This is the ONLY Way to Make Narcissists Respect You Even When They Don’t Want To

Summary

In this video, attorney and bestselling author Rebecca Zung discusses how to gain respect from a narcissist, even if they don't want to give it. She explains the narcissistic mindset, emphasizing the importance of boundaries, leverage, and consequences in dealing with them. Zung provides strategies for shifting the power dynamic in high-conflict situations, whether in personal relationships or at work. She encourages viewers to prioritize self-respect, stay firm, and set clear expectations. Rebecca also promotes her resources, including free disarming phrases and her SLAY negotiation method, aimed at empowering people dealing with narcissists.

Takeaways

• 🔍 Understanding the Narcissist's Mindset: Narcissists have a deep need for control, validation, and superiority, which is driven by their own insecurities.
• 🚫 Kindness Doesn't Work: Traditional methods of earning respect like kindness, compromise, or mutual understanding do not work with narcissists.
• 🔗 Leverage Self-Interest: Create scenarios where respecting you is the only option that benefits them, making it about their self-interest rather than mutual respect.
• 💬 Use Clear, Firm Language: Avoid justifying yourself when they undermine you. Instead, use firm statements that outline the consequences for not respecting your boundaries.
• 🛡️ Set Strong Boundaries: Narcissists will try to breach boundaries. Be consistent with enforcing them to protect your energy and self-respect.
• ⚖️ Use Leverage and Consequences: Narcissists are motivated by their reputation and self-interest. Use this to your advantage by exposing their behavior to people they want to impress if they cross a line.
• 👥 Build Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with people who see your self-worth and show up consistently to support you.
• 🗣️ Respond Neutrally to Manipulation: When a narcissist tries to belittle or manipulate you, respond calmly and factually to neutralize their behavior.
• 🗂️ Keep Personal Boundaries Firm: If they disrespect your time or boundaries, let them know your standards and what will happen if they cross them again.
• 💪 Empower Yourself: Focus on building your own self-respect, standing firm in your power, and being able to walk away when necessary.

Q & A

What is the key to making a narcissist respect you, according to the video?

The key to making a narcissist respect you is not about proving your worth or seeking their approval, but rather creating a situation where respecting you benefits them. This involves shifting the power dynamic and using strategies like firm boundaries and consequences.

Why do traditional methods like kindness or compromise fail when dealing with narcissists?

Traditional methods such as kindness, compromise, and mutual understanding fail with narcissists because they only respect people on their own terms. Narcissists are driven by a need for control and superiority, and they see respect as something that must serve their ego.

How can setting boundaries with a narcissist help shift the power dynamic?

Setting boundaries with a narcissist helps shift the power dynamic by clearly defining limits that protect your energy and peace. Narcissists will test these boundaries, but consistency in enforcing them forces the narcissist to respect those limits over time.

What is an effective way to respond when a narcissist dismisses your opinions in decision-making?

Instead of arguing, you can respond by calmly stating, 'I care because this decision affects both of us, and I'll be involved in the outcome. If my input isn't considered, I'll need to reconsider my involvement in the situation.' This response shifts the focus to the consequences of ignoring your input.

What should you do when a narcissist violates your boundaries, such as calling you after hours?

When a narcissist violates your boundaries, such as calling you after hours, it's important to stick to your word. Do not answer the phone, and the next day gently remind them of the boundary you set. Over time, this consistency will teach them to respect your limits.

How can leverage be used as a tool in dealing with narcissists?

Leverage can be used by exposing the narcissist’s reputation or other aspects they don’t want revealed. Since narcissists are highly motivated by self-interest, they will only change behavior if they see a direct benefit to them or an immediate consequence that impacts them.

What is an appropriate response if a narcissistic business partner tries to force you into an unfavorable agreement?

If a narcissistic business partner tries to push you into an unfavorable agreement, a powerful response could be, 'I understand you want to move quickly, but if we can't reach a mutually beneficial agreement, I'll have to consider other partnerships that align with my goals.' This establishes clear consequences.

How can you handle manipulative statements from a narcissist, such as being told you are overreacting?

If a narcissist says you're overreacting, you can calmly respond, 'I'm entitled to my feelings just as you are entitled to yours.' This neutralizes their attempt to belittle you and asserts your right to your emotions without escalating the situation.

Why is it important to maintain self-respect when dealing with narcissists?

Maintaining self-respect is crucial when dealing with narcissists because it prevents them from exploiting any vulnerabilities. By standing firm in your own power and having self-respect, you show that there are no openings for manipulation, making it harder for them to disrespect you.

