How Narcissist Tests You 3 Times: Will YOU Pass?

Summary

This script discusses the dynamics of narcissistic abuse, emphasizing that the narcissist's choice of victim is not based on the victim's qualities but on what they can exploit. It outlines three tests narcissists use to select victims: the ability to be idealized, provision of at least two of the '4 S's' (sex, supply, services, safety), and vulnerability to the shared fantasy. The speaker clarifies misconceptions about the spectrum of narcissism, asserting that while traits exist on a spectrum, the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is binary.

Takeaways

• 🔥 Narcissistic abuse can be as devastating as hell itself, causing immense psychological torment.
• 😣 Victims often try to make sense of the abuse by attributing it to their own positive qualities, which is a form of self-deception.
• 🧐 Narcissists are not selective; they target anyone who can provide them with the four 'S's: Sex, Supply, Safety, and Services.
• 🔎 Narcissists assess potential victims through three tests: idealization potential, ability to provide two of the four 'S's, and vulnerability to the shared fantasy.
• 👤 Idealization by a narcissist is not based on the victim's true qualities but on a distorted image that the narcissist creates.
• 🔍 The 'Supply' can be either narcissistic (adoration) or sadistic (inflicting pain to feel powerful).
• 🔒 'Safety' refers to the victim's potential for addiction to the narcissist or the shared fantasy, making them stay in the relationship.
• 🕵️‍♂️ Narcissists use a form of empathy, devoid of emotional connection, to identify vulnerabilities in potential victims.
• 🚫 The myth that narcissists target only specific 'types' or exceptional individuals is debunked; they are opportunistic and exploitative.
• ❌ The notion of a spectrum of narcissism within the clinical diagnosis is contested and not supported by mainstream academic research.

Q & A

What is the primary factor that leads someone to be targeted by a narcissist?

The primary factor is not any specific personal trait but the individual's availability and willingness to participate in the narcissist's shared fantasy and provide at least two out of the four 'S's: sex, supply (narcissistic or sadistic), services, and safety.

What are the four 'S's that a narcissist looks for in a victim?

The four 'S's are sex, supply (narcissistic or sadistic), services, and safety. These represent the benefits that the narcissist seeks from their target.

How does a narcissist determine if someone can be idealized?

A narcissist determines if someone can be idealized by identifying minimal traits, assets, behaviors, or looks that they can exaggerate and inflate to create an idealized image of the person in their mind.

What is the role of the 'idealized image' in the narcissist's manipulation process?

The idealized image is used by the narcissist to make the target fall in love with themselves through the narcissist's gaze, becoming addicted to the process and thus more susceptible to manipulation.

How does a narcissist evaluate if a person can provide services?

A narcissist evaluates if a person can provide services by assessing their abilities and resources, such as driving, fixing things, social interaction, or mathematical skills, that the narcissist can exploit for their benefit.

What is the difference between narcissistic supply and sadistic supply?

Narcissistic supply involves adoration, admiration, and aggrandizement, while sadistic supply is derived from inflicting pain and suffering on others, affirming the narcissist's self-perception as omnipotent.

Why is the concept of safety important to a narcissist when choosing a victim?

Safety is important because the narcissist seeks a victim who is likely to become addicted to the relationship, someone with a maternal instinct, or someone who is loyal and inertial, ensuring the victim's continued participation in the relationship.

How does a narcissist use empathy to their advantage?

A narcissist uses a form of cold empathy, which combines reflexive and cognitive empathy without emotional empathy, to scan and identify a potential victim's vulnerabilities and weaknesses.

What is the significance of vulnerability in the narcissist's selection process?

Vulnerability is significant because it indicates a person's susceptibility to the shared fantasy. A narcissist looks for signs of damage, escapism, romanticism, or low self-love that make someone more likely to be drawn into their manipulative dynamic.

What does the author mean when they say 'narcissists don't choose their victims because they are wonderful'?

The author means that the myth of narcissists targeting exceptionally empathetic or flawless individuals is false. Instead, narcissists choose victims based on what they can exploit from them, not because of any positive qualities the victims possess.

What is the author's stance on the existence of a spectrum of narcissism?

The author clarifies that while there is a spectrum of narcissistic traits and behaviors, once a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is made, it is binary—either one has it or not. The author rejects the idea of varying degrees of NPD as unsubstantiated and clinically unsupported.