Live for Yourself! | Chetan Bhagat | TEDxGraphicEraUniversity
Summary
TLDRThe speaker discusses the common struggle of pursuing goals, such as career advancement or personal improvement, despite consuming motivational content. He argues that many people fail to live for themselves, making decisions based on others' opinions. He reflects on his own experience of leaving a lucrative banking career for writing, only to realize he was still driven by others' validation. Through personal anecdotes, he emphasizes the importance of self-prioritization and making decisions that align with one's true desires. Ultimately, living for oneself is essential for long-term happiness and fulfillment.
Takeaways
- 😊 Most people fail to achieve their goals not due to lack of knowledge but because they don't live for themselves.
- 💡 Knowledge alone is not enough for success; motivation must come from within and be aligned with personal desires, not external validation.
- 🤔 Many people make decisions based on what others think, such as family, friends, and society, instead of focusing on what they truly want.
- 🇮🇳 In Indian society, especially, there's a strong focus on community and pleasing others, which can prevent individuals from living for themselves.
- 🛑 Living for others often means prioritizing their opinions, which can lead to dissatisfaction and hinder personal growth.
- 👎 External validation, like making money to impress others, may lead to temporary satisfaction but can result in long-term unhappiness and health issues.
- 🚶♂️ The speaker shares personal experiences of not living for himself, including overworking, compromising health, and chasing money due to societal pressures.
- 💪 Living for oneself requires making decisions based on personal happiness and well-being, even if it disappoints others.
- ✈️ Like in airplane safety instructions, the speaker emphasizes that people should prioritize themselves first to be able to support others effectively.
- 🙂 When individuals live authentically for themselves, they tend to be happier, and others are more likely to be drawn to them as a result.
Q & A
What is the main reason people struggle to achieve their goals despite knowing what to do?
-The speaker believes that most people fail to achieve their goals because they don't live for themselves. Instead, they are guided by the opinions and expectations of others, which affects their life decisions.
Why do many people seek motivation through books, videos, and talks but still fail to succeed?
-According to the speaker, while people may have the right intentions and knowledge, they often don't live for themselves. Their decisions are influenced by what others think, rather than focusing on their own desires and needs.
How does the speaker define 'living for yourself'?
-Living for yourself means making decisions based on your own desires and priorities, rather than being guided by what others think. It involves self-preservation and prioritizing your own well-being and happiness.
What personal experience does the speaker share about living for others?
-The speaker shares that even after quitting a high-paying banking job to become a writer, he was still not living for himself. He found himself chasing financial success to impress his old colleagues, even though they weren't necessarily thinking about him.
How did the speaker's lifestyle change when he began living for himself during the pandemic?
-During the pandemic, the speaker began running and focused on his passion for motivating people through YouTube videos. He prioritized his own well-being and happiness, rather than trying to impress others with financial success or busy schedules.
What does the speaker suggest is the key to lasting motivation?
-The speaker suggests that lasting motivation comes from living for yourself, where your decisions are based on your own goals and happiness. When you live for yourself, achieving your dreams becomes easier and more fulfilling.
How does the speaker differentiate between selfishness and self-preservation?
-The speaker explains that selfishness is caring only about yourself and neglecting others, while self-preservation is about prioritizing your own well-being so you can be happier and more capable of helping others.
What analogy does the speaker use to explain the importance of self-preservation?
-The speaker uses the analogy of airplane safety instructions, where passengers are told to put on their own oxygen masks before helping others. This highlights the importance of taking care of yourself first so you can assist others more effectively.
What impact did living for others have on the speaker's health and happiness?
-Living for others led the speaker to a stressful lifestyle, including taking 130 flights a year, poor sleep, weight gain, and other health problems. He was miserable despite outward success, demonstrating the negative consequences of not living for himself.
What does the speaker believe will happen if people start living for themselves?
-The speaker believes that when people start living for themselves, they will become happier, and surprisingly, others will be drawn to them. He emphasizes that people who prioritize their own well-being are often more successful in their relationships and endeavors.
Outlines
🎯 The Struggle with Motivation and External Validation
The speaker discusses how people often seek motivation through various means—waking up early, setting goals, reading motivational content—but still fail to achieve their dreams. They know the basic steps required for success, such as eating less to lose weight, but struggle to take action. The root cause is not a lack of knowledge or laziness, but rather that most people do not live for themselves. They are influenced by the opinions and expectations of others, especially in cultures like India, where community and family are prioritized over individual desires. This pressure leads to decisions that are not aligned with their true aspirations.
