How to spot a liar | Pamela Meyer | TED

Summary

In this engaging talk, the speaker humorously addresses the prevalence of lying, revealing that we are all participants in deception. She delves into the science of liespotting, explaining how to detect dishonesty through speech patterns and body language. The speaker emphasizes the importance of truth-seeking and trust-building, highlighting the serious implications of deception in personal and professional realms. With practical examples and insights, she equips the audience to navigate a 'post-truth society' and foster a culture of honesty.

Takeaways

• 😶 Everyone Lies: The speaker humorously points out that everyone in the room, including the speaker, is a liar, setting the stage for a discussion on deception.
• 🕵️‍♂️ Liespotting vs. Gotcha: Liespotters use scientific knowledge to uncover the truth, unlike those who merely seek to catch others in lies for the sake of it.
• 🤝 Lying is Cooperative: The power of a lie depends on someone else's willingness to believe it, implying that being deceived is often a shared act.
• 💡 Not All Lies Are Harmful: Some lies are told for social politeness or to keep necessary secrets, showing that deception exists on a spectrum.
• 💸 High Cost of Deception: Corporate fraud alone cost billions of dollars, highlighting the significant financial impact of dishonesty.
• 👶 We Learn to Lie Early: From babies faking cries to children mastering deception, lying is a behavior ingrained from an early age.
• 🔍 Detecting Deception Patterns: The speaker outlines patterns in speech and body language that can indicate deception, such as non-contracted denials and specific gestures.
• 👀 Eyes and Smiles as Truth Tellers: Genuine emotions are reflected in the eyes and the inability to consciously create certain facial expressions like real smiles.
• 🤔 Importance of Attitude in Conversations: An honest person's attitude during a conversation can be a strong indicator of truthfulness or deception.
• 🚫 Beware of Contempt: The expression of contempt is a sign of moral superiority and dismissal, which is difficult to recover from in a relationship.
• 🔬 Emerging Truth-Telling Technologies: Advances in technology offer new ways to detect deception, but human judgment remains crucial in liespotting.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the speaker's presentation?

The main theme of the presentation is the prevalence of lying in society, the science behind liespotting, and the importance of truth-seeking and trust-building.

Why does the speaker claim that lying is a cooperative act?

Lying is considered a cooperative act because the power of a lie emerges only when someone else agrees to believe the lie; thus, it requires the participation of both the liar and the one being lied to.

What are some of the costs associated with deception as mentioned in the script?

The script mentions that deception can have dramatic costs, such as the 997 billion dollars lost to corporate fraud in the United States in one year, and the potential for lies to betray a country, compromise security, undermine democracy, and even cause deaths.

How often might one be lied to on a given day according to the studies cited in the script?

Studies show that one might be lied to anywhere from 10 to 200 times on a given day, with many of those being white lies.

What is the difference between the lying patterns of strangers versus coworkers?

The script indicates that we tend to lie more to strangers than we do to coworkers, highlighting the complexity of lying within different social contexts.

What are some of the key indicators of deception in speech that the speaker discusses?

Key indicators of deception in speech include non-contracted denials, distancing language, the use of qualifying language, and excessive detail in responses.

How does body language play a role in deception according to the script?

Body language can reveal deception through signs such as freezing the upper body, maintaining too much eye contact, and displaying fake smiles that lack the 'crow's feet' around the eyes.

What is the significance of 'duping delight' in the context of deception?

'Duping delight' is a term used to describe the subtle smile or expression of pleasure that liars may display when they believe they have successfully deceived someone.

How can the discrepancy between words and actions help in identifying deception?

Discrepancies between words and actions, or 'hot spots,' can indicate deception when a person's story or behavior does not align with the expected emotional response or typical reactions to certain situations.

What is the difference between the expressions of anger and contempt as indicators of deception?

While anger suggests a level playing field and a potentially healthy relationship, contempt indicates a dismissal and a sense of moral superiority, making it much harder to recover from and potentially signaling deception.

How does the speaker suggest we navigate a world cluttered with deception?

