I really appreciate it thank

you as a any woman who has dated for a

while has learned committed

relationships generally don't happen if

men are just left to their own devices

most men are totally fine keeping things

casual indefinitely this is because as I

talked about in my episode men treat

women the way women treat money we

already had to work really hard just to

get sexually selected so we want to

enjoy our time not take on a second job

most men don't have relationship goals

like women do that's because the goal of

most men is to get laid they don't think

much beyond that this is because the

vast majority of men are incredibly

hungry for sex and they would be

absolutely ravenous if they weren't

anesthetizing themselves with

pornography when people are starving all

they think about is food they're not

really interested in what happens after

dinner now women you might be disgusted

by this you might think oh if I just

want sex go somewhere else but it's like

that's actually men are so e easy to get

into relationships with because of that

that's where they're so vulnerable

that's what I'd like you to consider is

that this is an opportunity for you it's

not something that like should be

considered beneath you in any case most

men don't have a problem with dating

casually and if women aren't satisfied

with that then like men on a first date

looking to have sex with a woman who

wasn't principally focused on doing so

women need game to guide the situation

in the direction of a committed

relationship and let me tell you most

women are terrible at this they are

terrible most of them just flat out tell

the guy that they're looking for a

committed relationship and it's like

yeah and what you have to understand

ladies is that that line is like a man

telling you that he's looking for casual

sex

like what is that to you right how often

do you [ __ ] men who talk to you like

that ever right and yet you do [ __ ] men

and the men you do [ __ ] don't talk to

you like that do they the same is true

for you men don't just hand out

committed relationships to women because

they're looking for them it doesn't work

this is because a strange woman asking

me if I want to have a committed

relationship with her sounds about as

appealing as if she'd asked me if I

wanted to have unnecessary dental

surgery this weekend saying this because

you don't want to waste your time ends

up wasting your time because it works

about as well as a guy saying he doesn't

want to waste his time on a date if you

can't first reassure him that there's a

strong likelihood that he'll have sex at

the end of it like it's going to take a

long time for him to not waste his time

isn't it ladies if trying to set

expectations that sex will be in the

cards prior to a date doesn't work on

you ladies then trying to set

expectations that a committed

relationship will be in the cards prior

to it an interaction isn't going to work

on us there's no game here it's so

inelegant it doesn't work and without

game you can't get past the gatekeeper

if you're a man that means no date and

no sex and if you're a woman that means

no date and no committed relationship

remember wanting is free simply wanting

what you want is not sufficient to

getting it like if a man thought that a

woman should just give him sex because

he wanted it and didn't want to waste

his time if a woman wasn't interested

wouldn't you find that disgusting

wouldn't you find that narcissistically

entitled men earn their sexual

opportunity and they do this by being

sufficiently attractive and possessing

enough skill to guide a burgeoning

connection in the direction of sexual

intimacy women do the same thing you

earn your commitment and you do this by

being sufficiently attractive and

possessing enough skill to guide a

connection in the direction of a

committed

relationship that's female game and if

you don't have it it will be very hard

for you to get that commitment

especially in today's day and age where

there is significantly less social

pressure to give

it because let's be real what game women

have historically possessed is akin to

dread game in Men the goal was to make

men sufficiently uncomfortable for not

giving you what you wanted until they

gave you what you wanted and the

principle way this was accomplished was

through shame and this worked not all

the time but at least it was something

you need to man up a real man would

respect me and my time and of course the

takeaway if you don't give me what I

want I'm leaving imagine if a man did

this for sex and like was pressuring you

to do that and to be fair some do and

they do it for the same reason that

women do this it works not all the time

but some of the time on some of the

people the issue here is that women's

game where it exists is always negative

it doesn't make us interested or excited

to give you what you want when it works

it works by making us nervous or

uncomfortable to not give you what you

want and listen to this next part very

closely ladies this only works on guys

who don't have other options and those

guys aren't typically the ones you're

trying this on do you understand women

you have to appreciate that most men

will have sex with most of you so the

amount of interest that you have to

generate in a man in order for him to be

willing to have sex with you is very low

that is why among other things it's no

real accomplishment for a woman to get

laid like we don't call it getting lucky

when a woman has sex right however the

amount of interest that you have to

generate in a man in order for him to be

willing to commit to you is

extraordinarily high and it's high in

proportion to his

optionality it's not going to get there

by itself just like in the majority of

cases a woman's interest in having sex

with any particular guy isn't going to

get there by itself now you might be

thinking well that's not true Orion it's

gotten there by itself with me my

response would be that that's because

the guy you were dealing with was so

good that you didn't even notice what he

was doing and that is the epitome the

highest level to which game can attain

namely it becomes invisible to the other

party and the other person doesn't even

realize it's happening same thing when

women have very good

game the men think it's their idea to

advance the relationship in the

direction of her preferred level of

commitment this isn't typically that men

this isn't something that typically men

give you any more than you're just

handing sex out to men it's something

that you get men to give you expecting

men to give you what you want just

because you want it or just because

enough time has passed is a belief you

need to examine ladies the fact of the

matter is that you can get any man that

you have direct access to I am not

kidding you can get any man you want and

I'm going to be doing some episodes on

this subject in the near future but to

get him you have to have game you can't

get him by doing whatever you want you

can get any man you want but you can't

get them doing anything you want there

are certain ways that you have to behave

to do

that now let me tell you there are

millions of men right now who are out

there making it their second job

studying what women want just so that

they can get laid and in today's market

frankly sex isn't even all that valuable

like it's not that hard to get so ladies

if you want something extremely

expensive like a committed relationship

with a high value man you had better hit

the books and learn what works otherwise

I got no sympathy for you just keeping

it a buck what do you think does this

fit with your own experience let me know

in the comments below and if you've

gotten this far you might as well like

this episode And subscribe to this

channel you may also consider becoming a

channel member or booking a paid

consultation as always thank you for

listening