Are You A Bad Wife? 10 Ways to Know
Summary
TLDRThis video script addresses behaviors that may indicate being a 'bad wife,' offering self-awareness for improvement. It lists ten behaviors, including controlling tendencies, the need to be right, dominance in relationships, avoidance of conflict, moodiness, criticism, double standards, gossiping, lack of sexual interest, and undermining the husband in front of children. The script encourages change for a healthier, loving marriage, suggesting that good men are patient, understanding, and supportive, waiting for their wives to evolve.
Takeaways
- 🚫 Avoiding Control: The script emphasizes that being overly controlling can negatively impact a marriage, and good men are typically easygoing and flexible.
- 🙅♀️ Letting Go of Being Right: The need to always be right is a behavior that can be harmful in a relationship; good men are willing to admit their mistakes and be wrong.
- 👖 Not Wearing the Pants: Dominating the relationship by having the final say in all matters can be detrimental; good men are more cooperative and seek mutual agreement.
- 🏃♀️ Facing Pain: Avoiding conflict and difficult conversations is a sign of a bad wife; good men are problem solvers and seek resolutions.
- 🌊 Mood Stability: Being moody and temperamental can create an unstable environment for a marriage; good men are consistent, stable, and pragmatic.
- 👎 Criticism and Judgment: Constantly focusing on the negative aspects of one's spouse is unhealthy; good men focus on the positive and good things.
- 📏 Double Standards: Having different rules for oneself than for one's spouse is unfair; good men are straightforward and honest in their actions.
- 🗣️ Respectful Communication: Talking negatively about one's husband behind his back is disrespectful; good men handle marital issues privately.
- 💏 Sexual Interest: A lack of interest in sex or viewing it as an obligation can harm a marriage; good men see sex as a healthy and enjoyable part of marriage.
- 👨👧👦 Parental Respect: Undermining one's husband in front of children is damaging; good men believe in teaching children to respect both parents.
Q & A
What is the first behavior that suggests a woman might be a bad wife according to the script?
-The first behavior is being controlling, which means micromanaging every aspect of life, including the marriage and relationship with the husband, and insisting that things go one's way.
How does the script describe 'good men' in relation to being controlling?
-Good men are described as easygoing and flexible by nature, not controlling, and not needing to micromanage their lives or relationships.
What is the second behavior that indicates a woman might be a bad wife, as mentioned in the script?
-The second behavior is the need to always be right, which stems from a fear of being wrong and the perception that being wrong equates to being fundamentally flawed.
How do good men handle the concept of being wrong, according to the script?
-Good men are willing to admit their mistakes and when they are wrong, showing they do not have an inherent need to always be right.
What is the third behavior that the script suggests is indicative of a bad wife?
-The third behavior is 'wearing the pants in the relationship,' meaning that the woman must approve and give permission for everything that happens.
In contrast to the behavior of 'wearing the pants,' how do good men approach decision-making in a marriage?
-Good men are described as going along to get along, being agreeable and wanting their wives to be happy, rather than needing to control or approve every decision.
The fourth behavior mentioned in the script is being a pain avoider. How does this behavior manifest in women?
-Being a pain avoider means doing everything to avoid conflict and difficult conversations, often using emotions as a protective mechanism to avoid accountability for one's part in problems.
How do good men differ from the behavior of being a pain avoider?
-Good men are problem solvers who seek solutions and are willing to have tough conversations and deal with conflict, rather than avoiding it.
What is the fifth behavior that the script associates with being a bad wife?
-The fifth behavior is being moody, temperamental, and emotional, causing the husband to walk on eggshells and not knowing when the mood might change.
How are good men described in terms of their emotional stability?
-Good men are described as consistent, stable, and pragmatic, meaning they are unemotional, can see things for what they really are, and do not wear their emotions on their sleeves.
The sixth behavior discussed in the script is being critical and judgmental. What does this entail?
-Being critical and judgmental means focusing on the negative aspects, flaws, and shortcomings of one's husband, often overlooking the positive things they do.
How do good men approach the positive aspects of their relationship, contrasting the behavior of being critical and judgmental?
-Good men focus on the good things and the positive, often overlooking the negative or mistakes, and appreciate the overall good in their partners.
What is the seventh behavior that suggests a woman might be a bad wife, as per the script?
-The seventh behavior is having double standards, where a woman may make and break rules as she pleases but expects her husband to adhere to strict rules.
