Managing Compulsive Sexual Behaviors

Summary

In this video, the speaker addresses compulsive sexual behavior and its impact on one's life, emphasizing the importance of managing it to maintain healthy relationships and personal well-being. They discuss the role of shame in perpetuating the cycle of compulsive sexual thoughts and actions, and offer practical advice on breaking free. Strategies include setting a schedule for sexual thoughts and behaviors, replacing compulsive actions with physical exercise to release endorphins, and managing negative thoughts. The speaker encourages viewers to take control of their sexual health and enjoy a fulfilling sex life.

Takeaways

• 🌟 The speaker acknowledges the positive impact of receiving supportive emails and expresses a desire to help those struggling with sexual issues globally.
• 🔒 Compulsive sexual behavior can significantly impact one's life, relationships, and ability to engage in fulfilling activities.
• 💞 The speaker advocates for a healthy and enjoyable sex life that is beneficial and not self-destructive, with a particular emphasis on the value of intimacy within marriage.
• 🔁 The 'shame cycle' is identified as a major factor exacerbating compulsive sexual behavior, where post-behavior guilt leads to a cycle of repeated behavior.
• 🚫 Recognizing personal agency and the ability to make choices is crucial in breaking the cycle of compulsive behavior.
• 🗓️ Creating a schedule to allocate specific times for sexual thoughts or behaviors can help manage compulsive tendencies and prevent them from dominating one's life.
• 🏋️‍♀️ Engaging in physical exercise can serve as a healthy alternative to compulsive sexual behavior, as it also releases endorphins and dopamine, improving mood.
• 🚫 It's important to permit oneself to enjoy the allocated time for sexual thoughts or behaviors without shame, as shame can reinforce negative self-perception.
• 🧠 The speaker suggests that compulsive sexual behavior is often a response to underlying emotional states like depression, anxiety, or stress, rather than purely sexual desire.
• 🔄 Breaking the habit of compulsive sexual behavior may take time and requires gradual changes; the speaker advises against making sudden, drastic changes.
• 📈 The speaker encourages viewers to give themselves permission to enjoy their sexuality in a healthy way and to seek a better sex life, which can contribute to overall well-being.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the video?

The video focuses on managing compulsive sexual behavior and provides advice on how to break negative cycles associated with it.

Why does the speaker create these videos?

The speaker creates these videos to help people dealing with sexual issues who may not have access to therapy, whether due to distance or financial constraints.

How does compulsive sexual behavior affect a person’s life?

Compulsive sexual behavior can negatively impact a person’s relationships and overall success, preventing them from living the life they desire.

What is the 'shame cycle' mentioned in the video?

The 'shame cycle' refers to feeling ashamed after engaging in compulsive sexual behavior, leading to negative thoughts, which in turn make the person repeat the behavior to feel better.

What is one key strategy suggested to manage compulsive sexual behavior?

One strategy is to create a schedule, limiting the amount of time spent on sexual fantasies or behaviors, and setting boundaries to ensure it doesn’t take over other aspects of life.

Why is physical exercise suggested as a tool for managing compulsive behavior?

Physical exercise can help because it releases endorphins and dopamine, similar to sexual activity, providing a healthy substitute that can break the compulsive cycle.

What role does negative self-talk play in compulsive sexual behavior?

Negative self-talk reinforces feelings of shame and guilt, making it more likely for a person to continue engaging in the compulsive behavior in order to seek relief.

How can someone break the habit of compulsive sexual behavior over time?

Breaking the habit involves setting small goals, gradually reducing the behavior over a period of about three months, and introducing healthier alternatives like exercise or positive thinking.

What is the importance of giving oneself permission in the process of managing compulsive sexual behavior?

Giving oneself permission to enjoy sexual thoughts or fantasies without shame can prevent the buildup of negative emotions, helping reduce the cycle of compulsive behavior.

What final advice does the speaker give for improving sexual health?

