WOMEN need GAME too: understanding how women get commitment
Summary
TLDRDr. Orion Taban's talk addresses the concept of 'game' in dating, emphasizing its necessity for both men and women, but for different reasons. He explains that while men often use 'game' to secure sexual encounters, women need it to guide relationships towards commitment. Taban argues that many women lack this 'game', which is a skill in stimulating interest and leading interactions to desired outcomes. He encourages women to understand and develop their 'game' to achieve meaningful relationships, noting that simply wanting something isn't enough to attain it.
Takeaways
- π― Both men and women need 'game', but for different reasons.
- π‘ Women often approach dating with the hope for a serious relationship, not just casual encounters.
- π Men typically go into dates with a focus on immediate attraction and potential sexual encounters.
- πͺ Women are considered 'Gatekeepers of sex', thus their consent is crucial for sexual encounters to occur.
- π Men are seen as 'Gatekeepers of commitment', and they can be swayed towards a serious relationship through 'game'.
- π€ Most women do not enter dates with the expectation of a sexual outcome, yet it happens due to men's intentions and 'game'.
- π Directly expressing the desire for a committed relationship often does not work as a strategy for women, similar to men explicitly wanting sex.
- π The traditional 'game' for women involved making men uncomfortable until they concede to their desires, which is not an effective approach.
- π Women need to learn and apply effective 'game' to guide relationships towards commitment, especially in a dating market with less social pressure.
- π The speaker encourages women to understand and develop their 'game' to achieve their relationship goals, as it is a valuable skill in today's dating landscape.
Q & A
What is the main topic of Dr. Orion Taban's talk?
-The main topic of Dr. Orion Taban's talk is the concept that women also need 'game' in dating and relationships, and how it's not just for men.
Why does Dr. Orion Taban say that women generally dislike dating?
-Dr. Orion Taban suggests that women generally dislike dating because they are usually looking for relationships, and dating is seen as a necessary evil to achieve that goal.
What is the term 'game' referring to in the context of the talk?
-In the context of the talk, 'game' refers to the skills and strategies one uses to attract and engage another person's interest, leading the interaction towards a desired outcome, such as a sexual encounter or a committed relationship.
According to the speaker, what is the primary intention of men and women when they go on a first date?
-The speaker suggests that men typically have sex as their primary intention on a first date, while women are more focused on finding a potential long-term partner.
What role does the concept of 'The Gatekeepers of sex' imply in the talk?
-The concept of 'The Gatekeepers of sex' implies that women have the power to decide when and with whom sex occurs, and that men need to have 'game' to persuade women to engage in sexual encounters.
How does Dr. Orion Taban describe the traditional approach of women in expressing their desire for a committed relationship?
-Dr. Orion Taban describes the traditional approach of women as inelegant and ineffective, where women directly express their desire for a committed relationship, which often does not work on men and can be compared to men directly expressing their desire for casual sex.
What does the speaker suggest is the key to getting a man to commit?
-The speaker suggests that the key to getting a man to commit is to generate sufficient interest and attraction in him and to possess the skills to guide the connection towards a committed relationship, rather than simply expressing the desire for commitment.
Why does the speaker compare women's historical 'game' to 'dread game'?
-The speaker compares women's historical 'game' to 'dread game' because it was often based on making men uncomfortable or nervous about not meeting the woman's expectations, which only worked on men with limited options.
What advice does Dr. Orion Taban give to women who want a committed relationship?
-Dr. Orion Taban advises women to learn and develop their 'game' to effectively guide a man's interest and attraction towards a committed relationship, as simply wanting it is not enough to achieve it.
How does the speaker describe the modern dating market in relation to the value of sex?
-The speaker describes the modern dating market as one where sex is not as valuable as it once was, since it is not as difficult to obtain, and therefore, women seeking a committed relationship need to be strategic and learn effective 'game'.