How do good men handle rules and expectations in a marriage, contrasting the behavior of having double standards?
-Good men are straightforward, saying and doing exactly what they mean, and are honest and genuine, not applying different rules for themselves and their partners.
The eighth behavior mentioned in the script is talking negatively about one's husband. What is the implication of this behavior?
-Talking negatively about one's husband can involve building a case against them, seeking validation from others, and potentially undermining the relationship.
How do good men approach respect and communication regarding their wives and marital issues?
-Good men are respectful of their wives and marital issues, believing that such matters should be kept private and not aired in public, maintaining dignity and respect.
What is the ninth behavior that the script identifies as indicative of a bad wife?
-The ninth behavior is not being interested in sex, or viewing it merely as an obligation without genuine engagement or enjoyment.
How do good men view sex within a marriage, contrasting the behavior of disinterest or obligation?
-Good men view sex as a normal, healthy activity that married couples share as part of their love and connection, valuing it as a benefit of marriage.
The final behavior discussed in the script is undermining one's husband in front of children. What is the impact of this behavior?
-Undermining a husband in front of children can damage the respect children have for their father, using them as pawns in marital conflicts, and modeling poor conflict resolution.
How do good men approach parenting and maintaining respect within the family, contrasting the behavior of undermining in front of children?
-Good men believe in teaching children to respect their mother and handle adult arguments privately, not in front of children, ensuring a respectful and responsible environment.
Outlines
🚫 Overcoming Controlling Behaviors in Marriage
The first paragraph discusses the negative impact of controlling behaviors in a marriage. It suggests that women often feel the need to micromanage every aspect of their lives, including their relationships with their husbands. This can lead to tension and conflict, as husbands may feel stifled or misunderstood. The paragraph emphasizes that good men are typically easygoing and flexible, and if a woman can change her controlling behavior, she will find a good man who is also willing to adapt and be understanding.
🙅♀️ Letting Go of the Need to Be Right
This paragraph highlights the common issue of women feeling the need to always be right, which can be detrimental to a marriage. It explains that being wrong can feel deeply vulnerable and exposing for women, leading them to fight to maintain this perception of correctness. The paragraph contrasts this with the behavior of good men, who are willing to admit their mistakes and are not fixated on being right. It suggests that by letting go of this need, women can foster a healthier relationship with a good man who values honesty and self-awareness over always being right.
👖 The Dynamics of 'Wearing the Pants' in a Relationship
The third paragraph addresses the issue of one partner, typically the woman, having to approve or give permission for every decision in a relationship. It points out the societal jokes and expectations around this dynamic, suggesting that it can lead to an unhealthy power imbalance. The paragraph contrasts this with the behavior of good men, who are more collaborative and do not seek to dominate or control the relationship. It encourages women to change this behavior to find a partner who is supportive and seeks mutual understanding and respect.
🏃♀️ Avoiding Pain and Conflict in Relationships
The fourth paragraph delves into the tendency of women to avoid pain and conflict, often by avoiding difficult conversations or taking responsibility for their part in issues within the relationship. It suggests that this avoidance can prevent the resolution of problems and contribute to a lack of accountability. The paragraph contrasts this with the approach of good men, who are problem solvers and seek to address and resolve conflicts directly. By changing this behavior, women can build a stronger relationship with a man who is willing to engage in open and honest communication.
🌊 Navigating Moodiness and Emotional Turmoil
This paragraph discusses the challenges of moodiness and emotional instability in women, which can make it difficult for their husbands to understand or predict their reactions. It suggests that this can create an environment of uncertainty and tension within the marriage. The paragraph contrasts this with the stability and consistency of good men, who are described as pragmatic and unemotional, able to maintain a sense of calm and reason even in the face of emotional turmoil. By working on emotional regulation, women can foster a healthier and more stable relationship.
👎 The Impact of Criticism and Judgment
The sixth paragraph focuses on the negative effects of being overly critical and judgmental, particularly in the context of a marriage. It points out that women may focus on the flaws and mistakes of their husbands, overshadowing the positive aspects of their relationship. The paragraph encourages women to recognize and change this behavior, highlighting that good men focus on the positive and are more likely to appreciate and acknowledge the good things in their partners.
