How to Disagree with Someone More Powerful: The Harvard Business Review Guide
Summary
TLDRThis video provides strategies for constructively and confidently disagreeing with authority figures, such as bosses or clients. It advises starting with a risk assessment, weighing the consequences of speaking up versus staying silent. Key tips include timing your disagreement, gathering support, and choosing a private setting. The video also emphasizes maintaining calm, staying neutral, using facts, and finding common ground to achieve shared goals. By being respectful yet firm, and acknowledging the authority figure’s decision-making power, you can express your opinions effectively while fostering open dialogue.
Takeaways
- 💼 It's important to assess the risks of not speaking up as well as the risks of speaking up, especially when disagreeing with someone more powerful.
- 🤔 Consider what opportunities or issues could arise if you don’t voice your disagreement.
- ⏳ Decide when and where to speak up, potentially waiting to gather facts, support, or a better environment for the conversation.
- 🤝 Establish a process for disagreements ahead of time, so there’s a clear way to share differing opinions constructively.
- 🧠 When expressing disagreement, restate the original idea to ensure the conversation stays focused on your ideas rather than misunderstandings.
- 👍 Ask permission to voice your disagreement, which helps your superior feel in control and makes the conversation less confrontational.
- 🎯 Connect your disagreement to a shared goal or objective that both you and the authority figure care about.
- 😌 Stay calm and project confidence, using slow and deliberate speech to maintain a neutral and respectful tone.
- 🗣️ Avoid using loaded or judgmental adjectives to keep the discussion focused on solving the problem rather than on people.
- 👏 Acknowledge the authority of the other person in making the final decision while confidently stating your opinion.
Q & A
What is the main purpose of the video script?
-The main purpose of the video script is to provide advice on how to disagree constructively and confidently with someone more powerful, such as a boss or an authority figure, in a professional setting.
Why is it important to assess the risks of speaking up before disagreeing with someone in authority?
-Assessing the risks is important because it helps you weigh the potential consequences of speaking up versus staying silent. This helps you decide whether raising your disagreement is worth it, especially if there might be negative repercussions.
What does communication expert Joseph Granny suggest about focusing on risks?
-Joseph Granny suggests that instead of only focusing on the risks of speaking up, you should also consider the risks of not saying something, such as missed opportunities or potential negative outcomes if the issue is not addressed.
When might it be appropriate not to voice your disagreement with a superior?
-It might be appropriate not to voice your disagreement if the authority figure is known to be vindictive, or if your workplace has a history of punishing people for speaking their minds. In such cases, the risks of speaking up might outweigh the benefits.
How can waiting before expressing your disagreement be beneficial?
-Waiting before expressing your disagreement can be beneficial as it allows you time to research facts, understand the full picture, gather support from colleagues, and find the right environment or timing to have the conversation, which strengthens your case.
Why is it recommended to establish a disagreement process ahead of time with a superior?
-Establishing a disagreement process ahead of time helps create an understanding of how disagreements should be handled. It provides a clear path for sharing differing opinions in the future and makes the superior more receptive since they have already agreed to the process.
What is the significance of restating the original idea or proposal before expressing disagreement?
-Restating the original idea ensures that the conversation focuses on your disagreement rather than a misunderstanding of the initial proposal. It demonstrates that you have carefully listened and understood the original point before presenting your opinion.
How should you connect your disagreement to a shared goal?
-You should connect your disagreement to a shared goal by aligning your opinion with something both you and the authority figure care about, such as the company's success, team morale, or an organizational objective. This approach keeps the discussion focused on mutual interests.
What strategies can help maintain a calm and confident demeanor when presenting your disagreement?
-To maintain a calm and confident demeanor, breathe deeply, speak slowly and deliberately, stay composed, and project neutrality. This helps convey confidence and reduces the chance of escalating tension during the conversation.
Why is it important to avoid using loaded adjectives when disagreeing with a superior?
-Avoiding loaded adjectives is important because they can come across as judgmental or confrontational, making the superior feel defensive. Sticking to factual language ensures that the focus remains on solving the problem rather than attacking the individual.
Outlines
🤔 How to Handle Disagreements with Authority
This section introduces the challenge of disagreeing with someone more powerful, such as a boss or client. It explores key considerations, such as deciding when and how to voice dissent, and provides an overview of strategies for constructive disagreement. The importance of a thoughtful risk assessment is emphasized, encouraging the reader to weigh both the risks of speaking up and staying silent.