What additional resources does Rebecca Zung offer for people dealing with narcissists?

Rebecca Zung offers resources such as free disarming phrases, access to her private Facebook group 'Narcissist Negotiators,' and her book 'Slay the Bully.' She also promotes services like therapy through BetterHelp and training on her negotiation methods.

Outlines

00:00

💼 How to Make a Narcissist Respect You

In this introduction, Rebecca Zung explains how to earn respect from a narcissist, even when they don’t want to give it. She begins by emphasizing the importance of taking back control in high-conflict situations and understanding the narcissist’s mindset. Narcissists are driven by insecurity, seeking control and superiority. Zung highlights that traditional methods of gaining respect—such as kindness or compromise—won’t work with narcissists. Instead, she advises shifting the dynamic so that respecting you becomes their only option for personal gain.

05:02

🚧 Setting Boundaries and Staying Consistent

Zung dives into the importance of setting and enforcing clear boundaries with narcissists, who will often try to push past them. She gives an example of how to handle a narcissistic family member by clearly stating boundaries, such as no phone calls after a certain time. Consistency is key—if they test the boundary, you must uphold it without backing down. Over time, narcissists will learn to respect these limits. She also briefly introduces her SLAY method for handling narcissistic negotiations and invites viewers to apply for coaching.

10:02

🗣️ Standing Firm in Workplace Negotiations

Zung addresses workplace interactions with narcissistic colleagues. If a narcissist tries to undermine you in a meeting, she suggests responding directly and professionally by emphasizing respect and setting clear boundaries. Zung encourages viewers to share which strategies they plan to use, offering free resources to help disarm narcissists. She reminds her audience that leverage and consequences are critical, as narcissists will only respond to situations where their self-interest is impacted, particularly regarding their reputation.

15:04

📈 Using Leverage in Business and Personal Negotiations

Zung discusses how to use leverage in both business and personal situations when dealing with narcissists. She gives examples of how to respond to narcissistic behavior in negotiations, particularly by threatening consequences that affect the narcissist's interests. Whether it's a business deal or personal relationship, it’s essential to reframe their actions and assert your boundaries. She stresses that respecting your time and setting expectations are crucial steps in managing these interactions effectively.

💪 Embracing Self-Respect and Power

Zung emphasizes the importance of self-respect in dealing with narcissists. She encourages her viewers to recognize their own worth, stand firm in their boundaries, and not allow narcissists to manipulate their emotions. Even if narcissists try to belittle or undermine their feelings, she provides ways to neutralize these attempts by confidently asserting their own strengths. Building long-term relationships with supportive people is another key recommendation.

🛍️ How to Simplify Retail Operations

Zung takes a brief detour from the main topic to talk about using tools like Shopify to streamline retail operations. She explains how this platform helps manage workflows across multiple locations, offering an efficient way to sell courses and merchandise. With features like payment plans and customer management, Shopify is presented as a solution for maintaining smooth operations, particularly for businesses with remote or global teams.

🧠 The SLAY Method for Dealing with Narcissists

Zung introduces her proprietary 'SLAY' method, which is designed to help people negotiate with narcissists. This method, based on her 20 years of experience as a trial attorney, has helped many people turn their suffering into strength. She encourages viewers to apply for her coaching program and take control of their negotiations by using this powerful strategy. She highlights the long-term benefits of mastering these techniques, including finding peace and turning pain into purpose.

Keywords

💡Narcissist

A narcissist is someone with a personality disorder characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. In the video, the speaker discusses how narcissists crave control, validation, and superiority, and how understanding their mindset is essential to gaining their respect. Examples include narcissists dismissing others' opinions or belittling them.

💡Respect

Respect in this video refers to commanding acknowledgement or consideration from a narcissist. The speaker emphasizes that traditional methods of earning respect, like kindness or compromise, do not work with narcissists. Instead, respect must be earned by setting firm boundaries and using consequences that benefit the narcissist, forcing them to see respect as beneficial to themselves.

💡Boundaries

Boundaries are limits set to protect one's time, energy, and emotional well-being. The video highlights the importance of setting clear and consistent boundaries with narcissists, as they tend to push against them to maintain control. For example, a person might refuse to answer late-night calls from a narcissist, maintaining their boundary despite the narcissist’s attempts to break it.

