5 Ways To Be Less SHY & More CONFIDENT!
Summary
TLDRVin Jiang, a communication skills expert and entrepreneur magician, shares his journey from crippling shyness to confident public speaking. Despite his initial fear, he overcame social anxiety and transformed his communication abilities. Jiang offers five practical tips to battle shyness, including improving posture, using open body language, maintaining good eye contact, adjusting vocal qualities, adopting a curious mindset, elaborating on replies, and sharing personal stories. He emphasizes the importance of practice and self-perception in building confidence, illustrating his points with personal anecdotes and student transformations.
Takeaways
- 🎤 Vin Jiang is an entrepreneur magician and communication skills expert who also teaches about parenting.
- 🔥 He shares a personal anecdote about accidentally setting his house on fire with his son, highlighting the challenges of parenting.
- 😳 Vin admits he's not an expert in parenting but specializes in communication skills and public speaking.
- 🤯 Over 50% of Vin's students suffer from crippling shyness, which hinders their social and professional life.
- 🦋 Vin himself used to be shy and socially anxious, and he shares his journey of overcoming it over the past 10 years.
- 🎥 He shows a video from seven years ago to demonstrate his transformation in communication skills.
- 🗣️ Vin emphasizes that shyness often stems from being too self-centric and focusing too much on oneself.
- 🌟 He explains that there's a stage between shy and confident, which is 'not sounding or looking shy'.
- 🎙️ Vin provides five tips to help overcome shyness, including improving posture, using open body language, and making strong vocal statements.
- 🤔 Adopting a curious mindset towards others can help reduce self-focus and shyness.
- 📚 He suggests elaborating on replies and having personal stories ready to share as ways to build rapport and confidence.
- 🌈 Vin ends with the message that practicing new behaviors is key to moving from shyness to confidence.
Q & A
Who is Vin Jiang?
-Vin Jiang is an entrepreneur, magician, and communication skills expert.
What is one of the scariest things Vin Jiang mentions?
-Vin Jiang mentions that parenting is one of the scariest things in the world.
What was the embarrassing mistake Vin made at a networking function?
-Vin mistakenly introduced himself as a professional musician instead of a magician and had to pretend to be a musician for the rest of the evening.
What common reason for shyness does Vin identify among his students?
-Vin identifies that many of his students feel they are not interesting or funny enough, and worry about forgetting what to say, which makes them shy.
What is the step between being shy and being confident according to Vin?
-The step between being shy and being confident is not looking or sounding shy, even if you don't feel confident yet.
What visual techniques does Vin suggest to appear more confident?
-Vin suggests improving posture, using open body language, and giving good eye contact to appear more confident.
What vocal techniques does Vin recommend to sound more confident?
-Vin recommends using stronger levels of volume, ending sentences on a lower pitch, and pausing more to sound more confident.
How does Vin suggest handling shyness by focusing outwardly?
-Vin suggests adopting a curious mindset and asking follow-up questions about the other person to take the focus away from yourself and reduce shyness.
What should you do when someone asks you about your weekend, according to Vin?
-Vin advises elaborating on your replies and actually telling the person what you did over the weekend, rather than giving a short response.
What is Vin's final piece of advice for becoming less shy and more confident?
-Vin advises documenting stories and sharing them, as sharing stories is a fast way to build rapport and self-confidence.
Outlines
🎭 Overcoming Shyness Through Communication Skills
Vin Jiang introduces himself as an entrepreneur magician and communication skills expert. Despite his engaging career, he admits to a fear of parenting and shares a humorous anecdote about an incident with his son involving lanterns. Vin reveals that over 50% of his students struggle with crippling shyness, which hinders their social and professional lives. He relates to their struggles, having been shy and socially anxious himself. Vin shares a cringe-worthy video from his past to illustrate his transformation over the last decade, emphasizing the journey from shy to confident involves more than just a single step.
🎤 From Shy to Stage Presence: The Journey of Confidence
Vin discusses the intermediate step between shyness and confidence, which he describes as not sounding or looking shy. He shares a personal experience of speaking on stage, where despite feeling nervous, he appeared confident to the audience. This perception influenced his self-confidence. Vin explains that self-confidence is partly shaped by how others perceive us. He then offers five tips to help viewers become less shy: improving posture, using open body language, maintaining good eye contact, vocal techniques like strong volume, lower pitch at the end of sentences, and pausing more often. These tips are aimed at enhancing both visual and auditory confidence.
