Impact Therapy - Using TA in a Session

Summary

The video script explores the impact therapy approach to counseling, grounded in transactional analysis. It delves into the dynamics of parent-child relationships, focusing on a mother's struggle with her daughter's untidiness and the emotional triggers that lead to conflict. The therapist introduces the concept of 'ego states' and the 'drama triangle' to help the mother understand her reactions and provides practical tools like the 'adult chair' to manage her emotions and improve communication with her daughter. The session aims to empower parents with insights to enhance their relationships and reduce yelling, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a good connection over enforcing neatness.

Takeaways

• 😀 Impact Therapy is an active, multi-sensory, and theory-driven approach to counseling.
• 📚 Transactional Analysis is one of the key theories used in Impact Therapy, focusing on the interaction between different ego states within an individual.
• 👪 The script discusses a mother's struggle with managing her daughter's untidiness and the emotional impact of conflict.
• 🔄 The concept of 'drama triangle' from Transactional Analysis is introduced to explain the cycle of conflict between the mother and daughter.
• 👩‍🏫 The counselor uses modeling and visualization techniques, such as the 'adult chair' and 'bungee cord', to help the mother manage her reactions.
• 🧠 The importance of aligning expectations with reality is highlighted, to avoid setting unrealistic standards for the daughter's neatness.
• 🔄 The mother realizes the cycle of conflict is perpetuated by her reactions, which are rooted in her own past experiences with her father.
• 💡 The counselor emphasizes the mother's control over her ego state and the need to operate from the 'adult' state for effective communication.
• 👧 The mother's goal is to improve her relationship with her daughter rather than solely focusing on the state of her room.
• 🔑 The takeaway is that understanding and managing one's own emotional reactions are crucial for resolving conflicts in family dynamics.

Q & A

What is the main counseling approach discussed in the script?

The main counseling approach discussed in the script is Impact Therapy, which is an active, multi-sensory, and theory-driven approach that incorporates various theories such as Transactional Analysis.

What is Transactional Analysis and how is it used in Impact Therapy?

Transactional Analysis is a social psychology theory that examines interactions (transactions) between individuals. In Impact Therapy, it is used to understand the 'ego states' within individuals, which are Parent, Adult, and Child, and to help clients manage their interactions and behaviors more effectively.

What is the issue that the mother in the script is facing with her daughter Delaney?

The mother is struggling with her daughter Delaney's untidiness, both in her room and common areas of the house, and the resulting arguments and tension this creates between them.

How does the mother feel when she finds herself yelling at Delaney?

The mother feels conflicted and upset when she yells at Delaney. She doesn't want to be like her own father who used to yell a lot, and she feels ashamed and embarrassed after losing her temper.

What is the concept of 'drama triangle' in Transactional Analysis?

The 'drama triangle' in Transactional Analysis refers to three roles that people can take during conflicts: Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim. These roles can shift during interactions, creating a cycle of drama and tension.

What advice does the counselor give to the mother to manage her reactions to Delaney's untidiness?

The counselor advises the mother to stay in her 'Adult' ego state, to align her expectations with reality, and to focus on maintaining a good relationship with her daughter rather than insisting on a clean room.

What is the significance of the 'adult chair' in the counseling session?

The 'adult chair' serves as a physical reminder for the mother to stay in her Adult ego state, which is calm and rational, and to avoid slipping into the Critical Parent state that leads to yelling and conflict.

How does the counselor use the concept of 'expectations in line with reality' to help the mother?

The counselor uses this concept to help the mother understand that she should adjust her expectations to match Delaney's current level of neatness, accepting that Delaney is a '3' on a scale of neatness, and not impose unrealistic 'shoulds' on her.

What is the mother's main takeaway from the counseling session?

The mother's main takeaway is the realization that she is in control of her reactions, that the relationship with her daughter is more important than a clean room, and that yelling is not an effective strategy for change.

What other tools or techniques does the counselor introduce to help the mother?

