Communication Is Hard Until You Structure Your Thinking First!

Summary

In this masterclass on communication, the speaker breaks down the four stages of learning: unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence. He emphasizes the importance of practice and repetition in overcoming self-consciousness and imposter syndrome. The speaker highlights the power of simple language and preparation, revealing how rehearsal and knowing your content inside and out unlock freedom in communication. He also shares tips on building rapport quickly through matching and mirroring body language and vocal tone, along with insights on using frameworks like 321 to communicate with clarity and structure.

Takeaways

• 😀 Stage 1 of learning communication is unconscious incompetence – you don't know what you don't know.
• 😀 Stage 2 is conscious incompetence – you become aware of your communication gaps, but often get stuck here without applying new knowledge.
• 😀 Stage 3 is conscious competence – you start applying learned skills but still have to think about them, leading to cognitive strain.
• 😀 Stage 4 is unconscious competence – mastery where communication becomes natural and fluid, like driving without consciously thinking about every step.
• 😀 Overcoming discomfort and practicing repeatedly (reps) is the key to progressing through stages and becoming more confident in communication.
• 😀 Communication skills improve as you push through uncomfortable situations, such as pausing or overthinking, by gaining experience and applying knowledge.
• 😀 In high-pressure situations where you don't know an answer, it can be powerful to acknowledge uncertainty and offer to follow up, rather than pretending to know.
• 😀 Use the 3-2-1 framework to structure your answers: 3 steps, 2 types of information, and 1 key point to avoid rambling and think clearly.
• 😀 Simple language is more effective than complex vocabulary in communication, especially when trying to avoid imposter syndrome and connect with others.
• 😀 Rehearsing your speeches with full energy and effort helps retain content and reduces the fear of going blank during presentations, leading to better delivery.
• 😀 To build trust quickly with new people, use matching and mirroring techniques in both body language and vocal tone, making the interaction feel familiar and safe.

Q & A

What are the four stages of learning in communication?

The four stages of learning are: 1) Unconscious Incompetence – not knowing what you don't know, making communication easy because you're unaware of mistakes. 2) Conscious Incompetence – becoming aware of your communication shortcomings. 3) Conscious Competence – knowing what you know but still actively thinking about it. 4) Unconscious Competence – mastering communication to the point that it's automatic and effortless.

How does unconscious incompetence affect communication?

In the stage of unconscious incompetence, communication feels easy because individuals are unaware of what they're doing wrong. There's no active effort to improve or change, as they're simply repeating habits without recognizing areas for improvement.

Why do people get stuck in the conscious incompetence stage?

People often get stuck in the conscious incompetence stage because, while they become aware of their communication flaws, they don't push through the discomfort of learning. They acquire knowledge but don’t apply it enough to move to the next stage.

What is the analogy between driving and conscious competence in communication?

The analogy compares the conscious competence stage to learning how to drive. At first, you have to think through every action (e.g., turning on the engine, using the gear), which can be cognitively exhausting. Similarly, in communication, you have to think about every detail (e.g., hand gestures, eye contact), which creates mental strain until it becomes second nature.

How do repetitions (reps) help improve communication skills?

Repetitions allow you to practice situations that make you uncomfortable, pushing you past the discomfort. This is essential for improving your communication skills and moving from conscious to unconscious competence. Without reps, individuals avoid situations that create discomfort, stalling their progress.

Why is it important to use simple language in communication?

Simple language is more effective because it reduces the distance between you and your audience. Complex vocabulary often stems from a desire to appear smart or competent, but it can create confusion or disconnect. Great communicators use clear, straightforward language that everyone can understand.

How can you avoid sounding robotic when rehearsing a presentation?

To avoid sounding robotic, practice your speech with high energy and expression. Rehearse as if you're already presenting to an audience, focusing on vocal variety, body language, and enthusiasm. This will help with retention and ensure your delivery feels natural, not mechanical.

What is the importance of matching and mirroring in building rapport?

Matching and mirroring involve copying someone's body language and vocal tone to create a sense of similarity, making the other person feel comfortable and understood. This builds rapport quickly. Additionally, you can gradually lead them to a more dynamic interaction once trust is established.

How do you handle situations where you don't know the answer to a question in a presentation?

When you don’t know the answer, it’s important to manage the situation confidently. You can say, 'I’d love to get back to you on that' and suggest taking the conversation offline. This approach shows humility and professionalism, and allows you to avoid making a hasty or inaccurate response.

How can teaching help you overcome imposter syndrome?

Teaching others forces you to clarify your understanding, which helps you progress in your own mastery. Even if you feel like you're not 'good enough' yet, you can still serve those who are at a lower level than you. As you continue teaching, you naturally improve, and the act of teaching becomes part of your journey toward mastery.