Men Fall In Love With You When You Inflict Pain
Summary
TLDRThe video discusses the emotional dynamics of love, emphasizing that people often fall in love when they experience pain or insecurity, rather than during moments of joy. The speaker argues that love is an emotional, not rational, process, driven by the interplay of pain and pleasure. The script suggests that causing minor emotional discomfort can deepen love, as it leads to a greater sense of connection and respect. It also references historical figures like Napoleon to illustrate the power of balancing kindness with emotional distance in relationships.
Takeaways
- 💔 Falling in love is often realized through emotional pain and lack rather than in states of happiness or ecstasy.
- 🤯 Pain helps people realize their attachment to someone, often revealing love through internal conflict and doubt.
- 🧠 Love is an emotional experience, not a rational one, and efforts to logically convince someone of compatibility usually fail.
- 🔥 Pain and pleasure are key tools for deep emotional bonding, as they activate strong feelings of attachment.
- 😨 Niceness often stems from insecurity, limiting people's ability to create deeper emotional connections.
- 💥 Inflicting controlled pain (emotionally) can heighten someone's feelings and deepen a relationship, but it must be balanced and not sadistic.
- ⚔️ Napoleon's strategy involved leading by example and balancing kindness with rare punishment to command respect.
- 🤔 People respect those who impose emotional highs and lows, as it creates a dynamic that keeps them engaged and invested.
- 💡 Doubt and emotional vulnerability break down defenses, making someone more open to falling in love or creating deeper connections.
- ⚖️ The balance of pain and pleasure helps build a self-image in relationships, and although powerful, it should not be used to manipulate or traumatize others.
Q & A
What is the primary way people realize they are in love, according to the speaker?
-The speaker suggests that people realize they are in love not when they are in a state of ecstasy, but when they feel a lack or pain in their hearts. This emotional pain makes them aware of what they value and leads them to understand that they love someone.
How does the speaker describe the role of pain in love?
-The speaker claims that normal, non-traumatic pain, like stress from work or doubt, can divide a person internally. This division helps them realize they are in love, as pain creates an emotional awareness of their feelings.
Why does the speaker argue that love is not a rational decision?
-Love, according to the speaker, is a deeply emotional experience. While many people attempt to analyze compatibility logically, the speaker argues that love is driven by emotions, particularly through pain and pleasure, rather than rational decisions.
What is the relationship between niceness and insecurity in love, as explained by the speaker?
-The speaker suggests that being overly nice in relationships often stems from insecurity and fear of losing the partner. This type of niceness is self-absorbed and not calibrated to the other person’s actions, limiting the emotional depth of the relationship.
How does the speaker advise dealing with the limits imposed by being overly nice in relationships?
-The speaker advises pushing beyond the limits of being overly nice by being willing to inflict small amounts of pain or discomfort. This creates a deeper emotional experience and prevents insecurity from dominating the relationship.
What is the 'Napoleonic method' and how does it apply to relationships?
-The 'Napoleonic method' refers to building bonds through a mix of harshness and kindness. Napoleon led by example, creating respect and loyalty through sacrifice. In relationships, the speaker suggests using this method by balancing warmth with emotional distance to maintain respect.
Why does the speaker believe pain is necessary for emotional connection?
-The speaker believes that pain creates emotional highs and lows that deepen the connection between people. Inflicting pain (within limits) helps calibrate emotions, leading to stronger, more meaningful bonds as long as it is done carefully and not abusively.
How does the speaker view the process of breaking and rebuilding someone emotionally in a relationship?
-The speaker explains that emotional division, often caused by pain or doubt, weakens a person and makes them more vulnerable. Once this happens, the partner can help rebuild the person’s self-image, which deepens the bond between them.
What is the speaker's stance on using emotional manipulation in relationships?
-While the speaker acknowledges that the tactics described—such as creating doubt or internal division—can seem manipulative, they argue that this process mirrors natural dynamics in relationships. They advise using these strategies responsibly to enhance emotional connections, not to cause harm.
What does the speaker mean by saying people crave pain and why should this not be seen as abusive?
-The speaker argues that people crave emotional experiences, including pain, because it makes them feel alive. As long as the pain isn’t extreme or sadistic, it can enhance the emotional highs in a relationship, leading to deeper connections and more fulfilling experiences.
Outlines
💔 Falling in Love Through Pain
The first paragraph explores how love is often realized not during moments of ecstasy but through feelings of lack and emotional pain. It suggests that people become aware of their love when they experience discomfort or insecurity, which makes them reflect on their emotional connections. This reflection, especially during times of hardship, leads individuals to rely on their partner as a source of self-esteem. The paragraph also highlights that love is an emotional, rather than rational, experience, and that it often emerges through a combination of pain and pleasure rather than compatibility alone.
⚔️ The Napoleonic Method: Leadership Through Pain and Reward
The second paragraph introduces 'The Napoleonic Method,' a leadership strategy involving a balance between harshness and kindness, as demonstrated by Napoleon Bonaparte. By putting himself at risk and showing dedication, Napoleon earned the respect of his troops. He then maintained emotional distance, using rare rewards and punishments to create a dynamic of loyalty and motivation. This method is paralleled in personal relationships, where emotional space and selective kindness can deepen bonds. The author also references a personal experience with a woman who was late for a date, illustrating the importance of setting boundaries and using small doses of discomfort to maintain respect.
🔄 Breaking Emotional Ties to Create Deeper Connections
This paragraph delves into the idea that in order to create deep emotional connections, individuals must break their existing ties to the past, such as previous relationships or past emotional patterns. The author discusses how dividing a person internally through doubt, insecurity, or emotional conflict makes them more susceptible to forming new connections. The example of military general Hannibal is used to illustrate how controlling emotions through a series of highs and lows can weaken resistance and create stronger attachments. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of emotional manipulation to make someone more emotionally invested.