💼 The Speaker's Personal Journey in Investment Banking
The speaker reflects on their decision to leave a lucrative investment banking career to pursue writing. Although it took two years of internal struggle, they followed their passion. However, even after quitting, they felt judged by peers who still valued financial success. This pressure to be financially successful persisted, driving the speaker to take on numerous motivational speaking engagements to prove their worth. Despite earning more money, the speaker realized that this chase for validation from others was taking a toll on their well-being.
🛫 The Cost of Chasing External Validation
The speaker highlights the physical and emotional toll of overworking to prove their success. By taking over 130 flights and attending 70 events in a year, they became overworked, sleep-deprived, and unhealthy, even gaining significant weight. Despite achieving financial success and outward recognition, the speaker felt miserable. They realized that their pursuit of validation from others was not making them happy and that their health was deteriorating as a result.
💡 The Wake-up Call: Living for Yourself
The speaker reflects on the lessons learned during the pandemic. They began to prioritize their own happiness by pursuing activities like running and creating motivational content on YouTube. They found joy in helping others, not for monetary gain or validation, but for the fulfillment it brought them. The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-preservation, noting that if one does not take care of themselves first, they cannot be there for others. Living for oneself means making decisions that prioritize personal well-being, even if it disappoints others initially.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Motivation
💡Living for yourself
💡External validation
💡Social conditioning
💡Self-preservation
💡Career and passion
💡Pandemic as a turning point
💡Health and well-being
💡Happiness
💡Success
Highlights
People often fail to achieve their goals despite consuming motivational content because they are not living for themselves.
Many people let societal expectations and the opinions of others guide their decisions instead of following their own desires.
In India, especially, people are raised in a community-oriented culture, making it harder to prioritize personal desires.
The speaker shares a personal story about quitting investment banking to pursue writing but still not fully living for himself.
The speaker struggled with insecurity after leaving banking due to a comment from a friend about his income, illustrating how external validation can influence life decisions.
After years of trying to make more money to prove himself, the speaker realized he was sacrificing his health and happiness.
The speaker was taking 130 flights a year, which negatively impacted his health, sleep, and overall well-being.
During the pandemic, the speaker began running and focusing on YouTube videos, which reignited his passion for helping others and shifted his perspective.
He emphasizes that living for yourself means sometimes saying 'no' to others, even people you love, in order to protect your own well-being.
Living for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s about self-preservation. If you don’t prioritize yourself, you risk unhappiness or even death.
The speaker highlights the importance of putting yourself first, similar to the airplane oxygen mask analogy: take care of yourself before helping others.
True happiness comes from living for yourself, and once you're happy, people will be more drawn to you.
He stresses that people often feel guilt or shame for prioritizing themselves because they fear being labeled as selfish.
The speaker learned that living for yourself allows you to better care for others and lead a happier, more fulfilling life.
The pandemic served as a turning point for the speaker, helping him realize that his decisions were not aligned with his personal values and desires.
Transcripts
and of course people ask me about
motivation and how to be motivated and
you know tell us and you know discipline
and waking up at 4:00 a.m. and I don't
know time management and having the will
make a goal achieve make an action plan
all these things come into that
motivation bucket and yet a lot of
people are not able to achieve what they
set out to achieve a lot of people don't
they have the right intention they come
and attend my talk they they watch other
motivational videos um they read
motivational books
quotes they they make motivational posts
themselves sometimes and yet they're not
able to get that jump in that career
they're not able to open that business
they're not able to lose that
weight they are not able to improve
their relationships be in a different
city whatever their dreams are it just
doesn't happen
and then they feel bad about themselves
so I thought what can I tell you what is
my diagnosis of why that doesn't happen
and it's not that the lack of knowledge
you know if you want to lose weight you
know two
things eat less move more end of the
dieting Fitness industry like really so
you know you want to get better results
one thing study
more simp simple right so the knowledge
is there so why it doesn't happen is
everybody lazy no not really I'm going
to tell you about something you may not
have thought of what I have found after
interacting with hundreds of thousands
of people because now virtually also on
YouTube most people don't live for
themselves and today's talk really if I
can call it that is live for
yourself you know it's going up in the
tedex channel if it was Hindi I would
say
UPN because most people don't live for
themselves they say they want it they
want they they share these dreams with
me they they they come and say I want to
get this yes yes but they're not living
