Know when to shut up: learn how to take the money

Summary

In this episode of 'Psych, Hacks Better Living Through Psychology,' Dr. Orion Taban discusses the crucial skill of knowing when to stop talking, particularly in dating and sales situations. He emphasizes that over-talking can undermine success, whether selling a product or courting a woman. Drawing parallels between sales and relationships, Dr. Taban stresses the importance of letting your actions speak for themselves, trusting in your value, and avoiding unnecessary explanations. He highlights the psychological dynamics of tension and release in both sales and dating, advising listeners to be strategic and confident in their interactions.

Takeaways

• 😀 Effective communication is about knowing when to stop talking, especially in dating and sales.
• 😀 In both sales and dating, once the other party has made a decision, further discussion can cause harm and even reverse the decision.
• 😀 Men often blow their first dates by talking too much about themselves, thinking it demonstrates high value.
• 😀 The most successful approach is to 'show, don't tell.' Allow people to discover your value rather than constantly explaining it.
• 😀 Low self-esteem in sales leads to overselling. Believe in your product or value, and don’t feel the need to continuously sell once the decision is made.
• 😀 People don’t always need convincing; some are ready to act immediately. Be willing to accommodate them without unnecessary persuasion.
• 😀 Confidence in your value will naturally attract opportunities and attention, whether in business or relationships.
• 😀 The ability to leave space for silence and tension can increase attraction, as it captivates attention and encourages curiosity.
• 😀 Master seducers know when to build tension and when to release it, keeping the attraction dynamic in relationships.
• 😀 In relationships, periodic absence can make your presence more appreciated, ensuring you're not taken for granted.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Dr. Orion Taban's talk?

The main topic of Dr. Orion Taban's talk is about knowing when to stop talking, particularly in the context of dating, mating, and sales.

Why does Dr. Taban emphasize the importance of 'shutting up' in relationships?

Dr. Taban emphasizes the importance of 'shutting up' because excessive talking can undermine successful outcomes in both sales and relationships. Knowing when to stop talking can prevent doubts and negative consequences.

What are the three phases of relationships Dr. Taban discusses?

The three phases of relationships Dr. Taban discusses are attraction, negotiation, and maintenance.

How does Dr. Taban compare the process of dating to sales?

Dr. Taban compares dating to sales by explaining that, like in sales, once someone has made a decision to move forward (whether it's buying a car or pursuing a relationship), further discussion or attempts to 'sell' can cause doubts or ruin the opportunity.

What is the common mistake that novice salesmen and men in dating make, according to Dr. Taban?

The common mistake they make is not recognizing when to stop talking. They often continue talking past the point where the other party has already made a decision, which can unintentionally create doubt or reduce interest.

What is the significance of showing rather than telling in dating, according to Dr. Taban?

Dr. Taban suggests that in dating, it's more effective to show your value through your actions rather than telling the other person. This approach is more impressive and trustworthy, allowing the other person to discover your value on their own.

Why do men with low self-esteem struggle to stop talking in sales and dating?

Men with low self-esteem struggle because they don’t believe in the inherent value of what they're offering, whether it's a product or themselves. They fear that others won't recognize this value on their own, so they keep talking to try to convince them.

How does Dr. Taban describe the behavior of successful salespeople?

Successful salespeople believe in their product implicitly and understand that once a customer has made a decision to buy, no further selling is needed. They also know that it's important to allow customers to proceed at their own pace.

What role does confidence play in dating and sales, according to Dr. Taban?

Confidence is crucial because it demonstrates that your value is obvious and assured. When you're confident in your value, you don't feel the need to continuously demonstrate it, allowing others to recognize it on their own.

What does Dr. Taban mean by 'tension and release' in the context of seduction?

Dr. Taban explains that 'tension and release' is a technique used in seduction, where you build emotional and sexual tension and then release it at the right moments. This keeps the other person engaged and motivated to pursue the relationship.

Why does Dr. Taban advise men to give women the gift of their absence in an ongoing relationship?

Dr. Taban advises giving women the gift of absence because it helps prevent them from taking you for granted. This absence should not be punitive but rather a way to make the other person appreciate your presence more when you are together.