The counselor introduces the idea of using a bungee cord as a physical reminder to stay in the Adult ego state, and the concept of 'natural consequences' for Delaney's untidiness, such as not having clean clothes if she doesn't maintain order.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Introduction to Impact Therapy and Transactional Analysis

This paragraph introduces the concept of impact therapy, a counseling approach that is active, multi-sensory, and theory-driven. The speaker discusses the use of transactional analysis as a foundational theory and mentions the availability of additional resources on their website. The conversation then shifts to a mother's concerns about her daughter's messiness and the impact it has on their relationship, highlighting the mother's fear of repeating her own father's yelling behavior.

05:08

👪 Parent-Child Dynamics and the Critical Parent Ego State

The discussion delves into the dynamics between the mother and her daughter, Delaney, using transactional analysis to explore the 'ego states' of both individuals. The mother acknowledges her tendency to slip into the 'critical parent' state, which leads to conflict. The counselor introduces the concept of adult-to-adult communication as a healthier alternative and emphasizes the importance of managing one's ego state to improve interactions.

10:08

🧹 The Struggle with Messiness and Parental Expectations

The conversation continues with the mother expressing her frustration over her daughter's lack of neatness and the daily struggle to maintain order. The counselor helps the mother understand the difference between the 'parent' and 'adult' ego states, advising her to align her expectations with reality and to recognize that her daughter's behavior is a part of her developmental stage. The counselor also suggests that the mother's own neatness might be contributing to the conflict.

15:09

🗣️ Yelling as a Communication Barrier

The mother shares her experience of yelling at her daughter and the negative impact it has on their relationship, including feelings of guilt and shame. The counselor introduces the concept of the 'drama triangle' from transactional analysis, explaining how the mother and daughter switch roles between victim, persecutor, and rescuer, which perpetuates a cycle of conflict. The counselor emphasizes the importance of recognizing and exiting the drama triangle to break the cycle.

20:14

🔄 The Cycle of Conflict and the Importance of Relationships

The counselor helps the mother understand that yelling is counterproductive to her goal of having a good relationship with her daughter. They discuss the importance of staying in the 'adult' ego state and managing expectations to avoid the drama triangle. The mother realizes the significance of prioritizing the relationship over the state of her daughter's room and the need to control her reactions.

25:16

🛋️ The Chair and Bungee Cord Metaphors for Self-Control

The counselor uses the metaphor of a chair and a bungee cord to help the mother visualize staying in her 'adult' ego state and maintaining control over her reactions. They discuss the importance of recognizing when she is slipping into the 'critical parent' state and采取措施 to stay in control. The mother reflects on the session, acknowledging the power of these tools in helping her manage her interactions with her daughter.

🌟 Conclusion and Personal Reflection on Impact Therapy

In the final paragraph, the mother reflects on the impact of the therapy session, highlighting the effectiveness of the models and tools provided by the counselor. She expresses gratitude for the insights gained regarding self-control and the importance of the parent-daughter relationship. The session concludes with the mother feeling empowered to reduce yelling and improve communication with her daughter.

Keywords

💡Impact Therapy

Impact Therapy is an active, multi-sensory, and theory-driven approach to counseling that aims to create a significant and positive change in a client's behavior or mindset. In the video, it is used to address the issue of a mother's frustration with her daughter's untidiness and to provide strategies for managing the emotional response to the situation.

💡Transactional Analysis

Transactional Analysis (TA) is a social psychology theory developed by Eric Berne that examines interactions (transactions) between individuals. It is used in the script to help the mother understand the dynamics between her and her daughter, particularly the 'ego states' of Parent, Adult, and Child, and how these influence their interactions.

💡Ego States

Ego States in Transactional Analysis refer to the Parent, Adult, and Child within an individual. These states represent different aspects of personality and behavior. In the video, the mother is encouraged to recognize which ego state she is operating from, particularly the 'Critical Parent', and to shift to the 'Adult' state for more effective communication with her daughter.

