Partnering with Your Scruples

Summary

In this insightful video, licensed marriage and family therapist Adam Cross discusses the concept of 'partnering with scrupulosity,' a mental state often associated with religious anxiety. He emphasizes the importance of understanding and befriending this aspect of oneself rather than rejecting it. Cross suggests treating scrupulosity as a distinct part of oneself that needs compassion and healing, advocating for a compassionate approach to self-love and self-understanding as a path to transformation and deeper connection with faith.

Takeaways

• 🤔 Scrupulosity is a topic that can be challenging to discuss, but it's important to understand and befriend this aspect of ourselves.
• 💬 Adam Cross suggests we should not harshly criticize our scrupulous part, as we would not do so to a friend in need.
• 👥 The concept of 'partnering' with scrupulosity involves treating it as a distinct part of oneself that needs understanding and healing.
• 🧐 It's crucial to seek to understand the fears and beliefs behind scrupulosity, possibly rooted in a distorted understanding of God's grace and love.
• 🛡️ Scrupulosity can act as a protective mechanism, but it might be doing so in unhelpful ways that isolate us from God and others.
• 🌱 Healing involves building trust with the scrupulous part, allowing it to express its concerns and fears openly.
• 🔄 Updating beliefs about sin, hell, and God's grace is part of the process of transforming the scrupulous part of ourselves.
• 👶 The scrupulous part may have a childlike understanding of religious concepts that needs to be matured through compassionate dialogue.
• 🤝 Affirming the positive intentions of the scrupulous part while guiding it towards healthier perspectives is key to transformation.
• 🌟 God's invitation to love ourselves as He loves us is a foundational aspect of healing and understanding scrupulosity.
• 👨‍⚕️ The journey of understanding and healing scrupulosity should not be undertaken alone; professional guidance can be beneficial.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Adam Cross's discussion in the video?

The main topic is about partnering with one's scrupulosity, which refers to an excessive concern with moral or religious principles, and how to befriend and understand this part of oneself in a compassionate way.

Why is it not effective to approach oneself or others with harsh criticism when they are struggling?

Harsh criticism can be a turnoff and lead to feelings of rejection, negativity, and hurt. It is more effective to approach with understanding and compassion, which opens the door for communication and healing.

What does Adam suggest we often do to ourselves that we would not do to a friend who is struggling?

We often talk to ourselves in a negative way, telling ourselves to 'get fixed' or 'be better', which is similar to the harsh criticism we would not typically offer to a friend.

What is scrupulosity and how can it affect a person's relationship with God and their faith?

Scrupulosity is an excessive worry about sin and morality, which can lead to fear of offending God, avoidance of sacraments, and even pushing God away due to fear of rejection or damnation.

How does Adam recommend treating the scrupulous part of oneself?

He suggests treating it as a distinct part of oneself that needs understanding and compassion. It involves seeking to understand its fears, beliefs about God, and origins of its concerns.

What is 'Parts work' and how is it relevant to the discussion on scrupulosity?

'Parts work' is a therapeutic approach that involves working with different parts of the self, and it is relevant because it can help in understanding and healing the scrupulous part of oneself.

What is the role of trust in the process of partnering with one's scrupulosity?

Trust is crucial as it allows the scrupulous part to open up and communicate its fears and beliefs. Building trust helps in creating a safe space for healing and transformation.

How can understanding one's scrupulosity lead to healing?

Understanding scrupulosity can reveal the underlying wounds or issues, such as feelings of rejection or abandonment, which can then be addressed and healed through therapy or spiritual practices.

What is the 'good news of the Gospel' that Adam mentions should be shared with the scrupulous part of oneself?

The 'good news of the Gospel' refers to the teachings of love, forgiveness, and salvation in Christianity, which can provide reassurance and counterbalance the fears and misconceptions held by the scrupulous part.

Why is it important not to approach scrupulosity with anger or force but with compassion and curiosity?

