Low Self-Esteem & OCD
Summary
TLDRThis educational video from OCD Recovery's YouTube channel explores the concept of self-esteem through the lens of two influential books. The host challenges the traditional belief in self-esteem by advocating for unconditional self-acceptance, explaining that it does not hinder personal growth but rather fosters a healthier emotional response to life's challenges. The video delves into the dangers of attaching self-worth to achievements and the benefits of accepting oneself regardless of external validation. It also discusses practical tools for implementing these philosophies, aiming to break the cycle of compulsive behaviors and promote a more balanced approach to self-worth.
Takeaways
- 📚 The video combines insights from two books: 'The Myth of Self-Esteem' and 'How to Start Really Living' to explore the concept of self-worth and its impact on mental health.
- 🤔 The speaker challenges the traditional notion of self-esteem, arguing that it's a myth and that self-worth should not be tied to achievements or societal perceptions.
- 🏋️♂️ An analogy is used to explain conditional self-acceptance, likening it to a fair game where hitting the bell is akin to achieving a temporary high of self-worth.
- 🔄 The video emphasizes the importance of detaching one's identity from specific roles or achievements to prevent emotional distress when those aspects of life change or end.
- 🧘♀️ Unconditional self-acceptance is introduced as a healthier alternative to self-esteem, suggesting that it allows for continued personal growth without the need for constant validation.
- 📉 The script discusses how self-esteem can be a 'sickness' that leads to emotional disturbances and hinders effective functioning in life.
- 💡 A key point is made that self-esteem is often based on irrational beliefs, such as the need to always be respected or accepted, which can lead to compulsive behaviors and unhealthy emotions.
- 📉 The video explains how the pursuit of self-esteem can lead to a cycle of dependence on external validation, which is unsustainable and can result in anxiety and depression.
- 🌱 The speaker advocates for a shift in belief systems, moving from the need for self-esteem to unconditional self-acceptance, which promotes healthier emotional responses and behaviors.
- 🤝 The importance of not letting the fear of what others think dictate one's self-worth is highlighted, encouraging viewers to focus on personal values and goals instead.
- 📚 The video concludes by promoting resources and services offered by OCD Recovery for further support in understanding and practicing unconditional self-acceptance.
Q & A
What is the main theme of the video?
-The main theme of the video is to explore the concept of unconditional self-acceptance and to challenge the traditional notion of self-esteem as presented in two books: 'The Myth of Self-Esteem' and 'How to Start Really Living'.
What does the speaker claim about the relationship between self-esteem and emotional disturbances?
-The speaker claims that self-esteem is often considered a sickness, as it can lead to emotional disturbances and is more subtle in its effects compared to hating others, which can lead to more dramatic outcomes like war.
Outlines
📚 Introduction to Self-Esteem Myths and Unconditional Self-Acceptance
The speaker introduces a video discussing the intersection of two books: 'The Myth of Self-Esteem' and 'How to Start, Really.' The purpose is to explore the concept of unconditional self-acceptance, debunking the myth of self-esteem and explaining why it's not a determinant of self-worth. The video aims to clarify misconceptions about self-esteem and its impact on mental health, using examples from the books, particularly focusing on pages 96 and 97. The analogy of a fair game is used to illustrate conditional self-acceptance, and the speaker emphasizes the importance of detaching one's identity from their achievements or failures.
🧘♂️ The Illusion of Self-Esteem and the Importance of Unconditional Self-Acceptance
This paragraph delves into the problems associated with self-esteem, such as attaching personal identity to achievements and failures. The speaker argues that people are not inherently good or bad but are viewed differently by others based on their actions. The paragraph also critiques the common belief in psychotherapy that self-worth is crucial for normal functioning, suggesting that unconditional self-acceptance is a healthier approach. The speaker introduces the concept of 'DIBs' (Dispute Irrational Beliefs) and 'ABCs' (Antecedent, Belief, Consequence) from the first book to dispute the irrational belief in the necessity of self-esteem.
