How I Rewired my Brain to Overcome APPROACH ANXIETY | 5 steps to conquer fear of rejection

Summary

The speaker shares his journey from crippling approach anxiety to confidently approaching over 5,000 women. He outlines five steps to overcome this fear: ingraining the belief that women enjoy being approached, accepting rejection, starting with less intimidating interactions, being radically honest, and reframing approaching as a pleasurable experience. He emphasizes the importance of taking action and offers coaching to help others achieve similar confidence.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker used to have severe approach anxiety but has since overcome it and approached over 5,000 women, dating many and is now happily married.
• 🧠 Step one is to rewire your brain to believe that women enjoy being approached and to treat this belief as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• 💡 Women generally like being approached when it's done respectfully and authentically, contrary to common male fears of bothering them.
• 🚫 Accept that rejection is a part of the process and not a reflection of your self-worth; it's a numbers game that can be improved with practice.
• 🎯 Start by approaching people who are below your 'standards' to build confidence and comfort with the dating process before focusing on your ideal matches.
• 🤔 Practice simple interactions like saying 'hi' or asking for directions to build approach confidence before moving on to more complex conversations.
• 💪 Be radically honest about your intentions and feelings; authenticity is attractive and can lead to positive outcomes even in unexpected ways.
• 🌟 Embrace the idea that being honest and owning your insecurities can be refreshing and attractive to others, rather than trying to appear perfect.
• 🏋️‍♂️ The pleasure-pain principle suggests that you can reframe your perception of approaching women from a potential source of pain to one of pleasure by focusing on the positive outcomes.
• 🤓 Every approach, regardless of the outcome, is a step forward in building courage, confidence, and experience, making you more attractive over time.
• 🔗 Overcoming approach anxiety requires action and experience, not just theoretical knowledge; coaching and practice can help accelerate this process.

Q & A

What are the five steps mentioned in the script to overcome the fear of approaching women?

The script does not explicitly list the five steps, but it discusses concepts such as ingraining the belief that women enjoy being approached, accepting rejection, starting with simple interactions, being radically honest, and applying the pleasure-pain principle to see approaching as pleasurable.

How did the speaker's past experiences with approach anxiety manifest?

The speaker used to have crippling approach anxiety, to the point of running in the other direction when a girl was approaching him in a mall, and only approached one girl in five years of college because she gave him an interested look.

What is the speaker's current status in terms of relationships and personal growth?

The speaker has overcome his approach anxiety, approached over 5,000 women, dated many, is happily married, and has helped thousands of clients to conquer their own approach anxiety.

What is the speaker's advice on the mindset one should have when approaching women?

The speaker advises that one should believe that women want to be approached and that approaching should be seen as a pleasurable activity rather than a painful one, leading to positive outcomes regardless of the specific reaction from the woman.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of being radically honest when approaching women?

The speaker emphasizes radical honesty because it makes the approach more authentic and attractive to women. It shows that the person is unapologetically themselves, which is a highly attractive quality.

How does the speaker suggest using rejection to one's advantage?

The speaker suggests viewing rejection as a step closer to finding someone compatible and not as a reflection of one's self-worth. It's part of a numbers game where not every approach will lead to a date, but each rejection brings one closer to a positive outcome.

What is the speaker's opinion on the common misconception about women being bothered by being approached?

The speaker believes that most guys think they bother women by approaching them, but the reality is that approximately 95% of women appreciate being approached when it's done respectfully and authentically.

What is the 'pleasure-pain principle' as mentioned in the script?

The 'pleasure-pain principle' refers to the idea that humans naturally seek pleasure and avoid pain. The speaker suggests reconditioning one's mind to associate approaching with pleasure rather than pain, which can motivate one to take action despite fear.

How does the speaker describe the process of getting comfortable with approaching women?

The speaker describes a gradual process, starting with simple interactions like saying 'hi' to anyone, then asking for directions, and slowly working up to approaching attractive women and having more meaningful conversations.

What is the role of a coach or mentor in helping someone overcome approach anxiety according to the speaker?

A coach or mentor provides guidance, feedback, and support to help someone improve their approach skills, build confidence, and let go of insecurities and limiting beliefs that may be holding them back in social interactions.

What is the final call to action presented by the speaker for those interested in overcoming approach anxiety?

The speaker encourages interested individuals to book a call with his team for coaching, which includes a 90-day program aimed at helping participants become more confident, overcome approach anxiety, and improve their social and dating skills.