our conception of love is messed up.
Summary
TLDRThe video script explores the nature of love, questioning whether it's a passive experience or an active art requiring effort and knowledge. It critiques common online beliefs about relationships and emphasizes the importance of giving love rather than seeking to be loved. The script also discusses the influence of hyperreal media on our perceptions of love and the overuse of 'red flags' in relationships, advocating for genuine communication and self-love as foundations for healthy romantic connections.
Takeaways
- 💡 The video explores the concept of love as an art that requires knowledge and effort, contrasting it with the common belief that love is a passive, chance-driven experience.
- 🎨 It criticizes the modern perception of love, where people consume media about love but rarely consider the idea that love itself might need to be learned and practiced.
- 🤔 The speaker expresses frustration with certain internet trends, such as the focus on 'red flags' and 'standards' in relationships, which can lead to unnecessary scrutiny and doubt.
- 🌱 The script introduces Eric Fromm's 'The Art of Loving' as a foundational text, arguing that love should be approached as an active skill, not just a passive feeling.
- 🔄 Fromm's analogy of the 'personality market' is used to critique the commodification of individuals in the pursuit of love, where people try to increase their 'market value' to be more desirable.
- 👫 The video emphasizes that love should be about giving and nurturing, rather than receiving, challenging the traditional narrative where men are often seen as givers and women as receivers.
- 🌳 The script mentions Wren, a website for calculating and offsetting carbon footprints, as part of a sponsorship, highlighting the importance of environmental consciousness.
- 🎭 It discusses the concept of 'hyperreality' and how it affects our perceptions of love, suggesting that our expectations are often based on unrealistic portrayals from media rather than real-life experiences.
- 🚫 The video warns against the overuse of the term 'red flags', advocating for discernment and understanding that not all dislikes or preferences are deal breakers.
- 💌 The importance of communication in relationships is stressed, as is the idea that love should be a two-way street of mutual giving and understanding.
- 💎 The script concludes by encouraging viewers to focus on practicing love as an art, building self-love, and being aware of the influence of hyperreal media on our expectations of love.
Q & A
What is the main premise of the book discussed in the video?
-The main premise of the book is that love is an active endeavor that requires knowledge and effort, rather than a passive experience that one stumbles upon by chance.
Why does the speaker express frustration with the way romantic relationships are portrayed online?
-The speaker is frustrated because they believe that online content often promotes superficial and unrealistic expectations of love, and that it encourages people to focus on being loved rather than on how to love.
What is the connection made between love and art in the video?
-The connection made is that love, like art, requires practice, dedication, and faith. It is an active process that one must engage in, rather than a passive state that one falls into.
What is the 'personality market' concept mentioned in the script?
-The 'personality market' concept refers to the idea that people try to make themselves as lovable as possible to be chosen by others in the dating world, treating themselves as commodities to be exchanged based on social value and desirability.
How does the video relate love to consumerism and social value?
-The video suggests that in a consumerist culture, love is often treated as a commodity to be acquired, with people focusing on increasing their social value to become more desirable in the 'personality market' of dating.
What is the main argument against the 'if he wanted to, he would' mindset presented in the video?
-The main argument against this mindset is that it sets unrealistic expectations for partners to know what is wanted without communication and can lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for genuine connection.
What does the video suggest about the role of communication in relationships?
-The video suggests that communication is crucial in relationships. It argues against the idea that partners should automatically know what the other wants and emphasizes the importance of expressing needs and desires openly.
How does the video discuss the concept of 'giving' in the context of love?
-The video discusses 'giving' as an essential part of love, suggesting that it does not necessarily require sacrifice and can be a powerful way to combat existential loneliness by sharing one's personhood with another.
What is the criticism of the overuse of the term 'red flags' in the video?
-The criticism is that the term 'red flags' has been overused and misused to describe minor preferences or dislikes, rather than significant deal breakers that indicate a relationship may not be healthy or suitable.
How does the video relate love to hyperreality and the influence of media?
-The video suggests that our conceptions of love are often shaped by hyperreal portrayals in media, which can create unrealistic expectations and standards that do not reflect the complexities and nuances of real-life relationships.
What is the final message or call to action in the video regarding love and relationships?
-The final message is a call to focus more on how to love others, build self-love, and avoid being misled by unrealistic displays of love presented in media, emphasizing the need for a more active and thoughtful approach to love.
