I Basically Froze

Summary

Colonel Reedy Hopkins recounts his experience in Iraq, where he oversaw a $1.5 billion budget for equipping security forces. He vividly describes a tragic incident from 2005 that left him with haunting memories and the subsequent struggle with mental health upon his return to the Pentagon. Hopkins eventually sought Prolonged Exposure therapy, which helped him confront and reinterpret the traumatic event, reducing his anxiety and enabling him to face crowded situations. He emphasizes the importance of seeking help for mental health, challenging the stigma that soldiers should not seek assistance, and shares his story to encourage others to do the same.

Takeaways

• 🇺🇸 The speaker served in Iraq, equipping Iraqi police and army with a budget of 1.5 billion dollars, highlighting the scale of the military operation.
• 🚔 A significant event on February 18th, 2005, involved a large convoy mission under fire, where a mortar round was detonated, causing casualties.
• 🏥 The speaker experienced a moment of hesitation during combat, which has haunted him ever since, indicating the psychological impact of the event.
• 🛌 After returning to the Pentagon, the speaker struggled with daily life, showing signs of avoidance and depression, which are common symptoms of PTSD.
• 🏥 The speaker sought help from a mental health clinic, beginning a journey of recovery that included therapy.
• 🧠 Prolonged Exposure therapy was utilized, where the speaker relived the traumatic event in detail, which is a key component of confronting and processing trauma.
• 🤔 The therapy helped the speaker to rethink the incident, realizing that the perceived hesitation was likely only a split second and not a failure on his part.
• 🏢 Before therapy, the speaker avoided crowded situations, which is a common avoidance behavior in PTSD sufferers.
• 🛍 As part of the therapy, the speaker intentionally placed himself in crowded situations, such as local trade markets, to face his fears.
• 📉 The speaker's anxiety levels decreased significantly over the course of therapy, moving from extreme anxiety to a more manageable level.
• 💪 The speaker emphasizes the importance of seeking help for mental health issues, challenging the stigma that soldiers should not seek help.
• 🗣️ The speaker is open to sharing his experience to help others, especially to counteract the idea that seeking help is a sign of weakness.

Q & A

What was Colonel Reedy Hopkins' role in Iraq?

Colonel Reedy Hopkins was responsible for equipping the Iraqi police, Iraqi army, and security forces with a budget of 1.5 billion dollars.

What significant event occurred on February 18th, 2005, during the convoy mission?

On February 18th, 2005, during a large convoy mission, the enemy detonated mortar rounds that had been buried in the ground, severely damaging a heavily armored tractor trailer and causing one death and two serious injuries.

How did Colonel Hopkins initially react to the incident involving the burning truck?

Colonel Hopkins hesitated to approach the burning truck to check for a third person inside, which has haunted him ever since.

When did Colonel Hopkins realize he might need help with his mental health?

It wasn't until January or February of 2006, after returning to the Pentagon, that Colonel Hopkins considered seeking help for his mental health.

What symptoms did Colonel Hopkins experience that indicated he was struggling with mental health?

Colonel Hopkins experienced difficulty getting up and out of bed, avoiding crowds, and a lack of desire to socialize or engage in activities, which are indicative of mental health struggles.

What therapy did Colonel Hopkins undergo to address his mental health issues?

Colonel Hopkins underwent Prolonged Exposure therapy, which involved revisiting and analyzing the traumatic incident in detail.

How did Prolonged Exposure therapy help Colonel Hopkins?

The therapy helped him by allowing him to reframe his perception of the incident, realizing that his hesitation was only a split second and there was nothing he could have done differently.

What was part of the homework assigned during Colonel Hopkins' Prolonged Exposure therapy?

Part of the therapy's homework involved placing himself in crowded situations, which was initially very anxiety-inducing for him.

How did Colonel Hopkins' experience with therapy change his approach to crowded situations?

After therapy, Colonel Hopkins was able to reduce his anxiety levels significantly when in crowded situations, moving from a 100 on the anxiety scale to between 25 to 50.

What message does Colonel Hopkins want to convey to others about seeking help for mental health?

Colonel Hopkins wants to convey that seeking help for mental health issues is crucial and should not be avoided due to stigma or fear of career repercussions.

