The Art of Active Listening | The Harvard Business Review Guide

Summary

This video script explores the art of effective listening beyond traditional methods, advocating for active engagement rather than passive reception. It introduces the concept of being a 'trampoline listener,' emphasizing the importance of understanding one's listening style and adapting it to the context. The script advises on focusing on the speaker, asking insightful questions, and being aware of one's own internal barriers to deep listening. It also highlights the critical role of good listening for leaders to avoid information bubbles and foster an environment of trust and open communication.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ Listening is an active, noncompetitive, two-way interaction that requires more than just nodding and repeating what is said.
• 🤔 To become a great listener, assess your usual listening style and consider if it's the right approach for the current conversation.
• 💡 Reflect on the purpose of the conversation to determine the best way to listen, whether it's for emotional support or honest critique.
• 🧘‍♂️ Practice listening without an agenda to allow for genuine processing of the speaker's message without formulating a response.
• 🤝 Be mindful of the focus of attention in the conversation; sharing personal stories can connect but should not overshadow the speaker.
• 🤔 Ask 'What am I missing?' to probe deeper into the conversation, signaling understanding and the desire for more information.
• 🕵️‍♀️ Pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues to uncover unexpressed emotions or concerns that the speaker may be hesitant to share.
• 🙅‍♂️ Avoid responses that dismiss the speaker's concerns by shifting the focus to yourself or minimizing their feelings.
• 💡 Encourage deeper conversation by asking questions that invite further detail, showing that you are listening and empathizing.
• 🚫 Recognize and quiet your internal monologue to prevent it from interfering with your ability to deeply listen to the speaker.
• 🏢 For senior leaders, good listening is crucial and requires avoiding information bubbles and actively seeking diverse input.
• 🌐 Create an environment of trust where employees feel comfortable sharing both positive and negative feedback.

Q & A

What is the main message of the video about listening skills?

The main message of the video is that mastering the art of listening involves more than just nodding and repeating what is said. It emphasizes the need to be an active, noncompetitive listener who can adapt to different styles and situations to truly understand and support the speaker.

What is the difference between being a 'sponge' and a 'trampoline' in the context of listening?

A 'sponge' is a passive listener that merely absorbs information without much engagement, while a 'trampoline' is an active listener who gives the speaker's thoughts energy, height, and amplification, thus enhancing the conversation.

Why is it important to recognize the different listening styles one might have?

Recognizing one's listening style is important because it helps to determine if the current style is suitable for the situation or if a different approach is needed to better understand and support the speaker.

What are the four listening styles mentioned in the script?

The four listening styles mentioned are task-oriented, analytical, relational, and critical. Each style has its own focus and is suited to different types of conversations.

How can reflecting on the goal of a conversation help improve listening skills?

Reflecting on the goal of a conversation helps to determine the best way to listen by understanding what the speaker needs and what the listener wants to achieve, thus allowing for a more tailored and effective listening approach.

Why is it important to listen without an agenda during a conversation?

Listening without an agenda allows the listener to process what the other person is saying without preconceived notions or the need to formulate a response, leading to a deeper understanding of the speaker's message.

What role does asking good questions play in effective listening?

Asking good questions signals to the speaker that the listener has not only heard but also understood their message, and it can lead to further insights and a deeper conversation.

How can paying attention to verbal and nonverbal cues help in understanding the speaker better?

Paying attention to verbal and nonverbal cues can reveal if the speaker has more to say or if they are expressing unexamined emotions, allowing the listener to ask questions that dig deeper and show genuine engagement.

What is the potential downside of sharing personal stories in a conversation?

Sharing personal stories can establish connection and validation, but it can also steer the conversation away from the speaker's main point, potentially making them feel dismissed or unheard.

Why is it important for leaders to avoid being in an 'information bubble'?

Leaders in an 'information bubble' may not receive accurate or diverse information because employees might be afraid to challenge or disappoint them. This can lead to poor decision-making and a lack of innovation.

What strategies can senior leaders use to improve their listening skills and avoid being in an information bubble?

Senior leaders can improve their listening skills by practicing listening purely for comprehension, seeking input from all levels and ranks, and creating an environment that prioritizes trust over hierarchy, allowing for open and honest feedback.

Outlines

00:00

🎧 The Art of Active Listening

This paragraph introduces the concept of active listening and challenges the traditional advice on being silent, nodding, and repeating what is said. It emphasizes the need for mastering additional skills to truly listen effectively. The speaker, Amy Gallo, encourages viewers to become 'trampoline listeners,' actively engaging with the speaker's thoughts rather than passively absorbing information. The paragraph also suggests self-reflection on one's usual listening style and the importance of adapting that style based on the needs of the conversation and the speaker. It highlights the value of asking questions to deepen understanding and the potential pitfalls of focusing too much on one's own experiences or internal thoughts during a conversation.