💡Leverage

Leverage in the context of the video is the strategic use of consequences or power to compel a narcissist to change their behavior. Narcissists are driven by self-interest, and leverage typically involves threatening their reputation or something else they value. For instance, threatening to expose a narcissist’s behavior to others can be an effective way to make them reconsider their actions.

💡Consequences

Consequences refer to actions or repercussions that affect a narcissist’s self-interest or ego. The speaker advises using consequences when dealing with narcissists because they are motivated by avoiding pain or loss. For example, warning a narcissist that continued disrespect will result in the loss of a partnership creates a consequence that could prompt them to change their behavior.

💡Self-Respect

Self-respect is the act of maintaining one’s own dignity and worth, which is central to dealing with narcissists. In the video, the speaker stresses the importance of standing firm in one's own self-respect, as it strengthens the individual’s ability to set boundaries and not be manipulated. The idea is that earning respect from a narcissist begins with respecting oneself.

💡Control

Control refers to the narcissist’s deep need to dominate situations and people. The speaker explains that narcissists are driven by a desire to control others and maintain superiority. In relationships, this manifests in behaviors like dismissing others’ opinions or testing boundaries to see how much control they can exert.

💡Manipulation

Manipulation is the deceptive or unfair behavior used by narcissists to maintain control or power over others. In the video, examples of manipulation include a narcissist belittling others or taking credit for their work. The speaker advises using calm, factual responses to neutralize these manipulative tactics and regain power.

💡Superiority

Superiority is the narcissist's belief that they are better than others, which drives much of their behavior. Narcissists need to feel superior as a way of masking their insecurities, and they often dismiss or belittle others to reinforce this self-perception. The video emphasizes that recognizing this need for superiority can help in shifting power dynamics.

💡Validation

Validation is the approval or affirmation that narcissists constantly seek from others to support their fragile egos. The speaker notes that narcissists demand validation but will only give respect or acknowledgment on their own terms. This need for external validation is a key weakness that can be leveraged to shift the power dynamic in interactions with them.

Highlights

Understanding the narcissist's mindset is key: they are driven by a deep need for control, validation, and superiority.

Traditional methods of earning respect like kindness and compromise don’t work with narcissists.

To get a narcissist to respect you, create a situation where respecting you benefits them.

Setting firm, clear boundaries and being consistent with them is crucial for handling narcissists.

If a narcissist dismisses your input, shift the conversation to consequences that impact them directly.

Narcissists will test boundaries, so consistency is key in enforcing them and maintaining self-respect.

In a workplace, you can address disrespect by setting clear expectations for professional behavior.

Leverage and consequences are essential: narcissists are motivated by self-interest and avoiding exposure.

When negotiating, offering consequences like walking away from a deal can make a narcissist rethink their approach.

Use neutral, factual language to disarm manipulative statements, such as 'I’m entitled to my emotions just as you are to yours.'

Reframing attacks on your character, like being called 'sensitive,' can turn perceived weaknesses into strengths.

Establish relationships with people who value your self-worth and will be consistent in their support.

The goal is not just earning the narcissist’s respect, but also standing firm in your own self-respect.

Leveraging a narcissist’s fear of exposure to important people can create a powerful negotiating tool.

Personal growth and reclaiming power are crucial: it’s about transforming suffering into strength and maintaining control in high-conflict situations.

Transcripts

hey there everybody and welcome back to

my Channel today we're going to be

talking about the only way to make a

narcissist respect you even if they

don't want to yeah I know they don't

want to they'll never want to right but

today you're going to know exactly what

to

[Applause]

