What I Learned From Approaching 10,000 Women
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares his insights from approaching over 10,000 women, emphasizing that physical intimacy isn't a happiness cure-all but can enhance life's enjoyment. He highlights the importance of self-confidence and clear intentions in dating, debunking the myth that only good looks matter. He encourages focusing on small wins to build confidence and stresses that directness often yields better results than indirect flirting, as it can lead to more meaningful connections and reduce awkward situations.
Takeaways
- 🔢 The speaker has approached thousands of women, suggesting a large sample size for the lessons learned.
- 🚀 The speaker emphasizes that getting laid isn't a magical solution to happiness or life's problems, but it can make life more exciting.
- 💡 The realization that being free and expressing oneself without fear of judgment is more rewarding than just the physical aspect of relationships.
- 🤔 The initial belief of the speaker was that they were unattractive to women, but through experience, they learned that some women did find them attractive.
- 🌟 Focusing on small wins and positive interactions, rather than on rejections, is key to building confidence in dating.
- 👀 Looks aren't the only factor in attraction; the speaker found that even less conventionally attractive individuals can receive positive responses.
- 🚫 The speaker debunks the myth that good looks guarantee positive dating outcomes, noting that attractiveness does not always equate to better reactions.
- 💭 The importance of making intentions clear in dating is highlighted, as it can lead to more direct and positive responses from women.
- 🚀 The speaker's initial fear of being perceived as creepy was overcome by learning that clear intentions can be well-received by women.
- 📈 The speaker suggests that being direct about intentions is more effective for inexperienced individuals until they become comfortable with indirect approaches.
- 🛑 The speaker advises against making excuses for inaction, emphasizing that approaching women, despite discomfort, is necessary for learning and growth.
Q & A
What is the main topic of the video?
-The main topic of the video is the top five lessons the speaker has learned from approaching over 10,000 women, relating to dating, self-improvement, and understanding what women want.
What is the speaker's initial guesstimate about the number of women he has approached?
-The speaker initially guesstimates that he has approached around 10,000 women, but acknowledges it could be more or less.
What misconception does the speaker believe many people have about getting laid?
-The speaker believes that many people mistakenly think that getting laid will make them happy and solve all their problems, which is not the case.
According to the speaker, what is the real value of getting laid?
-The speaker suggests that while getting laid can make life more exciting and fun, and reduce stress, it is not a grand solution to life's problems.
What does the speaker consider the best part of the pickup experience?
-The speaker considers the best part of the pickup experience to be the feeling of freedom and being in the zone, where one can express themselves without any expectations.
What was the speaker's initial belief about his attractiveness to women?
-Initially, the speaker believed that he was fundamentally unattractive to women on an emotional level, thinking of himself more as a little boy than a man.
How did the speaker's experiences with approaching women change his initial belief?
-Despite having poor technique and being insecure, the speaker found that some women were attracted to him, which helped him realize that he could be attractive to women.
What is the speaker's advice for those who are new to approaching women and feel insecure?
-The speaker advises focusing on every little win, no matter how small, and to appreciate those moments of success to build confidence.
What has the speaker learned about the relationship between physical attractiveness and women's reactions?
-The speaker has learned that better-looking guys do not necessarily get better reactions than those who are less attractive, and that confidence and approach play a significant role.
What is the speaker's view on making intentions clear when approaching women?
-The speaker believes that making intentions clear is okay and can often be the best approach, contrary to his initial fear of coming across as creepy.
What did the speaker initially do in his interactions with women, and what were the typical outcomes?
-Initially, the speaker used indirect openers and hid his intentions, which often led to neutral interactions that went nowhere.
How did the speaker's approach change when he started making his intentions clear?
-When the speaker started making his intentions clear, he found that he received far better reactions from women, as it showed confidence and vulnerability.
What advice does the speaker give regarding direct versus indirect approaches to women?
-The speaker advises that until one is comfortable with rejection and making their intentions clear, it's more advantageous to be direct rather than indirect.
Outlines
📈 Personal Growth Through Approaching Women
The speaker shares his journey of approaching over 10,000 women, a number he estimates based on his extensive experience in the dating scene. He emphasizes that despite the large number, he does not keep an exact count. From these interactions, he has learned valuable lessons about dating, sex, and understanding women's desires, which he aims to pass on to those who are new to the concept of 'pickup artistry' or exploring the 'red pill' philosophy. He stresses the importance of learning from his mistakes and reducing the number of awkward moments and failures that are inevitable in the process of mastering the art of approaching women.