📊 Assessing the Risks of Speaking Up
This paragraph highlights the natural human tendency to avoid confrontation due to fear of negative consequences, like rejection or professional failure. It discusses the need for a risk assessment when deciding to voice disagreements, suggesting that individuals often overestimate the risks of speaking up. The advice is to focus on the risks of not speaking up and consider the potential missed opportunities or negative outcomes if the issue is left unaddressed. A balance is needed between expressing one's opinion and assessing the working environment.
🕰️ Timing and Location: When and Where to Speak
This section addresses the importance of timing and setting when voicing a disagreement. It encourages individuals to wait for the right moment, allowing time to gather facts, consult with colleagues, and find a private environment for the conversation. By approaching the issue strategically, there is a better chance of achieving a favorable outcome, rather than causing tension in a public setting.
♟️ Strategizing What and How to Say
This paragraph provides detailed advice on how to approach disagreements, suggesting that it should be seen as a strategic conversation rather than a confrontation. It recommends restating the original idea to show understanding, asking permission to disagree, and connecting the disagreement to a shared goal. These tactics help to ensure the discussion remains productive and focused on mutual success rather than personal differences.
😌 Staying Calm, Humble, and Neutral
This part advises on maintaining composure during a disagreement. It suggests staying calm, using confident body language, and presenting arguments neutrally. The importance of humility is stressed, along with the need to avoid judgmental language that could provoke defensiveness. By staying focused on facts rather than judgments, it’s easier to keep the conversation constructive and solution-oriented.
💼 Acknowledging Authority while Standing Firm
Here, the advice focuses on how to respectfully acknowledge the authority of the decision-maker while still confidently stating your opinion. It emphasizes the balance between being firm about your stance and showing respect for the final decision-making power of the superior. This approach helps to maintain professionalism while making sure your viewpoint is heard.
📋 Key Takeaways: When and How to Disagree Effectively
This paragraph summarizes the main points of the script, reinforcing the idea that disagreeing may not be as risky as it seems and can prevent worse outcomes if done correctly. It also underscores the importance of gathering support, choosing the right setting, restating the original idea, and staying calm, neutral, and respectful while making your case. By following these steps, the conversation is more likely to remain productive and constructive.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Risk Assessment
💡Confrontation
💡Shared Goal
💡Permission to Disagree
💡Strategic Communication
💡Emotional Management
💡Curiosity and Humility
💡Neutral Language
💡Respectful Disagreement
💡Process for Disagreement
Highlights
It's natural to avoid confrontation with a superior, but the risk of not speaking up could be more significant than the risk of speaking up.
Communication expert Joseph Granny advises focusing on the risk of not saying something, which could lead to missed opportunities or negative consequences later.
When deciding to speak up, assess both the risks of saying something and the risks of remaining silent.
If the person you're disagreeing with is known to be vindictive, it may not be worth speaking up, but in many cases, sharing your opinion is the right choice.
Timing is crucial: wait to speak up until you have gathered facts, built a stronger case, and possibly found colleagues who share your view.
A private meeting is less threatening than airing a disagreement in public, so find the right environment to discuss your concerns.
Restate the original idea or proposal clearly to avoid any confusion and ensure the conversation focuses on the new ideas, not misunderstandings.
Asking permission to disagree, such as 'Can I share my reasoning?' can help your superior opt into the conversation and feel less threatened.
Connect your disagreement to a shared goal, like company earnings or morale, to refocus the discussion on mutual interests.
Project confidence and neutrality by staying calm, breathing deeply, and speaking slowly during the conversation.
Stay humble by acknowledging that your opinion is just that—your opinion—and leave room for dialogue by inviting others to critique your thoughts.
State your case without using loaded adjectives, focusing on facts rather than judgments to keep the conversation focused on solving problems.
Acknowledge their authority with phrases like 'It's up to you,' while still confidently stating your opinion and being firm in your stance.
Setting up a process for handling disagreements ahead of time with the person can make it easier when a disagreement eventually arises.
Remember that speaking up constructively can help avoid worse outcomes in the future, and being strategic about timing and approach increases the chances of success.