The speaker encourages viewers to avoid negative self-talk, limit the time spent on compulsive behavior, and engage in physical activity to feel better and improve overall sexual health.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Addressing Compulsive Sexual Behavior

The speaker begins by acknowledging the appreciation from viewers and the impact of their videos. They emphasize the importance of addressing compulsive sexual behavior, as it can significantly affect one's life and relationships. The speaker shares their belief in the value of healthy sexual experiences within marriage and family, and they aim to help viewers achieve a balanced and fulfilling sex life. They introduce the concept of a 'shame cycle,' which perpetuates compulsive sexual behaviors, and suggest that recognizing personal agency and taking responsibility are crucial steps towards change.

05:01

📅 Scheduling and Enjoying Sexual Fantasies

The speaker advises setting up a schedule to allocate specific times for sexual fantasies or behaviors, ensuring they do not interfere with other life aspects. They stress the importance of enjoying these moments without shame, as guilt can lead to a vicious cycle of compulsive behavior. The speaker also suggests using physical exercise as a healthy alternative to release endorphins and dopamine, which can help break the cycle of compulsive sexual behavior. They encourage viewers to experiment with different strategies and to be patient, as breaking habits takes time.

10:03

💪 Overcoming Compulsion and Enhancing Sexual Health

In the final paragraph, the speaker encourages viewers to take control of their sexual health and work towards a better sex life. They remind viewers to enjoy their sexual experiences without guilt or shame, and to limit the time spent on compulsive behaviors to maintain a balanced life. The speaker also invites viewers to engage with their content by liking, subscribing, and participating in live discussions, emphasizing their belief that everyone deserves a healthy sex life.

Keywords

💡Compulsive Sexual Behavior

Compulsive sexual behavior refers to an uncontrollable urge to engage in sexual activities or fantasies that can interfere with one's daily life and relationships. In the video, the speaker addresses this issue as a significant problem that can negatively impact an individual's personal and professional life, and offers advice on how to manage it.

💡Shame Cycle

The shame cycle is a pattern where individuals engage in compulsive sexual behavior, feel ashamed afterward, and then repeat the behavior to cope with the shame, leading to a vicious cycle. The video emphasizes breaking this cycle as a crucial step in managing compulsive sexual behavior.

💡Freedom of Thought

Freedom of thought implies the ability to think independently and make choices, including those related to one's sexual behavior. The speaker in the video discusses the importance of recognizing this freedom and the responsibility that comes with it, suggesting that individuals can make conscious decisions to change their behavior.

💡Accountability

Accountability in the context of the video means being responsible for one's actions and choices, particularly regarding sexual behavior. The speaker suggests that setting boundaries and being accountable to oneself and others can help in managing compulsive sexual behavior.

💡Scheduling

Scheduling, as mentioned in the video, is a strategy to manage compulsive sexual behavior by allocating specific times for sexual thoughts or activities and ensuring that they do not consume excessive time or interfere with other aspects of life.

💡Permission

Giving oneself permission refers to accepting and allowing oneself to engage in certain behaviors without guilt or shame. The video suggests that individuals should enjoy their sexual activities within their scheduled time without feeling ashamed, which can help break the shame cycle.

💡Physical Exercise

Physical exercise is recommended in the video as a healthy alternative to compulsive sexual behavior. It is highlighted as a way to release endorphins and dopamine, similar to sexual activity, but without the potential negative consequences, thus serving as a positive substitution.

💡Dopamine

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. The video explains that sexual activity releases dopamine, which can lead to a temporary feeling of well-being. However, the speaker warns that the compulsive pursuit of this feeling can lead to negative outcomes.

💡Endorphins

Endorphins are chemicals in the brain that act as natural painkillers and mood elevators. The video suggests that, similar to sexual activity, physical exercise can also release endorphins, providing a natural high and potentially serving as a healthier alternative to compulsive sexual behavior.

💡Obsession

Obsession in the video refers to the persistent and intrusive thoughts about sexual activities or fantasies. The speaker advises on techniques to break this obsessive thinking, such as counting odd numbers or physical actions like snapping or clapping, to redirect one's focus.