Approaching scrupulosity with anger or force can shut down communication and worsen the situation, while compassion and curiosity can foster understanding and open the door to positive change.

What resources does Adam recommend for further exploration of 'Parts work' and internal family systems?

He recommends looking into 'Parts work' by Dr. Jared Cre and his book 'Bloodies of the Heart', which are resources that can provide more insight into working with different parts of oneself for healing.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Partnering with Scrupulosity: Understanding and Healing

In this paragraph, Adam Cross, a licensed marriage and family therapist, introduces the concept of 'partnering with scrupulosity,' a term that might sound unusual but is crucial for self-compassion and healing. He compares the internal dialogue with scrupulosity to how one would approach a struggling friend, emphasizing the importance of understanding and empathy rather than harsh self-criticism. Cross suggests that scrupulosity, often associated with religious guilt and fear, can be a protective but misguided part of oneself. He advocates for treating this part with kindness, seeking to understand its fears and beliefs about God, and updating its understanding of faith and morality. The paragraph highlights the importance of building trust with this part of oneself, affirming its intentions, and guiding it towards healing and transformation.

05:01

🌟 Transforming Scrupulosity Through Compassion and Understanding

The second paragraph delves deeper into the process of partnering with scrupulosity, emphasizing the challenges and burdens it can impose on one's spiritual journey. Cross encourages viewers not to undertake this journey alone and to consider the protective role of scrupulosity, its underlying story, and the deeper issues it may be masking. He stresses the ineffectiveness of forcing change through anger and instead promotes a compassionate and curious approach to understanding and transforming scrupulosity. Cross suggests that this approach can open doors to communication, understanding, and healing. He invites viewers to share their thoughts and questions and recommends further research into 'parts work' and 'Internal Family Systems' for additional insights. The paragraph concludes with a call to action for self-love and healing, guided by the principles of the Gospel.

Keywords

💡Scrupulosity

Scrupulosity refers to an excessive concern with moral or religious issues, often to the point of anxiety. In the video, Adam Cross discusses the concept of partnering with one's scrupulosity, suggesting that it's a part of oneself that needs understanding and healing rather than rejection or suppression. The script uses the term to illustrate how individuals can be overly critical of themselves in matters of faith and morality.

💡Marriage or Family Therapist

A marriage or family therapist is a professional trained to work with individuals, couples, and families to address and treat a range of issues. Adam Cross introduces himself as such, setting the stage for his expertise in discussing the psychological and relational aspects of scrupulosity and how to approach it therapeutically.

💡Internal Family Systems

Internal Family Systems is a therapeutic approach that views the mind as an ecosystem of sub-personalities, which can be in conflict or harmony. The video references this concept when suggesting to 'partner with your scrupulosity,' implying that one should engage with the scrupulous part of oneself as a distinct entity that requires understanding and healing.

💡Sin

Sin, in religious contexts, is an act considered to be an offense against divine law or a moral standard. The script discusses the fear of sin as a driving factor behind scrupulosity, where individuals may worry excessively about committing sins and offending God.

💡State of Grace

State of grace refers to a condition of being free from sin and in a right relationship with God, often a central concern in Christian theology. The video mentions this concept to highlight the anxiety some individuals may have about their spiritual standing and how it relates to scrupulosity.

💡Sacraments

Sacraments are sacred rituals or ceremonies in many religious traditions, particularly in Christianity, that convey divine grace. The script mentions how scrupulosity can lead to fear or avoidance of sacraments due to an individual's intense fear of sin and judgment.

💡Healing

Healing, in the context of the video, refers to the process of recovery or becoming whole, especially in a spiritual or psychological sense. Adam Cross discusses the importance of understanding and partnering with one's scrupulosity as a path to healing, suggesting a compassionate approach to self-acceptance and transformation.