The speaker suggests that by combining the science of recognizing deception with the art of looking, listening, and being explicit about our moral code, we can strengthen truth and marginalize falsehood in our world.

What technological advancements are mentioned in the script for detecting deception?

The script mentions specialized eye trackers, infrared brain scans, and MRIs as technological advancements that can decode signals our bodies send out when being deceptive.

Why does the speaker suggest that oversharing on social media is not the same as honesty?

The speaker implies that oversharing can blind us to the subtleties of human decency and character integrity, suggesting that true honesty goes beyond mere transparency and requires a deeper sense of integrity.

Outlines

00:00

🤥 The Art of Deception and Trust Building

The speaker humorously introduces the pervasive nature of lying, stating that everyone in the room, including themselves, is a liar. They aim to educate the audience on the science of deception, how to spot lies, and the importance of seeking truth and building trust. The speaker clarifies that their goal is not to play a 'Gotcha' game but to use scientific knowledge to have mature conversations, especially during difficult times. They emphasize that lying is a cooperative act, highlighting that lies only hold power when someone agrees to believe them, and that not all lies are harmful, but some can have severe consequences, such as corporate fraud or national security breaches.

05:00

🧐 The Complexity of Lying and its Cultural Roots

The speaker delves into the complexity of lying, showing it as an integral part of our daily lives and business, with a deep ambivalence towards truth. They point out that we are against lying but covertly support it through societal norms and historical precedents. The speaker discusses the evolutionary value of lying, indicating that more intelligent species are more likely to be deceptive. They provide examples of deception from early childhood to adulthood, and highlight the prevalence of lies in various forms in our society, such as Spam and fake news. The speaker also introduces the effectiveness of trained liespotters in uncovering the truth and sets the stage for discussing patterns of deception.

10:02

🕵️‍♂️ Identifying Deception Through Speech and Body Language

The speaker explores two patterns of deception: speech and body language. They discuss how liars may use non-contracted denials, distancing language, and qualifying language to avoid appearing deceptive. The speaker also points out common misconceptions about body language, such as the belief that liars constantly fidget or avoid eye contact. They use examples from political figures to illustrate these points and emphasize the importance of looking for clusters of deceptive behaviors rather than focusing on single gestures or expressions.

15:04

👀 Spotting Lies by Observing 'Hot Spots' and Genuine Emotion

The speaker teaches the audience how to identify 'hot spots' in a conversation that may indicate deception, such as discrepancies between a person's words and actions. They highlight the importance of attitude, with honest individuals typically being cooperative and enthusiastic, while deceptive individuals may be withdrawn and provide excessive irrelevant details. The speaker also discusses the concept of 'duping delight' and other subtle expressions that can indicate deception. They contrast these behaviors with genuine emotions displayed by a grieving mother, emphasizing the importance of recognizing truthful expressions of emotion.

🌐 The Role of Technology and Moral Code in Detecting Deception

In the final paragraph, the speaker discusses the role of technology in detecting deception, such as eye trackers and brain scans, but also questions their practicality in everyday situations. They advocate for the importance of human tools and the art of observation in conjunction with the science of deception. The speaker calls for a more explicit moral code in a world that is increasingly transparent and noisy, emphasizing the enduring importance of character and integrity. They conclude by encouraging the audience to create an environment of honesty and truth, which can shift the ground around them.

Keywords

💡Liespotting

Liespotting refers to the skill of detecting deception by observing verbal and non-verbal cues. In the video, the speaker aims to teach the audience how to become liespotters, emphasizing that it is not about playing a 'Gotcha' game but using scientific knowledge to uncover the truth. The concept is central to the video's theme of understanding and navigating the prevalence of lies in society.

💡Deception

Deception is the act of causing someone to believe something that is not true, often through lying or concealing the truth. The video discusses deception as a cooperative act, meaning its power lies in the acceptance of the lie by the deceived. It is a key theme in the video, illustrating the various forms and costs of deception in personal and professional contexts.

