Overcoming Fear | The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo Episode #5
Summary
TLDRIn this episode of the Life Coach School podcast, host Brooke Castillo tackles the pervasive issue of fear, emphasizing that it's not a valid excuse for inaction. She distinguishes between rational fear, which is a natural survival instinct, and irrational fear, which often stems from unmanaged thoughts. Castillo encourages listeners to confront and understand their fears, suggesting that taking action despite fear is a powerful strategy. She also highlights the importance of not confusing fear with confusion or indecision, advocating for the acceptance and utilization of fear as a stepping stone towards personal growth and success.
Takeaways
- π§ Fear is a mental construct, not a valid reason to avoid action.
- πββοΈ Taking action in the face of fear is a powerful way to challenge and overcome it.
- π§ͺ Most fear stems from irrational thoughts, not from real danger.
- π€ Fear can be a survival mechanism, but it's often mismanaged in modern life.
- π― Embracing fear and understanding its source can lead to personal growth and success.
- π Identifying and writing down specific fears can reveal underlying thought patterns.
- ποΈββοΈ Overcoming fear is a skill that can be developed through intentional practice.
- π Successful people often appear fearless, but they've learned to act despite fear.
- π€ Confusion or indecision can sometimes be a cover for avoiding the discomfort of facing fear.
- π On the other side of fear lies limitless potential and the life you truly want to live.
Q & A
What is the main theme of the Life Coach School podcast episode number five?
-The main theme of the podcast is overcoming fear, emphasizing that fear should not be a valid reason for not taking action in one's life or work.
What does Brooke Castillo suggest about the nature of fear?
-Brooke Castillo suggests that fear is not a valid reason for inaction and is essentially a mismanaged mind. She believes that most fear is irrational and comes from our thoughts.
Why does Brooke encourage embracing fear rather than avoiding it?
-Brooke encourages embracing fear because it allows individuals to take action despite the presence of fear, which can lead to personal growth and overcoming obstacles that fear might otherwise prevent.
What is the role of fear in human survival according to the podcast?
-Fear has played a crucial role in human survival by triggering the fight or flight response, which helps individuals react to immediate threats and avoid danger.
How does Brooke differentiate between rational and irrational fear in the context of personal development?
-Rational fear is a natural response to real threats, while irrational fear is often based on imagined outcomes or thoughts that are not grounded in reality, which can hinder personal development.
What is the concept of 'exposure therapy' mentioned in the podcast, and how does it relate to overcoming fear?
-Exposure therapy is a treatment method used to confront and reduce irrational fears by gradually exposing individuals to the source of their fear in a controlled environment, helping them to rewire their associations and reduce fear responses.
How does Brooke suggest dealing with the fear of public speaking?
-Brooke suggests that the fear of public speaking is often irrational and can be overcome by acknowledging the fear, understanding that the worst outcomes are not life-threatening, and taking action despite the fear.
What does Brooke mean when she says fear is 'unnecessary' in modern life?
-Brooke means that in most modern situations, the level of fear people experience is not required for survival, as many fears are based on imagined scenarios rather than real threats.
Why does Brooke recommend writing down one's fears?
-Writing down fears helps individuals to identify and confront their thought patterns that cause fear, making it easier to challenge and change these thoughts, and ultimately move forward.
What is the significance of the phrase 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' in the context of the podcast?
-The phrase 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' is significant as it encapsulates the idea that one should not let fear prevent them from taking action, even when feeling afraid, which is a key message in overcoming fear.
How does Brooke define success in relation to overcoming fear?
-Brooke defines success as being able to take action and move forward in life, despite the presence of fear, which leads to personal growth and achieving one's goals.
Outlines
π§ Overcoming Fear Through Mind Management
In the first paragraph, Brooke Castillo introduces the topic of fear, emphasizing its prevalence and the common misconception that fear is a valid reason to avoid taking action. She posits that fear is merely a mismanaged mind and encourages listeners to challenge this notion. Brooke discusses the evolutionary purpose of fear and its current irrelevance in most modern contexts. She advocates for acknowledging fear while taking action, suggesting that fear is a natural human emotion but not a barrier to progress. Brooke also touches on the idea that fear often stems from irrational thoughts, suggesting that managing these thoughts is key to overcoming fear.
