How To Win Back A Fearful Avoidant | Fearful Avoidant Attachment

Summary

In this video, Thais Gibson, co-owner of the Personal Development School, shares practical tools for saving or rekindling a relationship with a fearful avoidant attachment style individual. She emphasizes the importance of showing up authentically, setting clear boundaries, and understanding both your needs and the other person’s. The key to success lies in empathizing with the fearful avoidant's perspective, validating their experience, and using clear communication to address emotional disconnection. She advises creating a deadline for relationship efforts and prioritizing self-love, while offering a wealth of resources to support relationship growth.

Takeaways

• 😀 Be authentic in your relationships: Avoid using psychological tricks to manipulate others, as long-term relationship success relies on showing up as your true self, with all your needs and vulnerabilities.
• 😀 Prioritize self-reflection: Before working on a relationship, ensure that you're considering your own well-being and are ready to show up authentically.
• 😀 Communication is key: Instead of pointing out what's wrong in a relationship, clearly communicate your needs. Use specific examples to express what you need from the other person.
• 😀 Understand your partner's perspective: To improve a relationship with a fearful avoidant, empathize with their needs and struggles. They often feel unheard and distrustful.
• 😀 Address emotional needs: Fearful avoidants often leave relationships due to a lack of emotional intimacy or feeling misunderstood, so make sure to foster emotional connection.
• 😀 Small issues can be resolved with communication: Many times, fearful avoidants use small flaws as an excuse to disengage. Address these issues through open conversation to avoid misunderstanding.
• 😀 Be clear about boundaries: Define what didn't work in the relationship and convert those issues into clear, actionable needs.
• 😀 Time and patience are important: If you're trying to rekindle a relationship, wait for 3-4 weeks after a breakup to allow feelings to settle before initiating a serious conversation.
• 😀 Use practical strategies: When talking to a fearful avoidant, provide clear solutions or strategies for addressing the issues that caused disconnection.
• 😀 Set a deadline for change: Be realistic about how much time you're willing to invest in saving a relationship. If things don’t progress by your set deadline, move on and invest in your own self-growth.

Q & A

What is the primary focus of this video?

The video discusses how to save or win back a relationship with a person who has a fearful avoidant attachment style, emphasizing the importance of authenticity, healthy communication, and setting boundaries.

Why does Thais Gibson emphasize being authentic in relationships?

Thais Gibson stresses the importance of being authentic in relationships because connecting with someone through manipulation or tricks leads to an empty relationship. A fulfilling relationship requires being seen, heard, and understood as your true self, with your needs and desires clearly expressed.

What is the first key step in improving a relationship with a fearful avoidant person?

The first key step is to define your boundaries and identify what didn’t work in the relationship. Then, transform these issues into specific needs and communicate those needs effectively.

How should you communicate your needs in a relationship, according to the video?

Instead of pointing out what's not working (e.g., 'You're not cleaning enough'), Thais advises expressing your needs clearly (e.g., 'I would appreciate it if you could clean more often, especially the dishes'). This helps prevent the other person from feeling attacked and fosters understanding.

What common issue causes fearful avoidants to leave relationships?

Fearful avoidants often leave relationships because they feel there is an imbalance between what they give and what they receive. They may struggle to communicate their needs, leading to feelings of neglect or distrust.

How does a fearful avoidant person typically react when they feel unheard or mistrustful?

A fearful avoidant may project distrust in small situations (e.g., not getting a call back) and blow them out of proportion, leading to doubts about their partner's loyalty and commitment.

What role does emotional intimacy play in the dynamics of a fearful avoidant's relationship?

Emotional intimacy is crucial for fearful avoidants. If they feel a lack of emotional connection or intimacy, especially in women, it can trigger a push-away response as their subconscious mind associates disconnection with pain.

What strategy can fearful avoidants use to prevent sabotaging their relationships due to a need for novelty?

Fearful avoidants can introduce novelty into the relationship by engaging in new activities, traveling, or spending time outside of the relationship. This helps fill the novelty need without disrupting the relationship itself.

Why is it important to set a deadline when trying to work on a relationship with a fearful avoidant?

Setting a deadline helps prevent spending excessive time in an unhappy or stagnant relationship. It ensures that the person is clear about how long they are willing to invest in improving the relationship, and if things aren’t progressing, they can move on.

What is the importance of validating the other person's wounds when trying to resolve relationship issues?

Validating the other person’s wounds is essential because it shows empathy and understanding. Fearful avoidants value being deeply seen and heard, and this validation, combined with practical solutions, can lead to positive changes in the relationship.