05:00

📢 Listening as a Leadership Imperative

The second paragraph focuses on the critical role of listening for senior leaders, stressing that good listening is essential to avoid being trapped in an 'information bubble.' It discusses the tendency of employees to withhold information due to fear of disappointing leadership. The paragraph cites Kevin Sharer's view on the importance of leaders developing the discipline to listen without judgment and actively seeking diverse input. It also touches on the need to foster an atmosphere of trust over hierarchy to encourage open communication. The summary concludes with a review of strategies for becoming a better listener, tailored advice for leaders, and an invitation for viewers to share their own strategies or suggest topics for future videos.

Keywords

💡Good Listener

A 'good listener' is someone who not only hears the words being spoken but also understands and interprets the message being conveyed. In the video, the term challenges the traditional notion of being silent and nodding to be a good listener, suggesting that active engagement and understanding are more important for effective communication.

💡Active Listening

Active listening is a skill that involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what is being said. The video emphasizes that being an active listener is like a trampoline, which gives energy and amplification to the speaker's thoughts, rather than passively absorbing information like a sponge.

💡Trampoline Listener

A 'trampoline listener' is a metaphor introduced in the video for someone who actively engages with the speaker's message, giving it more energy and depth. This concept is used to illustrate the idea that a good listener should not just absorb information but also contribute to the conversation by asking questions and showing interest.

💡Listening Styles

Listening styles refer to the different approaches one might take when listening to others, such as being task-oriented, analytical, relational, or critical. The video script suggests that recognizing and adjusting one's listening style according to the context can greatly improve the quality of communication.

💡Conversation Goals

Conversation goals are the objectives or desired outcomes of a conversation. The script mentions reflecting on the goals of each conversation to determine the best way to listen, whether it's to provide emotional support or to offer constructive criticism.

💡Agenda

An 'agenda' in the context of the video refers to a preconceived plan or set of goals that one might have during a conversation. The video advises to listen without an agenda to better understand the speaker without formulating a response in advance.

💡Nonverbal Cues

Nonverbal cues are the unspoken signals people send through body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. The video highlights the importance of paying attention to these cues to understand what the speaker might not be explicitly saying and to show that you are deeply engaged in the conversation.

💡Vulnerability

Vulnerability in communication refers to the willingness to share personal thoughts and feelings that might expose one to the risk of being hurt or misunderstood. The video script suggests that good listeners can encourage speakers to share their vulnerabilities by asking questions and showing deep engagement.

💡Information Bubble

An 'information bubble' is a situation where a person, often a leader, only receives selective or overly positive information, which can distort their understanding of the true state of affairs. The video emphasizes the importance of leaders breaking out of such bubbles to listen to diverse perspectives and feedback.

💡Internal Monologue

The 'internal monologue' refers to the ongoing stream of thoughts and reactions that occur within a person's mind, which can sometimes distract from fully engaging with what others are saying. The video advises quieting this internal dialogue to create space for truly listening to others.

💡Feedback

Feedback in the context of the video is the process of sharing opinions or information about someone's actions or performance. The video encourages creating an environment where employees feel comfortable giving and receiving feedback, which is crucial for growth and improvement.

Highlights

The video challenges traditional advice on good listening, suggesting that common practices may leave the speaker feeling unheard or dismissed.

Mastering the art of listening requires more than just staying silent, nodding, and repeating what is said; it involves a variety of skills.

The concept of being an 'active listener' is introduced, comparing passive listening to a sponge and active listening to a trampoline.

Self-reflection on one's usual listening style is encouraged to determine if it is suitable for the current conversation.

Understanding the purpose of listening in a given situation can help select the most appropriate listening mode.

Listening without an agenda allows for processing the speaker's message without immediately formulating a response.

Sharing personal stories can build connection but should not divert the conversation away from the speaker.

Asking questions based on what may have been left unsaid can reveal deeper insights and show that the listener is deeply engaged.

Good listening involves paying attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues to understand the speaker's underlying emotions or concerns.

An example is given where a common response might dismiss the speaker's concerns, highlighting the importance of deeper inquiry.

Internal monologue or insecurities can hinder deep listening, and overcoming these barriers is crucial for effective communication.

For senior leaders, good listening is imperative and involves avoiding information bubbles and seeking input from all levels.

Leaders must develop the discipline to listen for comprehension without judgment or agenda, and create a trust-based atmosphere.

The video concludes with a review of strategies for becoming a better listener, emphasizing the importance of active and supportive listening.

The strategies shared are based on HBR articles, providing a credible source for the advice given in the video.

The video encourages viewers to share their own strategies for becoming better listeners or suggest topics for future videos, fostering engagement.

Transcripts

AMY GALLO: Are you a good listener?

No, really.

Are you?

You might think you are because you stay silent while they're

talking, nod your head and say mm-hmm,

and repeat back, word for word, what you heard them say.

This has been standard management advice

on good listening for ages.

But what if I told you that following these tips

could leave the listener feeling unheard or even dismissed?

The truth is that mastering the art of listening

involves a whole host of other skills.

You need to do more.

