Your Conversations Are Boring Because You Keep Doing THIS
Summary
TLDRThis video offers guidance for men struggling with socializing and initiating conversations, especially with women. The speaker shares personal anecdotes and insights on overcoming the fear of being boring or rejected, emphasizing the importance of authentic communication and taking social risks. He suggests stepping out of comfort zones, using humor, and avoiding generic small talk to build chemistry and attraction. The video also promotes the Socializer program, which aims to help men improve their social skills and form meaningful connections.
Takeaways
- 😶 Overcoming Social Anxiety: The speaker emphasizes the struggle many men face with socializing and conversing with women due to introversion or anxiety, and offers advice on improving conversation skills.
- 🤔 Fear of Being Boring: It's common for young men to worry about being uninteresting in conversations, leading to a tendency to say very little or nothing at all.
- 🔄 Breaking the Cycle: The speaker suggests that this behavior can become a repetitive cycle, causing individuals to default to silence or minimal communication in social situations.
- 🚫 Avoiding Monotony: Recommends moving away from the 'safe' mode of not saying anything or sticking to basic phrases like 'hi' and 'bye'.
- 💡 Taking Chances: Encourages taking social risks rather than remaining boring and safe, as this can lead to missed opportunities for connection and attraction.
- 🤷♂️ Understanding Fear: The speaker explains that fear of rejection may stem from deep-seated evolutionary instincts, but it's crucial to recognize these as irrational in modern social contexts.
- 🌟 Authenticity Over Perfection: Advises being genuine and taking chances in conversations rather than trying to be the 'perfect' guy who is overly nice and gets overlooked.
- 💬 Importance of Small Talk: Highlights the significance of small, simple interactions that can lead to interest and attraction.
- 😄 Leveraging Humor: Suggests using humor, teasing, and light-hearted banter as a way to break the ice and create a connection.
- 👗 Complimenting Effort: Recommends complimenting women on their choices and efforts, like their outfit or smile, rather than on inherent traits they cannot control.
- 🔄 Adapting Communication: The speaker points out the importance of adapting communication style based on the context, such as being more playful in casual settings versus more reserved in professional ones.
- 📈 Continuous Learning: Stresses the need for continuous learning and practice in social interactions to improve and avoid repeating past mistakes.
Q & A
What is the main issue discussed in the video script for guys who struggle with socializing and talking to girls?
-The main issue discussed is the tendency for guys to be boring and lack energy in social situations, especially when talking to girls they are attracted to, due to fear of rejection or saying the wrong thing.
Why does the speaker believe that being boring is detrimental when trying to make friends or attract girls?
-The speaker believes that being boring is detrimental because it prevents the development of chemistry and attraction, which are essential for forming connections and relationships.
What was the speaker's initial behavior in social interactions, especially with girls, when he was younger?
-The speaker's initial behavior was to be very boring and quiet in social interactions, often not saying anything at all for fear of being too boring or offending the other person.
How did the speaker's experience in a job surrounded by women differ from his previous experiences in construction?
-In the construction job, the speaker was used to being around men and engaging in 'dark humor' and banter. In contrast, his new job surrounded by women made him realize he didn't know how to talk to them without potentially offending them.
What is the 'default mode of safety' that the speaker mentions guys often fall into when interacting with girls they are attracted to?
-The 'default mode of safety' refers to the tendency to not say anything at all or only say very simple phrases like 'hi' and 'bye' to avoid the risk of saying something wrong or offending the girl.
What does the speaker suggest is the reason behind guys' fear of being themselves and expressing their true feelings in social situations?
-The speaker suggests that the fear stems from a deep-seated evolutionary instinct to avoid rejection, which in ancient times could have led to expulsion from the tribe and death.
What is the speaker's advice for guys who want to improve their conversation skills and avoid being boring?
-The speaker advises guys to take chances, be authentic, and express their thoughts and feelings, even if it means risking saying something wrong or being rejected.
What is the 'Socializer Program' mentioned in the script, and how does it help guys improve their social skills?
-The 'Socializer Program' is a program the speaker offers to help guys get a girlfriend within 60 to 90 days. It includes video breakdowns, courses on mindset, mental health, anxiety, and procrastination, and direct coaching from the speaker.
How does the speaker describe the difference between being playful and flirty versus being overly nice or a 'nice guy'?