💡Critical Parent

The 'Critical Parent' ego state is one of the three ego states in TA and represents the internalized voice of authority figures from one's upbringing. In the script, the mother identifies with this state when she becomes angry and critical of her daughter's messiness, which she wants to avoid as it reminds her of her own father's behavior.

💡Adult Ego State

The 'Adult Ego State' is characterized by rational thinking and behavior based on present reality rather than past conditioning. The video emphasizes the importance of the mother shifting to this state to communicate calmly and effectively with her daughter about the issue of cleanliness.

💡Drama Triangle

The Drama Triangle is a model in TA that describes three roles individuals can take on during conflicts: Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. The script uses this concept to illustrate the cyclical and unproductive nature of the mother-daughter conflict, where roles can shift and exacerbate the situation.

💡Expectations

Expectations in the context of the video refer to the mother's beliefs about how her daughter should behave, particularly regarding tidiness. The counselor suggests aligning expectations with reality, acknowledging that the daughter may not be as neat as the mother would like, to reduce conflict.

💡Natural Consequences

Natural consequences are the outcomes that occur naturally as a result of someone's actions without any intervention. In the script, the counselor suggests that the mother allow her daughter to experience the natural consequences of her untidiness, such as not having clean clothes, to motivate change.

💡Relationship

The term 'relationship' is central to the video's theme, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a healthy and positive relationship between the mother and daughter over the issue of cleanliness. The counselor helps the mother understand that preserving their relationship is more important than enforcing strict tidiness.

💡Modeling

Modeling in psychology refers to the process of learning by observing and imitating the behavior of others. The video uses the concept of 'modeling counseling' to demonstrate how the mother's behavior may be inadvertently reinforcing the daughter's untidiness and suggests a shift in her approach.

💡Communication

Effective communication is a key theme in the video, where the counselor advises the mother on how to communicate with her daughter in a way that is assertive yet non-confrontational. This includes using 'I' statements and focusing on the issue at hand rather than personal attacks.

Highlights

Introduction to Impact Therapy and its active, multi-sensory, and theory-driven approach.

Use of Transactional Analysis in Impact Therapy to understand different ego states within individuals.

The client's struggle with her daughter's untidiness and the emotional triggers it causes.

The concept of the 'critical parent' ego state and its influence on the client's reactions.

Strategies to manage anger and avoid replicating past negative parenting behaviors.

The importance of differentiating between the 'parent' and 'adult' ego states in effective communication.

Understanding the client's own level of neatness and its impact on expectations of her daughter.

The role of natural consequences in teaching responsibility without yelling.

The 'Drama Triangle' concept and its application in understanding conflict dynamics.

Recognizing when one is in the 'drama' and the importance of shifting to the 'adult' ego state.

The use of physical objects like a chair or bungee cord as tools to stay grounded in the 'adult' ego state.

The impact of the client's behavior on her relationship with her daughter and the importance of maintaining a good relationship.

Insights into the client's internal conflict and the realization that the conflict is within herself, not her daughter.

The use of Transactional Analysis to reframe the client's perspective on her daughter's untidiness.

The client's realization of the power of being in control of her reactions and behaviors.

The significance of aligning expectations with reality to reduce conflict and improve communication.

The client's reflection on the session and the tools provided to manage her reactions and improve her relationship with her daughter.