🔄 The Cycle of Self-Esteem and the Path to Unconditional Acceptance
The speaker discusses the cycle of self-esteem, where people constantly seek validation and reassurance to maintain their self-worth. This cycle is linked to compulsive behaviors, avoidance, and unhealthy emotions. The paragraph challenges the need for self-esteem, questioning the evidence supporting the belief in its necessity and disputing its importance. The speaker advocates for moving towards unconditional self-acceptance, which allows for continued pursuit of goals without attachment to outcomes, leading to healthier emotions and behaviors.
🤝 The Impact of Societal Perceptions and the Journey to Self-Acceptance
In the final paragraph, the speaker addresses the societal focus on self-esteem and how it influences people's behavior and self-perception. They emphasize that while others' opinions are important, they should not be the sole determinant of one's self-worth. The speaker encourages viewers to embrace unconditional self-acceptance, which leads to healthier emotions and behaviors, and to engage with life fully, regardless of societal judgment. The video concludes with an invitation to learn more about webinar and coaching services offered by the speaker's organization.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Self-Esteem
💡Unconditional Self-Acceptance
💡Fear of Failure
💡OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)
💡Compulsive Behaviors
💡Avoidance Behaviors
💡Moral and Values
💡Rational and Irrational Beliefs
💡Emotional Disturbance
💡Philosophy of Acceptance
💡Functional and Healthy Emotions
Highlights
The video combines principles from 'The Myth of Self-Esteem' and 'How to Start, Really', exploring the overlap and differences between the two books.
Unconditional self-acceptance is introduced as an alternative to self-esteem, emphasizing that it does not mean giving up on personal goals.
The speaker clarifies the misconception that unconditional self-acceptance equates to neglecting one's appearance or health.
An analogy of a fair game is used to illustrate the concept of conditional self-acceptance and its pitfalls.
The importance of detaching one's identity from temporary roles, like being a football player, to prevent emotional distress when those roles end.
The video discusses the idea that self-esteem is often considered a sickness, causing emotional disturbances and self-hatred.
The philosophical nature of 'The Myth of Self-Esteem' is contrasted with the practical exercises found in 'How to Start, Really'.
The concept of self-esteem is defined as rating oneself based on achievements and failures, which is problematic.
The video explains that labeling people as inherently good or bad doesn't make sense due to the variability of people's perceptions.
Psychotherapy is discussed as a field that often focuses on enhancing self-esteem, which the video argues is misguided.
Unconditional self-acceptance is presented as a healthier alternative to self-esteem, allowing for growth and resilience in the face of failure.
The video provides a method for disputing irrational beliefs about the need for self-esteem using a rational belief system.
Evidence questioning the need for self-esteem is explored, including the influence of societal perceptions and the unrealistic nature of being a 'good person'.
The video argues that moving away from self-esteem towards unconditional acceptance can lead to healthier emotions and behaviors.
The speaker shares personal insights on the process of adopting unconditional self-acceptance and its impact on compulsive behaviors and avoidance.
The video concludes by emphasizing the importance of not living one's life based solely on others' opinions, while acknowledging their influence.