for themselves you know and India
especially all over the world it's the
case but Indians especially are brought
up like that right we are all about
Community dyari Family
neighbors you know um
colleagues friends things like that
people don't live for themselves what
does that mean someone will say what do
you mean I don't live for myself you
mean like we are all like Mother Teresa
living for others and most of us are not
Mother Teresa or kalash satari we we are
not those people that's not what I mean
by living for others and not living for
yourself that they are doing something
completely Noble and and very different
that's not most people when I say they
don't live for them El what I mean is
whenever they want to do
something it's often Guided by without
them even knowing it without the other
people also knowing it it's Guided by
what will they think what will my wife
think what will my husband think what
will my children think what will my
parents think what will my friends think
what will the people who follow me on
think you know what will my college
mates think what will my work colleagues
think everybody but yourself you we all
do this and therefore a lot of our life
decisions big decisions in life are not
our own decisions we are not living for
ourselves and I'm saying this because of
personal
experience I'm not saying this like I
know this listen to me no I am the
biggest idiot out here I did not live
for myself
for 45 years of my life I'm 48 now so
maybe like for the last 2 three years
maybe because of the pandemic something
woke up in me and I started Living for
myself and I will tell you how and maybe
that will illustrate the concept to you
because this is still a theoretical
flamework so I'm this writer right
people introduce me you know he left
banking he wrote books he's become he's
done his thing man Jan lives for himself
how many people will do this quit their
job and live for themselves so Chan has
done it he's the example that's why we
should call him as speaker but I can
tell you one thing I was still not
living for myself and I'll tell you why
so I was working in banking and that's
my story that I quit and and I started
writing books that's what everybody
knows and then you know the books did
well and everything but there is more to
the story and more to the story is this
it wasn't an easy decision for me to
leave my job at that time because I was
in something called Investment
Banking which is like a charity no it's
not it's just a job that pays a lot of
money it is so much money that you're
like really I did this work I was
getting paid a lot and then I
quit why because I loved writing I
wanted to live for myself I wanted to
follow my passion this was my dream I
did it it was a one or two year struggle
to decide but I did it
but then what happened so you know I'm
from I I am all my friends are my
batchmates right and I quit and of
course your friends don't change
immediately right so I would go to
parties and all and one day one of my
friend asked me okay so you left
Banking and now you do books how much
money do you
make it was just a passing comment I
don't even think he thought that I'm
living for him
and then he moved on and added Scotch to
his drink and moved to the next guy and
asked him how much money he made I don't
know but to me it hit me it hit me I
said okay so I might have quit I might
have done this Brave thing but all these
people in this party they think I'm not
good enough because I don't make as much
money as them now maybe they were
thinking that maybe they were thinking
on when is the food going to be served
but in my head they're all thinking that
I'm going to make
money any way possible so I said okay
I'm going to start making money so I
tried many different ways to make money
I wrote columns I wrote books of course
all that and I also started giving
motivation talks that's how I became a
motivation speaker I started charging
for
it and invitation started
coming and I kept doing more and more
and more and more
at one point I was doing 70 to 80 events
a year pre pandemic I in 2019 I took 130
flights now 365 days are there in a year
so 130 flights means more than 23 a week
I used to live in airports I knew
everybody all the security
guys Mr bhat you're back huh where today
okay okay all the flight attendants knew
me I knew the flight schedules better
than
pilots and I was doing it and I started
making money and I made money and made
money and made
money and I went to the next party of
Bankers but he never asked me that
day I was like that's not
fair and
then I did that year after year after
year I started making money and I would
feel happy you know nowadays you can see
the bank balance in a phone app and and
what changes is like a video game like
pinball right you see oh more money than
last year and then we feel good it's not
like I'm eating that money I can't taste
it I can't even smell it it's number I
feel good yeah and then when the next
party comes I will tell him but he never
asked but what happened as a consequence
of taking 130
flights 130 flights 70 events means 70
different hotel rooms 70 different beds
your sleep will get affected if you take
so many
flights you will have so many Security
checks delays you you remember sitting
in the bus sometimes the bus doesn't
move flight doesn't take off fog I I
have every plane story for you I have a
plane story where there were mosquitoes
on the
plane plane is full of mosquitoes what
do you do
then how do you got how do you can you
take off how do you get the mosquitoes
out do you put like mosquito coil you
know so I it was crazy and I just my
sleep was affected if you stay in 70
different places all over India
sometimes abroad you don't get proper
food timings so you are eating anything
you're sleeping
anything I gained weight I became what
