Our primordial drive for sex and love | Helen Fisher

Summary

Anthropologist Helen Fisher explores the biological underpinnings of love and marriage, challenging the 'tabula rasa' view of human behavior. She identifies three distinct brain systems for sex drive, romantic love, and attachment, each with evolutionary purposes. Fisher's research, including brain scans of those in love and those rejected, reveals that romantic love is akin to an addiction, with significant implications for understanding and respecting the intense emotions involved in love and relationships.

Takeaways

• 🧠 The mind is not a 'tabula rasa' but has inherent biological influences, particularly in love and marriage patterns.
• 💡 Helen Fisher, an anthropologist, argues that love and marriage behaviors have biological origins, contrary to the academic view of her graduate school days.
• ❤️ Romantic love, sex drive, and attachment are not just phases but are distinct brain systems with evolutionary purposes.
• 🔍 Fisher's research involved using brain scanners to identify the neural pathways associated with romantic love, revealing activity in the ventral tegmental area (VTA) which is linked to dopamine production.
• 💔 Rejection in love activates the same brain regions associated with addiction and pain, suggesting that the intense feelings of love persist even after a breakup.
• 🧬 Fisher's work challenges the notion that romantic love is supernatural, highlighting its universality and biological basis.
• 👥 Long-term love involves activity in the VTA, hypothalamus, and regions linked to calm and security, indicating a mix of romantic love and attachment.
• 🤔 Fisher ponders the biological reasons behind why individuals are naturally drawn to specific partners, suggesting it's more than just cultural factors.
• 🌟 To sustain a long-term, happy partnership, it's important to maintain all three brain systems: sex drive, romantic love, and attachment.
• 🚀 Novel experiences can help sustain feelings of romantic love, while physical touch and closeness can strengthen feelings of attachment.
• 🌱 Fisher's ultimate goal is to use her understanding of these brain circuits to help people find the right partner and sustain a long-term, happy relationship.

Q & A

What was the initial belief about the mind in graduate school as mentioned by Helen Fisher?

The initial belief about the mind in graduate school was that it was an empty slate, a 'tabula rasa,' filled by the environment to shape who you are.

What does Helen Fisher believe has a biological origin in human behavior?

Helen Fisher believes that patterns of love and marriage have a biological origin, as they are crucial for the continuation of the species.

What are the three different brain systems Helen Fisher identifies in her first academic paper?

The three brain systems Helen Fisher identifies are sex drive, feelings of intense romantic love, and feelings of deep attachment.

What role does the ventral tegmental area (VTA) play in romantic love according to the script?

The ventral tegmental area (VTA) is responsible for producing dopamine, which gives individuals the focus, motivation, craving, and elation associated with intense romantic love.

What was the criticism Helen Fisher received from a peer reviewer regarding her study on love?

One of the peer reviewers criticized her study by suggesting that romantic love is part of the supernatural and therefore not a suitable subject for scientific study.

How did Helen Fisher respond to the criticism that romantic love is part of the supernatural?

Helen Fisher questioned why the same logic wouldn't apply to other basic emotions like anger, fear, disgust, or joy, and argued that romantic love is a universal and powerful brain system.

What did Helen Fisher discover when she scanned the brains of people who had been rejected in love?

She discovered activity in the ventral tegmental area (VTA), a region linked with pain, and three brain regions associated with craving and addiction, indicating that romantic love can be an addiction.

What is the significance of the nucleus accumbens in the context of the study?

The nucleus accumbens is significant because it becomes active during addiction to substances like cocaine, heroin, alcohol, cigarettes, and gambling, and it was found to be active in the context of rejected love.

What advice does Helen Fisher give for maintaining a long-term, happy partnership?

To maintain a long-term, happy partnership, Helen Fisher advises sustaining all three brain systems: having regular sex to drive up testosterone, introducing novelty to maintain romantic love, and continuing pleasant touch to increase oxytocin levels for deep attachment.

What does Helen Fisher believe about the future of romantic love?

