How to Make a Narcissist Panic

Summary

In this video, top 1% divorce attorney and author Rebecca Zung shares four tactics to counteract narcissistic behavior. She explains common manipulative strategies used by narcissists, such as gaslighting, lying, intimidation, and triangulation. Zung then reveals what truly makes a narcissist panic, including brutal honesty, pushing back against their control, the threat of exposure, and the loss of control itself. The video aims to empower viewers to navigate interactions with narcissists and reclaim their power.

Takeaways

• 📚 Rebecca Zung is a top 1% divorce attorney and author, specializing in helping people navigate through drama, trauma, and chaos to achieve freedom and prosperity.
• 🔔 The importance of subscribing and turning on notifications for regular updates on new videos that provide strategies for dealing with narcissists.
• 🤔 Understanding the manipulative tactics of narcissists, such as gaslighting, lying, intimidation, and triangulation, is crucial for those dealing with them.
• 💬 Gaslighting involves making the victim question their sanity by altering perceptions of reality, a common tactic among narcissists.
• 🗣️ Pathological lying is a hallmark of narcissistic behavior, often involving lies about trivial matters to maintain control and manipulation.
• 😨 Intimidation is a method used by narcissists to instill fear and control over their victims, exploiting their weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
• 🔍 Triangulation is a strategy where narcissists involve third parties to support their narrative and discredit the victim, creating a false sense of unity against the victim.
• 😱 Narcissists are deeply insecure and fear losing control, which can be exploited by showing them honesty, pushing back, exposing their true nature, and taking away their control.
• 💪 Brutal honesty can stun a narcissist, as they are not accustomed to genuine integrity and truthfulness.
• 🚫 Pushing back against a narcissist's demands and expectations can lead to their panic, especially if they are used to compliance.
• 👀 Exposing a narcissist's secrets or lies can induce panic, as they fear the loss of their carefully constructed image.
• 🔑 Losing control is the ultimate fear for a narcissist, and by demonstrating independence and resistance to their tactics, one can make them panic.

Q & A

Who is Rebecca Zung and what is her area of expertise?

Rebecca Zung is a top 1% divorce attorney and a bestselling author of books such as 'Negotiate, Like You Matter' and 'Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.' She specializes in helping people transition from chaotic lives to ones of freedom, prosperity, and purpose.

What are some common tactics used by narcissists to manipulate others?

Narcissists often use tactics such as gaslighting, lying, intimidation, and triangulation. Gaslighting is making someone doubt their sanity, lying is a manipulation through falsehoods, intimidation is instilling fear, and triangulation involves using others to support their agenda.

How does gaslighting work according to the script?

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where the narcissist tries to make the victim believe they are going crazy by altering or denying previous conversations or events, thus shifting the narrative to serve the narcissist's agenda.

Why do narcissists lie about things that are easily verifiable?

Narcissists lie about easily verifiable things because they believe they need to manipulate everything and cannot achieve their goals through normal means. They may also lie about trivial matters because they think everyone else is as dishonest as they are.

What is the importance of documenting interactions with a narcissist?

Documenting interactions with a narcissist is crucial because they often contradict themselves. Having records can help expose these contradictions and potentially be used against them in disputes or negotiations.

How do narcissists use intimidation tactics?

Narcissists use intimidation by identifying the victim's weaknesses and fears, such as threats of physical harm, exposure, or taking away something important to the victim, like their children or financial support.

What is the term 'flying monkeys' in the context of narcissistic behavior?

The term 'flying monkeys' is a metaphor from 'The Wizard of Oz' and refers to the people the narcissist manipulates to support them and discredit the victim, making the victim feel isolated and misunderstood.

What is the psychological basis for a narcissist's fear and panic?

Narcissists are described as having an inner void of self-worth, which they try to fill with external validation, known as 'narcissistic supply.' Their fear and panic stem from the potential loss of control and the exposure of their true selves.

What is 'brutal honesty' and why does it make a narcissist panic?

Brutal honesty is straightforward, unembellished truthfulness that contrasts with the lies and manipulations the narcissist is accustomed to. It can stun a narcissist because they are not used to such integrity and it challenges their manipulative tactics.

How does pushing back against a narcissist affect their behavior?

Pushing back against a narcissist can cause them to panic, especially if the victim was previously submissive. The narcissist may increase their manipulative behavior in an attempt to regain control, or they may resort to love bombing to re-attract the victim.

