Why Millions of Young Chinese REFUSE to Get Married

Summary

In China, marriage rates are plummeting as young people reject the institution altogether. With skyrocketing costs, mismatched expectations, and a demanding work culture, marriage has become a transactional and burdensome prospect. Traditional views clash with modern aspirations, and the financial and emotional toll has led to a rise in 'spiritual singles'—people in relationships who have mentally divorced the idea of marriage. This shift reflects a broader societal rebellion, where youth are choosing freedom and self-sufficiency over government-imposed marital norms. Technology, such as AI companions and virtual relationships, is replacing traditional commitments, signaling a deep trust crisis in the future of the nation.

Takeaways

• 😀 China's marriage crisis is driven by young people rejecting traditional marriage due to financial and societal pressures.
• 😀 Marriage in modern China is seen as a business transaction, with expectations around money, property, and dowries overshadowing love.
• 😀 The one-child policy has left young people burdened with caring for two sets of aging parents, creating a '421 trap' (four grandparents, two parents, one child).
• 😀 Financial struggles, such as high housing costs, dowries, and stagnant wages, make marriage financially unfeasible for many young Chinese.
• 😀 Many Chinese women choose to remain single rather than marry into a lower standard of living or enter a relationship with traditional gender expectations.
• 😀 China's brutal work culture, including the '996' schedule (9 AM to 9 PM, six days a week), turns marriages into emotionally neglectful relationships.
• 😀 Mismatched expectations between men and women, exacerbated by urbanization and college education, contribute to the marriage freeze, with women seeking equality and men often expecting obedience.
• 😀 The fear of divorce, domestic violence, and legal uncertainty is causing many to avoid marriage altogether, seeing it as a risky and untrustworthy institution.
• 😀 Many young people in China are opting for 'lying flat'—a silent rebellion against hustle culture, marriage, and children, viewing these as obligations rather than choices.
• 😀 Technology is offering an escape from traditional marriage, with dating apps, virtual relationships, and AI companions becoming popular alternatives for young people in China.

Q & A

What is the main reason young people in China are rejecting marriage?

Young people in China are rejecting marriage because they see it less as a romantic relationship and more as a financial and societal burden. The pressures of marriage, including financial obligations, family expectations, and mismatched gender roles, make many choose permanent singleness.

What does the term 'spiritual singles' refer to?

'Spiritual singles' refers to individuals in relationships who have mentally checked out from the idea of marriage. They are emotionally detached from the commitment, viewing it as more of a transactional obligation rather than a romantic bond.

How has the one-child policy affected marriage in China?

The one-child policy has led to a demographic imbalance, with one adult child now responsible for caring for four grandparents and two parents. This has added immense financial and emotional pressure on individuals, making marriage seem like an impossible task.

Why is marriage in China viewed as a 'financial suicide mission'?

Marriage in China often involves significant financial commitments, including buying a house, a car, and paying a hefty dowry, sometimes exceeding $50,000. With high youth unemployment and stagnant wages, many young people, especially men, find it financially impossible to marry.

How does the 996 work culture impact marriage in China?

The 996 work culture, which demands employees work from 9 AM to 9 PM six days a week, leaves little time for romantic relationships. This leads to marital neglect, with some women describing themselves as '996 widows,' as their husbands are rarely home, further damaging relationships.

What role do mismatched expectations play in China's marriage crisis?

Mismatched expectations arise from the increasing financial independence of women and the persistence of traditional gender roles among men. Women now have higher standards and expect equality in relationships, while many men still adhere to old-fashioned ideas, creating friction in the marriage market.

Why are men and women in China increasingly choosing to remain single?

Men and women in China are choosing to remain single due to financial struggles, high expectations in relationships, fears of domestic violence, and lack of legal protection in marriage. Many also fear the cultural and political pressures tied to marriage.

What impact has China's divorce rate had on the marriage landscape?

The rising divorce rate in China has made many people hesitant to marry. Concerns about domestic violence, financial risks, and distrust in the legal system contribute to the increasing reluctance to marry, especially among women.

How is the Chinese Communist Party responding to the declining birthrate and marriage rates?

The Chinese Communist Party is using propaganda to pressure people, especially women, into marriage and motherhood. They have created billboards shaming single women and calling them 'traitors,' in an effort to reverse the birthrate crisis, but this has sparked resistance from young people.

Why are digital intimacy and virtual relationships becoming more popular in China?

Digital intimacy is growing in popularity as young people in China seek an escape from the pressures of traditional relationships. Dating apps, VR relationships, and AI companions offer a way to experience emotional connection without the complications and societal pressures of real-world dating.