Helen Fisher believes that romantic love is primordial, adaptable, and eternal, and it will survive as long as humans do as a species.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 The Biological Basis of Love and Relationships

Helen Fisher, an anthropologist, challenges the 'tabula rasa' theory of the mind by proposing that love and marriage patterns have biological origins. She outlines three distinct brain systems related to mating and reproduction: sex drive, romantic love, and attachment. Fisher's research involves using brain scanners to identify the neural correlates of romantic love, discovering activity in the ventral tegmental area (VTA), which is associated with dopamine production and the intense focus and craving of romantic love. She also addresses the criticism that love is a supernatural concept, arguing that it is a fundamental human experience with observable brain activity.

05:01

❤️ The Neurological Aspects of Love, Rejection, and Longevity

Continuing her exploration of love's neurological underpinnings, Fisher examines the effects of love rejection by scanning the brains of individuals who have been recently dumped. She finds activity in the VTA, indicating ongoing romantic love feelings, and in regions associated with pain and addiction, specifically the nucleus accumbens, which is also active in cocaine and heroin addiction. This suggests that romantic love can be an addiction. Fisher emphasizes the importance of understanding and respecting the intense emotions of love, whether in rejection, happiness, or long-term relationships. Her studies with long-term couples show sustained activity in brain regions associated with love, sex drive, and security, suggesting that maintaining these brain systems is key to a happy, long-lasting partnership. She concludes with advice on sustaining romantic love through novelty and attachment through continued affectionate touch, and reflects on the eternal nature of romantic love as a fundamental aspect of human existence.

Keywords

💡Tabula Rasa

The term 'tabula rasa' is a philosophical concept meaning 'blank slate'. It suggests that the mind is born without innate ideas or knowledge, and is shaped entirely by experience. In the script, the speaker initially accepts this idea but later challenges it, arguing that certain behaviors, such as patterns of love and marriage, may have a biological origin rather than being solely a product of the environment.

💡Biological Origin

Refers to the idea that certain traits or behaviors have evolved through natural selection and have a genetic basis. The speaker posits that love and marriage patterns may have a biological origin, implying that these behaviors are not just cultural constructs but also have a deep evolutionary significance.

💡Anthropologist

An anthropologist is a social scientist who studies human societies and cultures and their development. Helen Fisher, the speaker, identifies as an anthropologist, which lends credibility to her exploration of the biological and cultural aspects of love and relationships.

💡Brain Systems

In the context of the script, 'brain systems' refers to the interconnected networks within the brain that are responsible for specific functions or behaviors. The speaker discusses three brain systems related to love: sex drive, romantic love, and attachment, suggesting that these systems have evolved for different purposes in human mating and reproduction.

💡Sex Drive

Sex drive, or libido, is the biological desire for sexual activity. The speaker explains that sex drive evolved to encourage individuals to seek a variety of partners, which increases the chances of reproduction.

💡Romantic Love

Romantic love is a strong emotional attachment to another person, often characterized by passion, intimacy, and a desire for union. The script describes romantic love as a brain system that evolved to focus mating energy on one partner at a time.

💡Attachment

Attachment in the script refers to the deep emotional bond that forms between individuals, particularly in long-term relationships. It is one of the three brain systems discussed, which evolved to help individuals stay together long enough to raise a child.

💡Ventral Tegmental Area (VTA)

The ventral tegmental area is a region in the brain involved in reward, motivation, and feelings of pleasure. The speaker identifies the VTA as the area that produces dopamine during intense romantic love, contributing to feelings of focus, motivation, and elation.

💡Nucleus Accumbens

The nucleus accumbens is a brain region associated with pleasure, reward, and addiction. In the script, the speaker finds activity in this region when individuals are rejected in love, suggesting that romantic love can become an addiction.

💡Addiction

Addiction, in the context of the script, refers to the intense craving and compulsive engagement in behaviors despite negative consequences. The speaker's research indicates that the brain's response to unrequited love shares similarities with substance addiction, particularly in the activation of the nucleus accumbens.