💡Habit Formation and Breaking

The video discusses the process of habit formation and breaking, noting that it takes about three months to break a habit. The speaker emphasizes the importance of gradual change and persistence in managing compulsive sexual behavior, suggesting that sudden changes are less likely to be successful.

Highlights

Compulsive sexual behavior can negatively affect a person's life and relationships.

Many people struggle with compulsive sexual thoughts, leading to destructive behaviors like pornography or chat room use.

Shame plays a significant role in reinforcing compulsive sexual behaviors.

Breaking the shame cycle involves acknowledging the behavior without negative self-talk.

Setting a daily schedule can help reduce the time spent on compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviors.

Giving yourself permission to enjoy sex without guilt can lessen the negative feelings and shame.

Excessive focus on sexual activities often stems from emotional triggers like anxiety, stress, or depression.

Sexual release provides temporary pleasure due to the release of dopamine and endorphins.

As compulsive behavior increases, the positive feelings associated with sexual release decrease over time.

Physical exercise is a recommended alternative to help break the cycle of compulsive sexual behavior.

Engaging in physical activities like walking, running, or yoga can substitute for sexual behaviors while still releasing endorphins.

It takes around three months to break a habit, so gradual change is key.

Breaking obsessive thinking patterns requires realizing emotional triggers and actively shifting focus.

Coping techniques like counting odd numbers or snapping fingers can help interrupt compulsive thoughts.

A healthy sex life is possible when guilt and shame are minimized, and positive behaviors are practiced consistently.

Transcripts

[Music]