-The speaker describes being playful and flirty as engaging in fun, authentic conversations, making jokes, and teasing, which can build chemistry and attraction. Being overly nice or a 'nice guy', on the other hand, is seen as less attractive and often ineffective.
What is the importance of taking chances and being authentic in social interactions according to the speaker?
-According to the speaker, taking chances and being authentic in social interactions is important because it allows for the development of chemistry and attraction. It also helps to avoid being boring and makes the interactions more memorable and engaging.
Why does the speaker emphasize the difference between cold approaching a girl and interacting with a coworker or classmate?
-The speaker emphasizes this difference because cold approaching a girl doesn't have the same social implications or risks as interacting with a coworker or classmate. There's no risk of damaging a work or school relationship, so one can be more direct and flirty.
Outlines
😅 Overcoming Social Anxiety and Boredom
The speaker discusses the common struggle of men to initiate and maintain engaging conversations, particularly with women they are attracted to. He reflects on his own past experiences where he was too afraid to express his true feelings, leading to missed opportunities. The speaker emphasizes the importance of stepping out of one's comfort zone, avoiding the 'nice guy' syndrome, and taking risks in social interactions to avoid being boring and to build attraction and chemistry.
🤔 Confronting Fears and the Evolutionary Roots of Boredom
This paragraph delves into the psychological reasons behind social fear and the tendency to be boring in conversations. The speaker suggests that the fear of rejection is an evolutionary trait from our tribal past, where rejection could mean death. He argues that this fear makes people cautious and less engaging. The speaker then shifts to discuss the importance of taking chances in social interactions, using his own experiences and the 'Socializer' program as examples of how to overcome these fears and improve social skills.
😉 Becoming Playful and Avoiding Monotony in Conversations
The speaker shares his insights on how to make conversations more interesting and less routine. He advises against falling into the trap of using the same small talk phrases and instead encourages being playful, authentic, and observant. He provides examples of how to compliment someone in a way that acknowledges their choices rather than their inherent traits. The speaker also discusses the difference in approaching girls in different settings, such as work or school versus cold approaching in public places, and the importance of adapting one's approach accordingly.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Socialize
💡Introverted
💡Anxiety
💡Boring
💡Conversation Skills
💡Peddle
💡Chemistry
💡Playful
💡Authentic
💡Compliment
💡Flirt
💡Socializer School
Highlights
The video aims to help men who struggle with socializing and initiating conversations, particularly with women, due to introversion or anxiety.
The speaker shares personal experiences of being boring in conversations and the fear of being judged, which led to avoiding social interactions.
A common issue is the tendency to default to minimal communication out of fear of saying something wrong, especially when attracted to someone.
The importance of overcoming the fear of being oneself and expressing genuine feelings in conversations is emphasized.
The video discusses the negative impact of treating women as unattainable objects of desire, which leads to boring and safe conversations.
The speaker recounts a personal story of regret from a job where he failed to engage with a girl he was attracted to due to fear.
A realization is shared that the fear of rejection is irrational, as it could potentially harm relationships that don't even exist yet.
The video explains that being boring is detrimental to making friends and attracting romantic interests.
The speaker suggests taking social risks and trying new conversational approaches to avoid being boring.
A recommendation is made for the Socializer program, which aims to help men improve their social skills and get a girlfriend within 60 to 90 days.
The video provides examples of playful and engaging conversation starters, such as commenting on a squirrel eating a hamburger patty.
The importance of indirect compliments and making observations about a person's choices, rather than their physical appearance, is discussed.
The speaker shares a success story of building chemistry with a girl at work by being playful and not boring.
The video encourages viewers to avoid falling into the trap of using the same small talk lines and to communicate authentically.
A distinction is made between cold approaching in public spaces and engaging with co-workers or classmates, where different strategies are needed.
The video concludes with a promotion for the Socializer program, offering courses on mindset, mental health, and other topics to help men improve their social skills.