πββοΈ Taking Action Despite Fear
The second paragraph delves into the physiological aspects of fear, distinguishing between the instinctive fight-or-flight response and the irrational fears created by the mind. Brooke explains how fear can motivate quick action but becomes detrimental when it's a reaction to imagined threats. She introduces the concept of exposure therapy as a means to confront and diminish irrational fears. Brooke also stresses the importance of taking action while acknowledging fear, arguing that this is a powerful way to disprove the validity of these fears. The paragraph concludes with the idea that fear is often about avoiding feelings rather than logical threats to survival.
π Embracing Fear to Achieve Success
In the third paragraph, Brooke encourages listeners to develop the skill of taking action despite feeling fear. She discusses the common tendency to resist or avoid fear, which she suggests is unproductive. Brooke shares insights on how most fears are self-created and often revolve around the fear of feeling fear itself. She recommends embracing fear to reveal its true nature as a manageable sensation. The paragraph also touches on how fear of pain or humiliation can be more paralyzing than the actual experience, advising listeners to confront these emotions directly.
π Identifying and Confronting Personal Fears
Brooke Castillo's fourth paragraph is a call to action for self-reflection and introspection. She suggests writing down one's fears as a method to understand and confront them. The paragraph explores how fears often stem from thoughts and how recognizing these thoughts can help in overcoming fear. Brooke also differentiates between rational fears that serve a protective function and irrational fears that hinder personal growth. She encourages listeners to identify which fears hold them back and to challenge these fears as a step towards personal development.
π« Avoiding Fear as an Excuse for Inaction
The fifth paragraph addresses the common tendency to use confusion or indecision as a facade to avoid confronting fear. Brooke warns against using these as excuses to not take action, arguing that they are often rooted in fear. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging fear and moving through it, rather than avoiding it. The paragraph also discusses how fear is an unnecessary emotion in most modern contexts but is a part of human evolution. Brooke suggests that by embracing and understanding fear, individuals can move beyond it and achieve their goals.
π Moving Forward with Fear as a Companion
In the final paragraph, Brooke Castillo concludes the discussion by reiterating the message to not let fear hold one back. She invites listeners to share their experiences and thoughts in the podcast's comments section. Brooke also encourages continued action despite fear, viewing it as a companion rather than an obstacle. The paragraph ends with a prompt for listeners to engage with the podcast community and a reminder to embrace fear as part of the journey towards success.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Fear
π‘Action
π‘Mind Management
π‘Irrational Fear
π‘Fight or Flight Response
π‘Emotions
π‘Survival
π‘Exposure Therapy
π‘Avoidance
π‘Confusion
Highlights
Fear is not a valid reason for not taking action or doing something.
Fear is often a mismanaged mind, reflecting a lack of proper mental management.
Most fear comes from irrational thoughts, which can be managed and changed.
Fear has been essential for survival, but in modern times, it's often unnecessary.
Taking action while acknowledging fear is a powerful way to overcome it.
Fear can be a stimulus that prompts us to react, but it's not always logical.
Exposure therapy is a method used to treat irrational fears by confronting them.
Many fears are about the feelings we might experience, not actual harm.
Embracing fear rather than resisting it can lead to a greater understanding of its irrationality.
Fear can be a vibration in the body caused by a thought, and it's not always necessary.
Successful people often have fears but don't let them stop their progress.
Confusion or indecision can be a way to avoid facing and feeling fear.
Fear can be a tool for growth if we learn to walk towards it and embrace it.
Writing down fears can reveal thought patterns and help in overcoming them.
Fear is not a big deal; it's a natural part of being human that can be managed.
By understanding and facing our fears, we can continue to move forward in life.
Fear can be a companion that we carry with us, rather than an obstacle to avoid.