do if you're new here welcome today is

the day that you start to to take back

your power in high conflict situations

with narcissistic people I am so happy

that you are here make sure that you

subscribe and you hit that notification

Bell so I'm Rebecca zong I'm an attorney

bestselling author of slay the bully how

to negotiate with the narcissist and

when and today we're diving into one of

the most challenging and crucial topics

even when dealing with narcissist

especially when dealing with narcissist

and that's how to get them to respect

you even if they don't want to if you've

ever felt dismissed if you've ever felt

belittled if you've ever felt outright

dissed by a narcissist this is the video

for you because by the time we're done

here you're going to have powerful

strategies and concrete examples on how

to shift that dynamic in your favor and

start commanding the respect that you

deserve so the first thing you have to

do is you have to understand the

narcissist mindset so let's take a

moment moment to understand their

mindset they're driven by a deep need

for control a deep need for validation a

deep need for superiority that feeling

of superiority they want to think that

they're inherently better than anybody

else they do that because they have this

deep insecurity these deep shame wound

that they're covering up and make

themselves out like they're better than

everyone else right so if you understand

that they view respect as something they

can only give on their own terms meaning

that you have to kind of bow to their

ego in order to get anything out of them

this is why traditional methods of

earning respect like kindness compromise

Mutual understanding that's going to

fall flat with a narcissist okay to get

a narcissist to respect you you must

approach the situation with a completely

different mindset it's not about proving

your Worth to them or trying to win

their approval instead it's about

creating a situation where respecting

you is the only option that benefits

them so for example imagine you are in a

relationship with a narcissist who

constantly dismisses your opinions

during decision making they might say

something like why do you even care you

don't even know what you're talking

about instead of arguing back and forth

and try to justify your point that just

gives them the upper hand you have to

calmly state things like I care because

this decision affects both of us and

I'll be involved in the outcome if my

input isn't considered I'll need to

reconsider my involvement in the

situation notice how this response is

firm it shifts the focus from their

dismissal to the potential consequences

of ignoring you and it forces them to

think about the impact of their actions

on themselves

their own interests another example is

setting boundaries and being super clear

and consistent with them when you're

trying to set boundaries what's the

first thing they want to do is go

through those boundaries right because

they're like no you're not going to

control me I control you so when you do

that it becomes a powerful tool because

they're like what are you doing they are

invisible walls that will protect you

protect your energy protect your peace

give you that self-respect that you

desperately need to have but narcissists

will always test them to see if they can

push through them and that's why

consistency is crucial a boundary is

only a strong as you being consistent

you saying no so if you have a

narcissistic family member who always

tries to rope you into their drama they

might call you out all hours or demand

your attention or make you try to feel

guilty or try to make you feel guilty

they expect you to drop everything and

deal with them deal with their crisis be

pull pulled in sucked in dragged into

their drama trauma and Chaos right and

you've got to set a boundary you've got

to be the one that says hey I'm happy to

support you but I'm not going to be

available for phone calls after 8m or if

it's not an emergency we can discuss it

tomorrow whenever they inevitably test

this boundary by calling you at 10 p.m.