💡Truth Seeking

Truth seeking is the process of actively pursuing the uncovering of facts and reality, as opposed to accepting lies or half-truths. The speaker encourages the audience to move beyond liespotting to truth seeking, which involves a deeper commitment to understanding the truth and building trust. It is presented as a positive and proactive approach to dealing with deception.

💡Cooperative Act

In the context of the video, a cooperative act is something that requires the participation of two or more parties to be effective. The speaker describes lying as a cooperative act because the lie only holds power if someone else agrees to believe it. This concept challenges the audience to consider their role in the acceptance of lies.

💡Non-verbal Cues

Non-verbal cues are the unspoken signals people send through body language, facial expressions, and other physical behaviors. The video highlights the importance of non-verbal cues in liespotting, explaining that liars may exhibit certain patterns such as freezing their upper bodies, excessive eye contact, or fake smiles, which can indicate deception.

💡Duping Delight

Duping delight is a term used to describe the subtle signs of pleasure or satisfaction a liar may exhibit when they believe they've successfully deceived someone. The video uses this term to illustrate a moment when a liar's true feelings inadvertently leak through their facade, providing a clue to their deception.

💡Facial Expressions

Facial expressions are the movements of the face that convey emotions or reactions. The video script discusses how trained liespotters can identify fake smiles and other facial expressions that may indicate deception. It also mentions the expression of contempt, which is a sign of moral superiority and can be a strong indicator of deception.

💡Contingent

The term 'contingent' in the video refers to the idea that the effectiveness of a lie depends on the willingness of the listener to accept it as truth. It underscores the interactive nature of deception and the role of the audience in the success of a lie.

💡Evolutionary Value

Evolutionary value pertains to the idea that certain traits or behaviors have developed and persisted in a species because they provide a survival or reproductive advantage. The video suggests that lying has evolutionary value, as it is more common in intelligent species with larger neocortices, indicating that the ability to deceive may have offered evolutionary benefits.

💡Post-Truth Society

A post-truth society is a term used to describe a culture or time in which objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion or personal belief. The video mentions this concept to describe a world cluttered with deception, where lies and half-truths are pervasive and can be challenging to navigate.

💡Indicators of Deception

Indicators of deception are the signs or behaviors that may suggest someone is lying. The video provides several examples, such as changes in blink rate, body positioning towards an exit, and the use of barrier objects. These indicators are not definitive proof of lying but are red flags that, when clustered, can suggest deception.

Highlights

The speaker humorously acknowledges that everyone in the room, including herself, is a liar, setting the stage for a discussion on deception.

The importance of becoming a 'liespotter' is introduced, someone who uses scientific knowledge to identify deception and seek the truth.

The concept that lying is a cooperative act is presented, suggesting that the power of a lie depends on someone else's willingness to believe it.

The speaker clarifies that not all lies are harmful, and sometimes they serve social purposes, such as maintaining dignity or keeping secrets.

The staggering cost of deception is highlighted, with corporate fraud alone costing nearly a trillion dollars in the United States.

The idea that people are willing to fill gaps in their lives with lies is explored, as a way to bridge the gap between their wishes and reality.

Statistics on the frequency of lying are shared, indicating that people may be lied to up to 200 times a day, with strangers lying more often than coworkers.

The speaker discusses the complex nature of lying, showing that it is deeply ingrained in our daily and business lives.

The evolutionary value of lying is presented, with intelligent species more likely to be deceptive, and examples from Koko the gorilla are given.

The development of deception skills from childhood to adulthood is outlined, showing how lying is a learned behavior that evolves over time.

The speaker introduces the concept of 'duping delight,' a term used to describe the smile that appears when someone takes pleasure in deceiving others.

The importance of body language in detecting deception is discussed, challenging common assumptions and presenting scientific insights.

The use of attitude as an indicator of deception is highlighted, explaining how an honest person's behavior differs from that of a deceptive person.

The speaker demonstrates how to spot inconsistencies in a person's words and actions, using the concept of 'hot spots' to identify deception.