Outlines
🤔 The Active vs. Passive Nature of Love
The script begins by questioning whether love is an art that requires knowledge and effort or a mere pleasant sensation that occurs by chance. It criticizes the prevalent belief that love is passive and argues for an active approach to love, citing Eric Fromm's 'The Art of Loving'. The narrator expresses frustration with common internet beliefs about relationships and introduces the concept that love should be an active participation rather than a passive state. The video's sponsorship by Wren, a platform for calculating and offsetting carbon footprint, is also mentioned.
💼 Love as a Commodity in the 'Personality Market'
This paragraph delves into the concept of love as a commodity within the 'personality market', where individuals try to increase their market value to be more desirable. It discusses how societal values and expectations shape people's behaviors in the dating world, drawing parallels with modern capitalism. The script challenges the idea that adherence to these values necessarily makes someone a better partner and emphasizes the importance of focusing on the act of loving rather than on being loved.
🎨 Love as an Art Form Requiring Practice and Dedication
The script emphasizes that love should be viewed as an art form that requires constant practice, dedication, and faith, similar to learning to play an instrument or paint. It critiques the common belief that love is intuitive and does not need to be learned, highlighting the importance of treating love as an active verb rather than a passive noun. The paragraph also discusses the societal focus on self-improvement post-breakup and the misconception that love is about receiving rather than giving.
💖 The True Meaning of Giving in Love
This paragraph explores the idea of giving in love, arguing against the notion that giving equates to sacrifice. It suggests that giving love, which includes sharing one's interests, emotions, and passions, is a way to combat existential loneliness and experience one's own strength. The script also addresses the heterosexual dynamic where men are often seen as the givers and women as the receivers, urging a shift towards a more reciprocal understanding of love.
🌐 Hyperreality and the Illusion of Perfect Love
The script discusses the concept of hyperreality, using the example of the film 'Apocalypse Now' to illustrate how media can create a more 'real' version of events than reality itself. It applies this concept to love, arguing that societal and media-driven expectations of love often overshadow genuine, authentic relationships. The paragraph criticizes the pressure to perform in relationships based on unrealistic standards and the tendency to measure love by material gifts.
🚫 Overuse of 'Red Flags' and the Importance of Communication
The final paragraph addresses the overuse of the term 'red flags' in relationships, emphasizing that while it's important to be aware of genuine warning signs, the term has been misused to justify ending relationships over minor preferences or misunderstandings. The script advocates for clear communication and the importance of not letting social media or external influences dictate the course of one's relationship. It concludes by encouraging viewers to focus on how to love others and build self-love, rather than being misled by unrealistic portrayals of love.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Love
💡Passive Love
💡Active Love
💡Carbon Footprint
💡Hyperreality
💡Personality Market
💡Red Flags
💡Self-Love
💡Communication
💡Material Gifts
💡Existential Loneliness
Highlights
The video explores the nature of love as either a passive experience or an active effort, challenging the common belief that love is something that happens by chance.
It critiques the modern perception of love, suggesting that people are more focused on consuming love stories than learning about love itself.
The video discusses the 'personality market' concept, where individuals try to make themselves more lovable to attract partners, drawing parallels with consumerism.
Eric Fromm's 'The Art of Loving' is referenced, emphasizing the need for active participation in love rather than passively waiting for it.
The video challenges the idea that love is solely about receiving, advocating for love as an active art form that involves giving and nurturing.
It addresses the misconception that love is intuitive and does not require learning or practice, likening it to mastering an art or skill.
The transcript criticizes the overuse of the term 'red flags' in relationships, urging viewers to reserve it for genuine deal breakers rather than minor preferences.
The video discusses the impact of social media on relationship expectations, cautioning against comparing real-life relationships with hyperreal portrayals on screens.
The importance of self-love is highlighted as a means to combat insecurities and unrealistic expectations in relationships.
The video touches on the societal pressure to conform to certain relationship tropes and the harm it can cause to individuality within a relationship.
It emphasizes the need for communication in relationships, rather than expecting partners to know desires without being told.
The transcript discusses the unrealistic expectations set by commercialized holidays like Valentine's Day and the pressure they place on relationships.
The video calls for a reevaluation of what love means, advocating for a more active and less consumer-driven approach to relationships.
It concludes by encouraging viewers to focus on how to love others better and to build self-love to avoid being misled by unrealistic portrayals of love.
Transcripts
This video is sponsored by Wren.