used to be called and nowadays you're
not allowed to say it
fat you can't say it now New Generation
doesn't like
it right but I was dash dash
fat I can't see the dash
stex okay I was full fat man you know I
did a medical
checkup my God my
cholesterol you know you could make
butter out of
it I started losing hair
if you see my earlier pictures if you
Google it you'll see me like a
ball I thought I'm losing all my hair
it's gone you know I I kind of said okay
guys lose their hair guys get fat that's
what being in your 40s is all about
that's what it is all about so what's
the big deal I would wake up five times
a
night sometimes to use the bathroom I
was going to doctors they gave me some
medicine doctors love giving
medicine I mean nothing wrong wrong with
that sometimes you do need it but
imagine if nobody needed medicine what
would doctors
do so please keep falling
sick you love no so and I was like okay
this is what 40s is all about and this
one life and guess what when you are
having all this I was not
happy I was
miserable but in I in in on social media
in the media in public faces you know
Chan introduced bouet
trophies and I'm like they're wondering
what is this okay this is what life is
all
about all because of that
batchmate all because of that batchmate
who didn't even care
finally I hope he listens to this
talk and
then the pandemic happened and and and
this is just one example and several
things I was doing but I was not living
for
myself I'm living for someone else who
doesn't even know it and so we all live
for somebody else we all live for
validation
approval you know okay from others what
will Sharma Auntie think what will Gupta
Uncle think they don't think anything
nowadays everybody's lost in their
phones who has time to think what is
think thinking just open Instagram reals
you don't have to think why do we need
to think anymore every minute you have
you can just spend it on the phone so
but in my head this is what has
happening and then I said this is
wrong when I was not sleeping properly
my health was suffering everything was
going down down down and I was like this
is bad I can't do this so I
changed I started
running when the pandemic happened I
became a runner at
46 I opened YouTube because I like
motivating people didn't make any
money but I loved
it because you know you couldn't travel
in the pandemic anywhere and I could
just sit and make those videos and it
took off it's doing very well right now
we are million point5 views a month it's
pretty
good but it's not about the million
point5 it's not about the number of Subs
it's not about the revenue if someone
ask me at the party it's fine if that
guy asks me today how much money you
make even though I make it I will tell
him it's not about the money
dude I have the ability to be on stage
and motivate people and change people's
lives I get to feel something you will
never feel in your
life and you can never equate with money
and that is what living for myself is
living for myself means sometimes saying
no to things living f yourself means
sometimes saying no to people you love
your family saying no I love my kids a
lot but people go crazy after their
kids and then they watch movies like ban
later and they say this is what
happens I love my kids but I love myself
too so ban should not happen to me
because Daddy's bur
proof but I love them and so it is often
about doing things which may disappoint
people around
you but you protect
yourself when I tell you supposing I
tell young people here I say you're
coming to Bombay we are working on a new
project for 6 months you
come you'll say exciting yes you want to
do it but you'll first think okay what
will my mom say what did my dad say what
will my spouse say what are the people
I'm living going to
say the first thought that
comes to your head so this is not a
conscious thing that I Chan said this so
I'll follow what is the first thought
that comes is it about yourself or
others and you really start living for
yourself when the first thought that
comes we're doing this yeah I want to do
it the day that happens that day you're
living for yourself and if you don't
live for yourself you can keep making
dreams and say I need motivation sir
tell me how do I get motivated to
achieve this dream that dream that dream
but you will not live for yourself you
feel guilty you feel ashamed you feel
like shy it's hard for people it's
painful because you people will call you
selfish you're not being selfish selfish
is you only care for
yourself this is self-preservation else
you will die I'm telling you you will
die you will not only be miserable or
unhappy you will die if you don't live
for yourself right selfish means not
caring for other people at all what I'm
telling you is care for yourself
first and then care for others I care a
lot for the people around me the people
my family my friend they're my tribe
I'll do anything for
them
but me
first that's what I've learned and this
simple thing if you just start
implementing in your life keep changing
little little
decisions whether going out with friends
you want to go or not if you start
implementing initially some people will
say what happened to him but they will
get used to it and then you will be
happier and you know what happens to
happy people be surprised that you you
thought you'll do this and people will
run away they'll in fact come running to
you you know so try this
strategy try to live for yourself
because as the they say in flights first
put your own oxygen mask then help
others why do they say that because if
you are not happy can you make other
people happy you cannot so tell yourself
everything else will follow then you go
on your diet go on your career Mission
whatever but from today I will live for
myself thank you
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