Transcripts
hey everyone welcome back to OCD
recovery's YouTube channel I have
another educational video today where
I'm going to do something a little bit
different than I've done before I've
done individual videos on the third book
on the reading list which is the myth of
self-esteem and then the first book on
the reading list how to start really
refuse I'm actually going to combine the
two books explain why these books are
different but also have overlap take the
principles from the myth of self-esteem
how there's no such thing as good and
bad people only people who perform good
and bad acts break that down and use
live examples in this book from page 96
and 97 then how to make a carryover
because what I usually do in this book
is break down the fear of fear sensory
motor rocd harm OCD but I've never
specifically taught what kept the two
self-esteem specifically and and why
self-esteem is a myth and why Dr Albert
Ellis and myself and Rob and many other
people who follow his philosophy have
practice sit and realize that the
outcomes are much much better than
believing in self-esteem and I'm going
to show you how we do that so the goal
of this video is to teach you about
what is unconditional self-acceptance
we're going to stay with unconditional
self-acceptance and why that doesn't
mean you give up on your goals such as
maybe wanting to look a little bit
better you don't just grow your hair out
and become homeless looking you never go
to the gym and you'll gain 100 pounds of
pure body fat what you could do you
could still accept yourself but that's
the misinterpretation that many people
think so before I go any further Please
Subscribe hit that like button comment
down below I would love a lot of
Engagement in this video because I want
to know how many people think that
self-esteem is important
um and I'll explain in this video why I
think it's actually the least most
important thing when it comes to this
perception of self-worth
so many people have heard me use this
analogy when you go to a fair a county
fair or a boardwalk and everyone sees
that game where you take the hammer and
you bash it down you gotta hit the thing
it hits the Bell up top but when you hit
the top of the Bell right you hit the
hammer goes up ding ding ding everyone's
like whoa
that's the conditional self-acceptance
that's the perfect selfie that you think
you took the right quote the right
makeup the perfect wedding photos the
things that make you feel really good
that you've attached your self-worth to
which is absolutely dangerous and the
reason why it's dangerous and other
clear example is think about an athlete
think about an athlete who says I'm a
football player instead of I'm just a
person who plays football right now at
this junction junction in my life I also
do many other things that way when
Football goes away which ultimately will
just how myself with the body dysmorphia
in the bodybuilding
um you won't have the same physique now
that I have when I'm 90 you know if I
live that long and realizing that it's
just the thing I do right now detaching
that from the self that way when it goes
away I could be upset but I won't
crumble into depression and anxiety so
this book right here is in my opinion
the second best book I've ever read in
my life uh the first book I'm not
actually done with because it's uh Ray
Dalia's principles which I actually will
do a review on that book I think it will
be really good I don't know if I'll put
it on this channel but I'll I'll do a
review of it in the uh in the Facebook
group so this book basically breaks down
many many many different aspects about
self-esteem now self-esteem in the basic
senses I'm gonna get in shape in order
to prove myself I'm gonna do X to have Y
which means on the opposite side of that
if I don't get X if I don't get in shape
then I'm an idiot or I'm a loser if I
fail and if I don't if I don't fail a
business then I'll be happy if I fail in
business I'm a failure instead of I
would prefer to not fail in business and
if I do it just means I failed this one
particular thing so the introduction is
called a self-esteem of sickness is
self-esteem a sickness that's according
to the way you define it and the usual
Way It Is defined by people and by
people that work with self-esteem that
it's probably the greatest emotional
disturbance known to man or woman even
greater than hating other people which
seems somewhat worse but is perhaps a
little bit better why does hating and
damning other people seem worse than
self-esteem which almost always leads
back to self-hatred well it obviously
results in fighting acting against war
and genocide pretty dramatic while
self-hatred produces more subtle results
like despising yourself but not
necessarily committing suicide living
what you're self-linvesting let me spend
some time trying to clearly Define
self-esteem and diss self-esteem this
won't be easy since definitions have
been vague and overlapping for the past
Century but for the purpose of the book
this is where I'll go
self-esteem you rate yourself you're
being your personality your essence and
totality in terms of two main goals
you're achieving success or
Effectiveness in your accomplishments
your school your work and your projects
when you succeed in getting what you
want and avoid by what you don't want
you say that is good that's great but
you also rate yourself and say I'm a
good person when you fail to satisfy
your achievement goals this is bad and
I'm a bad person and the reason why this