What is the significance of the 'Narcissist Negotiators' Facebook group mentioned in the script?

The 'Narcissist Negotiators' Facebook group is a supportive community for individuals dealing with narcissists. It provides a platform for sharing experiences and strategies, fostering mutual support and understanding.

What is the 'Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet' and how can it be beneficial?

The 'Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet' is a free resource offered by Rebecca Zung to help individuals prepare for negotiations with a narcissist. It is designed to guide them through the negotiation process, ensuring they are well-prepared and equipped to handle the situation effectively.

Outlines

00:00

💡 Introduction to Narcissist Panic Tactics

Rebecca Zung, a top divorce attorney and bestselling author, introduces tactics to make a narcissist panic. She highlights the manipulative behaviors of narcissists, such as gaslighting, lying, and intimidation, explaining how understanding these can help turn the tables on them.

05:05

🔍 Recognizing Narcissistic Tactics

Narcissists use gaslighting to make you question your sanity, lie pathologically, and employ intimidation to manipulate you. They also triangulate by involving others to make you doubt your perspective. Zung stresses the importance of recognizing these tactics to protect yourself.

10:10

🚨 Tactic 1: Brutal Honesty

Brutal honesty can stun a narcissist as they expect others to lie just like them. Zung advises being straightforward without sarcasm, as it can unsettle them and disrupt their manipulative schemes.

15:12

💪 Tactic 2: Pushing Back

Pushing back against a narcissist can make them panic, especially if they're used to having control over you. Zung explains that standing your ground and not acquiescing to their demands can disrupt their sense of control.

🔍 Tactic 3: Exposing Them

Exposing a narcissist's secrets can cause them great anxiety. Zung suggests using knowledge of their vulnerabilities to keep them in check, especially in situations like mediation where their reputation is at stake.

⚖️ Tactic 4: Losing Control

Narcissists fear losing control, and they may resort to tantrums or manipulation to regain it. Zung advises staying firm and not giving in to their tactics, which can ultimately cause them to panic and lose their grip on you.

📢 Conclusion and Resources

Zung concludes by encouraging viewers to continue learning about outsmarting narcissists and provides links to additional resources. She invites viewers to join her Facebook group for support and to access her free negotiation prep worksheet.

🌟 Final Thoughts

Rebecca Zung wraps up the video, expressing gratitude to her viewers and encouraging them to subscribe for more content. She emphasizes the importance of taking control of one's life and starting to negotiate their best life today.

Keywords

💡Narcissist

A narcissist is a person with an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. In the context of the video, narcissists are depicted as individuals who engage in manipulative behaviors such as gaslighting and lying to maintain control over others. The script discusses tactics to counteract their behavior, emphasizing that they are actually insecure and can be thrown off balance by certain responses.

💡Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes someone question their own reality or memory by denying or twisting what actually happened. The video describes this as a common tactic used by narcissists to make their victims feel insane, by saying things like 'Oh, we talked about that' or 'No, that's not how that went,' in order to manipulate and control them.

💡Pathological Lying

Pathological lying refers to the habitual or compulsive telling of lies, often without any apparent reason or benefit. The script mentions that narcissists are 'total pathological liars,' even lying about things that are easily verifiable, which is a part of their manipulative nature and their need to control every aspect of their environment.

💡Intimidation

Intimidation is the act of making someone feel afraid or insecure through threats or aggressive behavior. In the video, it is highlighted as a tactic used by narcissists to control others by exploiting their fears, such as threatening to take away children or financial support, which aligns with their strategy to maintain power and dominance.

💡Triangulation

Triangulation, in the context of narcissistic behavior, involves the narcissist creating a situation where they pit two or more people against each other, often to create chaos and maintain control. The video uses the term 'flying monkeys' to describe people who are manipulated into supporting the narcissist, which is a reference to the characters in 'The Wizard of Oz' who do the wicked witch's bidding.

💡Narcissist Supply

Narcissist supply refers to the external validation, attention, or admiration that a narcissist seeks to maintain their sense of self-worth. The video explains that because narcissists lack an internal sense of value, they rely on external sources such as compliments, money, or prestige to feel valued, which is a key insight into their motivation for their controlling behaviors.

