Why we love, why we cheat | Helen Fisher

Summary

In this insightful talk, Helen Fisher explores the science of romantic love, its neurological basis, and how it differs from lust and attachment. She discusses the impact of women entering the workforce on societal trends in love and relationships, and the potential effects of antidepressants on these brain systems. Fisher concludes with a humorous story illustrating the unpredictability of love and the enduring nature of our basic human drives.

Takeaways

• 🧠 Romantic love activates the same brain region as cocaine, indicating it's a powerful drive rather than just an emotion.
• 💘 Falling in love involves a person taking on 'special meaning' and becoming the center of one's world.
• 🎯 Romantic love is characterized by intense focus, energy, elation, and sometimes obsessive thoughts about the loved one.
• 🔒 Romantic love can lead to extreme sexual possessiveness, which may have evolved to encourage pair-bonding for child-rearing.
• 🧬 The speaker suggests three distinct brain systems related to mating and reproduction: sex drive, romantic love, and attachment.
• 🌐 The rise of women in the workforce is a significant social trend that is impacting traditional gender roles and expressions of sexuality.
• 💪 Women's verbal abilities and people skills are highlighted as strengths that they bring to the job market and society.
• 💑 The concept of 'symmetrical marriage' is emerging, emphasizing equality and companionship in long-term relationships.
• 📉 The aging population and societal changes may contribute to more stable marriages due to a variety of factors including health and longevity.
• 💊 The speaker expresses concern over the long-term use of antidepressants, which can suppress dopamine and potentially impact romantic love and sexual drive.
• ❤️ Love is presented as a complex interplay of biology and culture, with both neurological and emotional components.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the speaker's research on romantic love?

The speaker's research on romantic love focuses on understanding the psychological and neurological aspects of falling in love, including the specific brain regions activated during this state and how it differs from other emotions.

How many people were involved in the functional MRI brain scanner study on romantic love?

There were 32 people involved in the study, 17 of whom were in love and had their love reciprocated, and 15 who were in love but had just been rejected.

What does the speaker suggest is the primary characteristic of romantic love?

The speaker suggests that the primary characteristic of romantic love is an intense craving to be with a specific person, both emotionally and sexually, which is more than just a series of emotions but rather a drive.

What is the role of dopamine in romantic love according to the speaker?

According to the speaker, dopamine plays a significant role in romantic love by creating a focused attention on the loved one, similar to the rush experienced with cocaine, indicating that romantic love is a powerful drive rather than just an emotion.

What are the three basic brain systems that the speaker identifies as having evolved from mating and reproduction?

The three basic brain systems identified are the sex drive, romantic love, and attachment, each serving different purposes in human mating and bonding behaviors.

How does the speaker describe the impact of women moving into the workforce on society and relationships?

The speaker describes the impact as profound, leading to a rise in female sexual expression, a return to a form of marriage equality, and an increase in the importance of romantic love in long-term relationships.

What is the concern the speaker expresses about the use of antidepressants and their potential effect on love and relationships?

The speaker is concerned that the use of antidepressants, particularly SSRIs, can suppress the dopamine circuit associated with romantic love, potentially killing the sex drive and the feelings of attachment that follow orgasm.

What is the 'love map' mentioned by the speaker, and how does it relate to falling in love?

The 'love map' is an unconscious list of traits that a person builds in childhood, which influences who they fall in love with. It is part of the complex interplay of factors that determine romantic attraction.

How does the speaker's story about the graduate student and the rickshaw illustrate the cultural aspect of love?

The story illustrates that while there is a strong biological component to love, cultural factors and personal experiences can also play a significant role in who we fall in love with, as the graduate student attempted to use a thrilling experience to trigger romantic feelings.

What does the speaker believe about the potential for making good marriages in the current era?

The speaker believes that with women's increased education and empowerment, as well as societal changes towards equality and the decline in divorce rates, the current era may be one of the best times in human history for forming good, stable marriages.

What is the speaker's view on the complexity of human emotions and the potential for loving more than one person at a time?

The speaker acknowledges the complexity of human emotions, suggesting that it is possible to feel deep attachment, romantic love, and sexual desire for different people simultaneously, indicating the potential for loving more than one person at a time.