Transcripts

segment you're about to see is a impact

therapy approach to counseling using the

theory transactional analysis and impact

therapy is a an approach to counseling

that is active multi-sensory and

theory-driven

and there's a number of theories that we

show that we use an impact therapy

transactional analysis is one of them we

hope that you enjoyed this segment and

then there's plenty of other segments to

watch showing the use of theories and

the use of creative techniques and even

at the use of group impact therapy in

group counseling the website if you want

more information is impact therapy calm

how can I help or what brings you to see

girl yeah she's a good kid I mean we're

close we are close we've just been

arguing a lot not even like you know the

eye rolling and the kind of like you

don't know anything mom stuff I kind of

deal with that okay but you know her I

mean when I tell you a mess I mean

clothes food she's got a kitten she's

got a what a kitten and there's you know

plates and soda cans and a live animal I

mean it's you know this is not how we

live you know look and I trying to

decide oh not go in there you know any

because I get so mad and my mind I was a

kid my dad yelled at me a lot and I

don't want you I don't want to yell at

her you know I don't I don't want to do

that

but oh the laundry here I don't want to

leave the plates and stuff in there

because I'm afraid so is the issue

mostly in regards to the room room

yeah just leaving messes around leaving

her stuff around after herself

so in those common areas too sometimes

we can it's hard sometimes I even say

the parents just let them destroy the

room but but if they do it out in

everywhere then it's really a mess does

she do it in the kitchen in the living

room I mean that's better because I

think she'll like she'll say now like

mom's gonna go psycho you know and like

I add a seven-year-old to and the two of

them be like mom my seven-year-old says

mom's gonna blow like I just start

getting you know like oh look they're

shoes on the on the step so look please

oh look soda cans up like I just I just

ratchet up and up and up and up and

nothing like I'm walking around the

house and like every toy or whatever I'm

finding I just am getting I'm like a

crazy person and so you would like to

not be a crazy maybe I can at least give

you some insight into what's happening

okay so it starts with her I want to say

something her doing something usually in

the hat around the house or okay and

then I get angry and then I ramp up like

you know she's like 12 she just turns

our team with the hygiene is getting

better but they don't have great hygiene

you know so then I start that I feel

like I'm getting personal because I'm

like you wash your face he's like and

then I'm like I feel like I'm let me try

that explain

I don't I feel like my dad takes over my

body and I don't want that what do you

mean by your dad takes over by my dad I

mean he was a good guy but he just

yelled a lot okay you know and I'm like

acting like him and I don't want to you

know my mom will be like oh hey rich is

here this one was my dad's name it you

know everybody kind of laughed about it

because it is crazy and then I feel bad

so that I'm like I'm sorry let me show

you something this is the modeling

counseling it's called transactional

analysis they talk about parent adult

and child each person has three parts as

I listened to you

I'm thinking which part is Tori coming

from which part what's your daughter's

name Delaney which part is she coming

from and it seems to me that you come a

lot from this part the critical parent

part would you say yeah I mean lately

yeah I didn't used to

I mean lately I just feel I mean you

didn't use to well I mean when they were

littler you understood you won't hurt

okay to be more responsible but it seems

to me you send a lot of messages going

like this so that's me being critical

and then this is Tori okay so I'm

critical and she's a child

what did what does she do when she does

it um sometimes she ignores me and or it

like gives me some kind of like snotty

response sometimes she yells back

sometimes she gets upset okay because

let me show you what would happen if it

was adult-to-adult

even though you don't get these she got

these parts in her

is the adulterer thinking part if you

said Delaney how about picking up the

clothes or your shoes and why not

straightening up the mess you made in

the kitchen you send a message she says

okay mom sorry

that's adult to adult that's you being

calm Herbie do you understand that would

be this okay that's but but knowing this

Marvel can help you because you

absolutely are in charge of which ego

state these are called ego States which

ego state you're in

okay sometimes I'll say to her like hey

Claire clear a road to your bed so I can

kiss you goodnight and we kind of laugh

and it's it's okay

and I'm not mad about it that's like a

dolt

yeah the key is your voice because you

could go in there to kiss her goodnight