Is love in art? Then it requires knowledge, and effort. Or is love a pleasant sensation, which to
experience is a matter of chance... something one falls into if one is lucky? This little book is
based on the former premise, while undoubtedly the majority of people today believe in the latter.
not that people think that love is not important. They are starved for it. They watch endless numbers
of films and happy and unhappy love stories. They listen to hundreds of trashy songs about love. Yet
hardly anyone thinks that there's anything that needs to be learned about love. Scrolling through
posts about romantic relationships nowadays, I kind of hate it. Not because I'm a cynic or I find PDA
to be cringy. In fact, I love, love. I think it should be central to the way we live our lives. But there
are several beliefs about romantic relationships that i see commonly floating around on the
internet that bug me. There's the "if you wanted to he would" group, the "never settle" advocates,
the constant talk about "red flags" and "standards" and letting random strangers on TikTok make you
question your healthy relationship. "You don't find that suspicious... you don't find that suspicious??"
As a preface, I'll probably talk more so about things I see and hear from straight
women since that's what I identify as. But the fundamental concepts that I talk about for love do
apply to all romantic relationships, regardless of gender or sexuality. Before I get to specific
content I see online, let's talk about two broader questions. Is love passive or active? In other words,
is love a state that exists independently and is waiting for us to fall into, or does it require
our participation and effort to bring about? Two, is our conception of love grounded in anything real,
or are we comparing our relationships to hyper real love? Now we can't love if we're all dead
from climate change, right? Smooth segway into a sponsorship... I know... Well i'm here to briefly talk
about Wren. Wren is a website where you can take a short quiz to calculate your carbon footprint
and find ways to reduce it. They have multiple carbon reduction projects that you can help
fund such as tree planting, mineral weathering, and rainforest protection.
Once you sign up to make a monthly contribution to offset your carbon footprint, you receive
monthly updates about the projects you support. You get to see what your money is spent on with
photos and details of every tree planted, every acre reforested, and every ton of carbon offset.
Check out the link in the description box for more info. The first 100 people who sign up using
my link will have 10 extra trees planted in their name! Thank you again, Wren for sponsoring this video.
Okay, so first, is love passive or active? Based on the quote I recited at the beginning of the video,
you can probably guess that I believe love is active. I want to be clear, a lot of the things
that I will be saying in this section of the video can be found in Eric Fromm's the Art of Loving.
It was written in 1956, so obviously some of the things are outdated but I still feel as though a
lot of it is applicable to present day. See Fromm notices that most people view love through a
passive lens. Love is somehow out there waiting for us to stumble upon. You hear phrases such
as "true love comes to those who wait" "do not chase love. It will just find you when the time is right"
and so people focus on making themselves as lovable as possible rather than loving.
Fromm likens dating to modern capitalism, modern capitalism works on the premise of mutually beneficial
exchange. I buy your product and you get my money. To participate in the dating world is to place
yourself in what Fromm calls the personality market. You try to make yourself as lovable as possible
which is really dependent on the time period and culture. For a long time, the dream man was
ambitious, physically strong, a protector. But now there's a lot more demand for men who crochet and
will cry into our shoulders. A lot of people also try to make themselves lovable for certain types
of people. For example, if Person 1 wants a goth tiddy gf and Person 2 wants a computer science
boy, they're probably going to dress differently and get well versed in different talking points.
But by then, they've already become selective about which market they're putting themselves out onto.
They are already deciding what kind of love should come their way and so really love becomes what
will satisfy your desire to not be lonely. Fromm compares this self-interested search for a partner
to a bargain, because you can almost think of it like a graph. You have fallen in love when you
find the optimal sweet spot between social value and desire for you. This strategical exchange
doesn't really treat people as people. Instead , we become commodities on this personality market
and we're all trying to increase our market value by adhering to what others want. I know a lot of
straight women are happy and think it's quite progressive that more straight men are moving
from a Alpha gymbro lifestyle, to adopting more nerdy soft or feminine traits. I see so many
comments being like "Oh, men are finally listening to what women want!" And don't get me wrong,
I definitely prefer the latter type of men as well, but should we really be happy about this? Like the
men are just adhering to changing social values to be more desirable on this personality market.