The video examples of mothers, one lying and one telling the truth, are used to illustrate the stark differences in behavior and emotion between deception and honesty.

The speaker discusses the limitations and potential of technology in detecting deception, comparing it to the human ability to read character and integrity.

The importance of maintaining moral integrity in a world that is increasingly transparent and public is emphasized, calling for a more explicit moral code.

The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to strengthen truth and marginalize falsehood, creating a shift in the social environment towards honesty.

Transcripts

Okay, now I don't want to alarm anybody in this room,

but it's just come to my attention that the person to your right is a liar.

(Laughter)

Also, the person to your left is a liar.

Also the person sitting in your very seats is a liar.

We're all liars.

What I'm going to do today

is I'm going to show you what the research says about why we're all liars,

how you can become a liespotter

and why you might want to go the extra mile

and go from liespotting to truth seeking,

and ultimately to trust building.

Now, speaking of trust,

ever since I wrote this book, "Liespotting,"

no one wants to meet me in person anymore, no, no, no, no, no.

They say, "It's okay, we'll email you."

(Laughter)

I can't even get a coffee date at Starbucks.

My husband's like, "Honey, deception?

Maybe you could have focused on cooking. How about French cooking?"

So before I get started, what I'm going to do

is I'm going to clarify my goal for you,

which is not to teach a game of Gotcha.

Liespotters aren't those nitpicky kids,

those kids in the back of the room that are shouting, "Gotcha! Gotcha!

Your eyebrow twitched. You flared your nostril.

I watch that TV show 'Lie To Me.' I know you're lying."

No, liespotters are armed

with scientific knowledge of how to spot deception.

They use it to get to the truth,

and they do what mature leaders do everyday;

they have difficult conversations with difficult people,

sometimes during very difficult times.

And they start up that path by accepting a core proposition,

and that proposition is the following:

Lying is a cooperative act.

Think about it, a lie has no power whatsoever by its mere utterance.

Its power emerges

when someone else agrees to believe the lie.

So I know it may sound like tough love,

but look, if at some point you got lied to,

it's because you agreed to get lied to.

Truth number one about lying: Lying's a cooperative act.

Now not all lies are harmful.

Sometimes we're willing participants in deception

for the sake of social dignity,

maybe to keep a secret that should be kept secret, secret.

We say, "Nice song."

"Honey, you don't look fat in that, no."

Or we say, favorite of the digiratti,

"You know, I just fished that email out of my Spam folder.

So sorry."

But there are times when we are unwilling participants in deception.

And that can have dramatic costs for us.

Last year saw 997 billion dollars

in corporate fraud alone in the United States.

That's an eyelash under a trillion dollars.

That's seven percent of revenues.

Deception can cost billions.

Think Enron, Madoff, the mortgage crisis.

Or in the case of double agents and traitors,

like Robert Hanssen or Aldrich Ames,

lies can betray our country,

they can compromise our security, they can undermine democracy,

they can cause the deaths of those that defend us.

Deception is actually serious business.

This con man, Henry Oberlander, he was such an effective con man,

British authorities say

he could have undermined the entire banking system of the Western world.

And you can't find this guy on Google; you can't find him anywhere.

He was interviewed once, and he said the following.

He said, "Look, I've got one rule."

And this was Henry's rule, he said,

"Look, everyone is willing to give you something.

They're ready to give you something for whatever it is they're hungry for."

And that's the crux of it.

If you don't want to be deceived, you have to know,

what is it that you're hungry for?

And we all kind of hate to admit it.

We wish we were better husbands, better wives,

smarter, more powerful, taller, richer --

the list goes on.

Lying is an attempt to bridge that gap,

to connect our wishes and our fantasies

about who we wish we were, how we wish we could be,

with what we're really like.

And boy are we willing to fill in those gaps in our lives with lies.

On a given day, studies show that you may be lied to

anywhere from 10 to 200 times.

Now granted, many of those are white lies.

But in another study,

it showed that strangers lied three times

within the first 10 minutes of meeting each other.