or whatever you have to stick to your

word don't answer the phone and the next

day if they're mad just gently remind

them of your boundary and over time

they're going to learn that you are

serious that there's a new game in town

that there's a new person in town that

you're Shifting the power Dynamic and

they're going to have to start

respecting your limits fed up with

narcissist walking all over you sick of

everyone believing their lies while

you're paying through the nose and

attorney's fees what if you could hold

all the cards for a change hey I'm

Rebecca zong I'm a top 1% trial attorney

a USA Today best-selling author and I've

spent my entire career helping people

slay narcissists in negotiations most

recently through my proven slay method

what if your suffering could become your

superpower imagine turning all that pain

into Power not just for you but for

others too this is your chance to Take

Back Control you can finally win become

a high conflict negotiation certified

coach help others while transforming

your own life and do good for the world

this is your chance go to rebecca.com

apply and I'll show you how to turn the

tables for good starting today if you're

in a workplace situation where a

narcissistic colleague is constantly

trying to undermine you in meetings you

can set a boundary by speaking up

directly in that moment I value

constructive feedback I welcome it in

fact but I don't tolerate being spoken

to in a manner that's disrespectful so

let's keep this discussion professional

thank you and address the situation

headon clear expectation clear boundary

clear standards that you're holding for

yourself they'll think again before they

undermine you again if you guys are

going to use one of these I would love

to know which one you're going to use

are you going to set better boundaries

are you going to start to demand respect

are you going to use some of these

phrases I have free phrases for you for

disarming narcissists you can go to

disarm the.com and grab yours for free

so you can just get started in disarming

that narcissist in your world go to

disarm the.com and if you're dealing

with a narcissist make sure you also

join my free private Facebook group

narcissist negotiators with Rebecca s

the next thing I say is to use leverage

and consequences Leverage is always

going to be about potentially exposing

them exposing reputation who they really

are especially to people that they don't

want to be exposed to that's their

Diamond level source of supply and

they're highly motivated by

self-interest remember they will only

change Behavior if they see a direct

benefit to them or a direct you know

immediate pain that's coming to them it

all has circled around them so if they

cross a line be prepared to go okay

here's what's going to happen so if

you're negotiating with a narcissistic

business partner who's trying to

Strongarm you into doing things that you

don't want to do or agreeing to

unfavorable terms they might say

something like if you don't agree to

this I'm just going to move forward

without you and a powerful response is

going to be I understand you want to

move quickly but if we can't reach a

mutually beneficial agreement I'm going

to have to consider other Partnerships

that align with my goals or and you just

get clap right back it's a consequence

that affects them directly maybe it's

the loss of your partnership which may

cause them to rethink their approach

okay if it's a personal relationship and

they continue to disrespect you and your

time by always showing up late those are

the things that become your gift when it

comes to negotiating with narcissists

when it comes to creating that leverage

you know I would say to say to yourself

thank you for the gift do you write it

down you're like reframing it but you're

not going to be strong armed in things

you can just say I value my time I'm not

okay with last minute cancellations if

it happens again I'm just not going to

be making plans with you in the future

and you're just letting them know like

your time is valuable and that's not a

non-negotiable for you that's why I I

highly recommend you get those phrases

for disarming narcissist if you are so

ready to be the one that the narcissist

respects I want you to put so ready

right there in the comments below so

ready if they say something to you that

is particularly manipulative you're

looking for a way to neutralize them

you're looking for a way to not allow

them to belittle you belittle your

feelings they say something like you're

overreacting you can just say I'm

entitled to my feelings just as you are

entitled to yours and you don't have to

say it in a way that's angry or

emotional

just say State stated as a fact as if

you're just like reporting the news oh I

see that you're upset I I'm entitled to

my emotions you're entitled to yours

you're just saying it you just state it

with a very matter of factly and if they

say that you're sensitive just say you

know I'm proud of the fact that I'm an

empathetic person I care about people

thank you for the feedback I mean you

don't have to allow it to be anything

other than your superpower take that

suck that wind out from under them suck

that air out from under them so that

they're not thinking that they have some

kind of power over you just say oh you

know I consider that to be one of my

strengths actually um it helps me

understanding people I'm proud of of my

work if if somebody tries to say that

something about you and if they're

trying to take credit for your work at

work you can just say you know we both

know who did the work here and I'm proud

of the effort that we both put in

but I'll be sure to mention it in our

next team meeting that it was a joint

effort or whatever it was I mean so that

you're just you're not going to just sit

down and and take it that's the most

important thing that you can be doing

and then build long-term relationships

with people who are going to see

yourself worth who are going to be

consistent for you who are going to show

up for you that's why I started the

Facebook group that I started if you're

needing therapy I do have a sponsor on

this channel which is better you can

always go to betterhelp.com Rebecca zung

to check that out we receive commissions

it doesn't cost you any extra we just

want you to have access to help because

I want you to be able to start standing

up for yourself I want you to be able to

start feeling good about yourself I want

you to be able to start feeling like you

know what I know that I'm worth this

just stand in your own power because not

only will you gain their respect you're

going to shut off all of those places

those vulnerable V abilities you're

letting them know that there's no

openings for them there's no places

there's no vulnerabilities at the end of

the day it's not even just about earning

their respect it's about you having your

own self-respect and standing firm in

your own power and then being able to

just walk away at some point so if you

found this video to be helpful please

make sure that you share it you like it

you share it gives it a thumbs up so

that other people can who need this can

benefit from these insights and if you

haven't already make sure you subscribe

here to this channel subscribe hit that

Bell so that you don't miss one single

trick or strategy in dealing with

narcissist or high conflict situations

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snti for the next video that I want you

to watch is how to make a narcissist

panic because that's one of the other

ways that you can make a narcissist

respect you is understanding how to make

them pan I'm excited for you I'm excited

for your journey I'm excited to see how

far you go because this is going to be

such a huge game changer for you I'm

Rebecca song I'm really glad that you

here I will see you in that next video

remember today is a great day to start

negotiating your best life they only win

if you give in which you don't need to

do all right so I'll see you in that

next video have you ever met somebody

they started off to be the most Charming

charismatic person you've ever met in

your life then they turned out to be

your worst nightmare and then when you

go to negotiate with them they're a

living hell well I developed something

called the slave method of negotiating

with narcissist and it has helped tens

of thousands of people in more than 150

countries win go from feeling drained

and defeated to getting the outcomes

they want and the reason why it works is

because I spent more than 20 years

studying narcissism as a trial attorney

and now I'm here to help you win too and

also take your suffering and turn it

into your superpower take your pain and

turn it into profit peace and purpose as

a highly specialized high conflict

negotiation coach if you want to learn

how to do it then just go to rebecca.com

apply and I will show you how