Transcripts
let's say you disagree with someone more
powerful than you say your boss or your
boss's boss how do you decide if you
should say something
when and where to speak up
what to say
and how to say it i'm going to share
some advice to help you disagree with
that authority figure more
constructively and more confidently
[Music]
let's say your client is demanding an
unrealistic timeline or your senior
colleague wants your buy-in on that doom
to fail idea to decide if you should say
something at all it's helpful to first
do a risk assessment
it's natural to avoid confrontation with
a superior as humans we instinctively
steer clear of situations that we fear
might cause us harm emotional rejection
or professional failure but you might be
overplaying these risks chances are
you're not going to be fired or make an
enemy just for speaking your mind
especially if you do it the right way
most of us focus on the risk of saying
something but communication expert
joseph granny suggests we focus first on
the risk of not saying something what do
you stand to lose
what opportunities could you or your
team be missing out on what could happen
later if you don't raise this issue now
then think through realistically what
might happen if you voice your
disagreement
and ask yourself which is worse
you may decide speaking up truly isn't
worth it especially if they hire up is
someone who you suspect will be
vindictive or your workplace has a
history of punishing people for speaking
their mind but in many cases sharing
your opinion will be the right thing to
do
then you need to decide when and where
to share it
you may be able to build a stronger case
if you wait to share your disagreement
this will give you time to research
facts and make sure you understand the
full picture it can also give you time
to find colleagues who are on the same
page as you and their ideas and support
may bolster your case the delay will
also give you time to find the right
environment to have this conversation
where you meet matters a private meeting
with this powerful person may be less
threatening than airing your
disagreement in a more public space
once you've decided if when and where to
share your opinion it's time to get into
the nitty-gritty of what to say and how
to say it
communication expert holly weeks advises
us to remember this is not a boxing
match it's more like a chess game where
you need to be strategic to increase
your chances of success
while keeping everyone's integrity
intact on that note if possible it's a
good idea to establish a process with
this person ahead of time before there's
even a disagreement you might say we're
probably not always going to see eye to
eye and i was wondering how you want me
to share my opinion if it differs from
yours that way when a disagreement comes
up they've already told you how they'd
like you to handle it and they've given
you tacit permission to share your
opinion whether or not you're able to
lay that groundwork beforehand here's
what i recommend when you're planning
what to say first clearly restate the
original idea or proposal it may sound
unnecessary but you don't want the
conversation to be about whether or not
you understood the original message you
want it to be about your ideas also ask
permission to disagree like i'd like to
lay out my reasoning would that be okay
that may sound overly deferential but
it's one of those strategic moves that
allows your superior to opt into the
conversation without feeling threatened
plus when they say yes it has the added
benefit of boosting your confidence
before you share your opinion then and
this one is really important connect
your idea to a shared goal something you
both care about like quarterly earnings
company morale or creating an equitable
workplace the discussion can then be
refocused on accomplishing goals that
are in the teams or the organization's
best interests
not on the fact that you happen to have
a contrary opinion once you've figured
out what you're going to say you need to
think through how you're going to
present your argument and yourself in
this delicate
situation first stay calm this isn't
always easy but you want to project
confidence in neutrality anxious or
hesitant body language may undercut your
message so breathe deeply
speak slowly and deliberately trust me
you'll both be a lot calmer stay humble
your opinion is just that your opinion
and you should be upfront and
acknowledging that saying things like
i'm just thinking out loud here or tell
me where i'm wrong on this leaves room
for dialogue and invites curiosity
rather than defensiveness stay neutral
share only facts not judgments try this
experiment to see what i mean state your
case without using a single adjective
especially loaded ones for instance
instead of saying i think making a big
purchase now is hasty you might say we
can see that prices are dropping if we
wait a little while longer we may be
able to save some money avoiding words
like foolish naive and wrong
separates your critique from the people
involved and keeps it focused on the
problem that you're trying to solve
together be respectful and firm saying
something like i know you'll make the
final call here it's up to you puts the
ultimate decision in their court while
showing that you know where you stand to
be clear this isn't about backtracking
or undermining yourself it's a balancing
act and you want to be firm about your
opinion while acknowledging their
authority
okay that was a lot of information so
let me summarize
when assessing if when and where to
speak up remember the consequences of
disagreeing might not be so bad and
could be much worse if you keep silent
at the same time
wait to launch the discussion until
you've had time to gather support and
ideas so you can present the best
possible case
choose the right time and place in which
to have the conversation
when strategizing what to say restate
the original idea so they know you
understand what they proposed explain
that you have a different opinion and
ask if you can voice it
find common ground connect your
disagreement to a shared goal you both
want to achieve if you can
set up a disagreement process ahead of
time to make all of the above much
easier
when thinking about how to say it stay
calm breathe deeply and speak slowly to
keep everyone cool and collected
stay humble and curious enough to hear
critiques
stay neutral and avoid judgy adjectives
that can be upsetting and
counterproductive
be respectful but firm
acknowledge their authority in making
the final decision after confidently and
clearly stating your opinion thanks for
watching all of these strategies are
based on hbr articles and we'll put the
links in the description below
do you have a tactic that's worked for
you to disagree with someone more
powerful than you
or do you have a big topic you want us
to cover in the next hvr guide to video
comment below bye for now
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