today I'm going to talk about how to

manage compulsive sexual behavior before

I jump into it I just want to say that I

receive many emails from people who view

my videos and a lot of them are

wonderful and thanking me for doing the

videos and I will say even though I

can't answer all of them I really do

appreciate them and they want to make me

keep going and and doing more videos to

hopefully help other people who I can't

see in my office

that may be on the other side of the

world or simply just can't afford to

come see me I also want to be able to

help you as well and make your life

better and dealing with a sexual issue

the truth of the matter is it can affect

a person's life tremendously

it can affect a relationship that

they're in and it really can become

something that keeps them from going out

and doing the things that they want in

their life to being successful and so I

want to help you so that you can move

forward in your life and still enjoy

being a sexual person but do it in a way

that isn't hurting you but actually

benefiting you because you know sex is

something that is a part of all of our

lives you know we eat we drink we sleep

we do exercise and we have sex and of

course I always am promoting marriage I

have a I really do believe in marriage

and family and I think some of the best

sexual experiences are with a person

that you're intimate with that you love

and that you have a connection those

really truly are some of the best sexual

experiences a person can have but on the

other hand if you are experiencing a

problem you are having a fantasy that

maybe you can't get out of your head

you have some type of a fetish maybe you

feel that you are compulsively thinking

about sexual thoughts you're using

pornography or even chat rooms seeking

out other people to fulfill fantasies

other than your spouse or even now

there's some games and stuff out there

there's just a lot of stuff out there

right now but hopefully I can help you

to move to a have a healthy sex life one

that you can enjoy and feel good about

one of the big factors in having this

compulsive sexual behavior or compulsive

sexual thoughts it's a lot of people get

stuck in a shame cycle and that actually

will make it so much worse and so what

the shame cycle does is maybe you are

having your sexual act and when you're

done then you start to feel shameful

about it and then you start to beat

yourself up and really the negative

thoughts are what leads you right back

in to doing the sexual behavior only

because you feel so bad about it you're

gonna reach for something that makes you

feel better that's just human nature and

so in order to break that cycle there's

a couple things that you can do so the

first thing is to realize that you're

not helpless that you do make choices

every day and that you can make a choice

to change your life and when we have

freedom of thought we have individual

rights along with it comes

responsibility and part of not just

going out and doing whatever you want

because truthfully I mean it would be

easier for all of us to go out and do

whatever the heck we want right but that

isn't what makes you successful in life

that isn't always what is the best for

you because sometimes you have to have

boundaries and you have to have schedule

and you have to also be accountable to

yourself and other people

so all of these things play into a

person's life so one way to get a hold

of

sexual problems that you may be

experiencing is to set up a schedule and

I know this might just sound like such a

simple thing but it really is important

because if you are spending a lot of

time either thinking about sexual

fantasy fetish or whatever your sexual

behavior is and then you're gonna go

ahead and watch it or do it that could

be taking up hours a day for you so

truthfully make yourself a schedule each

day each week each month where your

penciling in the amount of time that

you're going to spend thinking about

your fantasy fetish lifestyle whatever

it is so that you are not missing out on

other parts of your life and so

scheduled in once you've scheduled it in

then you need to give yourself

permission to enjoy what you're thinking

about obviously this doesn't involve you

know hurting yourself or someone else I

always have to put that out there

because that's never acceptable but it

would be that you have you you've

allotted this time for it and it's going

to be less time than you're spending now

but when you do it you're not going to

feel shame around it because it's really

the shame that is going to create the

negative feeling about yourself so once

you can try to work on that then also

you can start adding in things that make

you feel better now part of the reason

why you'll go to the sexual thing that

you want to do yes I know one of them

that one of them people say is I'm horny

but the truth of the matter is when you

get into like a compulsive behavior

that's not what it is what it is is that

you're either feeling down you're

feeling depressed you're feeling anxious

you're feeling stressed believe it or

that believe it or not that is more of a

motivating factor because what happens

is when you have a sexual release you're

also releasing dopamine you're releasing

endorphins hormones all of these things

that temporarily make you feel better

and so that's really why people will go

back to some type of a compulsive

behavior over time if it becomes so

compulsive the good feelings that you

gain from it get minimized too and so

that's where the other problem happens

is so you're not getting the release

that you want and you're also feeling

bad about it afterwards those are two

really deadly bad combinations that that

really will just ruin it for you and

make the whole experience bad in the end

so limit the time also don't have a

negative thoughts and then realize that

you're doing this because you're feeling

bad with that being said there is

something that will make you feel better

that you can use as a replacement not

all the time because of course you want

to allow yourself and give yourself

permission but doing some type of

physical exercise okay and physical

exercise will have the same effect

because you're also relief releasing

endorphins and dopamine and it's really

important that you can start

substituting some of the time that

you're spending doing your sexual thing

and so the exercise can be anything it

could be biking hiking walking running

swimming dancing yoga yeah it could be

doing jump rope in your bedroom it could

be jumping on your bed I don't care

whatever it is though spend a half-hour

if you can 20 30 minutes doing some

physical activity that is going to

replace part of your compulsive sexual

session so add that into your day and

you know the more that you can add

physical activity into your day you will

feel better I've worked with so many

people and that is one of the things

that helps them get out of this kind of

cycle it breaks the habit and you can do

again you have free choice you have

options okay it's the same thing with

getting into the obsessive thinking

about it you can break that obsessive

thinking you just have to realize when

you're feeling down you're probably

thinking of something that's making you

feel down so it's about breaking it

another thing you can do is sometimes

just counting odd numbers you can snap

you can clap you can all of these things

kind of just get you out of that mode so

again each person is different

so trial and error it takes about three

months to break a habit so you want to

really get into the slowly you don't

want to jump into anything because

that's when people fail so just to recap

try not to add the negative talk in

don't have the shame you know give

yourself permission because that is one

of the things if you're gonna do it

enjoy it love it feel good about it

but limit your time so that it's not

impeding on your relationship or your

daily activities and hopefully that will

help you get started and you will start

feeling better about yourself and also

it can lead to having a better sex life

which heck doesn't everyone want to have

a better sex life so if you like my

videos please give me a thumbs up it

really helps to bring my videos up and

rank so that other people can have

access to them as well as subscribing

and hit the bell so that you know when I

go live and you can be a part of the

conversation and of course leave your

comment I believe everyone deserves to

have a healthy sex life and so do you

you