Transcripts
okay so if you're a guy that struggles
with finding the energy to socialize and
talk to girls or anybody for that matter
this video is going to really help you
whether you're introverted or you have
anxiety when it comes to like
approaching and talking to girls or even
having conversations with like
co-workers classmates Etc I'm going to
explain how you can essentially never
run out of things to say and why your
conversation skills can be improved and
what you're doing wrong right now one of
the things that I noticed when I was
younger is that I was very boring and
whenever I had a conversation with
somebody I would worry that I was being
too boring and because of that I
actually didn't want to talk to other
people and this is very common
especially when you're young right you
don't necessarily think that people want
to hear what you have to say so you'd
rather not say anything at all than say
what you really want to and this
Behavior starts to repeat itself until
the point where every time you're having
an interaction with someone especially a
girl that like you're attracted to your
default mode of safety is to not say
anything at all or you go to the one or
two super simple phrases that you
automatically say without thinking like
okay hi bye I'll give you an example
right I remember one time I first
started at a new job and at this job
there was so many attractive girls I was
just like blown away at how I got so
lucky to have this job where there's so
many girls and that's because most jobs
I worked I was in construction and it
was just all dudes usually older dudes
that just you know were grumpy all the
time right so we'd kind of make fun of
each other and it was cool that way but
having a job where like you're
surrounded by women I was like man this
is amazing right but when I went and
talked to them for the very first day I
didn't know what to say cuz I was so
used to being around dudes all the time
on one end I was like well I could just
talk to them the same way I talk to like
guys but I was really worried that that
would be offensive you know because
dudes when we talk to each other we say
some dark [ __ ] bro like very offensive
dark humor it's like construction site
banter okay British dudes are good at
this too comment down below if you're a
British guy it's called banter shooting
the [ __ ] taking the piss as they call it
in Australia I remember having these
things I want to say to this one girl
there's this one girl she was super cute
she had the nicest smile and like
whenever she'd smile it just melted me
okay this was in my simp days boys this
is before I knew not to give any
attention to anybody but uh yeah I just
kind of melted and I wanted to say
something this whole time but I couldn't
find the courage to do it my my brain
just froze right and I think that's what
happens like as a guy you're so scared
to just be yourself and say how you
actually feel there's a couple different
ways to think about this right on one
end I don't want you to be that guy
that's a total s and thinks he can just
like compliment girls and bend over
backwards for them and that's going to
make them attracted to you because I was
this guy in high school and it didn't
work all right we've all seen these like
movies or TV shows where this guy is
like getting a girl flowers and being
the super nice guy meanwhile she's
banging Chad okay so you don't
necessarily want to do that but what I'm
saying is even small simple interactions
the stepping stones that lead to
interest that lead to attraction that
lead to you guys having chemistry
together this is where guys are getting
stuck we ultimately immediately see a
woman we're attracted to and be like
okay I want to have sex with her right
and then because of that we put them on
a pedestal because we don't want to mess
anything up that could potentially
prevent us from having sex with them and
how do guys mess up well we usually say
stupid things we usually have weak body
language we usually do dumb stuff
because we don't know any better so what
do we do instead we freeze we'd rather
not say anything and potentially mess
things up than say something that would
actually work and that's what I've
noticed happens with a lot of guys and
this is what makes us boring okay so
back to this uh story I was telling you
about this girl I wanted to say
something about her smile but it just
didn't come out so she's kind of shown
me around like this place I was working
at kind of shown me where everything is
I'm just kind of nodding my head like oh
okay yeah yeah and I could have totally
started up some small talk with her I
could have simply said how's your day
going so far anybody else you got a
train today what was your weekend like I
could have said anything but instead I
stayed quiet I just nodded my head M and
this wasn't like my boss or supervisor
or anything they just basically got a
girl to just show me around because she
just started there too and I just was so
scared to say something right now
eventually she finishes showing showing
me everything I'm like okay bye see you
later you know like the two words that
could come out of my mouth and I
remember I was going to my other job cuz
I had multiple jobs at the same time and
I was just like telling my co-workers
like [ __ ] man there's this girl she had
this amazing smile she was so cute and
uh I just didn't know what to say so I
just [ __ ] froze up like a total [ __ ]
you know and I just didn't really know
like how I could have handled things
differently and that's the most painful
feeling you can feel bro regret you know
when you're like wishing you did
something but you didn't do it because
you were scared and then in retrospect
you're like oh man I wish I knew what I
know now and then I would have been able