💡Parts Work

Parts work is a therapeutic technique that involves working with the different 'parts' or sub-personalities within an individual to resolve internal conflicts. The video script suggests using parts work to engage with the scrupulous part of oneself, aiming to understand and heal rather than to suppress or ignore it.

💡Compassion

Compassion is the feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another's plight, often accompanied by a desire to alleviate it. The video emphasizes the importance of approaching one's scrupulosity with compassion, as a means to foster understanding and healing, rather than with judgment or self-criticism.

💡Wounds

Wounds, in the context of the video, refer to emotional or psychological injuries that may underlie scrupulosity. Adam Cross suggests that scrupulosity may be a protective response to deeper emotional wounds, such as feelings of rejection or abandonment, and that addressing these wounds is part of the healing process.

💡Evangelize

To evangelize means to publicly express or spread one's religious beliefs, often with the intent to convert others. In the video, Adam Cross uses the term to suggest that individuals should 'evangelize' the good news of the Gospel to their scrupulous part, updating their understanding of religious teachings and alleviating fears.

Highlights

Adam Cross, a licensed marriage and family therapist, discusses the concept of partnering with one's scrupulosity.

Scrupulosity is likened to a friend who is struggling, emphasizing the importance of understanding rather than rejecting this part of oneself.

The speaker suggests that self-talk can often be as negative as telling a friend to 'get their stuff together'.

Scrupulosity is identified as a part of us that might be worried about our spiritual state and relationship with God.

The negative response to scrupulosity can lead to isolation and fear of sacraments.

Partnering with scrupulosity involves sitting down with it and trying to understand its fears and beliefs about God.

The concept of 'Parts work' and 'Internal Family Systems' is introduced as a therapeutic approach to understanding scrupulosity.

Understanding scrupulosity as a distinct part of oneself is the first step towards healing.

The importance of treating scrupulosity with compassion and curiosity is emphasized for effective communication and healing.

The speaker discusses the potential for scrupulosity to protect us from deeper wounds, such as feelings of rejection or abandonment.

God's invitation to love ourselves as He does is presented as a means to understand and heal scrupulosity.

The process of partnering with scrupulosity involves building trust and allowing the scrupulous part to express itself.

The speaker encourages affirmation of the scrupulous part's intentions while suggesting alternative approaches.

The importance of not going on the journey of healing alone and seeking professional help is highlighted.

The concept of 'Partswork' by Dr. Jared Cre is recommended for further understanding of interacting with different parts of oneself.

The speaker invites viewers to engage with the content by leaving comments and questions, fostering a community of understanding and healing.

The video concludes with an encouragement to pursue a loving relationship with Christ while addressing scrupulosity.

Transcripts

[Music]