🤾♀️ The Issue of Double Standards in Relationships
The seventh paragraph addresses the issue of double standards, where women may hold themselves to different standards than they hold their husbands. It provides examples of how this can manifest in a relationship and the negative impact it can have on trust and respect. The paragraph contrasts this with the behavior of good men, who are described as straightforward and honest, not applying different rules for themselves than for their partners. By eliminating double standards, women can work towards a more equitable and respectful relationship.
🗣️ Respectful Communication in Marriage
This paragraph discusses the importance of respectful communication within a marriage, particularly the negative impact of speaking negatively about one's spouse to others. It points out that this behavior can damage the relationship and create unnecessary conflict. The paragraph emphasizes that good men are respectful and private about marital issues, believing in resolving conflicts directly with their partners rather than involving others or airing grievances in public.
💏 Embracing Intimacy and Sexual Health in Marriage
The ninth paragraph touches on the topic of sexual intimacy within a marriage, noting that some women may not be interested in sex or may view it as an obligation rather than a mutual expression of love and connection. It suggests that this can lead to dissatisfaction and disconnect in a relationship. The paragraph highlights that good men value and desire intimacy with their wives, seeking a healthy and enjoyable sexual relationship as part of their marriage.
👨👧👦 The Importance of Mutual Respect in Front of Children
The final paragraph addresses the issue of undermining one's spouse in front of children, which can have long-lasting effects on the family dynamic and the children's perception of both parents. It points out that women may use children as a tool to gain support in conflicts with their husbands. The paragraph emphasizes that good men believe in maintaining respect and privacy in adult discussions, teaching children the importance of respecting both parents and not involving them in marital disputes.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Controlling
💡Need to be Right
💡Wearing the Pants
💡Pain Avoider
💡Moody
💡Critical and Judgmental
💡Double Standards
💡Respectful
💡Sex
💡Undermine
💡Self-Awareness
Highlights
The speaker aims to help women identify behaviors that make them bad wives and encourages self-awareness and change to improve their relationships.
Being controlling is identified as the first behavior of a bad wife, with advice to let go of micromanaging to allow a good man to be easygoing and flexible.
The need to always be right is highlighted as a problematic trait for women, with the suggestion that admitting mistakes can lead to a healthier dynamic with a good man.
Wearing the pants in the relationship, or having to approve everything, is described as a bad wife behavior that can be changed to allow a good man to be more cooperative.
Avoiding conflict and difficult conversations is pinpointed as a sign of a bad wife, with the implication that facing issues directly can lead to a stronger relationship with a good man.
Moodiness and emotional instability in women are presented as behaviors that can negatively impact a marriage, with the idea that stability attracts stability.
Criticism and judgmental attitudes are identified as detrimental, with the notion that focusing on the positive can help cultivate a more supportive relationship with a good man.
Double standards are called out as a bad wife behavior, with the advice that consistency and fairness in expectations can lead to a more harmonious marriage.
Talking negatively about husbands to others is discouraged, with the suggestion that privacy and respect can foster a more loving relationship with a good man.
A lack of interest in sex or viewing it as an obligation is presented as a bad wife behavior, with the idea that a healthy sexual relationship is a benefit of marriage.
Undermining a husband in front of children is identified as harmful, with the advice that children should be taught to respect both parents.
The transcript emphasizes that good men are not looking to control or dominate but are seeking a loving and respectful partnership.
Good men are characterized as being willing to admit their mistakes, suggesting that this openness can lead to a more honest and trusting relationship.
The importance of good men being problem solvers is highlighted, with the idea that they seek solutions rather than avoiding difficult issues.
Consistency and stability in emotions are presented as positive traits in good men, in contrast to the moodiness often associated with bad wife behaviors.
Good men are described as not being critical or judgmental, focusing instead on the positive aspects of their partners.
Good men are portrayed as respectful and private with marital issues, valuing the sanctity and privacy of the relationship.
The transcript concludes by emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and change for women to foster a healthy, loving relationship with a good man.