Outlines
π The Necessity of 'Game' for Women
Dr. Orion Taban introduces the concept that 'game' is not just for men but also necessary for women. He explains that while men and women need game for different reasons, it is essential for both genders to navigate the dating world effectively. Using the analogy of a first date, he illustrates how women often don't intend to have sex but end up doing so due to the man's 'game'. Conversely, women may desire a relationship, and through their own 'game', can lead a man to commit. The key message is that 'game' is about understanding and influencing the dynamics of attraction and interest, regardless of one's gender.
π Men's Perspective on Relationships and Sex
This paragraph delves into the typical mindset of men when approaching first dates, highlighting that most men are initially focused on casual encounters rather than seeking a serious relationship or marriage. It contrasts this with women's intentions, which often lean towards finding a committed relationship. The speaker points out that despite men's initial casual intentions, they can end up in long-term relationships or marriages due to women's 'game'. The paragraph emphasizes that men are the 'Gatekeepers of commitment', and with the right influence, women can guide men towards a deeper commitment.
π‘ The Art of Female 'Game' and Its Impact
The speaker discusses the importance of 'game' for women in securing committed relationships. He argues that simply expressing a desire for a committed relationship upfront is ineffective and compares it to men directly seeking sex, which is equally off-putting. The paragraph emphasizes that women need to develop their 'game' to subtly and positively influence men towards commitment, rather than using negative tactics that create discomfort or pressure. The speaker also addresses the reality that men's interest in sex is generally low, and thus, the 'game' must be sophisticated enough to make them invest in a deeper relationship.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Psychology
π‘Game
π‘First Date
π‘Gatekeepers of Sex
π‘Commitment
π‘Dating App
π‘Relationship Goals
π‘Attraction
π‘Vulnerability
π‘Social Pressure
π‘Dread Game
Highlights
Women also need 'game' in dating, just like men, but for different reasons.
Women generally dislike dating and often hope for a relationship rather than a casual encounter.
Men and women approach first dates with different intentions, with men often seeking physical attraction and women seeking a potential relationship.
The concept of 'game' is about stimulating interest and attraction, and leading interactions towards a desired outcome.
Women are considered the 'Gatekeepers of sex', and men are the 'Gatekeepers of commitment'.
Most women do not intend to have sex on the first date, but it can happen due to the man's intentions and 'game'.
Men can end up in committed relationships and families, not because it was their initial intention, but because the woman had 'game'.
Men often treat women the way women treat money, seeking to enjoy their time without taking on additional 'jobs' like relationships.
Most men are not looking for relationship goals; their primary goal is often sexual satisfaction.
The 'hunger' for sex in men can be compared to a starvation mindset, focusing solely on the immediate desire.
Women have an opportunity to use 'game' to guide men into relationships, but most are not skilled at this.
Directly expressing a desire for a committed relationship often does not work, as it is akin to men expressing a desire for casual sex.
Having 'game' is essential for both sexes to 'get past the gatekeeper' and achieve their dating goals.
Traditional female 'game' often involved making men uncomfortable until they gave in to demands, which only works on men with few options.
The goal of 'game' is to make the other party believe that advancing the relationship is their own idea.
Women can get any man they want, but they need 'game' to get them to do what they want, such as committing to a relationship.
Men are studying what women want to improve their 'game' for sexual encounters, highlighting the need for women to also learn 'game' for committed relationships.
The transcript challenges the belief that time alone will lead to a committed relationship and emphasizes the need for skillful 'game'.
