How bullying changes your life | Fleur Berden | TEDxRoermond

Summary

In this powerful personal story, the speaker reflects on their traumatic experience with bullying during primary school. They recount how a toxic group dynamic, fueled by charismatic bullies, led to years of harassment, including death threats, while teachers dismissed their concerns. The speaker shares their journey of self-doubt, isolation, and eventual recovery through therapy. They emphasize the importance of being heard and supported by adults, urging teachers to take bullying seriously and act promptly. Ultimately, the speaker's message is one of hope for those suffering from bullying, urging them to find their voice and not change who they are to please others.

Takeaways

• 😀 Bullying in school can start subtly with minor comments and can escalate into more severe actions like social exclusion or violence.
• 😀 Teachers' lack of proper response to bullying can worsen the situation, leaving children to handle the problem on their own.
• 😀 The fear of bullying can carry over into later years, even in more positive environments like secondary school, affecting one's ability to trust others.
• 😀 Trying to change yourself to avoid bullying is not a sustainable solution, as bullies will always find new things to target.
• 😀 Experiencing bullying can significantly alter a child's personality, turning a happy and outgoing child into someone withdrawn and fearful.
• 😀 Seeking professional help, like therapy, can be a turning point in overcoming the long-lasting effects of bullying.
• 😀 A positive and supportive environment at school, where teachers and peers care for one another, can significantly impact a student's well-being.
• 😀 Bullying is a pervasive problem that affects not just the victim, but the entire class, as it creates a toxic atmosphere that damages everyone involved.
• 😀 The key to addressing bullying is for teachers to listen to the child, validate their feelings, and take meaningful action to ensure their safety.
• 😀 Those being bullied should remember they are not alone, and there is always the possibility of finding a supportive community that will accept them for who they are.

Q & A

What is the main purpose of the speaker's story?

The speaker's main purpose is to share their personal experience with bullying in primary school, highlight the negative impact of teacher negligence, and offer a warning to people working with children, as well as inspire those who are being bullied.

How does the speaker describe the initial years at primary school?

In the initial years, the speaker describes their experience as positive. They got along with classmates, had good relations with teachers, and were an average student, with no major issues.

What triggered the bullying in the speaker's class?

The bullying started when a few new classmates, who were very charismatic, joined the class. These children were able to easily convince others to turn against someone they disliked, creating a toxic dynamic.

How did the bullying begin, and what form did it take initially?

The bullying started subtly with hurtful comments like 'you're fat' or 'you have no friends.' These comments were so subtle that teachers often didn’t notice them, allowing the bullying to escalate over time.

What was the most severe threat the speaker faced during the bullying?

The most severe threat was when a classmate told the speaker that her brothers, who had been in prison for violent offenses, were waiting for them after school. The speaker perceived this as a death threat.

How did the teachers respond to the speaker's complaints about bullying?

The teachers dismissed the speaker's complaints, often suggesting that they were exaggerating or making things up. In some cases, teachers blamed the speaker, assuming they had instigated the bullying, and failed to offer any meaningful solution.

What coping strategy did the speaker use in response to the bullying?

The speaker tried to change aspects of themselves that the bullies targeted in hopes of becoming likable. Eventually, they became invisible, isolating themselves from others in the hope that the bullying would stop.

How did the bullying affect the speaker emotionally over time?

The bullying profoundly impacted the speaker, causing them to shift from a happy and confident child to someone who was quiet, sad, and withdrawn, often doubting their worth.

How did the speaker’s experience at secondary school differ from primary school?

At secondary school, the speaker initially feared that the bullying would continue, but they were placed in a kind and supportive class. The positive environment helped alleviate some of their anxiety, though the psychological impact of their primary school experiences still lingered.

What was the turning point in the speaker's recovery from bullying?

The turning point came when the speaker saw a psychologist during their fifth year of high school. The psychologist validated their experience, explaining that the bullying and the way it was handled were not normal, which helped the speaker realize that they had been wronged.

What important lesson does the speaker want to convey to teachers and those dealing with bullying?

The speaker urges teachers to listen to children who report bullying, make them feel heard and safe, and work with them to find a solution. They emphasize that a positive school atmosphere benefits everyone and that bullying can be prevented with the right attention and care.

How does the speaker suggest people who are being bullied should handle the situation?

The speaker advises those being bullied not to change themselves to please the bullies, as it will not stop the bullying. Instead, they should seek help from trusted adults and know that they are not alone. Eventually, they will find people who will appreciate them for who they are.

What does the speaker hope will happen in the future regarding bullying?

The speaker hopes that, in the future, bullying will no longer be a widespread issue, and that children will no longer have to experience it. They wish for bullying to become a topic studied by historians rather than a lived reality.