How to be socially magnetic | Ben Chai | TEDxSurreyUniversity

Summary

In this TEDx talk, Ben Choy shares his personal journey from self-loathing to becoming a 'social magnet'. He outlines three key strategies: developing self-worth through the mirror technique, adding value to others by engaging in meaningful conversations, and learning to walk away from toxic relationships. Ben's story is a testament to the power of self-acceptance and the importance of building a supportive network.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker began with a poll about life expectancy and the desire for companionship, revealing a significant portion of the audience wished for a longer life and more friends.
• 🤔 The speaker confessed to being part of the minority who did not wish to live longer, even attempting to shorten his life due to feelings of self-hatred and alienation during his youth.
• 🏫 The speaker shared experiences of bullying and feeling out of place, both in the UK and later in Singapore, which contributed to his feelings of isolation and low self-worth.
• 🎓 Despite the challenges, the speaker found support and acceptance at university, which helped him grow and change his perspective on life.
• 📚 The speaker co-authored a book called 'Social Magnetism', which is based on life lessons he learned about attracting people and living a fulfilling life.
• ❤️ The first key to being magnetic is developing self-worth, which the speaker suggests can be achieved through a 'mirror technique', where one looks at themselves naked and affirms their own beauty and worth.
• 🤝 The second key takeaway is the importance of adding value to people in your life, which can be done by engaging in meaningful conversations and showing genuine interest in others' passions.
• 🤳 The speaker demonstrated adding value by engaging with a volunteer from the audience, asking about his passions, and taking a selfie to share on social media, thus giving the volunteer a moment of recognition.
• 🔗 The third component of being magnetic is the ability to connect people with one another, which can be done by recognizing and utilizing the unique qualities and interests of those around you.
• 🚫 Lastly, the speaker emphasized the importance of recognizing and distancing oneself from 'crocodiles' or individuals who drain your energy and do not reciprocate your positive intentions.
• 🙌 The speaker concluded with a reminder to surround oneself with people who appreciate and love you for who you are, reinforcing the idea of self-worth and positive relationships.

Q & A

What percentage of people in the audience wanted to live longer than their life expectancy?

Approximately 70 percent of the audience wanted to live longer than their life expectancy.

How many best friends would the audience like to have according to the speaker's poll?

The audience was asked if they would like to have 5, 10, or 20 best friends, and around 60 to 70 percent of them showed interest in having a group of best friends.

Why did the speaker initially not want to live longer?

The speaker initially did not want to live longer because he was trying to shorten his life due to negative experiences and feelings about himself during his growing up days.

What significant event happened to the speaker when he was 4 and a half years old?

When the speaker was 4 and a half years old, he was beaten up by a bigger kid, which led him to ask his mom about being Chinese, reflecting his confusion and the cultural context of his upbringing.

Why did the speaker's family move to Singapore when he was ten years old?

The speaker's family moved to Singapore due to his father's job change, with the hope that it would be a better environment for him.

What was the speaker's experience with bullying in Singapore?

In Singapore, the speaker continued to experience bullying due to his small stature and distinct English accent, which made him a target for fights.

What is the title of the book that the speaker's son helped him write?

The title of the book is 'Social Magnetism'.

What is the first step the speaker suggests to become magnetic?

The first step to become magnetic, according to the speaker, is to develop self-worth, which he suggests can be achieved through a mirror technique.

What is the mirror technique as described by the speaker?

The mirror technique involves looking at oneself naked in a mirror, acknowledging one's physical and emotional self, and expressing love and acceptance towards oneself.

What is the second component of being magnetic that the speaker discusses?

The second component of being magnetic is adding value to people, which includes engaging in meaningful conversations, showing genuine interest in others, and connecting people with shared interests.

How does the speaker suggest handling negative relationships or 'crocodiles'?

The speaker suggests recognizing and walking away from negative relationships or 'crocodiles', using the metaphor of not teaching a crocodile to floss to illustrate the potential harm and futility of engaging with such individuals.