and say oh my god what a mess I remember

I had a woman that I trained in this she

said she got up went to her daughter's

room ready to be very loving and then

she saw the mess and she just blew up

and lost it so but but I want you to

understand you you're in charge of which

ego state and I'm gonna try to help you

come more get out of the critical parent

being the adult because what can happen

is then she can get mad and start

yelling at you and then you get hurt and

mad and look at this thing that is that

it that's what they say it's an infinity

and it's a cycle

and she says hurtful things and then I I

think like there's part of me that knows

I'm being crazy but then it hurts too

that she's saying that tell me what your

understanding and how this model may

help me that I mean when I am that

p-part that critical part that it makes

her react kind of like a little kid

right and then just like a little kid

she says things that are mean yeah and

then if I was going to I could get you

to stand on the chair cuz you're up on

the chair and then she just feels a

little yeah go ahead and then what

happens that's exactly right that's yeah

so how how can we get you to walk in

that room and try and not blow up is

your daughter on a one to ten scale who

lives in your house okay husband Chris

let's see Delaney Crosby Crosby okay

on a one to ten own level of neatness

who's the neatest me whatever okay

you're a neat freak

sorted okay oh this might be the problem

dude

Chris how many does he maybe the fear of

you

he's like an eight okay but he's a

pretty neat guy he's helpful yeah he's

not he doesn't lie Crosby um did you

yell at him too so you you but he okay

what what's his level of me I mean he

doesn't at all okay I mean okay Delaney

she's probably at three two because I'm

I'm like like I'm cleaning up his room

everyday I'm going in and doing a sweep

and I don't do that for her anymore so

it's like shovelin while it's snowing

I'm clear in the walk in his room where

I go in her room it's like there's a

blizzard and you know I'm not even in

there

so if you and Chris live together

without kids yeah and now you added

three there's a yeah go ahead

I mean maybe she's a four sometimes

she'll she'll say like twice a week

she'll say I'm gonna see my room and

then I go in and I'm not kidding you

like there's stuff everywhere but she'll

have a draw or like something you know

and it's immaculate and I'm just like

babies you know I can't get to the bed

that girl looks great but so I mean I

think she's trying she's just not real

good at getting organized

let me explain the difference between

the parent and the adult okay

the parent has a lot of shoulds okay you

understand the adult here this line I

teach this to people and some people say

it's the best thing I've ever taught

get your expectations in line with

reality the adult doesn't have sherds

the adult says Delaney's are three

Crosby's are three yeah being me so when

you walk in that room so you walk in in

the parent state this stuff should be

picked up right you walk into the adult

Delaney is not very neat um it's my job

as a parent to keep trying to help her

but I'm you know it she's also 13 and

it's I don't know were you pretty neat

when you were 13 even God oh you wanna

tell your dad to rip up the carpeting in

my room are you yes because yeah my

mother had my mother's totally out of me

okay I some days I can approach it from

that like I wasn't asked to that's why I

closed the door okay so when is it see

but but I think you believe Delaney is

making you upset

Delaney's behavior Delaney its room I

mean yeah I believe you when you say I'm

responsible for this I like I don't have

to yell that's why I'm here I don't want

to yell I don't I don't want to be like

my dad was

I taught this woman Gladys bet her

teenage son who was 18 but she would

come home and yell at her son every day

she said I gotta quit it

I said Gladys I'm gonna help and we went

through this on the one to ten what

would you give your son is how he's

doing right now he's a three I mean I

said a 10 would be he's in college he's

going into the military he's got a

full-time job three is he sits around

and watches TV and he's potato chips and

doesn't clean oh yeah and I said you

have your son is a ten at being a three

and then if you can remember that and I

did see her at the mall two years later

and she told me how that helped her if

you go into Delaney's room expecting her

to be a three and then just say stop it

Tori I can't those are the shoulds you

you don't have to be in the critical cuz

you say sometimes you can walk in the

room and it doesn't bother even though

bother you but it's a mess

oh yeah I mean that I'm almost like like

cuz I don't cuz my husband said to me

you go in there and yell and then she

she cries you cry and the room is still

a mask like it doesn't work you don't

even what does your husband do

I mean or he just it doesn't bother me I

mean you'll say Lane pick up your room

and like if I say that - generally she