💡Brutal Honesty

Brutal honesty is a straightforward, unvarnished, and often blunt form of communication that does not shy away from expressing the truth, even if it may be uncomfortable or hurtful. The video suggests that being brutally honest with a narcissist can be a tactic to throw them off balance, as they are not used to such directness and integrity.

💡Pushing Back

Pushing back in this context means to resist or challenge someone's actions or demands, especially when they are used to getting their way. The script indicates that pushing back against a narcissist's manipulative tactics can cause them to panic, as it disrupts their usual pattern of control.

💡Exposing

Exposing, in relation to the video's theme, involves revealing the true nature or hidden aspects of a narcissist to others, which can be a powerful tactic against them. The video explains that the fear of being exposed can cause a narcissist to panic, as it threatens their carefully constructed image and control over others.

💡Losing Control

Losing control is a situation where someone no longer has the power or influence they once had over a situation or person. The video emphasizes that narcissists are deeply afraid of losing control, which is why they engage in manipulative behaviors. The act of resisting their control tactics can cause them to panic, as it challenges their need for dominance.

💡Negotiation

Negotiation is the process of discussing and reaching an agreement or settlement between parties. The video creator, Rebecca Zung, positions herself as a top divorce attorney and offers advice on how to handle negotiations with a narcissist, suggesting that understanding their tactics and motivations can give one an advantage in such discussions.

Highlights

Rebecca Zung introduces four tactics to counteract narcissistic behavior.

Zung is a top 1% divorce attorney and author, with experience in helping people transition from chaos to prosperity.

Narcissists often use gaslighting to manipulate and make their targets question their sanity.

Pathological lying is a common tactic used by narcissists to maintain control.

Documenting interactions is crucial when dealing with a narcissist who may contradict themselves.

Intimidation tactics are used by narcissists to instill fear and maintain power over their targets.

Narcissists are adept at identifying and exploiting the weaknesses of others.

Triangulation is a strategy where narcissists use others to isolate and discredit their targets.

The term 'flying monkeys' is used to describe those who support the narcissist's agenda.

Narcissists are internally insecure and rely on external validation, known as narcissistic supply.

Brutally honest responses can stun a narcissist who is not used to such integrity.

Pushing back against a narcissist's expectations can induce panic as it challenges their control.

Exposing a narcissist's true nature can cause significant distress and fear of losing control.

Losing control is a major trigger for a narcissist's panic, as it challenges their carefully constructed facade.

Zung offers a free worksheet to prepare for negotiation with a narcissist, emphasizing the importance of preparation.

A free Facebook group called 'Narcissist Negotiators' provides a supportive community for those dealing with narcissists.

Zung encourages viewers to subscribe and engage with her content for further insights on dealing with narcissism.

Transcripts

Do you know what might make a narcissist panic?

By the end of this video, you will have four tactics that will send that narcissist into

a tizzy and turn the table on them in a way that they normally do to you.

I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% divorce attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate

Like You Matter and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.

And I've helped thousands of people go from lives of drama, trauma and chaos to step into

lives of freedom, possibility, prosperity, and purpose.

And I do the same thing right here in these videos with you.

So before we go any further, hit that little subscribe button, hit that notification bell

so that you can be notified every week when I upload new videos.

Now if you are dealing with a narcissist, then that narcissist is probably driving you

crazy or actually maybe even feeling like insane and you're thinking, is there any way

to make them panic?

Yes, there is.

But first, let me just go through a couple of the things that they do to you because

it's important to understand that so that you can understand the flip side of it and

what makes them panic.

So a couple of their go to things are things like gaslighting.

Gaslighting is trying to make you think that you're crazy.

And what they do is they'll say, "Oh, we talked about that," or, "Don't you remember that?"

Or, "No, that's not how that went."

Something like that.

And shifting, shifting what they said, shifting what you guys talked about, shifting what

you know you said so that it meets their agenda, which is to manipulate you, and to make you

think that you're crazy.

So gaslighting is definitely one of their favorite, favorite, favorite tactics.

Another one of their favorite tactics is lying.

They are total pathological liars.

The crazy thing I think about narcissists is that they will lie about stuff that they

don't even need to lie about.

You think to yourself, why are you lying about that?

You didn't even need to lie about that.

But the thing is that narcissists think that they need to manipulate everything.

They don't believe that they can get anything just in a normal way.