Transcripts
I'm Dr Orion taban and this is psych
Better Living Through psychology and the
topic of today's short talk is women
need game too this one is for the ladies
women it turns out you also need game
game is not just for the boys however
men and women need game for different
reasons let me help you understand this
let's say you're about to go on a first
date with a guy you matched with on a
dating app you're probably not thinking
to S I hope he'll let me Smash like I
hope the date goes so well that he'll
take me back to his place and do
whatever he wants with me there might be
some women out there that think that and
feel free to get in touch with me if
that's you but they're decidedly in the
minority my understanding is that women
generally dislike dating if they're
thinking anything before the date it's
probably something like please God
please Jesus alab Buddha please make him
better than the last guy please make
this the last first date I ever have to
go on please hear my prayer and that's
because women generally want
relationships and if they could skip
right to that part they would however
they can't so dating is something of a
necessary evil for them this is also why
they're generally not very good at it
but that's the subject for another
episode in any case that's my
understanding of how women tend to
approach first dat however it's also
true that most women have had sex with a
guy on the first date how did that
happen that wasn't the woman's primary
intention going into the date right did
she just stumble into bed no it happened
because that was the guy's primary
intention and because he had game that
is the guy was able to sufficiently
stimulate that woman's interest and
attraction and confidently lead the
interaction in the direction of a sexual
encounter after all women are The
Gatekeepers of sex so sex happened
because the guy was able to find a way
inside nice work guy the point is that
most women don't go into that situation
hoping for or expecting that outcome and
yet that outcome happens every day
that's game now let's take a look at it
from the other side shall we as a guy I
can tell you that when we're about to go
on a first date with a woman that we
matched with on a dating app we are not
thinking I hope she's the one I hope
this is the love of my life and my
future wife and the mother of my
children I hope she's willing to take it
slow and that she's ready for a serious
relationship because that's sure what I
want now there might be some men out
there who think that way but they are
decidedly in the minority most men are
thinking I hope she looks like her
pictures and she lets me
Smash that's how men tend to approach
First Dates however it's also true that
men end up getting married and starting
Families how did that happened that
wasn't the guy's primary intention when
he started pursuing her did he just
stumble onto the altar no it happened
because that was the woman's primary
intention and because she had some game
that is the woman sufficiently
stimulated the man's interest and
attraction and was able to direct the
interaction in the direction of a
committed relationship after all men are
The Gatekeepers of commitment so
commitment happened because the woman
was able to find a way to get inside
nice work lady the point is that most
men don't go into that situation hoping
for or expecting that outcome and yet
that outcome happens every day that's
game now before I go any further if
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you as a any woman who has dated for a
while has learned committed
relationships generally don't happen if
men are just left to their own devices
most men are totally fine keeping things
casual indefinitely this is because as I
talked about in my episode men treat
women the way women treat money we
already had to work really hard just to
get sexually selected so we want to
enjoy our time not take on a second job
most men don't have relationship goals
like women do that's because the goal of
most men is to get laid they don't think
much beyond that this is because the
vast majority of men are incredibly
hungry for sex and they would be
absolutely ravenous if they weren't
anesthetizing themselves with
pornography when people are starving all
they think about is food they're not
really interested in what happens after
dinner now women you might be disgusted
by this you might think oh if I just
want sex go somewhere else but it's like
that's actually men are so e easy to get
into relationships with because of that
that's where they're so vulnerable
that's what I'd like you to consider is
that this is an opportunity for you it's
not something that like should be
considered beneath you in any case most
men don't have a problem with dating
casually and if women aren't satisfied
with that then like men on a first date
looking to have sex with a woman who
wasn't principally focused on doing so
women need game to guide the situation
in the direction of a committed
relationship and let me tell you most
women are terrible at this they are
terrible most of them just flat out tell
the guy that they're looking for a
committed relationship and it's like
yeah and what you have to understand
ladies is that that line is like a man
telling you that he's looking for casual
sex
like what is that to you right how often
do you [Β __Β ] men who talk to you like
that ever right and yet you do [Β __Β ] men
and the men you do [Β __Β ] don't talk to
you like that do they the same is true
for you men don't just hand out
committed relationships to women because