Transcripts
hey you're listening to the life coach
School podcast with Brook Castillo
episode number
five welcome to the life coach School
podcast where it's all about real
clients real problems and real coaching
and now your host Master coach
instructor Brooke
Castillo hey everyone it's Brook
Castillo really happy that you're here
today I am going to be talking to you
about
fear of all the topics I
discuss this is probably the most common
and what's cool and interesting about
talking about fear and overcoming fear
is that most of us don't talk about it
and when we do we talk about it as if
it's just a given like I'm just afraid
to do that therefore that's a valid
reason not to do something and what I
want to offer is that fear is not a
valid reason for not doing something
it's not a valid reason for not taking
action and in fact fear is just a
mismanaged mind that's all it really is
it just reflects that you're not
managing your mind properly now a lot of
people say that we should honor our fear
and we should take into account our fear
and you know cuddle our fear and I'm all
for feeling fear I think that it's one
of those emotions that most of us don't
feel and I'm going to talk about that in
a second but I do not think that it is a
reason or a valid excuse for not doing
our work in the world and when I ask
students of mine why they aren't taking
action on their businesses with their
clients with their websit and they tell
me oh the reason is because I'm afraid
of failure as if that's a valid reason
or I'm afraid of success look it's fine
it's fine to be afraid of success it's
fine to be afraid of failure but you're
going to need to do it
anyway it's actually a book title Feel
the fear and do it anyway and I really
do think that that's one of those
Concepts that you have to wrap your mind
around fear does not mean that something
has gone wrong fear means that you're a
human being and you're wired for
survival and up until the very recent
present you have needed fear in order to
run away from things that were going to
eat you to take care of you and still
today fear serves you in so many ways it
keeps you from jumping off of the top of
cliffs it keeps you from running into
traffic it keeps you from driving 3,000
miles an hour on the freeway I don't
think you can go 3,000 M an hour okay so
150 mil an hour on the freeway after
you've had 12 martinis okay fear
actually serves Us in so many ways but
nowadays it's not as necessary as it
used to be and yet we're still really
programmed for it so I think first and
foremost just accepting that fear is
going to be a part of your life and that
irrational fear is going to be a part of
your life will really help you moving
forward fear does not mean stop and I
can't say that enough and actually you
don't have to be Fearless before you
take action and in fact sometimes taking
action while you're acknowledging your
fear is one of the most powerful things
you that you can do so let me just talk
a little bit about what I think most of
us do when it comes to fear first and
foremost you need to remember what we
talked about in the First episodes where
we talked about all of our feelings come
from our thinking so when we think a
thought that causes our emotion so most
of the fear that we feel there is an
exception but most of the fear that we
feel comes from a thought we have in our
mind and most of those thoughts are
irrational so if you think about the
majority of your fear is coming from
something you are thinking that is
irrational or illogical you can just let
that blow your mind mind for a minute
you are creating your own fear with your
mind and letting it stop you now there
is an exception and it is when the fight
or flight response gets engaged and
that's when you get a stimulus that
completely bypasses the thinking part of
your brain the thalmus completely just
skips it and goes straight to the
amydala and an example of this might be
when you're walking down your hallway
and it's dark and you're 13-year-old son
jumps out of his doorway into your face
and screams and he has a unicorn mask on
with blood with bloodshot eyes in it
which is a creepy thing in and of itself
and you jump 20 feet in the air your
brain doesn't have time to process that
it just goes straight to run get the
hell out of there and that is something
that we have been programmed and you
know evolved to do it's actually good
for us to be able to react and have that
adrenaline pump through us so we can get
the heck out of there because that
unicorn could have been a tiger back in
the day so it really helps us to be able
to protect ourselves in the case of
being at home with your son with a
unicorn mask jumping out of the doorway
it's completely unnecessary it's I don't
need to run I'm not going to be harmed
but my brain doesn't know that so there
are times when there is a stimulus that
will completely bypass the thinking part
of the brain I'm not going to be talking
about that type of fear here on this
call because that's not the majority of
the fear that we are experiencing now
that's not to say that we don't create
our own reaction in our body like that
by thinking really fearful thoughts we
create that stimulus that response in
our body that you know causes all sorts
of issues you know one of the things
that's great about fear that's awesome
about fear is it gets us moving quickly
right we get that shot of adrenaline our