Transcripts
these behaviors ladies will tell you and
show you that you are a bad wife so that
you can overcome them and change and be
a good wife for yourself to feel good
about who you are and have your husband
get the benefit and good men are not
these things so part of what I'm going
to do is is show here's what a good man
is and if you're saying well my husband
does these things it's in response to
how you are showing up if you change
these behaviors and you're married to a
good man the characteristics and traits
I will point out of a good man that's
who's waiting for you when you change
these things you have to go first so
we're just going to go through these in
in a simple way the first behavior that
tells you that you are a bad
wife you are
controlling as women we know we are
controlling don't deny that we know
we're controlling on a spectrum some
women are very very controlling some
women are lower on the spectrum of
controlling but we all know we're
controlling it means we have to
micromanage every aspect of Our Lives
including our marriage including our
relationship with our
husbands we need to go have things go
our way nothing can vary from the plan
otherwise we melt down either overtly or
covertly that things are not going our
way and our husband gets the brunt of
that controlling Behavior we micromanage
our husbands to keep things in order and
not have anything go a different
way good men are not controlling Good
Men by Nature are easygoing and
flexible the women thinking my husband
is controlling and you're married to a
good man it is a reflection and a mirror
back of how you are showing
up if you let go of being controlling
and Chang that behavior in yourself you
will have a good man right there waiting
for you who is easygoing and
flexible the second Behavior to tell you
you are a bad wife you need to be right
as women we know we have the need to be
right we can't bear to be
wrong because for us as women the worst
experience we can have of ourselves is
being wrong I was just sharing this with
a a gentleman yesterday in a course
consultation
that it's vulnerable and exposing for a
man to see that he is
weak the equivalent of that for us as
women is being
wrong it is very vulnerable and exposing
to us as women to be
wrong it's the worst experience we can
have of ourselves because as women we
don't make being wrong just making a
mistake and accepting our humanness or
seeing where we are not correct
being wrong for us as women is being
fundamentally
flawed that there is something
fundamentally wrong with us that's how
we interpret being wrong so we can't
allow ourselves to be wrong and we will
fight to
extremes to be right and not have
anything exposed that we are wrong in
any
way good men don't have a need to be
right good men are willing to admit
their mistakes
and admit when they are
wrong again ladies that's who's waiting
for you when you let go of your need to
be right and you can admit when you have
made a mistake and admit when you are
not right and incorrect who you have
waiting for you is as a good man is a
man that's willing to admit his mistakes
and admit when he is
wrong number three of how to know you
are a bad wife you wear the pants in the
relationship and that means as women
everything must be
approved by us and we have to give
permission on anything that happens it's
why we see jokes all the time in sitcoms
or commercials or movies of oh let me go
ask my
wife and Men dogging on each other cuz
like oh really you got to go ask
permission of your wife and we laugh
because we know it's true and you can
probably Google or search on YouTube my
wife wears the pants or I have to get
permission from My Wife and you'll see a
stream of of videos from comedians
joking about this experience so we all
know it's
true and if it if it our approval is not
given and we don't wear the pants then
all hell breaks loose and again that can
be either overtly or covertly of what's
happening in US
good men don't need to wear the
pants good men go along to get along
it's like whatever you say
dear because they just want us to be
happy the fourth Behavior to know you
are a bad wife you are a pain
avoider as women we are pain avoiders we
do everything to avoid conflict and
having difficult conversations to get to
resolutions and the problems we all know
this this can be
confusing especially I've seen comments
from men it can be confusing what do you
mean women are pain avoiders they're so
emotional as women we stay emotional to
avoid the pain of looking at
ourselves being a pain avoider as a
woman is a protective mechanism to not
have to take accountability and be
exposed to the issues we contribute to
if we Face
conflict then we will have to face
ourselves and our part and role in the
problems and then be be accountable to
actually change those
behaviors good men are not pain
avoiders good men are problem solvers
and want to seek Solutions tell me what
I need to do and I will correct the
problem good men become
weakened and avoid conflict with their
wife not because they're pain avoiders
but because of the fear we instill in
Good Men of how we respond and react to
them in our woman ways so ladies when
you stop start changing these behaviors
stop being a pain
avoider you will have a good man there
waiting for you wanting to solve the
issues and have tough conversations and
deal with the
conflict the fifth way to know you are a
bad wife you are Moody temperamental and
emotional again either overtly or
covertly this one really speaks for
itself but as women we live in emotional
turmoil and good men never know when the
lid is going to pop off or what mood we
are going to be in when we get
home and we keep our husbands walking on
eggshells and they don't know then we
might be having a good time and having
fun together and all the sudden oops all
of the sudden the switch flipped
I've had this happen with my husband
we're having a good time I get triggered
by something I shut down was what just
happened where did you
go and that's what we do as women in our
