Fearful Avoidant: Deactivating or Moving On?

Summary

In this video, Tais Gibson, co-owner of the Personal Development School, addresses a key question: How can you tell if a fearful avoidant is pushing you away as a test or genuinely wanting to end the relationship? She explains that when testing, fearful avoidants will push away but quickly return when their partner pulls back. The video highlights key signs such as inconsistent behavior, expressions of unmet needs, and underlying fear or insecurity. Tais encourages fearful avoidants to work through their emotional wounds to create healthier, empowered relationships. The video also promotes the Personal Development School's resources for personal growth and emotional healing.

Takeaways

• 😀 Fearful avoidants may push you away as a test to see if you'll stick around or because they want to move on.
• 😀 When a fearful avoidant is testing, they push away but quickly come back, especially if you pull away yourself.
• 😀 If a fearful avoidant is genuinely moving on, their deactivation is more permanent, and they avoid re-engagement.
• 😀 A significant shift in behavior, such as reduced warmth or communication, may indicate a deeper issue or desire to move on.
• 😀 When testing, fearful avoidants tend to express feelings of insecurity, such as saying, 'You're not interested in me.'
• 😀 Genuine deactivation from a fearful avoidant usually involves clear, final disinterest, not just an emotional withdrawal.
• 😀 Fearful avoidants are often testing your interest in them by withdrawing, as they fear rejection or abandonment.
• 😀 Emotional volatility, jealousy, or insecurity preceding a withdrawal may indicate the fearful avoidant is responding to past triggers rather than a real desire to end the relationship.
• 😀 Fearful avoidants often deactivate due to a buildup of unexpressed fears and emotional pain, which they find difficult to communicate.
• 😀 It's crucial for fearful avoidants to express their needs, set boundaries, and work through deep-seated fears to avoid unhealthy relationship dynamics.

Q & A

How can you tell if a fearful avoidant is pushing you away as a test or if they truly want to end the relationship?

You can tell by their behavior patterns. If the fearful avoidant is pushing you away but quickly returns when you pull back, it’s likely a test to see if you’ll stick around. On the other hand, if they deactivate and don't make much effort to reconnect, it may indicate they are genuinely trying to end the relationship.

What is the difference between testing behavior and genuine deactivation in a fearful avoidant?

When testing, a fearful avoidant pushes you away but returns quickly once they sense a response from you. Genuine deactivation, however, is more final. The person will withdraw and may feel guilty, avoiding reconnecting due to fear of embarrassment.

What behavioral patterns might indicate that a fearful avoidant is testing their partner?

Signs that a fearful avoidant is testing include fluctuating between push-pull behavior, like being loving and supportive one moment, then withdrawing the next. They may also express unmet needs or fears like questioning their partner's level of interest in them.

How does a fearful avoidant’s inconsistency in behavior show up when they're testing their partner?

Inconsistent behavior is a key indicator of testing. They may seem warm, loving, and open one moment, and distant or cold the next. This inconsistency signals that they are unsure and are testing the waters to see how their partner reacts.

How can you differentiate between a fearful avoidant’s test and a decision to end the relationship?

If a fearful avoidant is testing, they will often express their doubts or fears about the relationship, such as questioning their partner’s feelings. If they genuinely want to end things, they will typically give clear, definitive signs of emotional withdrawal without engaging in the back-and-forth behavior.

What kind of things might a fearful avoidant say when they’re testing their partner?

When testing, a fearful avoidant might say things like, 'You don’t want me' or 'You don’t care about this relationship.' These statements reflect their fear and unmet needs, rather than a direct wish to break up.

What should you look for in the days or weeks before a fearful avoidant pushes you away?

You might notice a gradual shift in behavior, such as reduced communication, less warmth, or increasing emotional distance. These signs suggest that their deactivation is not a sudden decision but a response to underlying fears or emotional triggers.

What role does insecurity and fear play in a fearful avoidant’s behavior when they push someone away?

Insecurity and fear are central to a fearful avoidant’s tendency to push someone away. If they’ve expressed jealousy, distrust, or fear leading up to the withdrawal, it’s likely their decision to pull back is driven by emotional insecurity, not a desire to end the relationship.

How can someone in a relationship with a fearful avoidant help mitigate the push-pull dynamic?

It's important for both partners to establish clear communication, set healthy boundaries, and express their needs openly. For the fearful avoidant, working on self-awareness, addressing their attachment wounds, and learning to communicate their fears more constructively can help break the cycle of emotional withdrawal.

What advice does Tais Gibson give to fearful avoidants to improve their relationships?

Tais encourages fearful avoidants to express their needs clearly, set boundaries, and work through their core wounds. By reprogramming negative belief systems and learning healthy communication skills, they can feel empowered in relationships and reduce unnecessary emotional volatility.