They feel like they have to lie.

So they will lie about even things that are readily verifiable, which is the thing that's

pretty crazy.

And in a lot of my other videos, I talk about making sure that you document, document, document

everything that you do because they will eventually contradict themselves.

They will eventually put things in writing that are completely contradictory to what

is actually happening or what they've said before.

Now they'll have some explanation for it, but that doesn't mean that you won't eventually

be able to use it against them.

Okay.

So number two thing that they do on a very regular basis is lie.

The third thing they try to do a lot of is intimidation tactics.

So what I mean by that is, is that they will constantly try to make you be afraid.

So they intimidate you in all sorts of ways.

You're afraid that they're going to hurt you.

They're afraid they're going to expose you.

You're afraid that they're going to take your kids.

They're very, very, very good at figuring out what your weaknesses are, what means the

most to you, and that's what they'll go for.

So if you're a mother and you don't want to lose your kids, they'll say, "I'm taking the

kids and you'll never see your kids again."

If you are dependent upon this person for support, they'll say, "I'm going to take everything

and leave you in the street."

If you want money from this person, then they'll use that against you.

So whatever they can use against you, they will, and they'll scare you into thinking

like, "Oh my God, my life is going to be so terrible if I cross this person."

And there's all different types of intimidation tactics that they use.

Some are more violent than others if they're more of a malignant type of narcissist.

Some of them are a little bit more stealth if they're like a covert narcissist, but all

narcissists use the same kinds of tactics.

For the most part, gaslighting is definitely one.

Lying is definitely one as well, and intimidating you in some ways is one as well.

And another thing that they often try to do is triangulate.

This is where they get their flying monkeys involved and they get you to believe that

all these other people have lined up a side by side with them supporting them.

And if you cross this person or you come out and try to expose them in some way, then you're

going to want be the one that looks crazy and you're going to be the one that looks

insane or you'll lose all your friends because everybody believes that this person is absolutely

wonderful.

And so obviously, you're the one that must be insane.

So the term flying monkeys comes back from the Wizard of Oz and it was when the wicked

witch had her flying monkeys on her side.

And that's what narcissists do.

They all do it.

They all try to make you think that they're like so close to all these other people.

And so therefore, you shouldn't come out and try to say anything bad about this person

because everybody else thinks this person is amazing.

These are just a few of the things that they do.

If this is all sounding all too familiar to you, go ahead and give me a totally in the

comments and if you are dealing with these things with the narcissist, which I'm sure

you are, make sure you check out my video on self care when coping with a narcissist.

I will drop a link to that below.

You want to make sure that you're taking care of yourself when you're dealing with a narcissist.

I'm sure all these things sound really familiar to you, but in the end, okay, great.

What can you do about it?

So here's the not so secret secret about narcissists.

That is that they are actually the most scaredy cats on the planet.

They have no sense of inner value.

I've often said they're like the chocolate Easter bunnies that are hollow inside.

They have no sense of internal value whatsoever.

So they've got to go and get all of their sense of value from the external.

And that's what we call narcissist supply.

It's in the form of compliments, money, prestige, whatever it is that they can get to get attention

for themselves on the external.

But the thing is they're super afraid.

So if you pushed back on them enough, they will back down.

So what causes a narcissist to panic, to feel stunned?

Number one, brutal honesty.

They expect, because they're pathological liars, that most people lie too.

They really just expect that everybody else is just as bad as they are and they don't

understand what it's like to be a normal person, that they've never been one.

So they don't get that.

They don't get that people out there actually have integrity.

They understand the concept of it, but they just really don't believe that anybody else

has it.

So if you're just brutally honest with them, it kind of stuns them and they are not exactly

sure what to do with that.

So for example, a covert narcissist is all often sick.

That's one of the things that they do.

They have this whole shtick that there are, they're unwell in some way.

They can't work or whatever it is.

There's always some reason to feel sorry for the covert narcissist.

And so if one day, they're super sick and then the next day they show up at something

fun, something that they want to actually be involved in because of course they don't

want to miss out on getting attention for themselves, just without any kind of sarcasm

or attitude or whatever, just say, "Oh, I'm so surprised that you're here."

You said you were so sick yesterday and you have to be careful because if you say with

any kind of tone whatsoever or they're like super sensitive, they can sense it no matter

what level of sarcasm it is.