What impact does Colonel Hopkins hope to have by sharing his story?

He hopes to help others, especially those in the military, understand the importance of seeking help for PTSD or traumatic brain injuries and to challenge the notion that 'real' soldiers don't seek help.

Outlines

00:00

🛡️ Military Service and PTSD Recovery

Colonel Reedy Hopkins recounts his experience in Iraq, where he was responsible for equipping Iraqi security forces with a budget of 1.5 billion dollars. He vividly remembers a convoy mission on February 18th, 2005, which turned chaotic as they came under fire and a mortar attack. This resulted in one death and two injuries, leading Hopkins to assist with combat lifesaving. He admits to hesitating during the incident, which has haunted him. It wasn't until his time at the Pentagon in early 2006 that he recognized the need for help, struggling with daily life and avoiding crowds. He eventually sought therapy, undergoing Prolonged Exposure therapy to confront and reframe his perception of the traumatic event. This therapy involved reliving the incident in detail, which was initially painful but ultimately liberating. Hopkins emphasizes the importance of seeking help for mental health, countering the stigma that real soldiers don't need assistance, and highlights the detrimental effects of untreated trauma on one's career and life.

05:01

🌟 Advocating for Mental Health Support

Colonel Hopkins extends his narrative to advocate for mental health support within the military. He expresses his commitment to helping others by sharing his story, aiming to dissuade the belief that seeking help is a sign of weakness. Hopkins argues that not seeking help can lead to career failure or personal collapse. He encourages those who are told that 'real men or women don't seek help' for conditions like PTSD or traumatic brain injuries to reconsider, as life is better with the right support. His advocacy stems from a place of personal experience and a desire to prevent others from suffering unnecessarily.

Keywords

💡Iraq

Iraq is a country in Western Asia, often associated with military conflicts and political instability. In the context of the video, it is the location where the speaker was involved in equipping local forces, indicating the setting of the events described.

💡Convoy mission

A convoy mission refers to a military operation involving a group of vehicles traveling together, typically for logistical support or combat purposes. The script describes a specific convoy mission on February 18th, 2005, that encountered enemy fire, illustrating the dangerous nature of such operations.

💡Mortar rounds

Mortar rounds are explosive projectiles typically launched from a mortar tube. In the script, they are mentioned as a weapon used by the enemy, which had a devastating impact on the convoy, causing casualties and highlighting the severity of the conflict.

💡Combat lifesaving

Combat lifesaving is a set of emergency medical skills taught to military personnel to provide immediate care on the battlefield. The speaker recounts their experience with combat lifesaving after the mortar attack, emphasizing the critical role it plays in saving lives in combat situations.

💡PTSD

PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. The speaker's struggle with PTSD after the incident in Iraq is central to the video's theme, illustrating the psychological impact of war on service members.

💡Prolonged Exposure therapy

Prolonged Exposure therapy is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy used to treat PTSD by helping individuals confront and process their traumatic memories. The speaker's engagement with this therapy is a key part of the narrative, showing a path to recovery from PTSD.

💡Anxiety

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. The script describes the speaker's high anxiety levels in crowded situations as a symptom of PTSD, which was gradually reduced through therapy.

💡Stigma

Stigma refers to a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person. In the video, the stigma associated with seeking help for mental health issues among military personnel is discussed, indicating a cultural barrier to treatment.

💡Implosion

In the context of the script, implosion refers to the metaphorical collapse or self-destruction that can occur if one does not seek help for mental health issues. The speaker uses this term to emphasize the importance of addressing PTSD to avoid personal and professional ruin.

💡Pentagon

The Pentagon is the headquarters of the United States Department of Defense. Mentioning the Pentagon in the script situates the speaker's realization of needing help within a significant military context, indicating a turning point in their personal journey.

💡Therapeutic homework

Therapeutic homework refers to tasks or exercises assigned by a therapist to be completed outside of therapy sessions. The script mentions placing oneself in anxiety-provoking situations as part of the therapy process, demonstrating a practical application of therapeutic techniques.

Highlights

Colonel Reedy Hopkins was responsible for equipping Iraqi police, army, and security forces with a budget of 1.5 billion dollars.