But is a man who is traditionally masculine necessarily a worse lover than a man written
by a woman? Instead of congratulating people for becoming a better commodity to soothe our
awareness of our existential loneliness, why do we not focus on loving itself? This is what I mean by
passive versus active conceptions of love. Someone who thinks of love passively asks "How do I become
loved? Someone who thinks of love actively asks "How do I love?" When relationships end, people tend
to focus on how to improve their lovability by working out, getting their hair done, buying new
clothes, advancing their career as exemplified by post-breakup glow-up videos on Youtube.
"I'm gonna have a post-breakup glow-up, basically just doing my hair and makeup." "So we're going to get my
hair done, I'm going to self tan. We're going to whiten my teeth, we're going to do a face mask
exfoliate, wax my eyebrows, wax my upper lip, shave, do a full face of makeup. Hopefully put extensions in,
get my nails done, get my toes done, we're gonna do the most." And yes, I know people often claim
that these transformations are for self-love and not others but I'm highly suspicious of
how changing so much of your physical appearance is self-love. Sure you will feel more confident,
but it's because you now feel more desirable to others. We're always so concerned with being loved
I know it's a popular joke for people to comment things like "throwing myself off of the empire
state building" or "eating glass for breakfast" under happy couple posts and it's funny, okay,
don't get me wrong. But it's funny because we feel that there is a level of truth to it. Seeing other
people in happy relationships prompts us to feel sad or slightly jealous that we are not being
loved enough. Rarely do they ever make us think about how we can improve as a lover and maybe help
bring that kind of love into our lives. We seem to take our concept of love itself for granted. Most
people assume that love is just intuitively known and it does not need to be learned.
Everyone will just naturally know what it is. But this stems from the problem of treating love
as an object, a noun, a feeling something that just happens to us. Fromm and also Bell Hooks (RIP queen)
say we need to shift our perspective and understand love as an activity. Fromm actually
calls love an art, and just like being good at any art such as playing an instrument, dancing, painting,
it requires constant practice, dedication, and faith. Just as how you can't be a good piano player by
only playing when you feel like it, you can't be good at love if you only choose to love when it is
convenient and enjoyable for you. Fromm also says that an art requires faith. When you practice an
art, and you run into a difficult skill rather than give up because it's hard. You have to have faith
in eventually succeeding and dedicate effort to that art until you succeed. The same is with
love. I'll get more into this later on with the overuse of the term "red flags" but i feel like
people start to doubt their whole relationship just because they saw one random person on TikTok
say something. Of course, if there's constant cheating, lying, abuse, etc. These are clear signs
to leave. Wiring our brains to think about love as something active rather than passive is actually
really helpful in separating love from abuse and dishonesty. I want to read a passage from
Bell Hooks All About Love that I really like. To begin by always thinking of love as an action
rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner, automatically
assumes accountability and responsibility. We are often taught we have no control over our
feelings, yet most of us accept that we choose our actions. That intention and will inform what we do.
We also accept that our actions have consequences. To think of actions shaping feelings is one way
we rid ourselves of conventionally accepted assumptions, such as that one simply falls in
love without exercising will or choice, that there are such things as "crimes of passion"
i.e., "he killed her because he loved her so much". If we were constantly remembering that love is as love
does, we would not use the word in a manner that devalues and degrades its meaning.
I think that most importantly when you work on an art, creating a wonderful result is what leaves you
with fulfillment, right? For instance, by finishing a beautiful painting, an artist bestows meaning
upon their life because the painting, as a product of the artist's efforts, reflects their incredible
abilities back onto themselves. The artist realizes that they are the reason why this canvas is so
beautiful. Thus, love is to nurture the flourishing of someone else and you recognize your own worth
through their flourishing. If we treat love as an active art rather than a thing, love is about
giving rather than receiving. A lot of people think that giving equals sacrifice and that's why it's
so honorable to do it. But Fromm says that giving does not have to require us sacrificing anything .
When done for the sake of giving, and not some other goal, giving is actually the best way
to combat our existential loneliness. When you give you experience your own strength,
energy, and aliveness. This is true when you give anything such as giving money or giving
food to your children. But this is especially true in giving love because when you give
love, you give all the things that make up you. Your interests, your emotions, your passions your
knowledge... quote "he enhances the other's sense of aliveness by enhancing his own sense of aliveness."
Sadly, in heterosexual relationships I still think this idea of the man being the giver and the
woman being the receiver is present, and a lot of women happily endorse this idea because it's nice
and easy to be the receiver. My man should ask me to be his Valentine. He should be giving me flowers.