💡Oxytocin

Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter that plays a role in social bonding, trust, and affection. The speaker suggests that continued physical touch in long-term relationships can increase oxytocin levels, which helps to sustain feelings of deep attachment.

💡Long-Term Love

Long-term love refers to the enduring romantic feelings and attachment that can persist over many years in a relationship. The script discusses how long-term love involves the continued activity of the brain systems associated with romantic love, sex drive, and attachment, which can be maintained through certain behaviors and choices.

Highlights

Helen Fisher, an anthropologist, challenges the 'tabula rasa' concept of the mind and suggests that patterns of love and marriage have biological origins.

Fisher posits that sex drive, romantic love, and attachment are not phases but fundamental brain systems.

She grew up in a modern glass house with an identical twin sister, which influenced her understanding of partnership and sexual attraction.

Fisher's first academic paper explored three brain systems for mating and reproduction: sex drive, romantic love, and attachment.

She faced criticism from a peer reviewer who considered her study of love as part of the supernatural.

Fisher's research involved using brain scanners to identify the neural pathways of love and attachment.

The ventral tegmental area, a region that produces dopamine, was found to be active in the experience of romantic love.

When people are rejected in love, the brain shows activity in regions associated with pain and addiction.

The nucleus accumbens, a region linked to addiction, is active in the experience of intense romantic love after rejection.

Fisher's work aims to demonstrate that romantic love is a natural, biological phenomenon, not a supernatural one.

Long-term love involves activity in the ventral tegmental area, hypothalamus, and regions linked to calm and security.

Fisher suggests that maintaining a long-term happy partnership requires sustaining all three brain systems: sex drive, romantic love, and attachment.

To sustain romantic love, novelty and shared experiences are key factors.

Physical touch and closeness are important for sustaining feelings of deep attachment.

Fisher's ultimate goal is to use her research to help people find the right partner and maintain a long-term happy relationship.

She believes that romantic love is primordial, adaptable, and eternal, and will persist as long as the human species survives.

Transcripts

- When I got to graduate school, they thought that the mind

was an empty slate-

'a tabula rasa.'

An environment just filled up the brain with who you were.

And as I sit there and listen to these various academics,

I thought: "That's not true."

I thought to myself: "If there's any part of human behavior

that has a biological origin,

it must be our patterns of love and marriage.

Because, as Darwin would've said, 'If you have children,

and I have no children, you live on, and I die out.'"

The game of love matters.

A lot of people think that sex drive, romantic love,

and feelings of attachment are phases.

They're not phases, they're brain systems.

I'm Helen Fisher.

I'm an anthropologist,

and I actually know where love is in the brain.

I really had a wonderful childhood.

I grew up in a modern house-a glass house-

and it was thrilling.

We had a lot of land.

We could see the deer and the foxes and the possums

all around the house all the time.

I have an identical twin sister,

so I always had somebody to play with.

My father and mother really believed

that sex was an important part of a partnership.

On Saturday afternoon, we were instructed to never walk

around that side of the house

'cause it was a glass house, and you could see in.

We were never allowed to knock

on their bedroom door if it was shut.

So I knew from a small child that, when I grew up,

there were certain things in a partnership

that really should work properly, and one was

you should find your partner sexually attractive.

When I first began to study romantic love,

I wrote my very first academic paper.

It was on these three different brain systems

that I think evolved for mating and reproduction:

sex drive being one,

feelings of intense romantic love being the second,

and feelings of deep attachment being the third.

And I was maintaining in that article

that these all evolved for various reasons.

Sex drive evolved to get you out there

looking for a whole range of partners.

Romantic love evolved to enable you

to focus your mating energy on just one at a time.

And attachment evolved to enable you

to stick with this person, at least long enough

to raise a single child through infancy.

The peer reviews came back, and at least one

of the peer reviewers wrote back and said,

"You can't study this; it's part of the supernatural."

And I looked at that, and I thought to myself,

"Does this person think

that anger's part of the supernatural?