is a problem is because you're attaching
the self the person to that to your to
to yourself I mean you're you're I mean
you're attaching your failures and
achievements to yourself and that's not
what's happening you're just a person
with thousands
of different character traits in
different times and different scenarios
under different stressors you're not the
person that you think you are in
totality so when people say you know I'm
a bad person maybe they have a harm fee
or a pocd fear or a cheating fear they
would say I could never accept myself
and that's because the ACT they believe
is completely defined to the self but
it's not people commit asks for a
plethora of different reasons fear of
losing control that's a big one
psychosis that's a big one genetics
lifestyle factors being pushed to the
edge the reality is as [ __ ] happens in
life and to to to label someone as
inherently good and bad people doesn't
make a lot of sense when you can talk to
a hundred people someone performs an act
and all 100 people won't view them as
good maybe 80 view them as good maybe 10
view them as bad and 10 are indifferent
and then if you ask a hundred different
people that might switch around in the
ratio so it doesn't make a lot of sense
so chapter four is the most important
chapter in this book in our opinion it's
the chapter that we we talk about in in
the webinars a lot and that's
Psychotherapy and the value of a human
almost all modern authorities in
Psychotherapy believe that people's
estimation of their own work value worth
is exceptionally important and if they
seriously go against themselves or have
a poor self-image they will impair their
normal functioning and make themselves
miserable in many significant ways
consequently one of the main functions
of this is usually held to enhance
people's individual self-respect ego
strength self-confidence self-esteem and
self-growth they frequently will focus
so intensely on what the rotten person
they are when they don't reach their
goals that they will distract themselves
from problem solving and will be become
increasingly inefficient so this book is
the basis of how you actually learn
unconditional self-acceptance and
unconditional self-acceptance again
doesn't mean you don't have goals and
you don't have aspirations but when
those goals are not reached and you
reach failures as you ultimately will
Ray dalio in his book principles has a
very good chart it's very interesting
similar to OCD recovery where it
basically is this looping pattern that
goes backwards and always continually
goes up but it always is going backwards
and that is mistakes and failures
redirecting going forward mistakes and
failures redirecting going forward and
that's where real growth happens growth
is happening from changing your belief
systems growth is happening from not
setting your writing yourself off as a
human so that was the first part of this
book now I want to take these tools
and I want to implement them into page
96 and 97. the reason why I like this
book a little bit more is it's more
practical and a motive in the exercises
that it gives you this book is very
philosophical it's not a light book it's
you know 300 and you know 50 pages with
the index but it's a very philosophical
book also side note reading this book is
an exposure for people who have fears of
not concentrating people say I can't
understand it you're not going to have
it all locked down you'll probably have
to go back and read this a couple times
so this is the dib sheet from the first
book it looks like this is a 98 and 97
where there's filled in the 96 and 97
are the ones I filled in myself but I'm
actually going to fill in self-esteem in
the myth of self-esteem into this
example and then that's where we're
going to go just realize I have a drop
how great so Briefly summarize the
situation as objectively as possible and
that would be a lack of self-esteem
right a lack of self-esteem a lack of
self-worth self-pity putting yourself
down
so whether the belief systems that we
hold that hold us back those irrational
beliefs so I must have great self-esteem
I must be well respected I must be well
accepted it's awful and terrible to have
to to always have other people put me
down it's awful and terrible to have
people call me a bad person okay I can't
stand not knowing whether I'm a good
person or not I can't stand not knowing
if I don't have True Values and true
morals there's no such thing as true
values and morals your morals and your
six are different from your morals now
your morals and values at 90 might be
different from me at 32 and vice versa
there's no such thing as the true self
we break that down uh pretty clearly in
many different videos and self-downing
this is where the I'm a bad person I'm
worthless you know life isn't worth
living etc etc and what happens is that
perceived notion of needing self-esteem
which then keeps you in that that cycle
that hamster wheel cycle of compulsive
behaviors of avoidance behaviors
unhealthy emotions that's where the
severe Panic comes in the anxiety the
depression and all these other
maladaptive behaviors that we do social
avoidance not taking care of yourself
not resting being aggressive not just
assertive but being angry now that is
how most people think
and what happens is you know most people
it's funny the illusion is so clear and
all this is a work in progress for life
you know you're standing on this trap
door and you have a rope in your hand
and you pull the rope in some pride