(Laughter)

Now when we first hear this data, we recoil.

We can't believe how prevalent lying is.

We're essentially against lying.

But if you look more closely, the plot actually thickens.

We lie more to strangers than we lie to coworkers.

Extroverts lie more than introverts.

Men lie eight times more about themselves than they do other people.

Women lie more to protect other people.

If you're an average married couple,

you're going to lie to your spouse in one out of every 10 interactions.

Now, you may think that's bad.

If you're unmarried, that number drops to three.

Lying's complex.

It's woven into the fabric of our daily and our business lives.

We're deeply ambivalent about the truth.

We parse it out on an as-needed basis,

sometimes for very good reasons,

other times just because we don't understand the gaps in our lives.

That's truth number two about lying.

We're against lying,

but we're covertly for it

in ways that our society has sanctioned for centuries and centuries and centuries.

It's as old as breathing.

It's part of our culture, it's part of our history.

Think Dante, Shakespeare, the Bible, News of the World.

(Laughter)

Lying has evolutionary value to us as a species.

Researchers have long known that the more intelligent the species,

the larger the neocortex,

the more likely it is to be deceptive.

Now you might remember Koko.

Does anybody remember Koko the gorilla who was taught sign language?

Koko was taught to communicate via sign language.

Here's Koko with her kitten.

It's her cute little, fluffy pet kitten.

Koko once blamed her pet kitten for ripping a sink out of the wall.

(Laughter)

We're hardwired to become leaders of the pack.

It's starts really, really early.

How early?

Well babies will fake a cry,

pause, wait to see who's coming

and then go right back to crying.

One-year-olds learn concealment.

(Laughter)

Two-year-olds bluff.

Five-year-olds lie outright.

They manipulate via flattery.

Nine-year-olds, masters of the cover-up.

By the time you enter college,

you're going to lie to your mom in one out of every five interactions.

By the time we enter this work world and we're breadwinners,

we enter a world that is just cluttered with Spam, fake digital friends,

partisan media,

ingenious identity thieves,

world-class Ponzi schemers,

a deception epidemic --

in short, what one author calls a post-truth society.

It's been very confusing for a long time now.

What do you do?

Well, there are steps we can take to navigate our way through the morass.

Trained liespotters get to the truth 90 percent of the time.

The rest of us, we're only 54 percent accurate.

Why is it so easy to learn?

There are good liars and bad liars.

There are no real original liars.

We all make the same mistakes. We all use the same techniques.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to show you two patterns of deception.

And then we're going to look at the hot spots

and see if we can find them ourselves.

We're going to start with speech.

(Video) Bill Clinton: I want you to listen to me.

I'm going to say this again.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.

I never told anybody to lie, not a single time, never.

And these allegations are false.

And I need to go back to work for the American people.

Thank you.

(Applause)

Pamela Meyer: Okay, what were the telltale signs?

Well first we heard what's known as a non-contracted denial.

Studies show that people who are overdetermined in their denial

will resort to formal rather than informal language.

We also heard distancing language: "that woman."

We know that liars will unconsciously distance themselves

from their subject,

using language as their tool.

Now if Bill Clinton had said, "Well, to tell you the truth ..."

or Richard Nixon's favorite, "In all candor ..."

he would have been a dead giveaway

for any liespotter that knows

that qualifying language, as it's called, qualifying language like that,

further discredits the subject.

Now if he had repeated the question in its entirety,

or if he had peppered his account with a little too much detail --

and we're all really glad he didn't do that --

he would have further discredited himself.

Freud had it right.

Freud said, look, there's much more to it than speech:

"No mortal can keep a secret.

If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips."

And we all do it no matter how powerful you are.

We all chatter with our fingertips.

I'm going to show you Dominique Strauss-Kahn with Obama

who's chattering with his fingertips.

(Laughter)

Now this brings us to our next pattern, which is body language.

With body language, here's what you've got to do.

You've really got to just throw your assumptions out the door.