muscles tense up you know we become more
alert and we have that kind of
stimulating energy that can get us the
heck out of danger that's a good thing
unless we are sitting in our Suburban
kitchen thinking about what someone
might say to us at a party and we're
having that same reaction or we're
thinking about the business we're
building and we're having that same
reaction over and over and over again
that's where fear and creating fear with
our minds does not serve us so that's
when I said in the beginning fear is not
a valid reason for not taking action it
just means you have a mismanaged mind
what I mean by that is those thoughts
that you're having that you're choosing
to think are creating fear that is
stopping you from taking action and in
that case I don't want you to honor that
fear I don't want you to cuddle that
fear I don't want you to spend a lot of
time in that fear I want you to
understand it enough so you can find its
cause find your thought patterns that
are causing it and then change it and if
you're not able to change it immediately
because it's a deeply patterned thought
I want you to take action anyway and the
reason why there's two reasons why you
can take action while you're still
feeling fear and knowing that it's an
illogical irrational fear the first
reason is when you take action and you
put yourself out there all of the things
that you're afraid of all those
irrational fears get proven wrong right
you're able to go out there and actually
take action and see that you're not
going to die by the hand of a tiger or
the mouth of a tiger right you're going
to be fine and it's actually like when
you look into the science of fear and
the psychology of fear and how it's
studied people who have really
phobias which is fullon irrational fear
one of the ways that they treat that is
through something they call exposure
therapy so if someone has an irrational
fear of say spiders or snakes they will
actually expose them to the spiders and
expose them to the snakes in a safe
environment so they can now make a new
Association that snakes aren't scary and
that's actually the same thing that we
can do to ourselves by doing the very
thing that we're quote unquote
irrationally afraid of we can expose
oursel to it and learn that it's not
scary because when you really think
about the things that you're afraid of
they are very irrational I mean we're
terrified of public speaking we're
terrified of putting ourselves out there
and having someone you know see us in a
certain way but when you really think
that through like what's the worst thing
that can happen you get up there un St
Ag and I mean really even if everybody's
laughing at you if you think about it
you're not in any Harm's Way like you're
not going to die from that and yet some
people are more afraid of public
speaking than they are of dying so
there's that illogical crisscross that's
happened so think about all the things
that you're afraid of whether it comes
to your business or your life or meeting
new people or putting yourself out there
or being seen what you're really afraid
of has nothing to do with life or death
typically it has nothing to do with
whether you're going to survive or not
it usually has you know the main things
that we're afraid of are our own
creation our own feelings so when we
think about public speaking and we think
about making a mistake and everybody
laughing at us what we're really
terrified of in that situation is the
feeling of humiliation which is again A
Feeling we would create by what we would
make it mean if everyone was was
laughing at us and we don't really think
this through right we just stop at fear
now taking action while you're still
feeling fear is actually a skill that
you can develop most of us are still
reacting to our knee-jerk reaction when
there's fear you either run or you stop
don't do it right which again is a very
useful signal
when there is real danger but when
there's not real danger when we can
think about what's really the worst that
can happen and we can really think about
is our fear illogical once we get to
that point then we can take action and
feel the fear along the way and I will
say in my life being able to take action
while I'm still feeling a little bit of
fear while I'm still feeling a little
bit of nervousness and knowing that it's
just being caused by a thought in my
mind has made me I think much more
successful than I would have been
otherwise because I allow myself to put
myself out there even though I'm having
that illogical fear come up that I am
creating the other really important
thing to know about fear is that most of
us don't actually feel it like when I
ask my clients tell me what fear feels
like what they actually describe to me
is the resistance to fear so they know
that when fear comes up they either
avoid it or push it away and what
happens when any kind of vibration comes
up in your body that is fear there is
actually a fear of feeling
fear but if you listen to some
scientists describe what fear is as a
reaction in the body it's an increased
heart rate it's a tensing of the muscles
right it's a you know for some people
it's it's a tingling sensation on the
skin when I describe it like that it's
like well what's the big deal like why
are we all like freaked out about an
increased heart rate and our muscles
tensing up right it's because most of us
don't actually sit there and say okay