🤔 Cultivating Curiosity and Elaboration to Combat Shyness
Continuing with his tips for overcoming shyness, Vin suggests adopting a curious mindset to focus on others during conversations, which can help alleviate self-focus and shyness. He advises asking follow-up questions to show genuine interest. Vin also recommends elaborating on one's own replies when asked questions, to provide more depth and engage in meaningful exchanges. Lastly, he encourages the habit of documenting personal stories to share, as this can build rapport and self-confidence. Vin promotes his Stage Academy course for further insights on storytelling and communication skills.
👟 Life-Changing Stories and the Power of Confidence
Vin concludes the video by emphasizing the importance of practicing new behaviors to move from shyness to confidence. He shares a transformational story of a student who applied the lessons learned and saw a significant boost in confidence. Vin also tells a personal story about finding meaning in life and making an impact, humorously tied to a pair of shoes that 'saved his life.' He reminds viewers that change takes time and encourages them not to be discouraged, but to embrace the journey towards becoming a more confident version of themselves. Vin invites questions and comments to shape future content and thanks viewers for watching.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Entrepreneur Magician
💡Communication Skills
💡Parenting
💡Shyness
💡Social Anxiety
💡Transformation
💡Confidence
💡Perception
💡Practice
💡Body Language
💡Vocal Techniques
💡Curiosity
💡Elaboration
💡Storytelling
Highlights
Vin Jiang, an entrepreneur magician and communication skills expert, shares his journey from shyness to confidence.
More than 50% of Vin's students suffer from crippling shyness, affecting their work and social life.
Vin's personal transformation from social anxiety to effective communication skills over a decade.
Vin's humorous recount of a networking event where he introduced himself as a musician due to shyness.
The importance of not being self-centric to overcome shyness and the common misconceptions students have about shyness.
The intermediate step between shyness and confidence is not sounding or looking shy.
Vin's experience of perceived confidence on stage despite feeling nervous internally.
How others' perceptions can influence our self-confidence and the concept of becoming what we practice.
Five practical tips to battle shyness and build confidence, starting with improving posture and body language.
The vocal aspects of sounding confident, including using stronger volume, lower pitch, and more pauses.
Adopting a curious mindset towards others to alleviate self-focus and shyness.
The strategy of elaborating on replies to engage in conversation and appear more confident.
The power of having stories ready to share as a means to build rapport and self-confidence.
Vin's personal story of finding meaning in life and the humorous anecdote of how a pair of shoes 'saved his life'.
Encouragement to practice new behaviors to move from shyness to confidence, emphasizing the importance of time and patience.
Invitation for viewers to engage with comments and questions to shape future content.
Transcripts
[Music]
hi everyone my name is Vin Jiang and I'm
an entrepreneur magician and
communication skills expert I spend the
majority of my time teaching people one
of the scariest things in the world
parenting it's frightening I've never
known such fear in my life no I'm
definitely not an expert and qualified
teaching parenting though it is one of
the scariest things in the world look at
this experience I had with my son
[Music]
we were just trying to have a little bit
of fun with lanterns and we need to lit
the whole house on fire look what I am
qualified at teaching is communication
skills and public speaking and over the
years of running the workshops and
classes whether it be in person or
virtually I've learned something really
interesting about my students more than
50 of my students suffer from shyness
and when I say shyness I mean crippling
levels of shyness it stops them from
speaking up in the workplace it stops
them from making new friends overall it
stops them from getting the most out of
life and you're probably not going to
believe me because of the way you see me
now but I also used to be really shy I
also used to suffer from social anxiety
and I've been on this communication
Journey now for the last 10 years of my
life plus I want to show you a video
from about seven years ago and this was
me trying to speak to the camera to
improve my communication skills and this
was me also after a year of training
check this out
hey everyone
um Welcome to My Garage office slash
um home where I sleep everything uh
I just have to make this video
um I think I said man was been already
I'm not sure but I press record and I
just want to see what comes out but oh
good like I can't handle any more of
that I'm only going to play about 20
seconds of that but you see I hope you
agree that I've completely transformed
you you some would say I went from being
a caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly
actually I don't like that metaphor I
don't want to be a butterfly I'd rather
be a viking
nah who am I kidding I'll never be able
to grow a beard like that but I do
remember being so shy that there was
this one moment and this was about seven
years ago as well when I went to a
networking function to try to build my
business as a young professional
magician and it was one of those
networking functions where you kind of