💡 Realizations on Attraction and Confidence
The speaker discusses his initial belief that he was unattractive to women, stemming from his high school experiences and lack of romantic success. However, as he began approaching women despite his insecurities, he discovered that some women did find him attractive, which was a significant revelation for him. He advises focusing on small victories, such as a girl showing interest or giving her number, to build confidence. He also shares insights from coaching others, noting that looks are not the decisive factor in attracting women. Even those who are conventionally attractive can struggle with rejection, while those who may not fit societal beauty standards can still attract women successfully. The key takeaway is that regardless of one's appearance, persistence and a positive mindset can lead to success in dating.
🚀 Clarity of Intent in Dating Dynamics
The speaker reflects on his past approach to dating, which involved hiding his intentions due to fear of being perceived as creepy or making women uncomfortable. He discusses the cultural influences that instilled this fear and how it affected his early attempts at dating. Initially, he used indirect methods to engage with women, which often led to neutral interactions without progression. However, he learned that being clear about his intentions often yielded better results. Women responded positively when he was open about finding them attractive and being interested in them. The speaker encourages others to overcome the fear of rejection and to be direct in expressing their romantic interest, as this can lead to more meaningful connections and successful dating experiences.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Approaching
💡Dating
💡Sex
💡Self-esteem
💡Game
💡Red Pill
💡Confidence
💡Intentions
💡Attraction
💡Rejection
💡Freedom
💡Charisma
Highlights
The speaker has approached over 10,000 women and learned valuable lessons about dating and relationships.
The number of approaches is an estimate, as the speaker does not keep a literal count.
The lessons learned are intended to help those interested in improving their dating skills and understanding of women.
The speaker emphasizes that getting laid does not equate to happiness or a solution to life's problems.
Having sex can make life more exciting but is not a complete fix for personal issues.
The best part of the dating experience is feeling free and being able to express oneself without expectations.
The speaker's first epiphany is realizing that some women find him attractive, despite his initial insecurities.
Focusing on small wins and positive interactions is crucial for building confidence in dating.
The speaker's coaching experience shows that looks are not the most significant factor in attracting women.
Even men with perceived disadvantages can attract women when they approach with confidence.
Making one's intentions clear is often more effective than being indirect in dating scenarios.
The speaker advises against being overly sexual but encourages expressing attraction openly.
Being vulnerable and willing to be rejected can lead to more positive dating outcomes.
Indirect approaches can be effective for those comfortable with making their intentions clear, but directness is generally better for beginners.
The speaker's experiences highlight the importance of self-confidence and clear communication in dating success.
The speaker's lessons are meant to reduce the number of failures and awkward moments in dating.
Transcripts
in this video i'm going to talk about
the top
five lessons that i've learned from
approaching over 10
000 women now that number is a guess i
don't
keep track of literally every girl i
approach to get to you know that 10
000 number but i would estimate
i've approached about that many women
maybe a lot more maybe a few thousand
less but
thousands and thousands of women and
from having done that
i have learned a a lot of lessons about
dating about sex about what women want
about what makes you happy that i think
will be useful
for people who are let's say they're
dabbling with the idea
of learning game they're dabbling with
the idea of
what is this whole pickup thing or the
red pill or all that kind of crap
they've dabbled with it but they haven't
put in those hours they haven't put in
the approaches yet
and these are some of the top lessons
that i learned
and i'm going gonna give them to you so
that you don't have to learn them
through the many failures that i learned
them through so that you can fail
less you're still gonna have to fail a
lot you're still gonna have to have a
lot of awkward experiences
if you wanna get good at picking up
girls that's just that's the reality
but i want to help reduce the amount of
failures
the amount of awkward moments the amount
of time wasted on doing the same thing
making the same mistake
again and again and the first one
this is not on the list of the top five
but it is important
getting laid it's not gonna make you
happy
right not in the sense that it's gonna
like now that i have this i've arrived
because that's what i used to think and
that's what i think we all think when it
comes to our fitness goals our money
goals getting a girlfriend
getting a really hot girl getting a
really charismatic or whatever it is you
think you want
once you get that it does not make you
happy it does not fill the void
in your soul and fix all your problems
it makes you less miserable and makes
you
happier but it's not this solution this
grand
solution that changes everything even if
you get with a girl who like oh my god
she looks like a supermodel i've done
that
it got my ego like really excited it was
like a really powerful drug hit
for let's say a few hours or a few days
sure but did it fix my problems no did
does getting laid more fix all my
problems no
it makes life more exciting it makes
life more fun
and it does reduce this source of stress
of feeling like
oh well i can't get girls that's a
source of stress that it kind of
reduces or even can eliminate but it's
not going to fix all your problems
that's the first thing yes it can make
your life better
but really you got to have realistic