shoots up and you go and then you fall
to the trapdoor you fall and you're like
whoa where am I and that's that
self-esteem coming back down which
constantly needs to be replenished the
only people that could hold a high level
of self-esteem are people who are super
highly respected never make mistakes and
they're basically perfect which nobody
like that exists and even the people
that we think exist like that eventually
do crumble usually and that's okay
so now that we have our a plus b equals
c a rational belief system based around
self-esteem now let's actually go
through and dispute that where is
holding this dire belief this black and
white belief about needing self-esteem
getting me well it's getting me nowhere
because my OCD cycle was continuing
whether it's religious OCD harm OCD pocd
false memory real venosity anything
where there's a fear of losing a value
or a moral which is where self-esteem
usually needs to be constantly proven
and then that's where the cycle
continues you're constantly looking for
reassurance you're constantly checking
if you're a good or bad person you're
constantly automatically ruminating
primarily automatic because the fear is
still high et cetera et cetera so where
is the evidence to support my irrational
belief that that I need to be a good
person well the need to be a good person
is based off other people's perceptions
if other people had no belief systems
about good and bad people more than
likely these fears wouldn't stick
because people are very afraid of what
Society will think about them and
agreement doesn't mean acceptance Kirsty
did a great video on that if you go to
our playlist Channel acceptance search
for that it will come up really good
is it really awful
okay is it really awful to not have
great perceived self-esteem well when
you start moving away from self-esteem
and towards unconditional acceptance you
realize you could do so many great
things while still being upset when you
don't reach your goals maybe you don't
reach your body image goal but it's not
attached to the self and that's the key
when you look at these other famous
people and YouTube and Instagram and
Tick Tock and reels and they're crying
and they're screaming about why you need
to live up to certain things that is
purely conditional and that's why it
affects them so much because they're so
irrational about these statements
can I really not stand always being the
best of something can I really not stand
being rejected by other people well of
course we could stand it because people
are rejected by other people much more
than they're actually accepted when we
walk past people in the street when say
we're wearing an outfit we don't know
what people are saying about us when I'm
in the gym lifting a certain way someone
could be looking at me saying you know
that person's a [ __ ] what an idiot oh
my God his clothes are so stupid Oh my
God he wears high knee socks in these in
these deadlifting shoes yeah I do that
you know we don't know what people are
saying about us and when you actually
move over to your effective New
Philosophy which is the most important
part where your your new belief systems
are being formed now just because you
have this new belief system now doesn't
mean you're going to feel better in the
moment but you know I would want to do
well but I don't have to I would like to
be accepted slash respected but I don't
need to okay it may be bad or
unfortunate to not be respect
combined with the word respected and
accepted but I can still enjoy many
things that people you know don't want
to be around me okay even in jail even
in jail
I don't like it but I can stand it and I
can still enjoy many things and then
what happens is in time as you practice
this as you bring down your compulsions
as you bring down your avoidance
behaviors and as you move towards a
greater sense of unconditional
self-acceptance this starts to make a
little bit more sense the pieces start
to fall together a little bit better
okay and then this leads to your new
functional and uh a functional healthy
emotions your new C so no longer do you
have uh Panic anxiety depression
chronicness addictions to avoid now you
have healthy concern disappointment
healthy anger and annoyance sad healthy
concern for relationships healthy sorrow
and healthy envy and you have these new
behaviors such as meeting friends and
going out and trying new things even if
you fail and people think you're stupid
okay exercising you assertive behaviors
you're not yelling at people to get your
point across not trying to prove
yourself all the time over and over and
over again
so most people live their entire lives
based on what other people think about
them and what other people think about
you matters a lot it matters for
business it matters you know or else no
one's business would be successful but
the problem is is everyone attaches that
to the self and that's the key I hope
you guys enjoyed this video
um it was really cool to put these two
books together if you're interested in
our webinar services please email info
ocdrecovery.com you can ask about the
webinar services and the coaching
Services we have one-on-one coaching and
that gives you access to the WhatsApp
groups thank you so much again if you're
looking for these books it's at
ocdrecovery.com underneath the resource
Tab and looking forward to talking to
you guys in the comments thank you so
much and as always have a great day
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