Let the science temper your knowledge a little bit.

Because we think liars fidget all the time.

Well guess what, they're known to freeze their upper bodies when they're lying.

We think liars won't look you in the eyes.

Well guess what, they look you in the eyes a little too much

just to compensate for that myth.

We think warmth and smiles convey honesty, sincerity.

But a trained liespotter can spot a fake smile a mile away.

Can you all spot the fake smile here?

You can consciously contract the muscles in your cheeks.

But the real smile's in the eyes, the crow's feet of the eyes.

They cannot be consciously contracted,

especially if you overdid the Botox.

Don't overdo the Botox; nobody will think you're honest.

Now we're going to look at the hot spots.

Can you tell what's happening in a conversation?

Can you start to find the hot spots

to see the discrepancies

between someone's words and someone's actions?

Now, I know it seems really obvious,

but when you're having a conversation with someone you suspect of deception,

attitude is by far the most overlooked but telling of indicators.

An honest person is going to be cooperative.

They're going to show they're on your side.

They're going to be enthusiastic.

They're going to be willing and helpful to getting you to the truth.

They're going to be willing to brainstorm, name suspects,

provide details.

They're going to say,

"Hey, maybe it was those guys in payroll that forged those checks."

They're going to be infuriated if they sense they're wrongly accused

throughout the entire course of the interview, not just in flashes;

they'll be infuriated throughout the entire course of the interview.

And if you ask someone honest

what should happen to whomever did forge those checks,

an honest person is much more likely

to recommend strict rather than lenient punishment.

Now let's say you're having that exact same conversation

with someone deceptive.

That person may be withdrawn,

look down, lower their voice,

pause, be kind of herky-jerky.

Ask a deceptive person to tell their story,

they're going to pepper it with way too much detail

in all kinds of irrelevant places.

And then they're going to tell their story in strict chronological order.

And what a trained interrogator does

is they come in and in very subtle ways over the course of several hours,

they will ask that person to tell that story backwards,

and then they'll watch them squirm,

and track which questions produce the highest volume of deceptive tells.

Why do they do that? Well, we all do the same thing.

We rehearse our words,

but we rarely rehearse our gestures.

We say "yes," we shake our heads "no."

We tell very convincing stories, we slightly shrug our shoulders.

We commit terrible crimes,

and we smile at the delight in getting away with it.

Now, that smile is known in the trade as "duping delight."

And we're going to see that in several videos moving forward,

but we're going to start -- for those of you who don't know him,

this is presidential candidate John Edwards

who shocked America by fathering a child out of wedlock.

We're going to see him talk about getting a paternity test.

See now if you can spot him saying, "yes" while shaking his head "no,"

slightly shrugging his shoulders.

(Video) John Edwards: I'd be happy to participate in one.

I know that it's not possible that this child could be mine,

because of the timing of events.

So I know it's not possible.

Happy to take a paternity test, and would love to see it happen.

Interviewer: Are you going to do that soon? Is there somebody --

JE: Well, I'm only one side. I'm only one side of the test.

But I'm happy to participate in one.

PM: Okay, those head shakes are much easier to spot

once you know to look for them.

There are going to be times when someone makes one expression

while masking another that just kind of leaks through in a flash.

Murderers are known to leak sadness.

Your new joint venture partner might shake your hand,

celebrate, go out to dinner with you and then leak an expression of anger.

And we're not all going to become facial expression experts overnight here,

but there's one I can teach you that's very dangerous

and it's easy to learn,

and that's the expression of contempt.

Now with anger, you've got two people on an even playing field.

It's still somewhat of a healthy relationship.

But when anger turns to contempt, you've been dismissed.

It's associated with moral superiority.

And for that reason, it's very, very hard to recover from.

Here's what it looks like.

It's marked by one lip corner pulled up and in.

It's the only asymmetrical expression.

And in the presence of contempt, whether or not deception follows --

and it doesn't always follow --

look the other way, go the other direction,

reconsider the deal,

say, "No thank you. I'm not coming up for just one more nightcap. Thank you."