My man should be doing this and that for me. I see this sentiment get worse because of social media,
portraying perfect images of people's boyfriends. You know, the ones where a girl shows off all the
sweet things her boyfriend does for her and the comments are filled with stuff like "my standards
just got higher" "why doesn't my boyfriend do this for me" "if he wanted to he would" Again, the dominant
narrative here is that love equals being loved, which equals getting stuff. Of course, it feels
nice to receive things and it's important to have a lover that gives things as symbols of love. But
ladies, basing love on what you receive makes love a passive commodity. You gotta focus on love as an
action and give back. And giving love is not about giving material objects, it's about giving you as
a person. Sharing your thoughts, your humor, your joy, and your sadness. That's what giving love is.
One of the most loving couples i've come across are Hannah and Shane. They talk about how so many
people pity Hannah as some poor sacrificial giver because they think she just gives without
receiving things we typically associate with love back such as traditional forms of pleasure. "One
time a woman who, uh, asked if I was shane's cousin. And he said no this is my girlfriend. And she
like, came up to me and took my hands began to cry. And was like, that
that's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, like, you're an angel. Which was super
uncomfortable, because that insinuates that I'm an angel because Shane is a terrible choice.
People wonder why Hannah, who has high social value as a pretty woman would partake in this unfair exchange.
It goes back to this dominant idea of love being finding the best bargain on the market. But
Shane and Hannah don't care about this dominant conception of love. They love
each other because they give their personhood to each other and they love the person they each
are without primarily focused on what's in it for them. At this point, maybe you're like "Okay Oivia,
good job on becoming the most idealistic lover girl with zero connection to reality! As romantic
as giving for the sake of giving sounds, without care about receiving material gifts, we all want
to feel loved. Doing the loving is so much effort and I'm too insecure to not crave being loved! Plus
you can't just erase the value that material gifts have in our capitalist culture." And to
all that, I say, you are right. You are a hundred percent right, you got me, which is why proper
loving is counter culture. It's near impossible because it's so opposed to how current culture
is. How can I focus on giving when I'm surrounded by people on social media
showing off what they receive? When our culture is so based on consumerism, on who has what, and
obviously I'm going to be obsessed with increasing my social value when that's how I'm constantly
judged... How can I dedicate that much time to practicing love as in art when society
tells me there are other important things to do? Like having a good career? I need to
spend time on school and work so I only have time to practice love on a select number of
people. And for all these reasons that's why I say our conception of love is messed up.
According to Jean Baudrillard, we interact more with what he calls hyper reality than
reality itself. To explain what hyperreality is, I think it's best to just dive into one
of Baudrillard's examples. Consider the movie "Apocalypse Now", a film about the Vietnam War.
The acting, the special effects, the sets, the editing, everything about the film is made so
that when we watch it on our screen it feels as real as possible. Heck, it becomes more real than
the real war. Most of our understanding of the real Vietnam War comes from brief video clips online,
some news articles documenting the big highlights. Maybe a speech from some politician. But we have no
real experience of the real Vietnam War. And the little bits and pieces we get from the news is
an extremely watered-down version of the war. They tell us how many people died, shows short clips of
soldiers fighting, and innocent residents harmed. But what about the thousands of stories that go
unheard? The film "Apocalypse Now" ends up actually feeling more real than the real war. When people
talk about the Vietnam War, they picture scenes from the movie rather than the actual war. The
media that was originally an imitation of reality ends up being more real, thus hyperreal. The hyperreal
was originally a copy of something real. But then we start to interact with the hyperreal
more than reality, and so new forms of media end up imitating hyperreality rather than reality.
It becomes a loop of copies, copying copies, copying copies, until our lives are looking
at copies of copies of copies. I believe Stephen West from Philosophize This! gave an example of
how TV shows originally drew inspiration from real people in real lives, but over time new TV shows
became inspired by past TV shows. Creating shows that are now completely detached from reality.
For instance, How I met your mother or Friends, comes out and we in real life start to frame what
happens to us in relation to these TV shows. We create character tropes all the time, that we then
form our real relationships around. Such as people saying, "I want to be just like Lily and Marshall or
Monica and Chandler." We see people have magical love at first sight moments on screen and then
build expectations of having the same magical feeling in real life. "I would be forever wed..."