expectations if you think
oh this is going to fix my life like
being a millionaire isn't going to fix
your life either
it makes things better yeah of course
but it won't
fix that that deep hole inside that is a
more
that is deeper than just getting laid or
even having a deep intimate relationship
even having like a really good
relationship
that's not going to solve that that is
more
about your self-esteem on a level that
just getting laid doesn't solve and
also the best part of pickup is not the
getting laid part getting late obviously
sex can be extremely fun it can be a
very memorable experience
but the best experiences i've had from
going out and picking up women
have almost universally been nights when
i just feel free i just feel out of my
own way
i feel completely in the zone in
the more like nerd video game technology
or terminology
god mode being in god mode i'm getting
the point where i just don't care what
people think of me i feel completely
free
and i'm able to express myself without
any expectation
that is actually in many cases more fun
than sex with a girl who looks like a
model right so that's one thing to keep
in mind
the highlight of game is not just
getting laid right that's part of it
and if you're not focusing on that at
all you're probably kind of you know
making excuses but that's not the
highlight that's not
the peak experience it's actually just
being out and being
just completely free being at your most
charismatic being at your most
expressive and just having a great time
so that's the first point and i took
down notes so i can
keep things structured so the first one
first lesson from approaching 10 000
women
is that women can find me attractive now
this might be surprising because i don't
consider myself a
like bad looking guy people don't think
oh that guy looks like so disgusting he
couldn't get laid that's never been my
problem
but i believed on a deeper level on an
emotional level i was just fundamentally
unattracted to women i believed i was
more of a little boy
than a man i believe no girl could be
attracted me sexually and that's what my
high school experiences taught me i
didn't even kiss a girl in high school
i went on one date and the girl was not
even someone i was attracted to to be
honest
and she rejected me so that was my
experience
uh when i was younger let me make sure
okay we're good um
that was my experience when i was
younger and going out
when i was 21 going out to bars and
clubs approaching a lot of women even
though my game was
terrible it was awkward i got rejected i
had so many cringy experiences
i i like me and my friend we would get
kicked out of bars for just being so
awkward
like we didn't even do anything that
broke a roll it's just like being
awkward
that they didn't want us there right
that's how bad i was at first
despite that some of the girls i
approached despite my awful technique my
energy not being good me being insecure
etc
some girls like me and i saw that i was
like wait she seems like she might
actually be be flirting with me and
she's hot
i don't know what's wrong with her but
there's a chance for me
right that was the first epiphany is
that some women do find me attractive
and when you start doing approaches that
is something you really want to latch on
to hey that girl was flirting
that girl asked for my number that girl
was laughing at everything i said really
latch onto that and let that propel you
forward
that's very important and that's going
to help you a lot because what most guys
do when they start
is they think well i'm not getting laid
so i'm feeling failing right
i didn't get a girlfriend yet i'm not
like i'm getting flaked
don't focus so much on the negative
focus on every little win
that you're getting even if it's a very
small win
really hone in on that and like
appreciate that and i was able to do
that
even though it was cringy i sucked most
girls rejected me
those little wins where a girl seemed to
like me or she gave me her number or
whatever
that really gave me a lot of confidence
and i was able to build on
that and if you're thinking well maybe
for you
you know being a relatively decent
looking guy
maybe that's the case but for me i
approached tons of girls and none would
like me
um i've actually learned through
coaching i do boot camps where i coach
people in person and i take them to
approach women and i
watch the reactions they get and i give
them feedback
i have found that the better looking
guys
do not tend to get better reactions than
the unattractive guys
by a significant margin a lot of my
clients who struggle the most are the
ones that have like the physique of a
marvel hero
are over six feet tall and look almost
like a male model
a lot of those guys actually get more
negative reactions than the below
average looking guys
and i'm not saying looks don't play a
factor i i think they do i think they
are a relevant factor of course
but i expected when coaching maybe the
guys that are really not good looking
it's just not going to be possible right
there's no way i can help them every
girl is going to reject them i was
worried about that i was afraid that
that might happen
that's not what happened like absolutely
i've not seen a single guy who i took
out to do
20 30 approaches or more who didn't at
least get a number of girls who were
interested in him who were clearly
attracted and who were open to something
happening
if he knew how to move it forward right
if he didn't shoot himself in the foot
which he often would
uh because his beliefs that he's not
attractive
and i've seen that with any any
disadvantage you could think a guy might
have
i've seen that so short bald whatever
race whatever
big nose whatever different things you
might think i've seen it again
and again and again and again these men
are
able to get a lot of women attracted to
them even when they're new to game even
when their technique is sloppy even when
they're nervous
still some of the girls you approach are
going to like you that's the first
epiphany like if you do a lot of
approaches
no matter who you are some of the girls
are going to like you and if you are
able to move it forward you're going to
start getting results