I'm going to experience this fear I'm
going to allow myself to really let it
flow through me most of us when any kind
of fear comes up is we run away from it
and we avoid it which makes sense right
that's how we're programmed so many of
my clients eat when they feel fear
instead of feeling it so many of my
clients drink alcohol instead of feeling
it many of my clients work instead of
feeling it but when you learn how to
really just embrace it and not resist it
or avoid it you will see that there's
very little to fear when it comes to
fear and so I'd like to actually
recommend that you try doing that you
try to just sit and be present with
yourself while you're feeling fear while
you're experiencing it and you know let
me know what it's like to experience it
you can actually put it in the comments
underneath the show notes at the
lifecoach
school.com
number5 what does Fear really feel like
when you allow yourself to feel it and
notice when you're feeling it the desire
to resist it to avoid it to put it away
it's fascinating I I've done this with
myself many times and just noticed how
afraid I am to feel it the other thing
that's interesting about emotion is and
I kind of referenced this earlier with
the idea of humiliation in public
speaking is that many of us have a fear
not only of a feeling fear but we have a
fear of feeling pain we have a fear of
being hurt right and so when you think
about how we layer on emotions on top of
other emotions so we'll say like I've
watched my children do this when they're
getting blood drawn right the fear of
the pain is actually worse than the pain
itself so they'll be like oh my God oh
my God here comes the needle here comes
the needle I'm totally freaking out oh
my God and then once the needle's in
it's like oh you know that did hurt a
little bit but the Freak Out beforehand
was a lot worse than the actual
experience of having the needle go in
and that's true for most of us right
with most emotions we are the fear of
feeling the emotion is sometimes so much
worse than the emotion our itself so we
hold ourselves back from being alive
from going towards anything because
we're afraid of how it might feel so
just notice that in your own life one of
the most important things I think that
we can do is to sit down and consider
what we're really afraid of I highly
recommend that you just grab one sheet
of paper when you have some time and at
the top of it write what am I afraid of
and just let yourself fill that paper up
are you afraid of running out of money
are you afraid of becoming obese are you
afraid of you know being a bad lady are
you afraid of someone hurting you and
really have a look at those fears what
you will have on your paper when you
answer that is a list of thoughts really
that cause fear so when you think about
I think someone's going to hurt me I
think someone's going to betray me I'm
afraid of that right really sit down and
see if it's a logical fear what are you
really afraid of and if you allowed
yourself to experience that fear and
access that thought of the thing you're
afraid of notice is it holding you back
in your life do you have any fears that
are holding you back now some of you may
have fears that are holding you back
that you want to keep that they're like
I have a fear of running out in traffic
right I think that's a valid fear I have
a fear of skydiving and I've done it
once and I don't want to do it again
right and think that's not a fear that I
think is holding me back in my life but
I also have a fear of not knowing what
to say when I meet new people I'm
actually an introvert when I meet new
people and in an environment that is
uncertain to me and I have this fear of
that and that does hold me back in my
life I see it holding me back I see
myself avoiding those situations and you
know not showing up as myself in those
situations and so that's one of those
fears that's completely irrational I
mean what's the worst thing that can
happen when I introduce myself to
someone I mean the worst thing that
could happen is they could say oh you
know I don't want to talk to you but why
is that scary right because of what I
make it mean well that's on me right
people have the right to do whatever
they want so when I think those fears
through I recognize that that is
something that I can definitely move
towards and it's a fear that I want to
work on and when I say it's a fear what
I really mean is it's a thought that I'm
entertaining and I'm not really
deliberately entertaining it but I'm
letting it kind of come in to my mind
and entertain itself and I'm not
deliberately creating something to
oppose it so that's one of the things
that's great about writing down all the
things that you're afraid of is it kind
of reveals your mind to you and so you
can see what is going on in there that
you may not even be aware of and then
from there you can change it you can
change that I mean the truth is fear is
not a big deal it's a vibration in your
body caused by a thought right and and
in fact some of us actually really like
experiencing fear on purpose we go on
roller coasters we watch really scary
movies we you know like to watch other
people be afraid we jump out of bushes
and scare them and we you know we do
things that cause us to experience fear
it's like that adrenaline and for me I
think one of the coolest things in the
world is to overcome fear because I
think that's where all the good stuff is