they're looking for them it doesn't work
this is because a strange woman asking
me if I want to have a committed
relationship with her sounds about as
appealing as if she'd asked me if I
wanted to have unnecessary dental
surgery this weekend saying this because
you don't want to waste your time ends
up wasting your time because it works
about as well as a guy saying he doesn't
want to waste his time on a date if you
can't first reassure him that there's a
strong likelihood that he'll have sex at
the end of it like it's going to take a
long time for him to not waste his time
isn't it ladies if trying to set
expectations that sex will be in the
cards prior to a date doesn't work on
you ladies then trying to set
expectations that a committed
relationship will be in the cards prior
to it an interaction isn't going to work
on us there's no game here it's so
inelegant it doesn't work and without
game you can't get past the gatekeeper
if you're a man that means no date and
no sex and if you're a woman that means
no date and no committed relationship
remember wanting is free simply wanting
what you want is not sufficient to
getting it like if a man thought that a
woman should just give him sex because
he wanted it and didn't want to waste
his time if a woman wasn't interested
wouldn't you find that disgusting
wouldn't you find that narcissistically
entitled men earn their sexual
opportunity and they do this by being
sufficiently attractive and possessing
enough skill to guide a burgeoning
connection in the direction of sexual
intimacy women do the same thing you
earn your commitment and you do this by
being sufficiently attractive and
possessing enough skill to guide a
connection in the direction of a
committed
relationship that's female game and if
you don't have it it will be very hard
for you to get that commitment
especially in today's day and age where
there is significantly less social
pressure to give
it because let's be real what game women
have historically possessed is akin to
dread game in Men the goal was to make
men sufficiently uncomfortable for not
giving you what you wanted until they
gave you what you wanted and the
principle way this was accomplished was
through shame and this worked not all
the time but at least it was something
you need to man up a real man would
respect me and my time and of course the
takeaway if you don't give me what I
want I'm leaving imagine if a man did
this for sex and like was pressuring you
to do that and to be fair some do and
they do it for the same reason that
women do this it works not all the time
but some of the time on some of the
people the issue here is that women's
game where it exists is always negative
it doesn't make us interested or excited
to give you what you want when it works
it works by making us nervous or
uncomfortable to not give you what you
want and listen to this next part very
closely ladies this only works on guys
who don't have other options and those
guys aren't typically the ones you're
trying this on do you understand women
you have to appreciate that most men
will have sex with most of you so the
amount of interest that you have to
generate in a man in order for him to be
willing to have sex with you is very low
that is why among other things it's no
real accomplishment for a woman to get
laid like we don't call it getting lucky
when a woman has sex right however the
amount of interest that you have to
generate in a man in order for him to be
willing to commit to you is
extraordinarily high and it's high in
proportion to his
optionality it's not going to get there
by itself just like in the majority of
cases a woman's interest in having sex
with any particular guy isn't going to
get there by itself now you might be
thinking well that's not true Orion it's
gotten there by itself with me my
response would be that that's because
the guy you were dealing with was so
good that you didn't even notice what he
was doing and that is the epitome the
highest level to which game can attain
namely it becomes invisible to the other
party and the other person doesn't even
realize it's happening same thing when
women have very good
game the men think it's their idea to
advance the relationship in the
direction of her preferred level of
commitment this isn't typically that men
this isn't something that typically men
give you any more than you're just
handing sex out to men it's something
that you get men to give you expecting
men to give you what you want just
because you want it or just because
enough time has passed is a belief you
need to examine ladies the fact of the
matter is that you can get any man that
you have direct access to I am not
kidding you can get any man you want and
I'm going to be doing some episodes on
this subject in the near future but to
get him you have to have game you can't
get him by doing whatever you want you
can get any man you want but you can't
get them doing anything you want there
are certain ways that you have to behave
to do
that now let me tell you there are
millions of men right now who are out
there making it their second job
studying what women want just so that
they can get laid and in today's market
frankly sex isn't even all that valuable
like it's not that hard to get so ladies
if you want something extremely
expensive like a committed relationship
with a high value man you had better hit
the books and learn what works otherwise
I got no sympathy for you just keeping
it a buck what do you think does this
fit with your own experience let me know
in the comments below and if you've
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