they're not going to be like oh wow this
guy's james bond
kind of results but they will lead to
dates they will lead to getting laid or
whatever it is it will lead to that
because some of the girls are going to
like you that is simply going to happen
and people who don't who don't like oh
no but i'm the exception
99 of those guys have approached less
than 20 women in their entire life so
they have no sample size they have no
idea they're just
making excuses they're just uh latching
on to this idea of learned helplessness
because they want to feel like a victim
because if if
they have to approach women that's
uncomfortable that's awkward that's out
of your comfort zone
telling yourself oh it's impossible for
me
is a way out of that right it's a way to
say oh i don't have to get out of my
comfort zone
that's almost always what it is and then
the few exceptions where a guy does
approach a lot of women
and he gets like blown out by every girl
he approaches he never gets good
reactions
they're doing something like just really
socially dumb right and
they're not learning from it they're not
paying attention like i knew a guy in
vegas who had approached 20 girls a
night
and he told me i only got laid three
times which still hey three's better
than
a lot of guys but i only got laid three
times in like six months
and i watched him approach the girls
couldn't hear him
like he was talking so quickly
that's what he was talking like they
couldn't hear him he didn't even get
their attention so of course
he was getting rejected so unless you're
making some like really blatant
mistake where you're making every girl
uncomfortable because they don't notice
you
or you're just doing something like
really creepy or awkward
then a good percentage of the girls you
approach are going to be attracted even
if it's 10 20 whatever percent
it's enough that you can make something
out of that so that's the first major
epiphany i got from approaching 10 000
women and i'm going the
i'm going through these in chronological
order by the way
uh the second one is that it's okay to
make your intentions clear
and that in many cases that's the best
way to go about it when it comes to
dating
so i was very afraid of being creepy by
telling a girl i found her attractive
like
we're all ashamed about that and so in
some ways it's actually
necessary like you don't want to be a
creep right you don't want to be overly
sexual in a way that makes women
uncomfortable
that is a thing but i thought just any
time if i'm being openly for
openly flirtatious telling a girl she's
cute uh you know making my intentions
clear that that would make her
uncomfortable and that she wouldn't like
that and that's always a bad thing i
don't know where that came from
my parents didn't explicitly tell me
that i wasn't super religious like in
terms of my background
like it was just the movies the tv shows
it was something
about the culture that i was raised in
gave me that belief
somewhere i got that belief and i think
a lot of guys can relate to that
and yes it is possible to show your
intentions in a way that does make girls
uncomfortable
if you're not willing to take a step
back when they're not interested you're
not willing to go like okay well she's
not interested so i'm not going to keep
pushing
but in many cases women are react
so well when you show your intentions uh
the first year i did pick up when i went
to the bars and clubs i did mystery
method game which was
very popular back in the day i'm sure
you've heard of it if you know a lot
about the whole game and seduction
community that's where it started
and so i would do indirect openers who
lies more
men or women i would hide my intentions
and try to
not make it seem like i'm flirting that
was my whole goal that was my whole
method that was what i went about
and that's what i did and it got me
a lot of reactions a lot of interactions
that were
neutral but went nowhere they just died
out they petered out i would talk to a
girl
45 minutes she's like well this isn't
going anywhere so i'm bored
bye like it was nice meeting you i'd get
a hearty it was nice meeting you
every night all the time and so many
girls that
were interested in me because i was
afraid of showing my intentions i had
one girl who gave me a full body massage
in my bed and like even in massaging uh
more erogenous zones if you will you
know that's the most i can see on
youtube
and i thought in my mind unless she
kisses me she's not into me so if she
kisses me then i'll
i'll make the move i'll like you know uh
escalate but if she doesn't do that
she's probably not interested that's the
level i was thinking at
and when i started showing my intentions
just telling a girl like
you're really beautiful you're really
attractive being vulnerable being
willing to be rejected putting my ego on
the line
once i started doing that the reactions
i got were
far far better because i was afraid of
that a lot of guys are afraid of that
they're anxious about that they don't
want to get
in awkward situations but when you put
yourself out there and you make a move a
lot of girls
are going to respond super well and that
that's what i learned like holy
putting your intentions out there is
much more effective
than hiding your intentions if you're
afraid of that so
to put it to make it clear like once
you're really confident in yourself you
know how to make a move you know how to
make things
flirtatious and you're like comfortable
with doing that
then you can get away with being
indirect you can get away with something
more like the mystery method
but until you're comfortable making your
intentions clear until you're no longer
afraid of that until you're like
look i'm okay with being rejected i'm
gonna let her know i'm into her
she doesn't like it whatever but i'm
going to try until you're able to do
that consistently until you're
comfortable with putting yourself out
there in that way
then it's going to be disadvantageous
to go to indirect it's going to help you
by going direct you're going to get a
lot of girls openly flirting with you
responding on that same wavelength
and your results are going to be far far
better
you
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