tell each other what you do and then you
check if I need your services or if you
need my services Etc
and the speaker at the time that was
running the session said to all of us
all right I want one of you to stand up
at a time and state your name and what
you do that was all he asked us to do
you know I was sitting there and my
heart was
oh my God I'm gonna have to stand up in
the room I'm freaking out and I started
freaking out because I was second to
last in that room so I had about 18
people ahead of me so I had 18 people
worth of time to feel anxious to start
to get sick in my stomach and to to
sweat profusely it was such an awful
experience waiting until it was my turn
and then guess what happened when it was
my turn I was so shy and so anxious that
when I got up I said
um my name is I'm a professional
musician
I said musician I didn't say magician I
didn't even correct myself I sat back
down and for the rest of that evening I
basically had to pretend to be a
professional musician you that night
wasn't very fruitful for me I didn't get
any new business out of it and I told a
bunch of people a lie that I was a
musician
but why am I telling you this story I'm
telling you this simply because I
understand what it's like to be shy I
understand what it's like to be socially
anxious I I get it I've been there so
then the question really is what makes
you shine and when I talk about this
with my students and I ask them I say
well what makes you shy they often say
to me I'm not interesting enough no
one's going to want to talk to me I'm
not funny why would anyone want to
engage with me what if I forget what I'm
gonna say halfway through talking
they're going to think I'm stupid these
are actually some things that my
students have actually shared with me
and what do all of them have in common
it's all very me Centric isn't it I'm
not this I'm not that me me me me me
this is the biggest reason why we get
shy it's when we're too self-centric I
know this is a tough one to admit but if
you really think about this this is one
of the core reasons you hold back this
is one of the core reasons why you feel
shy because you're thinking way too much
about yourself when it comes to the
journey of how we can move from being
shy to confident people think we can
just do it in one step but they don't
realize that there's a step in between
shy and confident and the step in
between is that you don't just go from
shy for 20 years of your life to
immediately being confident in another
step in the middle is not sounding shy
and not looking shy let me tell you what
I mean when I say not looking shy and
not sounding shy here's a here's a quick
clip of me when I first started speaking
and if you look at me on stage I may
seem calm to you I may seem confident
but in my head and I'm freaking out I'm
wearing black so that it hides the sweat
stains and I'm wearing a vest because I
used to sweat through my shirts I'm
wearing a black shirt and a black vest
just so I can hide the sweat and I
remember getting off stage at this
particular event and I remember one
person coming up to me immediately and I
just thought to myself oh God they saw
through the facade they're just gonna
they're just gonna tell me that I'm not
fit to be a speaker and this lady walked
up to me and said wow I can't believe
that was one of the first times you were
on stage with him because you seemed so
confident
yeah my head exploded after that
experience I couldn't understand what
was happening because on the inside I
felt again I felt so nervous but she
perceived maybe to be confident
and in a really weird way I started to
feel more confident as people perceived
me to be more confident this was a
really strange situation that was
starting to occur and then I know there
are many things that make up
self-confidence but one of them is how
others perceive you because the way we
see ourselves is made up partly of how
others see us and as we improve the way
others see us we improve the way we see
ourselves the night pretty much went
like this I walked off stage I didn't
feel confident that first lady said wow
you're confident and I was like oh yeah
yep yeah okay thanks and the next person
said wow you seemed like a stage was
your home you were so confident up there
and I went yeah yes yes I did and then
the final person that said it to me wow
you were so confident I went yes damn it
I am
this is a great example of the theory
that we become the things we most
consistently practice
I just practiced being shy my entire
life and that evening for me was me
practicing being more confident and the
moment I practiced being more confident
I felt more confident now over the years
of teaching communication skills I've
learned a few things to help you battle
shyness so I want to share with you five
ways to make you less shy and to help
you become more confident let's start
with number one Craig can you can you
give me can you give me a little bit
more room I know you're editing but just
a little bit more ah thank you the first
thing it's about what you can do
visually to help yourself feel more
confident and help others perceive you
as being more confident the first thing
is to improve your posture
hold better posture the second thing is
use more open body language and the
third thing is give good eye contact
number two things you can do vocally
we've already covered things you can do
visually because you want to look more
confident but now we need to also hold
on sorry now we also need to learn how
to sound more confident not just to look
more confident but sound more confident
so here are three things you can do to