The imaginary dictates reality. These expectations and tropes constrain us in thinking love needs to
be a certain way, or that if we start off as the hyper girlfriend, calm boyfriend trope we
need to maintain that trope. But the thing is, these expectations and tropes are not based in
reality. Now how does everything we've talked about apply to common phrases online? Let's start with
"if he wanted to he would". Two things about this mindset bother me. One, it builds the expectation
that our partners, specifically men, should know what to do and know what we want without us
communicating it. Two, as many people have pointed out it's literally contradictory. Girls say "if he
wanted to he would" and so they don't tell their man what they want because he should just do
it if he wants to, but then if guys had the same mindset then they would not make the first move
either because they're thinking "if she wanted to, she would." And so no one would do anything.
Also, sometimes people want to do things but are not sure if they should are scared, anxious, shy
or maybe they value your input. Which I really hope they do. Communication is so, so important.
If you truly love someone, you would not base your partner's worth on whether they give you exactly
what you want. You would care about how much you're giving them and whether you're both having
a reciprocal relationship. Before Valentine's Day, I saw quite a few TikToks talking about
how women in heterosexual relationships should wait to see if their man does something romantic
for them without saying anything, or if you do say something you should only mention it once. If your
man doesn't do anything or forgets that thing you had said once, it's a sign to end the relationship.
"And they know that it's important to you, you would only have had to say it once, right?
Because if they loved you they would remember things that were important to you and it would be
important to them too. Move in silence on Valentine's Day. Don't say anything. Hide the gift
you're getting them, hide the things that you're doing for them, not in a manipulative way. Just wait.
If you walk away from that day disappointed, feeling unappreciated, feeling alone, feeling like
they're right. it's just a day. It's commercialized. It doesn't mean anything. They show me they
love me every day, so it doesn't really matter. And I do care about them and I do...
Stop, okay." The thing that bugged me the most is that these TikToks would say, even if he shows
you that he loves you every other day, if he misses the mark on this one commercialized, arbitrary day,
then sorry he clearly doesn't love you. There is so much concern around what can my man do for me,
can he meet my standards, that this one day can determine the trajectory of the rest of your
relationship? I know it's different for everyone, maybe your boyfriend has amazing memory and grew
up in a loving environment. But for my boyfriend and I, we both have a lot going on in our lives
And so it's unreasonable to expect us to remember something someone said once. Just because I forget
that he wanted a poke bowl today for dinner, does not mean he's not important to me. My
boyfriend also grew up in a household without much celebratory spirit. He didn't receive gifts for
his Birthday, for Christmas. Him and his friends never even exchange gifts on special occasions
and so is it really fair for me to judge his love based on what he gives me if he has never
been taught to give material gifts? Even as I'm saying this i understand how hard it can be to
not let these little things affect you. We are surrounded by people who post picture perfect
moments of their relationship and it constantly makes us fixate on how good the love we receive is.
We are convinced that we should never settle, that there is some person out there who will give us a
love as perfect as the ones we see in films and TV shows. I experience this sometimes too, um, okay
that was a lie. I actually experience this all the time. One of my greatest fears is not being loved,
so honestly this whole video is almost like a lecture to myself. I've definitely got a lot
to work on in the realm of love, so please don't think I feel superior to everyone because Iam not
but that's why it's important to have a good level of self-love. So that you can squash
paranoid worries about not being loved enough and judge your relationship with a more clear head. And
remember that these movies are not real, they are hyperreal. The love on your TV screen looks more
perfect and more real than reality, so it makes you crave that hyperreality. But it is a mere copy.
"Red flags" is another term that has gained immense popularity. I think it is absolutely important to
watch out for red flags in a relationship but this term has gotten overused. People watch a
15 second clip online and suddenly everyone's got a psychology degree. Here's how author Kim
Baker defined red flags. Red flags are whispers from our intuition that something isn't quite
right. A red flag is that sinking feeling we get in our stomachs when something bad happens. There are
slivers of evidence usually showing up early on, that this relationship is not the right one for us.
A red flag warns that deal breakers are headed our way. Now I want to place emphasis on deal breakers,
something that we absolutely cannot tolerate or is too much effort to fix. Conversely, not knowing how
to cook or having a perm is not a red flag. That's just called "not your preference". Don't let random
strangers who know nothing about your relationship control you and tell you what is a red flag. I hope
we all dedicate more time to thinking about how to love others, how to build self-love, and avoid
letting hyperreal displays of love mislead us. You can like and sub, if you want. Leave a comment
if you want. Thank you so much for watching, let's keep talking and I hope to hear from you soon. Bye!!
Captions by Julia M.
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