Partnering with Your Scruples

Summary

In this insightful video, licensed marriage and family therapist Adam Cross discusses the concept of 'partnering with scrupulosity,' a mental state often associated with religious anxiety. He emphasizes the importance of understanding and befriending this aspect of oneself rather than rejecting it. Cross suggests treating scrupulosity as a distinct part of oneself that needs compassion and healing, advocating for a compassionate approach to self-love and self-understanding as a path to transformation and deeper connection with faith.

Takeaways

• 🤔 Scrupulosity is a topic that can be challenging to discuss, but it's important to understand and befriend this aspect of ourselves.
• 💬 Adam Cross suggests we should not harshly criticize our scrupulous part, as we would not do so to a friend in need.
• 👥 The concept of 'partnering' with scrupulosity involves treating it as a distinct part of oneself that needs understanding and healing.
• 🧐 It's crucial to seek to understand the fears and beliefs behind scrupulosity, possibly rooted in a distorted understanding of God's grace and love.
• 🛡️ Scrupulosity can act as a protective mechanism, but it might be doing so in unhelpful ways that isolate us from God and others.
• 🌱 Healing involves building trust with the scrupulous part, allowing it to express its concerns and fears openly.
• 🔄 Updating beliefs about sin, hell, and God's grace is part of the process of transforming the scrupulous part of ourselves.
• 👶 The scrupulous part may have a childlike understanding of religious concepts that needs to be matured through compassionate dialogue.
• 🤝 Affirming the positive intentions of the scrupulous part while guiding it towards healthier perspectives is key to transformation.
• 🌟 God's invitation to love ourselves as He loves us is a foundational aspect of healing and understanding scrupulosity.
• 👨‍⚕️ The journey of understanding and healing scrupulosity should not be undertaken alone; professional guidance can be beneficial.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Adam Cross's discussion in the video?

The main topic is about partnering with one's scrupulosity, which refers to an excessive concern with moral or religious principles, and how to befriend and understand this part of oneself in a compassionate way.

Why is it not effective to approach oneself or others with harsh criticism when they are struggling?

Harsh criticism can be a turnoff and lead to feelings of rejection, negativity, and hurt. It is more effective to approach with understanding and compassion, which opens the door for communication and healing.

What does Adam suggest we often do to ourselves that we would not do to a friend who is struggling?

We often talk to ourselves in a negative way, telling ourselves to 'get fixed' or 'be better', which is similar to the harsh criticism we would not typically offer to a friend.

What is scrupulosity and how can it affect a person's relationship with God and their faith?

Scrupulosity is an excessive worry about sin and morality, which can lead to fear of offending God, avoidance of sacraments, and even pushing God away due to fear of rejection or damnation.

How does Adam recommend treating the scrupulous part of oneself?

He suggests treating it as a distinct part of oneself that needs understanding and compassion. It involves seeking to understand its fears, beliefs about God, and origins of its concerns.

What is 'Parts work' and how is it relevant to the discussion on scrupulosity?

'Parts work' is a therapeutic approach that involves working with different parts of the self, and it is relevant because it can help in understanding and healing the scrupulous part of oneself.

What is the role of trust in the process of partnering with one's scrupulosity?

Trust is crucial as it allows the scrupulous part to open up and communicate its fears and beliefs. Building trust helps in creating a safe space for healing and transformation.

How can understanding one's scrupulosity lead to healing?

Understanding scrupulosity can reveal the underlying wounds or issues, such as feelings of rejection or abandonment, which can then be addressed and healed through therapy or spiritual practices.

What is the 'good news of the Gospel' that Adam mentions should be shared with the scrupulous part of oneself?

The 'good news of the Gospel' refers to the teachings of love, forgiveness, and salvation in Christianity, which can provide reassurance and counterbalance the fears and misconceptions held by the scrupulous part.

Why is it important not to approach scrupulosity with anger or force but with compassion and curiosity?

Approaching scrupulosity with anger or force can shut down communication and worsen the situation, while compassion and curiosity can foster understanding and open the door to positive change.

What resources does Adam recommend for further exploration of 'Parts work' and internal family systems?

He recommends looking into 'Parts work' by Dr. Jared Cre and his book 'Bloodies of the Heart', which are resources that can provide more insight into working with different parts of oneself for healing.