Science has surfaced many, many more indicators.

We know, for example,

we know liars will shift their blink rate,

point their feet towards an exit.

They will take barrier objects

and put them between themselves and the person that is interviewing them.

They'll alter their vocal tone,

often making their vocal tone much lower.

Now here's the deal.

These behaviors are just behaviors.

They're not proof of deception.

They're red flags.

We're human beings.

We make deceptive flailing gestures all over the place all day long.

They don't mean anything in and of themselves.

But when you see clusters of them, that's your signal.

Look, listen, probe, ask some hard questions,

get out of that very comfortable mode of knowing,

walk into curiosity mode, ask more questions,

have a little dignity, treat the person you're talking to with rapport.

Don't try to be like those folks on "Law & Order" and those other TV shows

that pummel their subjects into submission.

Don't be too aggressive, it doesn't work.

Now, we've talked a little bit about how to talk to someone who's lying

and how to spot a lie.

And as I promised, we're now going to look at what the truth looks like.

But I'm going to show you two videos,

two mothers -- one is lying, one is telling the truth.

And these were surfaced by researcher David Matsumoto in California.

And I think they're an excellent example of what the truth looks like.

This mother, Diane Downs,

shot her kids at close range,

drove them to the hospital while they bled all over the car,

claimed a scraggy-haired stranger did it.

And you'll see when you see the video,

she can't even pretend to be an agonizing mother.

What you want to look for here is an incredible discrepancy

between horrific events that she describes and her very, very cool demeanor.

And if you look closely, you'll see duping delight throughout this video.

(Video) Diane Downs: At night when I close my eyes,

I can see Christie reaching her hand out to me while I'm driving,

and the blood just kept coming out of her mouth.

And that -- maybe it'll fade too with time --

but I don't think so.

That bothers me the most.

PM: Now I'm going to show you a video

of an actual grieving mother, Erin Runnion,

confronting her daughter's murderer and torturer in court.

Here you're going to see no false emotion,

just the authentic expression of a mother's agony.

(Video) Erin Runnion: I wrote this statement

on the third anniversary of the night you took my baby,

and you hurt her,

and you crushed her,

you terrified her until her heart stopped.

And she fought, and I know she fought you.

But I know she looked at you with those amazing brown eyes,

and you still wanted to kill her.

And I don't understand it,

and I never will.

PM: Okay, there's no doubting the veracity of those emotions.

Now the technology around what the truth looks like

is progressing on, the science of it.

We know, for example,

that we now have specialized eye trackers and infrared brain scans,

MRI's that can decode the signals that our bodies send out

when we're trying to be deceptive.

And these technologies are going to be marketed to all of us

as panaceas for deceit,

and they will prove incredibly useful some day.

But you've got to ask yourself in the meantime:

Who do you want on your side of the meeting,

someone who's trained in getting to the truth

or some guy who's going to drag a 400-pound electroencephalogram

through the door?

Liespotters rely on human tools.

They know, as someone once said,

"Character's who you are in the dark."

And what's kind of interesting is that today, we have so little darkness.

Our world is lit up 24 hours a day.

It's transparent with blogs and social networks

broadcasting the buzz of a whole new generation of people

that have made a choice to live their lives in public.

It's a much more noisy world.

So one challenge we have is to remember,

oversharing, that's not honesty.

Our manic tweeting and texting can blind us

to the fact that the subtleties of human decency -- character integrity --

that's still what matters, that's always what's going to matter.

So in this much noisier world,

it might make sense for us

to be just a little bit more explicit about our moral code.

When you combine the science of recognizing deception

with the art of looking, listening,

you exempt yourself from collaborating in a lie.

You start up that path of being just a little bit more explicit,

because you signal to everyone around you,

you say, "Hey, my world, our world, it's going to be an honest one.

My world is going to be one where truth is strengthened

and falsehood is recognized and marginalized."

And when you do that,

the ground around you starts to shift just a little bit.

And that's the truth. Thank you.

(Applause)