Welcome to the New Etiquette | Susan Callender | TEDxBeaconStreet

Summary

This speech highlights the importance of social skills, rebranded as 'social synchronicity,' in professional and personal success. Through the story of Claire, a Harvard graduate struggling to land a job, the speaker emphasizes how improving basic social skills like making eye contact, using names, and being present in conversations can transform opportunities. Social synchronicity is about adapting to social dynamics with awareness and intention, making genuine connections through small but impactful actions. The speech encourages individuals to take responsibility for their energy and interactions, offering a more modern and relatable approach to traditional etiquette.

Takeaways

• 😀 People often struggle to connect with strangers in social settings, and developing strong social skills can significantly improve their professional and personal lives.
• 😀 Claire, a client from Harvard, had a strong academic background but struggled with basic social skills, which hindered her job search despite impressive credentials.
• 😀 In just six weeks, Claire improved her social skills—such as eye contact, a firm handshake, and small talk—leading her to receive multiple job offers after over a year of struggling.
• 😀 Etiquette often has a negative connotation, with some people associating it with outdated social norms or class barriers.
• 😀 Instead of traditional 'etiquette,' the speaker promotes 'social synchronicity,' which is about being aware of and connected to the people around you.
• 😀 Social synchronicity encourages making an effort to contribute positively to society, connecting with others, and creating a ripple effect of good energy.
• 😀 Small aspects of our physical presence, such as posture, gait, mood, and presence of mind, are crucial in determining how others perceive us.
• 😀 Using people’s names in conversation helps to establish a stronger connection and makes others feel seen and valued.
• 😀 Unplugging from electronic devices during social interactions allows us to be more present and engage fully with the people around us.
• 😀 Positive energy and a friendly demeanor are key to attracting others and building meaningful relationships, whether in personal or professional settings.
• 😀 As Maya Angelou said, people will remember how we made them feel, so we must strive to make others feel comfortable, respected, and valued in every interaction.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the speaker in the transcript?

The main focus of the speaker is on improving social skills and personal presence, particularly in professional and social settings. The speaker emphasizes the concept of 'social synchronicity,' which is about being aware of our environment and engaging with people in a thoughtful, energetic, and positive manner.

Who is Claire, and how does she relate to the speaker's work?

Claire is a client of the speaker who graduated from the Harvard Graduate School of Design. Despite her academic success and interviews with top architectural firms, Claire struggled to land a job due to poor social skills, such as lack of eye contact, poor handshakes, and difficulty with small talk. The speaker helped her improve these skills, which led to Claire receiving multiple job offers.

What is social synchronicity, and how does it differ from traditional etiquette?

Social synchronicity is a modern concept that goes beyond traditional etiquette. It involves awareness of one's environment, contributing positively to society, and connecting with people in a meaningful and considerate way. Unlike traditional etiquette, which is often associated with rigid class structures and outdated norms, social synchronicity emphasizes adaptability in a diverse and global society.

Why does the speaker argue that etiquette has an image problem?

The speaker explains that etiquette often has an image problem because it is historically linked to class divisions and associated with rigid, upper-class behaviors that may feel outdated or elitist. The association of etiquette with old-fashioned manners, like proper use of utensils or posture, makes many people cringe. The speaker rebrands it as 'social synchronicity' to address this perception.

How can using people's names improve social connections?

Using people's names makes them feel seen, heard, and acknowledged, which strengthens the connection. The speaker explains that people love hearing their own name, and using it in conversation can create a deeper bond and increase the likelihood of being remembered and appreciated.

What role does unplugging from devices play in improving social interactions?

Unplugging from devices is crucial for fostering genuine human interaction. The speaker highlights that electronic devices, such as cell phones and tablets, can create physical and mental barriers, preventing meaningful connection. By putting away devices and engaging in face-to-face conversation, we can better connect with those around us.

What does the speaker mean by 'bringing energy' to a social setting?

The speaker emphasizes that each person is responsible for the energy they bring to a social interaction. Rather than waiting for others to initiate conversation, being friendly, confident, and positive can attract others and make social settings more enjoyable. This energy fosters connection and helps individuals become more engaging.

How does the speaker suggest overcoming shyness in social situations?

The speaker encourages individuals to take responsibility for their social presence and not to rely on others to initiate conversations. By connecting with others through genuine compliments, positive energy, and a friendly demeanor, even shy individuals can improve their social skills and develop confidence.

What impact does one positive interaction have, according to the speaker?

The speaker suggests that one positive interaction, such as using someone's name or offering a compliment, can create a ripple effect, spreading goodwill and energy throughout the day. This can enhance the overall social environment and improve relationships with others.

Why does the speaker mention Maya Angelou’s quote, and how does it relate to the overall message?

The speaker references Maya Angelou's famous quote, 'People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel,' to emphasize the importance of emotional impact in social interactions. The speaker underscores that how we make others feel is the key to forming lasting and meaningful connections.