to smoke this right so I said to myself
you know what why do I actually care
that much you know why am I so scared of
what it is this person could think about
me is it because I'm potentially messing
up a relationship that we don't even
have you know what I mean so I started
to really think about my fears and I'm
like these are all stupid this is like
some caveman monkey [ __ ] basically
thousands of years ago you lived in such
a small tribe that you only had maybe
two or three women that you had a shot
with and if they rejected you or if
anybody in the village rejected you
rather you got kicked out of the village
and you died right so we have this in it
fear programmed into us and because of
that it makes us cautious and it makes
us boring and being boring is probably
the worst thing to be if you want to
make friends and you want to attract
girls okay being boring Works in some
situations right like if I am relying on
somebody to do a job for me and they're
they're boring they're just good at the
job perfect okay would you rather have a
plumber or Carpenter that's absolutely
amazing at his craft but he's kind of
boring or a guy that's going to [ __ ]
flood your basement put a hole in your
fence just blow up everything but he's
super funny and charismatic right
obviously you're going to want the
boring guy but when it comes to girls
and what they're interested in men often
times they want that toxic guy they
don't want a boring guy they want the
guy that's funny entertaining even if
he's broke in my circumstances at the
time I was like 20 years old I didn't
really have any money I had no
confidence of anything to be proud of
necessarily but I may as well [ __ ]
swing from the fences at that point
because I have nothing to lose whereas
you you're watching this you might not
have anything going on you don't have
any big business it's not like there's
like 30 cameras filming you at all times
you have nothing to lose but despite not
having anything to lose you still act
boring you don't swing from the fences
you don't take any chances right and the
reason that this is so important is
because if you're not taking chances
socially you're going to remain boring
the only way you know if something works
or doesn't work is if you try it this
applies to talking to girls we already
know from experience my experience your
experience and the clients that I've
helped with my socializer program where
I help guys get a girlfriend in like 60
to 90 days it's a little bit expensive
but again it's you know it gets you the
results you want so that's a program you
should check out if you really want to
solve this problem the clients I've
worked with they've been doing the same
thing for years they have have a girl
they're attracted to but they don't say
anything they just say the absolute bare
minimum in the conversation hello okay
nice to meet you you know like very
basic stuff and what I like to do and
this is something I've done in thousands
of videos where I approach girls in real
life and you can get access to those and
socializer by the way but I just go in
swinging for the fences I just make
jokes I make assumptions about the girl
I tease her I flirt I bring up some
random observation like I have this one
clip where I walk up to a girl and I'm
just completely distracted by the fact
that there's a squirrel sitting in a
tree chewing on a hamburger patty so I
just started talking to her I'm like yo
look at this there squirrel with a
hamburger patty and she's like oh my God
look at that oh my look at that squirrel
with that hamburger patty in its mouth
holy [ __ ] Mason get the squirrel with
the hamburger patty in its mouth you see
that you having fun I saw one with a
bagel in the top guys look there's a
squirrel eating a hamburger patty and
then we have this whole interaction then
I end up getting her number and going on
a date with her right there wasn't any
line there wasn't any awkwardness I just
went for and that's what makes girls
attracted to you the fact you go for it
and this thing you've been doing and
trying unsuccessfully over and over
again being boring being safe being you
know quiet it's not working it's never
worked it's not ever going to work you
need to do something different and this
is what's messing up your interactions
back to the girl the next time I saw her
I walked in there like it was the first
time I met her hey what's going on how
was your weekend oh okay what's your day
like today what are you up to you look
like you're always in a good mood what
are you are you high why you always
smiling so much and basically you know
I'm I'm just paraphrasing but we had a
goofy conversation I actually got her to
like laugh at herself like she's like
yeah I do smile all the time so I was
able to like compliment her about
something indirectly and that's another
thing that you guys need to learn how to
do instead of being like Oh my God your
eyes are so beautiful you could say
something like man you got a certain
look to you like what's going on behind
those eyes like what are you thinking
about right if a girl has a leather
jacket and you think it's nice you could
say something along the lines of all
right what's the story behind this
jacket like why did you choose that
today and I know you're probably
thinking like what the [ __ ] why are you
asking a girl why she chose a jacket but
again you guys don't realize this but
often times girls put a tremendous
amount of effort into what they wear
before they buy something before they
choose to wear it what clothes they
match it with dudes were simple we're
like oh that's a shirt I need a shirt to
wear so that I can buy an item from the
store and they don't kick me out so we
just buy a shirt we don't think about it
but girls do okay versus their eye color