hello everyone my name is Adam cross and

I'm a licensed marriage or family

therapist in SN California and today I

want to talk to you about partnering

with your scrupulosity this might sound

like a weird Topic in some ways it is

but how do you befriend your Scruples

how do you partner with your

scrupulosity and I want to pose a

question like this if you have a friend

who's really having a hard time and uh

who's really down on themselves and down

about life you just go up to them and

say you know what you need to get your

stuff together you're in a terrible spot

and you need to just get fixed get

better just take care of yourself just

be better probably not going to go that

well right for most people that's going

to be a real turnoff it's going to be a

real experience of rejection and

negativity and hurt but how often do we

do that with ourselves how often do we

talk to this part of us that might

really be worried about where we're at

with god um where we are at in a state

of grace and all these concerns about

even our identity as being a beloved

child of the father and we're really

worried about all these things

tremendously we don't want to offend God

we don't want to sin we don't want to go

to hell and the response you know can be

pretty negative and yeah this part of us

can keep us from doing things we want to

do it can isolate us it can keep us from

the sacraments it can make us afraid of

the sacraments it can actually make us

push God away at times so when I say

partnering with your scrupulosity I

really mean imagining sitting down with

your Scruples and trying to seek to

understand it as I mentioned in other

videos this is kind of a testament to

Parts work and internal family systems

and it can be really helpful we've done

with therapist or um a trained

professional of some sort but to seek to

understand your Scruples why is it

afraid of what it's afraid of and what

does it think about God and to treat it

as as a distinct part of you and to say

what do you believe about God or where

did you learn this about God or what are

these fears of being rejected by God

where does that come from so seeking to

understand it is that first path of

healing and thinking about your Scruples

as a distinct part of you right a part

of you that is good in the sense that

it's it's still you it's made in the

image and likeness of God because you

were made in the image and likeness of

God but it might be distorted and how

it's dealing with and coping with issues

of faith and morality and Grace and

maybe it has a childlike understanding

of sin and hell and maybe it needs to be

updated right maybe there's

conversations to be had with a lot of

compassion and understanding with your

Scruples to say hey this actually is

what the church teaches I know it feels

like this is what's true right I'm even

asking you what do you think is true

about hell what do you think is true

about Sin but then being able to update

it and actually evangelize what is the

good news of the Gospel that the

scrupulous part of you needs to know and

understand partnering with your

scrupulosity is approaching it with a

tenderness with a compassion seeking to

understand it to know it in order to

heal it and usually where that's going

to go is as we seek to understand it as

we build trust with that scrupulous part

of us and that trust is huge right we

have to give space for it to speak we

have to communicate that we want to hear

it that we actually don't hate it right

we see that maybe it's trying to protect

us from Hell which is good thing but

maybe it's going about it in a way

that's not helpful we can actually

affirm it and say hey you're you're

helping us out a lot I want to try

something different the more we do that

it's going to trust us with areas and

wounds that that need healing and that

we wounds that we can take to the Lord

that we can take further to therapy but

they might be wounds of rejection wounds

of Abandonment wounds where we felt like

we're alone and so the scrupulosity even

as a part of OCD can be protected

of these deeper wounds and so by

partnering with our scrupulosity God is

inviting us to love ourselves as he

loves us as he knows and loves us he's

calling us to know and love ourselves

and as we do that we get to go deeper

and we get to see the origins of these

wounds and we get to pursue healing in

that way and say you know yeah I'm

really scrupulous and and I want to

update how I handle these things but

maybe this is rooted in a father image

right of or a mother image of when I was

a child right and this is how I related

or this is something happened with my

father and my mother and God is calling

me to heal this is a wound and maybe I'm

protecting myself so I don't feel like I

did back then again as an adult maybe

that sounds unbearable and so by

partnering with scrupulosity we get to

understand why we're doing what we're

doing right we're having that real

relationship with ourselves and then we

get to to heal it transform it this is

kind of intro and and and maybe it

Sparks some thoughts on partnering with

scrupulosity because I know scrupulosity

can be so challenging it can be so heavy

um it can be so burdensome especially

when we're trying to pursue a real

loving relationship with Christ again

don't go the journey alone and to think

about what does it mean to partner with

my

scrupulosity is it protecting me what's

its story what's behind it what's

underneath it how do I seek to

understand this so that I can transform

it because yelling at somebody to change

ually does not produce change it

produces the opposite it shuts down it

closes off it gets worse but

compassionately seeking to understand

somebody well there's a door there's a

door for communication there's a door

for understanding there's a door to try

something different if we approach with

compassion and curiosity so encourage

you to think about partnering with your

Scruples to understand them to affirm

them to help transform them as you look

at those underlying wounds and uh and

issues that are there so leave some

comments below questions what are your

thoughts on this if you want more

research on on any of these topics I

really encourage you to look into

partswork ifs I've talked about those in

other videos um Dr Jared cre has a book

bloodies of the heart that is a great

read for Catholics and there's a lot of

great resources out there to learn more

about interacting with parts of oursel

engag doing these parts for healing but

thank you so much for watching we'll see

you next time and God bless

[Music]