What Does it Take to Be a Mediator? | #Mediation with Bob Bordone
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful video, Harvard Law School's Bob Bordone explores the role of a mediator, emphasizing the importance of neutrality and active listening. He outlines key qualities such as reframing conflicts, fostering creativity, and designing effective processes for resolution. Bordone also offers guidance for aspiring mediators, including training options and the diverse career paths where mediation skills are invaluable.
Takeaways
- đ§ Becoming a mediator might be for you if you find yourself often helping to resolve conflicts or if you're interested in the field.
- đ€ A mediator is a neutral third party who facilitates resolution in conflicts or disputes.
- đ Mediators can be found in various contexts such as family, commercial, community, and international settings.
- đ« Mediator's neutrality is crucial; they strive not to take sides, despite having personal opinions or views.
- đ Good mediators are excellent listeners, ensuring all parties in a dispute feel heard.
- đ Mediators are skilled at reframing discussions to encourage creative thinking and problem-solving.
- đ€ The ability to connect emotionally and ask open, curious questions is essential for mediators.
- đĄ Mediators foster creativity by asking parties for their ideas, presuming they have some, to work out conflicts.
- đ Designing a process that allows parties to engage with each other is a key role of a mediator.
- đ For those interested in mediation, starting points can include formal training, classes, or master's programs in conflict resolution.
- đŒ While it's not easy to get full-time work as a mediator, the skills are valuable and applicable in various professions.
Q & A
What is the primary role of a mediator according to the video?
-A mediator is a neutral third party who helps facilitate a resolution when others are in conflict or in a dispute with each other.
What are some contexts where mediators can be found?
-Mediators can be found in various contexts such as family mediations, commercial mediations, community mediations, and even at the international level where diplomats may act as mediators.
What is the importance of neutrality and impartiality for a mediator?
-Neutrality and impartiality are crucial for a mediator as they strive not to take sides in the conflict, allowing them to effectively facilitate a resolution.
How does the video address the controversy surrounding the possibility of being neutral in mediation?
-The video acknowledges the controversy but emphasizes that for newcomers to the field, the key is to understand that mediators strive to remain neutral, despite having personal opinions or views.
What are some qualities that make for a good mediator?
-Good mediators are excellent listeners, skilled at reframing situations to encourage creative thinking, and adept at fostering creativity and designing processes for parties to engage with each other.
What does the video suggest as a strategy for dealing with implicit biases in mediation?
-The video mentions that it will share more about how to handle implicit biases in future videos, indicating the importance of addressing this issue for effective mediation.
Can you provide an example of reframing from the video?
-The video provides an example of reframing during a family estate mediation, where the mediator rephrases the siblings' accusations into a shared problem without agreeing with either side.
What is the role of listening in mediation according to the video?
-Listening is crucial in mediation as it allows the mediator to understand all sides of the conflict, make everyone feel heard, and connect with the parties on an emotional level.
How can someone interested in becoming a mediator get started?
-For those interested in becoming mediators, they can start by checking the laws of their state for formal training requirements, taking classes on negotiation and mediation, or considering master's programs in conflict resolution.
What are some career paths that require mediation skills mentioned in the video?
-The video mentions career paths such as family counselors, corporate and university ombuds, diplomats, and human resource professionals as roles that require mediation skills.
What is the Cambridge Negotiation Institute and how can it help someone interested in mediation?
-The Cambridge Negotiation Institute is an organization founded by Bob Bordone, offering classes on negotiation and mediation, which can help individuals build their skills and decide if they want to pursue mediation further.
Outlines
đ”ïžââïž Introduction to Mediation and the Role of a Mediator
The video script introduces the concept of mediation and the role of a mediator, with a focus on the qualities and skills necessary to be effective in this field. The speaker, Bob Bordone, a senior fellow at Harvard Law School, explains that a mediator is a neutral third party who facilitates resolution in conflicts or disputes. He discusses the various types of mediators, such as family, commercial, and community mediators, and their respective contexts. The importance of neutrality and impartiality in mediation is highlighted, along with the acknowledgment of the challenges in achieving true neutrality due to personal biases. The speaker also outlines key qualities of a good mediator, including being an excellent listener, connecting emotionally with parties, asking open questions, and reframing situations to promote creative thinking.