they were born with that eye color they
didn't think about it they were just
born that way so what you do is you
compliment a girl on something a feature
of hers either indirectly or talk about
that item of theirs that they chose
specifically so you complement them on
something they did not something they
were born with right it's like
complimenting a girl on something she
accomplished as opposed to having blonde
hair you know what I mean when I did
this it actually allowed her to let her
guard down and and have an authentic
playful conversation with us and we
instantly got chemistry we instantly
became like those two at work that was
always hanging out together and
eventually we had a bunch of sex and it
was awesome okay we didn't end up dating
long term but we both got what we wanted
out of that and what was important was
that it actually taught me how if you
can just not be boring when you talk to
girls then you will get amazing
opportunities to build chemistry with
them so stop being so boring and stop
making the same mistake that I mentioned
before which is leading to your
conversation being boring don't default
to the one or two small talk lines that
you have okay I watched a video recently
and this guy was kind of talking about a
similar concept he works at a grocery
store and whenever somebody comes in he
says one or two of the same things hello
how's it going do you need a bag cash or
debit have a nice day that's it it's
like his brain automatically goes to
those but that's because he has a job
when you're talking to girls it's not a
job you don't need to go into default
work mode what you need to do is
actually communicate authentically
whatever you're thinking about as long
as it's appropriate right don't be like
wow look at your tits but instead be
like oh my God look at that squirrel in
the tree he's got a hamburger patty in
his mouth or be like man your smile is
just blown me away right now like did
you just rob a bank like why are you so
happy like it's raining outside what's
going on here maybe I'll be like you
I'll just start smiling everywhere I go
and then you kind of take the piss out
of the girl you kind of make jokes about
it because especially girls when they
are flattered they smile and their
cheeks get all red and blushy so you can
actually double down I think I had a
girl I was seeing one time I nicknamed
her Smiley and every time I called her
Smiley she would smile and then it would
get even more flirty because like I'd be
like oh look at you smiling again why
you trying to hide your smile you know
it's so beautiful again that's when you
can kind of work in that game so it's
all about being playful being fun and
being anything but boring as far as a
coworker goes I don't necessarily want
you to compliment them like that I want
you to play it smooth I want you to take
your time to attract them and if you
kind of want to learn how to do that
where like you have a classmate or a
cooworker you're super attracted to I
highly recommend you join socializer
school I have a guide on how to attract
a girl long term without [ __ ] where
you eat and potentially you know getting
fired from your job for doing something
stupid but at the same time I do want
you to have this level of comfort when
you small talk with girls and approach
them so that way you always have a good
first impression and especially when you
cold approach girls okay because at the
end of the day as nice as it is to meet
that attractive girl at your office or
in your class or whatever that's
actually a sign of laziness there are
thousands of girls out there that don't
have the same social implications that
your classmates or your co-workers would
have if you guys started dating and
here's what I mean by this if you start
a job you're there for the job not for
the girl that's cute okay so you could
potentially risk that job risk that
friendship and the dynamic at work by
being one of those weird guys that just
compliments girls right away okay cuz
that's not what you're there for however
if you're cold approaching a girl on the
street at a coffee shop a library a
restaurant you don't have to worry about
that because you two are probably never
going to see each other again so you can
be direct you can be honest you're there
to get coffee you're there to go to the
library but you can actually flirt you
can be direct you can cold approach the
girl whereas at school or at work you
have to handle things a little bit
differently and knowing how to react in
every specific situation is something
that takes a lot of time to learn but if
you want the cheat code if you want the
formula that I use and thousands of
young men if used join socializer you
can read about all the details on the
website we just made a new website it
looks super sick basically you get video
breakdowns of me approaching girls in
real life in different environments step
by step for you you get multiple courses
on mindset mental health anxiety
basically all the things that like guys
really struggle with they don't believe
in themselves and they're held back by
limiting beliefs we have a whole course
on procrastination so that you stop
watching videos and you actually
approach girls I have a course on how to
be a YouTuber and make a bunch of money
the same way that I've like communicated
to you this entire time without a script
without having to do a clickbait edit or
title No I just talk authentically to
the camera that's a skill that you can
monetize right we have that course and a
bunch more available in socializer
school plus you get to work with me
direct so that's my Shameless plug just
like the one that your dad uses in your
mom's and I hope that this video was
helpful for you and I'll see you in the
next one peace
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