I think all of the good stuff in my life
is on the other side of that fear that
I'm creating I'm creating my own fear
with my mind and on the other side of
that creation is everything I want when
I look at most of the things in my life
that I want the reason why I don't have
them is because I'm afraid to either do
the work that's required to get them put
myself out there in a way that would
make it easier to get talk to the right
people do the things right that would
catapult me into that space and if all I
have to do is overcome those fears then
I'm going to be all set now if you are
listening to this and you're thinking
well I don't think it's fear that's
holding me back I think it's something
more like just not being sure what I
want to do just not understanding if
this is the right decision or I'm just
confused I want to kind of give you a
warning here and I've done this on some
of the other podcasts but I'm going to
continue to do it as we go through
that's how many of us avoid feeling fear
right so really we have this fear that
we need to overcome in order to get the
result we want but instead of
acknowledging and owning that fear and
moving towards it what we do is we hang
out in front of it and tell ourselves
that we're confused or we don't know or
we can't make a decision because as long
as we're saying that then we have an
excuse not to move through our fear and
you can't avoid fear and get anywhere
you can't go around it under it resist
it pretend it isn't there you have to go
through it and you can't go through it
if you're telling yourself you're
confused you can't go through it if
you're telling yourself that you don't
know what the right decision is the
reason why you don't want to make a
decision I mean if you really think it
through is because you're afraid to make
the wrong decision and the reason why
you don't know something is because you
haven't figured it out and there's a
reason why you haven't figured it out
right so don't let those avoidance
thoughts keep you from experiencing fear
fear is something that you want to walk
towards you want to embrace you want to
explore it will open your mind up to you
if you allow yourself to feel it then
you can ask yourself why you're feeling
it and one of the best secrets of the
universe is that in our day and age fear
is unnecessary in about 90% of the
situations that we create it right fear
is not something that we really need in
our day-to-day lives but it's something
that's part of our Evolution so it's
there and we can experience it in a
whole new way it's I think our next
stage it's one of those things that we
have to learn how to live with because
it's part of us but we also have to
learn that it's no big deal right that
we're going to be okay and that we can
keep taking
action right even though we are
experiencing it because there really is
no nothing to be afraid of just like
when we're watching a scary movie we
don't have to run out of the theater
screaming right we can experience the
the scary movie and we could sit there
and say it's not real then I actually
have to do this I don't like scary
movies but when I'm in them I have to
tell myself these are just actors that's
just ketchup this is not really
happening this is just pretend and you
can use that same exact skill in your
life you're not going to die Brooke it's
going to be okay you can send this email
to this person and everything's going to
be fine you're not going to
die they're not going to die nothing
horrible and gruesome is going to happen
like I just have to remind myself this
is just the perception of fear this
isn't actually valid this isn't actually
useful fear that's going to save your
life this fear is just like eart tole
would say pretending to be necessary NE
and it's not
necessary and if you can learn to
embrace it and expose yourself to it
over and over and over again you will be
Limitless when you look at people who
have really created the life that they
want to create something that you really
admire you will say gosh they're
fearless and the truth is nobody is
fearless we all have fear and I think
that's kind of reassuring ing I think
looking at people that are crazy
successful and super you know prominent
in their industry who have have created
so many things in their life to remember
that they are feeling fear because
they're a human being just as often as
we are they're creating their own fear
just as often as we are they're just not
using it as a reason to stop they're
just not using it as a reason not to
become fully who they are that's
reassuring to me knowing that they have
fear and they're doing it anyway so
here's what I want you to do I want you
to sit down do the list write down
everything that you're afraid of and
then I want you to consider what it
would be like to embrace that fear take
it with you take it with you as your
companion instead of trying to resist it
acknowledge it expose it for what it is
and continue to move forward continue to
take it with you fear in and of itself
is nothing to be afraid of so don't let
it hold you back I'm excited to hear
what you guys think about this I'm
excited to have you guys put it into
action please let me know in the
comments how it's going I'd love to talk
to you all and until next time be afraid
but do it anyway talk to you soon bye
thank you for listening to the life
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