That fear is part of the supernatural?

That disgust or joy is part of the supernatural?"

Why would they think that romantic love,

a basic brain system, would be part of the supernatural?

I mean, all over the world, people everywhere fall in love.

They pine for love, they live for love,

they kill for love, and they die for love-

it's a powerful brain system.

And I thought maybe if I could put people

into a brain scanner, I could find the basic brain pathways,

the basic brain circuitry,

of these three basic brain systems.

So I assembled a team,

and began to put people in the scanner.

They would look at a picture of their sweetheart

that called forth the wonderful feelings of romantic love,

and they would also look at a photograph

of somebody who called forth no emotions;

no positive or negative emotions.

And when you put the neutral and the romantic love

on top of each other

and cancel out what they have in common,

you're left with what's going on in the brain

when you're madly in love.

I'll never forget the first moment

that I looked at our data.

What we saw was activity in a tiny little factory

near the base of the brain

called the 'ventral tegmental area.'

It's a brain region that actually makes dopamine,

a natural stimulant, and gives you that focus,

that motivation, the craving,

the elation of intense romantic love.

After we discovered this data,

a lot of people came and wanted to talk to me,

and I thought to myself at the time,

"You know, Helen, this really isn't very important.

You know, when you're madly in love with the right person,

there's no problem.

The real problem is when you've been rejected in love.

That's where I can make a contribution to humanity."

Sure enough, I was able to put 15 men and women

into the scanner who had just been dumped.

I was able to find activity in a lot of brain regions.

One brain region is that same basic ventral tegmental area,

the VTA, that pumps out the dopamine

that gives 'em the feeling of intense romantic love.

You don't stop loving somebody when they've dumped you.

I found activity in a brain region linked with pain.

This is a brain region that also becomes active

when you have a toothache.

But most important, I found activity

in three brain regions linked with craving and addiction:

Specifically, is activity in a brain region

called the 'nucleus accumbens.'

It's the basic brain region that becomes active

when you are addicted to cocaine, heroin,

alcohol, cigarettes, gambling.

And so, I was able to prove that romantic love,

when you are rejected, is an addiction.

I hope the world understands that this intense feeling

of romantic love came out of nature.

Everybody feels it, and we have to respect

the intense feelings of people

when they have been rejected in love,

when they're happily in love,

and when they're in love long-term.

My colleagues and I have put 17 people into the scanner

who were in love long-term.

These were people all in their fifties and sixties

who were happily married, in love an average of 21 years,

and sure enough, we found activity

in these same brain regions.

The ventral tegmental area pumps out the dopamine,

gives you feelings of intense romantic love.

A brain region in the hypothalamus

linked with the sex drive,

and brain regions linked with calm and security.

So in long-term love, you can remain in love,

but you gotta pick the right person.

And that's what sent me into wondering, "Why him? Why her?"

Why are we so naturally drawn

to one person rather than another?

I don't think it's just culture;

I think there's biology involved.

Sex drive, romantic love, and feelings of attachment:

If you want to maintain a long-term, happy partnership,

you wanna sustain all three of these brain systems.

You wanna have sex regularly.

That drives up the testosterone system,

so you want more sex.

Sex is very good for you,

if you like the person you're having sex with.

If you wanna sustain feelings of intense romantic love,

novelty, novelty, novelty!

And you don't have to swing from chandeliers;

just ride your bicycles going out to dinner.

Walk in a different part of town.

Go on a summer vacation to someplace else.

And if you want to sustain feelings

of deep attachment, stay in touch.

Any kind of holding hands, kissing, walking arm in arm,

sitting next to each other to watch television

instead of separate armchairs.

Any kind of continued pleasant touch

drives up the oxytocin system.

So, I think what I'm working towards here

is understanding these brain circuits enough

so that we can use the data to find the right person,

that's number one, understand who they are,

that's number two,

and sustain a long-term happy partnership.

Romantic love will be with us forever.

It's primordial, it's adaptable, and it's eternal.

It will survive as long as we survive as a species.

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