sound more confident the first thing is
you want to use stronger levels of
volume think about as having a scale
from one to ten you don't want to be
using out at least a five or a six let
me give you an example if I drop to a
three right now
this is me just speaking at a level
three
what does that do to my level of
confidence seems like I'm a little less
confident a bit more shy right
so strong levels of volume the next
thing is you want to make sure you end
your sentences on a lower pitch because
if you end your sentences on a higher
pitch notice what happens is that
everything I say sounds a bit like a
question this makes you seem a little
bit less confident whereas if I speak it
with a lower pitch at the end all of a
sudden I sound more confident and things
don't seem like a question do they and
the third thing what you could do with
your voice is you could pause more
posing more radiates confidence number
three ah okay Craig I I get it that you
have superiority when it comes to
editing but but you can you just move it
up a little bit
okay I guess not well look number three
is to adopt a curious mindset get really
curious about the person you're speaking
to remember that one what are the main
reasons why we're shy is because we're
focusing too much inwardly focus on the
other person this will help eliminate
one of the main sources of shyness when
the other person is talking ask more
questions about them ask three follow-up
questions about the thing they're
talking about if they're talking about a
new hobby like they just got into
archery ask them three follow-up
questions you know how did you get into
archery what sparked the passion what's
the hardest thing about archery and who
are your heroes in archery and just like
that you take the focus away from you
and put it on the other person which
helps you become less shy and come
across as being more confident okay
Craig is that really necessary can I
kind of
oh thank you jeez far out mate look with
the next one number four
okay great now now you can't see me at
all well I I'm not playing your games
correct not playing your games I'm not
gonna I'm not gonna try I'm not gonna
play your games they say the best way to
to treat bullies is just to ignore them
number four elaborate on your replies
when someone asks you how your weekend
was don't you say oh it was awesome and
then that's it and then ask how theirs
was of course it's important to be
interested in the other person and to be
curious about the other person but
inevitably the other person is going to
get interested and curious in you too so
elaborate on your replies when people
ask you how was your weekend actually
tell them what you did on the weekend
thank you for bringing me back Craig one
of these days I'm going to learn how to
edit and fire your ass number five and
can I have it on the other side I don't
want it on this side I wanna
much better number five have stories
ready to share sharing stories is one of
the fastest ways to build rapport and
build self-confidence but the only way
you're going to have stories to share is
if you start documenting the things that
happen to you start building the habit
of documenting stories and if you ever
want to learn more about storytelling
the formula for storytelling and how to
document stories do check out the stage
Academy my online course for
communication skills these are the five
tips that I have to be able to help you
become less shy and more confident and
as we end this video I want to show show
you an example of one of my students and
this example of one of my students
you'll see them just apply a few of
these lessons you'll see a before and
after before when they seem a little bit
shy and then when they apply some of
these tips after just experience how
much more confident they seem and come
across
I really have found
that I'm giving back to the world
and I'm so thankful that I took that
step
and now that 75 dollars seems pretty
well spent punchline punchline oh no
yeah good and the punchline was the
shoes what your life oh the shoes
changed my life now that you saved your
life Boom Big Brother floors again that
was great
it was about a year and a half after I
graduated from college I was working my
first job as an engineer I was asking
myself questions like what am I giving
back to the world what is it all about
what is the meaning of life
you know totally normal questions that
one asks oneself after you buy a pair of
Footwear
and yes I am still wearing that same
pair of dirty stinky choco sandals
starting to think that maybe that was a
pretty good deal after all
those shoes saved my life
wasn't that inspiring and as we pot ways
before we end this week's video I just
want to remind you that the reason
you're shy now if you are feeling like
you are shy it's because you practice
being shy and you've practiced being shy
so much that you've become so great at
being shy that now you have to learn and
practice new behaviors you have to
practice being more confident it's going
to take time don't be discouraged and
don't be so attached to who you are
right now in the present that you don't
give the future version of you a chance
thanks for joining me for this week's
video see you in the video next week and
as always if you've got any questions if
you've got any comments you'd like to
make please do leave them in the comment
section below because I want to use your
comments and your questions to shape the
content that I make moving forward into
the future thanks everyone bye for now
foreign
[Music]
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