đ€ Developing Skills and Becoming a Mediator
This paragraph delves into the skills required for effective mediation, emphasizing the importance of fostering creativity and designing processes that facilitate resolution. The speaker shares an example of reframing a conflict between siblings over an estate to transform it into a shared problem, illustrating the mediator's role in guiding parties towards a resolution. The paragraph also discusses the different approaches a mediator might use, such as keeping parties in the same room or conducting separate discussions (shuttle diplomacy). The importance of setting ground rules for the mediation process is highlighted, with the mediator being the expert on the process while the parties are experts on the substance. The speaker provides advice for those interested in becoming mediators, including checking state laws for required training, exploring involvement in mediation without formal training, and considering advanced education in conflict resolution. The paragraph concludes with a note on the rewarding nature of mediation work and its applicability in various professional fields.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄMediator
đĄConflict Resolution
đĄNeutrality
đĄListening
đĄReframe
đĄEmotional Connection
đĄCreativity
đĄProcess Design
đĄGround Rules
đĄImplicit Bias
đĄProfessional Development
Highlights
The video discusses what it takes to be a mediator and the qualities that make a good one.
Mediators are neutral third parties who facilitate resolution in conflicts or disputes.
Different types of mediators exist, such as family, commercial, and community mediators.
International mediators, like diplomats, can help bring peace or end conflicts.
Mediators strive for neutrality and impartiality, avoiding taking sides in conflicts.
Good listeners are essential in mediation, ensuring all parties feel heard.
Mediators should connect emotionally and ask open, curious questions.
Reframing is a key skill for mediators to encourage creative thinking.
An example of reframing is provided involving siblings in a contentious estate dispute.
Mediators foster creativity by presuming parties will have ideas for resolution.
Designing a process for parties to engage with each other is a crucial mediator skill.
Mediators may use different strategies, such as keeping parties in the same room or conducting separate discussions.
Setting ground rules is important for the mediation process.
Mediators are experts on process, while parties are experts on the substance of the dispute.
For those interested in mediation, formal training may be required for court-connected mediation.
Involvement in mediation does not necessarily require formal training and can be explored through various avenues.
Master's programs in conflict resolution are available for those looking to make mediation a profession.
Mediation skills are valuable in various jobs, including family counseling, corporate roles, and diplomacy.
The video offers further workshops and information on mediation through the Cambridge Negotiation Institute.
Transcripts
- As someone who's taught and written about mediation
at Harvard Law School for more than two decades,
I often get asked the question,
so what does it take to be a mediator?
- I don't think you want people answering that question.
- So maybe you're thinking about becoming a mediator
or maybe people in your family come to you
to help work out family conflicts.
Maybe you just find yourself bridging differences at home
or at work.
If you're answering yes to any of these questions,
mediation might be for you.
In this video,
I'll share with you what it is that a mediator does
and what kinds of qualities and qualifications
make a good mediator.
In addition, I'll share with you
the tips for how you can become
a really terrific mediator yourself
and get out there in the world
and help resolving people's conflicts.
(gentle music)
I'm Bob Bordone.
I'm a senior fellow at Harvard Law School
and the founder and former director of Harvard Law School's
Negotiation and Mediation Clinical Program.
In addition, I mediate conflicts around the world
and I'm the founder and principal
of the Cambridge Negotiation Institute.
First, you're probably thinking, what is a mediator anyway?
- Yeah, pretty much.
- The simplest way to answer that question
is a mediator is a neutral third party
who helps facilitate a resolution
when others are in conflict or in a dispute with each other.
There are all different kinds of mediators
and they could be found in all sorts of contexts
around the world.
For example, there are family mediators
who will help a couple going through a divorce
figure out how to divide their assets
or grant alimony or child care or custody,
but there's some people who are commercial mediators.
They help resolve a business dispute
perhaps between big companies
or between a vendor and a customer.
There are also community mediators
and they might help work out a resolution
around some public community issues.
For example, if there's a controversy
about whether an undeveloped land at a community
should be made into a park or developed into a mall,
a mediator might bring community members together
to work out a resolution.
In the international level,
diplomats can sometimes act as mediators
to bring about a peace or to end a conflict.
Typically, a mediator is charged
with being neutral and impartial,
meaning they strive not to take sides in the conflict.
Now, for those who study mediation like me,
there's a lot of controversy
about whether it's even possible to be neutral,
but for someone new to the field,
the important thing to know
is that mediators strive not to take sides in a conflict,
even though at some deeper level,
they may have opinions or views
about who's right or who's wrong.
- I know.
- In future videos,
I'll share more about how to handle implicit biases
in negotiation and mediation.
For now, let me share with you some of the qualities
that make for a good mediator.
First and most importantly,
mediators are really good listeners.
They can listen patiently to all the sides in a conflict
and strive to make everyone in a dispute feel heard.
That's really different
from agreeing with anyone in the conflict.
Agreeing with anyone is a real no-no in mediation.
But being able to connect with the parties
on an emotional level
and being able to ask open and curious questions
are essential qualities for a mediator.