A large convoy mission on February 18th, 2005, resulted in a mortar attack that killed one and injured two.

Hopkins experienced hesitation during a critical moment, which has haunted him since.

After returning to the Pentagon, Hopkins realized the need for mental health support.

Hopkins struggled with daily life and social interactions due to mental health issues.

He sought help at a mental health clinic and began Prolonged Exposure therapy.

Therapy involved revisiting the traumatic incident in detail, which was initially very painful.

Therapy helped Hopkins to reassess his perception of the incident and realize he could not have acted differently.

Hopkins' therapy included facing his fears by placing himself in crowded situations as part of the homework.

Therapy significantly reduced Hopkins' anxiety levels from a scale of 100 to 25-50.

Hopkins feels liberated after overcoming his fears and is now an advocate for seeking help.

He addresses the stigma associated with seeking help for mental health issues in the military.

Hopkins emphasizes the importance of getting help for mental health to maintain a career.

He is willing to share his story to help others overcome the misconceptions about seeking help for PTSD and traumatic brain injuries.

Hopkins' goal is to assist those who are discouraged from seeking help due to societal or military pressures.

His personal journey and advocacy aim to improve the lives of others by encouraging the seeking of mental health support.

Transcripts

When I was in Iraq, I was  equipping all the Iraqi police,

the Iraqi army, as well, and all the  security forces for the Iraq people.

At one point I had a 1.5 billion-dollar budget.

Colonel Reedy Hopkins, United States Air Force.

I still remember February 18th of  2005, we had a large convoy mission.

It was really a goat rope the  whole way down, we took fire.

As we were heading back, the  enemy detonated mortar rounds,

they had buried them in the ground, and blew this

very heavily armored tractor trailer  about 100 yards into the desert.

Killed one individual instantly  and hurt two others pretty badly.

I started helping with the combat lifesaving.

There was a point in there when we first  came up to the truck that was burning

that I hesitated to go try and find out if  there was still a third person in the truck,

and that has haunted me ever  since because I basically froze.

It was probably not until I came  back and was in the Pentagon,

in probably January, February of '06,

before I even thought that I might need some help.

I was in the greatest city in  the world, Washington, DC.,

but there were days it was a  struggle to get up and out of bed.

And you don't really want to  go outside and mix with crowds,

don't want to do much of anything.

Just kind of sit and veg out  and no contact with people.

It sucks the life out of you.

Finally I just said, "I gotta stop this."

Went to the mental health clinic,

started getting into the  Prolonged Exposure therapy.

So, we zeroed in on the February, 2005, incident.

And you walk through, second by  second, everything that happened,

and you painstakingly step through it.

You're right in the middle  of it, you're re-living it.

To keep going through  something that is very painful

is very painful.

It's not fun.

Did it help? Absolutely.

The therapist, she was able to start  asking questions to make me think

in a different way about the whole incident.

And the upshot was, that  probably was only a split second,

and if we went back and asked  everybody who was standing there,

they'd all laugh and go,  "What are you talking about?"

I could have done nothing  differently to save that individual.

It was just my perception.

Before I started therapy I would just  avoid any type of crowded situation.

Part of the Prolonged Exposure homework is

to place yourself in those situations.

I've gone to the local trade market,  which is always full of people.

When I first started going, scale of zero to 100,

100 being the worst anxiety level, probably 100.

You're tense, your head is  on that proverbial swivel,

always looking for those telltale  signs of problems with people,

so you're really aware.

It's very physical in the sense  of sweats, maybe, and my tic,

I'll feel a little something,  or my hands will start.

Towards the end of the therapy, it  probably was the 25 to 50 scale.

To say that I can go and do  these things is liberating.

There's that stigma out there that says,

"Well, a real man, or a real soldier, or a  real airman, whatever, won't go seek help."

And to say, "Well, I could lose  my career because I go seek help,"

well, you don't have a  career if you don't get help

because you're going to either implode yourself

or you're going to screw your career,  and you're going to be out anyway.

If I can help anybody, I  don't mind talking about it.

If I can help young people who  are being told by their commanders

or by their senior NCOs that real  men or real women don't go seek help

for PTSD or traumatic brain  injuries, I figure I need to help.

And if I can help somebody, then life is good.