will it's never gonna look it's your

tone around boys

son oh yeah when you're in that yelling

critical parent mode does that work no

no god is it cause tonight she throws

does it cause tension in the house yes

does it upset your husband yeah it

upsets me cuz I mean I was that kid my

dad just would yell at me a lot and

and I hated it and I didn't like him

very much so I don't went up when it

happens then I'm embarrassed I'm ashamed

how am i helping or am i helping

I mean it's helpful to know that I'm in

charge of it it's helpful to know that

I'm doing that to her that that that's

very meaningful to me to think of me

being up here in her being and your dad

my dad yeah I mean I can sometimes like

to give sound bites get off the chair

yeah just try to hear that me saying get

off the chair okay it doesn't work it

doesn't work what's why hasn't said like

she's a good kid who cares if her rooms

a mess

okay that's what that's exactly right

the common area I think you legitimately

can say Delaney you got to keep you know

put the lid put the peanut butter away

put those down whatever yeah right right

yeah go ahead what do you think I just I

think you're right get off the chair is

helpful but it doesn't work I mean just

that like I think of myself as efficient

it does it doesn't work it doesn't work

and then I feel bad I mean I I go there

right and she's upset then she says

something that I'm upset then I'm

apologizing I'm like kind of like

chasing her around the house like I'm

really sorry yeah I'm gonna show you

yeah I'm gonna show you what else is

going on but you got this image sorted

yeah I'm going to show you this drama if

there's a lot of drama realness and I

think she's just kind of like like well

I'm gonna show you what I think will

help you see this is within this same

theory transactional analysis they talk

about the drama triangle maybe

books about it and stuff persecutor

rescuer victim when you go in the room

and she's the victim and y'all do this

and what makes it dramatic is because

they're switching so your persecutor

she's the victim then she might switch

to persecutor you're the victim and

maybe you probably because you're older

and you got more clout in a sense I mean

she can say hurtful things but you can

ground her you can do all kinds of stuff

and then she feels like the victim then

you said you feel bad then you go rescue

I don't know I do but then sometimes

uncial you said mom you always say that

you're sorry and you don't want to act

like that but then you just ill act like

that and I she's right I mean all right

this one is one and I mean people going

new tennis shoes take them to the mall

cuz they I mean when you sometimes you

act real badly I mean where you go she

cries or stuff and say fire stuff how

call names I probably I probably hurt

her feelings because I'll say your room

is messy you're not but here you don't

know how to do this you do this drama

triangle and the only way to get out of

it

is somebody and let's say since I'm

talking to you exit and go to their

adult

cuz you're not in your adult when you're

doing this drum how do I do that how do

I get to my adult

well what you're what is your goal is

your goal to have a neat room or a good

relationship with your daughter

remember that okay so yelling doesn't

does that move you towards your goal or

away from your goal and again we're

talking about that room especially out

in the common area that's a slightly

different thing so the other thing is

whenever you feel like you're doing the

drama trying go to remember that's

called the drama triangle whenever

you're doing it that's when you want to

pull out and say wait a minute I'm doing

something wrong because we're doing it

and that's when you sometimes say I'm

sorry but the most important thing is

when we going back to that first thing

or this tip expectations in line with

reality our rooms gonna be a three

you're what's more important is a

relationship with your daughter and I'll

tell you the line that stood out to me I

don't want her to feel towards me like I

felt towards my dad yeah yeah yeah

that's really really important I just

want to stay in that part like I can

feel it like now that you show me this

that's like I can I can feel it in my

body and like I'll stay in my husband

you talk about it like it's like a tidal

wave of like I feel like my dad takes

over and so I said my dad's looking over

it's that critical like I'm losing my

adult almost to that critical part takes

over anger whatever it sort of hold on

wants Danny there yeah that's good

when you grab the chair that's right

sometimes I do this helping Oh like this

is my adult chair yeah let me see

I get people to use a bungee cord that's

true I want to like hold myself weight

if you can think about that's good

because then I can't get off the chair

yeah that's a good thing

just bungee cord and expectations in

line with reality

then Delaney is a lot like me she took

you turned out okay if you went from a 2