They'll feel it.

They'll sense it.

Even if it's not there, they might think it's there.

So just make sure you're really saying it like as if you're reporting the news.

I always say like just the facts, ma'am.

Right.

Just, "Oh, I'm surprised you're here.

You said you were so sick yesterday."

They won't know what to do with that.

So brutal honesty is number one.

Okay?

Number two is pushing back.

This is something that they don't expect, especially if you're used to giving in and

acquiescing to whatever it is that they want.

They will be really surprised and it will make them panic if you push back against them.

If they start to realize this person they thought they had total control over is no

longer listening to everything that they do or doing everything that they say or buying

into everything that they're selling, it will stun them and it will start to panic them

a little bit because they'll be going, "What's going on here?

Why is this person pushing back against me?"

Something like that.

Okay, so that's number two.

Okay?

And number three is exposing them.

They do not want to be exposed for any reason whatsoever.

If you really want to throw a narcissist into panic mode, let them think that they're going

to be exposed or actually expose them.

If they're flying monkeys, find out who they really are.

Or if somebody that they respect gets to see some side of them that they don't want seen,

then that's a really huge way to make a narcissist panic.

So for example, in a mediation situation, if you know something about the narcissist

that they don't want the other side to know, you might subtly say that that fact is going

to come out.

In my world, it could be that the person has a sexually transmitted disease and they are

a doctor in the community.

They probably don't want the world to know that.

So especially if they got it by cheating on you and everything else.

So sometimes not going to court can be a huge motivator for a narcissist.

It can really make them panic if they think that the world is going to see things about

them that they have taken painstaking efforts to hide and make sure nobody else knows.

So number three is exposing them.

Okay.

And number four is losing control in any way.

So remember what we talked about, that they're the most scared people on the planet.

They're really like the bullies.

You know how in A Christmas Story, that old movie that the little boy fought back against

the bully and then the bully ended up running away.

You're really just figuring out what their level is and they're doing the same thing

to you, by the way.

So every time you push back a little bit against them, they'll act up even more.

They'll do more of their lying, more of their control tactics, more of their intimidation,

more of their narcissistic rage.

It will spurn them because they'll think, okay, I just need to clamp down a little bit

harder against this person so that they'll behave and get back under my layer of control.

Or they might start love bombing again.

And then devaluing, love bomb, devalue.

They'll start doing this campaign of love bombing again because they're trying to get

you back into their layer of control.

They're panicking.

So losing control is something that really sends them into a tizzy.

The reason they do all the things that they do, gaslighting, manipulation, lying, all

the things that I talked about at the beginning of this video is because they're trying to

assert control over you because they are so insecure underneath.

And the way that you can make them panic is by having them lose some of that control.

And just like if you have a two year old that has a tantrum, they're conditioning the parents.

It's like, okay, if I scream loud enough, if I have enough of a tantrum here, if I cry

loud enough, then mommy and daddy will give me what I want.

And if you give in it as a parent to that child, then they'll know next time, I just

need to scream louder.

I just need to scream longer and eventually they'll give into what I want.

So what the narcissist is doing is trying to figure out at what level do I need to act

at to get this person back into my layer of control.

And if you give into that, then they know I just need to be that much louder, that much

more awful next time in order to get this person to come back to my layer of control.

So if you really want to make a narcissist panic, let them realize that you're no longer

buying in to that stuff.

When they start losing control, that's when they super panic.

It's all a pretty sick game, but they are sick people.

And if you want to know more about how to outsmart the narcissist, check out my video

on How to Outsmart a Narcissist.

I will drop a link to that below.

And if you liked this video, give it a like, give it a share, drop me a comment.

I really do try to respond to all my comments that I receive on my videos.

I really appreciate you guys and if you haven't already, hit the subscribe button, hit the

notification bell.

And also if you're getting ready to negotiate with the narcissist, you'll want to grab my

Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet.

It's totally free.

And the link to that is below.

You will not want to walk into a negotiation without that.

I also have a totally free Facebook group.

It's called Narcissist Negotiators, and I will drop a link to that below.

I'd love to see you in my Facebook group so that you can connect with other people who

are dealing with narcissists and give each other support.

I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% divorce attorney.

I'm so glad you stopped by here and watched this video and I will see you in the next

one.

In the meantime, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.