moodiness and emotional turmoil good men
are not moody temperamental and
emotional good men are consistent stable
and pragmatic meaning they're
unemotional and can see things for what
they really are doesn't mean they don't
have emotions they do good men tend to
be quite sensitive and deeply feeling
within themselves but they don't go
around wearing their emotions on their
sleeves they deal with life this is who
is waiting for you when you change these
behaviors number six of how to know you
are a bad wife you are critical and
judgmental again these are all behaviors
we know we have as women not just in our
marriage but across many many different
relationships like family and friends
and
co-workers and again we want to be
honest about these than ourselves so
number six you are critical and
judgmental meaning we focus on the
negative we focus on the flaws and the
shortcomings of our
husbands and our our husbands could do
20 amazing things for us and then make
one mistake and all we can focus on is
one
mistake it's like the analogy that a
restaurant is only as good as the last
meal you had you can go to a restaurant
have 15 different times and have an
amazing
experience and then you go and it's not
a good experience and the food is off
that night and all you can think about
is that one bad meal you might say I'm
never going back there again that's what
we do in our marriages as women with our
husbands that he's only as good as the
last thing he has done and we forget all
the other amazing things that they are
doing or have done and all we can focus
on is the one thing they haven't done or
the one mistake that they
made and that's what we stay focused on
in the
relationship good men are not critical
and
judgmental good men are focused on the
good things and the positive that's why
you can have a good man reach out give
me a list of the poor treatment that
they get from their wives and then
finish it but she's so wonderful and
just such a lovely
person it's because a good man sees and
focuses on the good things and the
positive number seven of how to know you
are a bad wife you have double
standards meaning do as I say not as I
do that as women we feel we can do what
we want we can make the rules and then
break the rules as we
please but our husbands need to stay to
the strict rules that we have given them
and and they need to do as we say not as
we do it's like I can can make the rules
and I can change them at my convenience
and at a whim but the rules still apply
to
you like a woman might say oh I'm going
to go out and go to dinner with my good
girlfriend and then a man wants to go do
something with his buddy and all again
all hell breaks loose that's that's a
really good example of a double standard
men do not have double standards in
their marriage good men are
straightforward and say and do exactly
what they mean they are honest and
genuine again this is who's waiting for
you ladies when you change your
behaviors because when these are the
ways you show up in your relationship
your behaviors have consequences and
your husband is reacting and responding
to these behaviors in you that if you
changed and you show up differently he
would be the good man that he is number
eight of how to know you are a bad wife
you talk behind your husband's back so
we feel entitled to talk negatively and
Parton my language about our
husbands to our family to our friends to
his mother and commiserate and validate
our story of how awful they are we build
a case against them so that we feel
entitled to how we feel in the
relationship or feel entitled to leave
and then we have everybody on our side
good men are respectful of their wife's
issues they're respectful of the issues
in the
marriage and feel that you don't air
dirty laundry in public and that the
marital issues are personal and private
this is who is waiting for you when you
change your
behaviors number nine to know you are a
bad wife you are not interested in
sex if you are it's because it's a
checklist and you feel like it's a
obligation that you have to do and you
are not present in it
and feel no responsibility that this
should be something that's a healthy
part of the
marriage good men know that sex is a
normal healthy activity that couples in
a marriage get to share as part of why
you get married that you get to have sex
with a person that you love and enjoy is
a benefit of
marriage and the thing about Good Men is
they don't want to go have sex with
someone else they want their wife
can't tell you how many times I've read
in homework from Good Men or and
speaking with them that who are in a
sadly in a sexless marriage and their
wives have said well why just go outside
the marriage that's how shut down they
are to sex and good men don't want to do
that they want their wife they want the
woman they love because they they have
that emotional connection they're not
bad boys and number 10 how to know you
are a bad
wife you undermine your husband in front
of your
children and make him look
bad as women we will use children as
pawns against our husbands to get the
children on our side and continue to
build that case against our
husbands so women will purposely create
arguments in front of children to show
and prove how their husbands are
wrong they'll say derogatory things
about their husbands to the children in
front of the
husband and undermine their parenting
good men believe that adult arguments
and discussions should be H be had
behind closed doors not in front of the
children and be done in a responsible
way and good men also want to teach
their children to respect their
mother good men are quick to say don't
talk to your mother that way don't
disrespect your mother you need to go
apologize that's who's waiting for you
when you change these behaviors so those
are are the
10 10 behaviors to show you that you are
a bad wife not to beat yourself up and
make yourself wrong but to create
self-awareness so that you can actually
change these behaviors and have a
healthy loving relationship
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