to a TN is for his neatness you grew up

part of the brain development yeah yeah

yeah wet towels on the floor but when

you were a kid yeah okay yeah go ahead

tell me how I'm helping them the one

down this is really helpful because I I

just can feel it like keep trying to

when I so when that happens I think I

can feel that like state you'd have to

stay in that chair you have to stay in

that chair we're just get out like ah

you know maybe I don't have to kiss her

goodnight kiss her good night before she

goes in her room do you have to get the

laundry or she won't do it or she

forgets to look under the bed I mean I

think like a natural consequence would

be she doesn't have clean clothes yeah

this is real helpful I just won't go in

there

yeah you should that sort of like a

hazard zone or be careful yeah you going

in that room without you being in your

adult you can go in there if you're in

your adult because no matter what you

see it's gonna be okay because what's

more important

a relation a clean room or a good

relationship with your daughter well

summarize what you're taking away animal

stuff just say my adult this is very

powerful the relationship is more

important than the room the yelling

doesn't work and he comes from shoot

Delaney should and the truth is what's

the truth

she doesn't Delaney's a message yeah go

ahead

no I don't want her to think of me like

I thought of my dad like now that I'm a

parent my dad used to always say nothing

could ever be nice and now I say that

because they you know they like or what

yeah you know and night now look I get

it

you know and my dad's not alive anymore

I wish I could tell him because it you

know I get it you work hard and then

kids room stuff but there's kids like

when I'm in this chair I'm like they're

they're kids they're not really on

purpose but when I get on the chair it's

just like that goes away yeah and then

this way you enjoy your kids you know in

I think you do worry that oh my god

they're gonna turn out they're gonna be

the messiest person in the world if I

define new I had some crystal ball or

something and I told you they're gonna

turn out Delaney is gonna be neat like

you are when she grows up I think I

would believe you I mean she's

responsible in a lot of ways so then

what why yeah it's it's a habit it let

me say this to you one last thing just

to get this in your head sort of think

yeah that yeah the adult thinks that

parent part remember the circles that

parent part doesn't think it it's

programmed where did you get your

program yeah

your adult thinks through what's true

yeah in yeah go ahead well my dad came

from like domestic violence and stuff so

yelling was so much better than what was

done to him and so I feel this sense of

like I need to so he did better and I

can do even better if I don't have to

yell cuz I you know if you think about

this yeah you want to think if you think

you probably a figure out ways of

helping your daughter even going in and

saying hey I'll go in and help work with

you or something but just remember the

adult thinks the critical parent has

lines it's not there's no thinking going

on it's more tapes in your head yeah

tapes in your head tapes come in either

from you you know your dad somewhere is

that what he gives you this my own why

don't you do this if this helps I don't

know that it'll be perfect my goal is to

reduce that this is how much yelling you

use you do with Delaney I mean ideally

would get it down to almost zero but

let's see if we bring it down maybe 50%

or we'll see how much and you come back

next week and we'll see but you use

these days as chair yeah if you want to

take the bungee cord if it'll help yeah

I don't care okay yeah just get it out

and putting it anywhere yeah hang on

you're hanging on the doorknob

and when she says what's it for just say

just a little reminder four counts okay

and I'll see you next week okay so this

session with Edie using TA was very

powerful for me things that really stood

out the drama training goal for sure the

feeling of the bungee cord and just

knowing that I can I'm in control I can

keep myself in my adult that was very

powerful that I can I can control this

and it's the conflict exists in me not

not in my daughter in her room or that

was really helpful I started not to do

the bungee cord and I'm glad I did it

probably would have been powerful for

you to stand on the chair but I mean and

so I would say the people getting that

that showing the difference between

standing on the chair and sitting in the

chair that's a very powerful tool this

is all an impact therapy approach which

is it's an active creative multi-sensory

Theory driven approach to counseling in

the theory that I was using was

transactional analysis and yeah I think

it what you try to do I think what

counselors don't do enough of is give

models and give like tools the the brain

likes novelty I think she might remember

the stuff that was drawn or the stuff

that you saw or felt pressure and so I

think it was a good example