- Exactly.
- Second: Mediators are really great at reframing
to get parties to think creatively.
Now, what do we mean by reframing? So here's an example.
Few years ago, I was involved in a contentious mediation
between siblings who were feuding over a large estate
owned by their parents.
At one point in the mediation,
one sibling declared to the other,
"After you left for college,
the only time you even visited here was during holidays,
and even then reluctantly.
You just tried to be spiteful."
The other sibling retorted,
"Just 'cause I actually went off
and built a life outside of the family estate unlike you
doesn't mean I don't care about
or have a right to my share of this."
Now, a skillful mediator has to reframe these two statements
without agreeing with either,
but also while taking care to make both sides feel heard.
So what I said was,
"I can see both of you feel really strongly about this,
and I can see there's a lot of history
and strong emotion here.
It sounds like from your perspective,"
pointing to the first sibling,
"It's hard for you to accept
that your sister genuinely wants or cares about the property
because they haven't spent much time here
since you were both kids.
And for you, this is a real marker
of whether one is truly invested
or perhaps has another agenda."
"Yes," said the first sibling.
To the second sibling I said,
"And it sounds like for you,
it's just really hard to hear your brother accuse you
of not even caring,
though you both made really different choices
with respect to whether you stayed in your home
or moved away.
It also sounds like for you
whether you have a claim on the property is not as connected
to whether you spend time here or not.
Is that right?"
"Yup," said the second sibling.
Okay, so it sounds like the goal for neither of you
is to convince the other
that your view of the situation is right
and that the other's is wrong.
The real question it seems to me
is to hear from each of you what ideas you have
of how we can work this out,
while acknowledging that you're probably both
gonna just continue to see
this situation really differently.
So let me just ask each of you, what ideas do you have?
And then I stopped.
So what I did there is try to listen really well
to both parties, acknowledge their emotions,
and reframe the conflict into a shared problem.
So this example leads me to yet another important skill
of a good mediator,
which is they have to foster creativity between the parties.
Notice my last question to the parties.
I said, "What ideas do you have?"
I didn't say, "Can you think of any ideas?"
Because when I say, "Can you think of any ideas?"
It's really easy to just be like, "I cannot."
But when I say, "What ideas do you have?"
The presumption is these parties will have some ideas,
so I'm just gonna stop and wait.
- Oh, good.
- So a good facilitator will help the parties
create that process and that forum
for working things out creatively.
And this goes to yet another important quality
of a mediator, which is designing a process
by which the parties could engage with each other.
Now, at times, a mediator will want and keep
all the parties in the same room for the entire time.
Sometimes the mediators might separate the parties
in different rooms and run back and forth between them,
conducting a kind of shuttle diplomacy.
All the times the mediator will need to set
some kind of ground rules.
When does someone speak? When does someone listen?
When are we brainstorming new solutions?
When are we actually making decisions?
Mediators need to be skilled in setting a process
that works for the parties and that facilitates resolution.
I always say that mediators are the experts on the process
and the parties are the experts on the substance.
- You think I need your help?
- So if you're listening to this and you're thinking,
hey, like, this sounds right up my alley
and I think I'd be pretty good at this, I wanna learn more.
Where do I get started?
Here's a few tips.
First, if you wanna do court-connected mediation,
check out the laws of your state
for whether there's a formal training required.
If so, it's likely you could find an organization
in your region that's certified to offer these trainings.
In Massachusetts where I live, for example,
a 32-hour training is required
for court-connected small claims mediation,
but maybe you just wanna get more involved
in mediation generally.
You don't need to take a formal training for that.
And there's lots of ways to get involved and to learn more.
For example, I offer classes on negotiation and mediation
through the Cambridge Negotiation Institute,
and these are a really great way to build your skills
and to consider whether you want to get more involved
in this field.
For those who are ready to make this their profession,
you might consider master's programs in conflict resolution.
Schools like George Mason in Washington DC
and the University of Massachusetts
at Boston and Massachusetts
or Pepperdine University on the West Coast
or Hamline University in the middle of the country,
all offer formal certificate or degree programs
in mediation or conflict resolution.
It's not easy to get full-time work as a mediator,
but I can tell you it's incredibly rewarding.
And there are so many jobs that require mediation skills.
They range from family counselors
to corporate and university ombuds
to diplomats to human resource professionals,
and those are just a few of them.
I'll address some more typical questions about mediation
in some of my other videos
and I hope you'll join me for some of the workshops I teach
through the Cambridge Negotiation Institute.
If you wanna keep learning more
and gain some really useful information
on mediation and other contexts, keep on watching.
(gentle music)
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