In this video, you'll learn techniques

that will help you in both professional and personal

relationships.

Are you ready to be not just a good listener but a great one?

Let's get started.

The first step after putting away all distractions,

like cell phones and laptops, is to recognize

that listening is an active, noncompetitive, two-way

interaction.

Authors Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman

write that we shouldn't be passive, like a sponge merely

absorbing information.

Instead, we need to be active listeners,

like a trampoline, giving the speaker's thoughts height,

acceleration, energy, and amplification.

But how do you become a so-called trampoline listener?

First, it's important to ask yourself,

how do I usually listen?

Maybe you're typically task-oriented,

focused on efficiency; or analytical,

aiming to analyze problems from a neutral perspective;

or relational, building connections and responding

emotionally; or critical, perhaps judging both

the content and the speaker.

You may, out of habit, default to one of these styles in most

situations.

But if you then ask yourself, why

do I need to listen right now, you

may realize that a different mode or a combination of modes

is better suited for this moment.

Is a family member in need of emotional support,

or a coworker hoping for an honest critique?

Reflecting on the goals of each conversation, what you want,

and what the speaker needs will help you determine

the best way to listen.

This question can also remind us to listen without an agenda

so we can process what the other person is saying

without formulating a response.

At some point in the conversation,

you'll likely have to share your perspective.

But for now, take in what they have

to say without thinking about what you'll say next.

Another question to ask is, who is the focus of attention

in the conversation?

Sharing your own personal stories

can establish connection and validation.

But you don't want to steer the conversation away

from the speaker in a way that makes

them feel dismissed or unheard.

Also, you can ask, what am I missing?

Remember, good listening is much more

than nodding, saying mm-hmm, and parroting back

what you heard the person say.

In reality, speaking up and asking good questions signals

to the speaker that not only have you heard what they said,

but you understood it enough to want more information.

It can also profoundly changed the conversation.

If you pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues,

that may reveal that the speaker has more

to say than what appears at face value.

They may be uncertain about sharing vulnerability,

or they may not even realize that they're

expressing unexamined emotions.

Asking questions based on what may have been left unsaid

can show the other person that you were listening deeply.

It can make them feel supported and lead

to insight for both of you.

Here's an example.

An employee tells you, I'm worried about my presentation

for the board meeting.

You might try to naturally reassure and relate

by saying something like, oh, you're going to be great.

It took me years before I could present without being nervous.

Unfortunately, while you're attempting

to make a connection here, that kind of response

can actually dismiss their concerns

without inviting further detail.

It ignores what might be an important issue underlying

their statement and switches the focus to you.

To show that you're listening in a deeper way,

you can say something like, I was nervous

when I started presenting too.

What's worrying you?

Big difference, right?

When trying to be a better listener,

another good question to ask yourself

is, am I getting in my own way?

All too often, we prevent ourselves

from being able to listen deeply because of our own insecurities

or head trips.

We might be emotionally uncomfortable

or worry about how confident and prepared

we seem to the other person.

With practice, quieting that internal monologue

will leave space to actually hear what's

being said by the other person.

So far, we've been talking about how anyone

can be a better listener.

But if you're a senior leader, where much more is at stake,

good listening is an imperative skill.

It's wise to ask, am I in an information bubble?

Many leaders find themselves in those information bubbles

because employees are afraid of questioning, challenging,

second-guessing, or disappointing them.

They may spin information in a positive light

to avoid tough conversations with leadership.

As Kevin Sharer, former CEO and chairman of Amgen, said,

"If you walk around and see a bunch of smiling faces and say,

'Gee, everybody looks happy to me,' you're not listening."

Leaders must develop the discipline

to listen purely for comprehension

without judgment, agenda, or distraction

and actively seek input from all levels and ranks.

Also, creating an atmosphere that

prioritizes trust over hierarchy means

anybody can feel comfortable sharing information,

whether it's good or bad.

OK.

Let's review.

Most conversations would benefit if we

could be active, supportive trampoline listeners instead

of passive information sponges.

To do this, you can ask yourself,

how do I usually listen?

Reflecting on your default listening style

can help you assess how to improve your listening skills.

Why do I need to listen right now?

Thinking about what the other person might

need from your conversation can provide clues

as to how you can best listen at that moment.

Who is the focus of attention in the conversation?

Be careful sharing your own experiences

in an attempt to connect.

You don't want to steer the conversation away from what

the speaker is trying to say.

What am I missing?

Ask good questions not only about what is said

but what may be left unsaid.

Am I getting in my own way?

Be careful not to let your own internal monologue prevent you

from truly being able to listen deeply.

And for our current and future senior leaders

out there, ask, am I in an information bubble?

Practice listening purely for comprehension.

And create an environment where employees have opportunities

to share feedback and feel comfortable doing so.

Thanks for watching.

All of the strategies that I've shared today

are based on HBR articles linked below.

Do you have your own strategies for becoming a better listener?

Or is there a topic you want us to cover in a future HBR video?

Comment below.

We're listening.

Bye.