🔥 Pain as a Tool for Building Stronger Bonds
In the fourth paragraph, the author argues that pain is an essential element of deep emotional connections and growth in relationships. They assert that by being willing to inflict emotional discomfort, one can offer a more profound experience to their partner. The author reassures the reader that this is not about abuse but rather about helping people grow and form stronger bonds through the natural dynamics of pleasure and pain. They also compare this dynamic to discipline in parenting, where the occasional punishment creates respect. The paragraph closes with an invitation to check out an upcoming course on balancing masculine and feminine energy to enhance relationships and personal development.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Pain
💡Self-esteem
💡Niceness
💡Napoleonic method
💡Emotional division
💡Pleasure
💡Dopaminergic system
💡Emotional vulnerability
💡Control and surrender
💡Rebuilding after emotional division
Highlights
You never fall in love when you're in a state of ecstasy, but when you're aware of a lack or pain in your heart.
Pain, not traumatic pain but the general pain of life, often causes people to realize they're in love.
Falling in love is not a rational decision but an emotional experience, so appealing to emotions, not logic, is key.
People often use their partners as a source of self-esteem, leading to insecurity and niceness driven by fear of losing them.
Being overly nice is often an automatic response to insecurity and fear, limiting emotional experiences and creating self-imposed behavior patterns.
Introducing pain and pleasure into a relationship can intensify emotional bonds, as people tend to crave these highs and lows.
Inflicting controlled pain can create deeper bonds without being abusive, as long as it's not done with sadistic intent.
Rare punishment and rare rewards create a dynamic where people work harder to gain approval and respect.
Napoleon built bonds with his troops by leading from the front and creating emotional space, using a mix of harshness and kindness.
Causing people to break their own internal rules, like texting more than they said they would, creates internal division and emotional vulnerability.
Dividing a person’s values and emotions makes them more susceptible to building a bond with you, as they question their self-worth and past connections.
Relationships often involve cycles of pain and reconciliation, and these cycles deepen emotional connection through shared highs and lows.
Breakups are so difficult because pain and pleasure create a self-image tied to the relationship, which needs to be rebuilt after it ends.
Inflicting emotional pain doesn't have to be cruel; it can be a way to create emotional highs that people subconsciously desire.
Falling in love naturally involves emotional breakdown and rebuilding, which strengthens the bond when done carefully and not abusively.
Transcripts
if you actually pay attention you
usually never fall in love or never
realize that you're in love when you're
in a state of ecstasy that's not what
happens you realize you love someone
when you are aware of a lack in your
heart when you are aware of a pain where
your mind goes to when you're in pain
tells you what you value tells you where
you derive your self-esteem from and
when we're in love we use the partner as
a source of self-esteem that's pretty
much what happens right and so one of
the if everything is perfect if
everything is happy if the person
doesn't feel some pain that realization
that I'm in love with you may come a
little later than you want it to come
like it may it will they will realize it
eventually but
pain not traumatic pain but General
Normal pain of Life maybe maybe you're
maybe you're working too much this month
and that create and that castes a a
Shadow of Doubt in their mind and that
pain divides them from the inside like a
divided Army and and through divide and
conquer that pain causes them to fall in
love with you makes them realize that
they love you
right um and and the and the key to when
people fall in love it's never a
rational experience right it's a deeply
emotional experience and because of that
um when we're making people fall in love
a lot of people for some weird reason
try to go the rational route they try to
think of why you guys are compatible you
look at you you they try to look at the
the the the sheet of paper and see how F
how you guys are compatible right but
the truth is it's not a rational
decision it's an emotional so you have
to rather than appeal to rationality
we're perfect I'm I have I have this job
um um um we we we both have the same
religion you have have to appeal to
their emotion and the only way to do
that the only way to do that is through
PL is to is through plain is through
pain and pleasure pain and pleasure is
the is the quickest and most efficient
way to um to appeal to a person's
emotions right why
because the reason why pain specifically
pain right um when we're in love we fall
back to being nice right and and not
being nice as a at a a desire to seduce
the person in other words your niceness
isn't niess to to enhance the experience
for the other person your niceness is
more or so there because of fear of
losing them because of insecurity um it
has your niceness doesn't calibrate to
what they're doing to you you're not
being nice because they've done good
things you're not being nice because of
a reward you being nice because of an
automatic response to feelings of
insecurity and doubt
so you're not you you're really being
self-absorbed and you're never really
giving people that Peak seductive
experience that we all want in daily
life right so what you want to be able
to do is go beyond those limits the
self-imposed limits of being nice you a
lot of people are imprisoned in a in a
certain Behavior pattern because their
insecurity causes them to be nice so
they never expand the limits of what
they're willing to do right so because
of that
um the what you want to be able to do is
open the options of inflicting pain
because those vowes people crave it you
see I make this video and a lot of you
guys are watching and your heads are
being twisted around like the easis
right the reason why a lot of people
find this uncomfortable when they hear
this is because they just don't know
human nature people just don't
understand that this is what people
really want because the pain you you
inflict on them makes them feel alive
people rather feel pain than feel
nothing because the pain that you give
people will always be in equal
proportions with the pleasures they
experience once they finally have you
it's not evil as long as you're not
really out here with sadistic and
desires and hurting people this is a
very normal part parents use pain to
punish their children and to create
deeper bonds like I'm tell you about the
Napoleonic method right one of the
things that Napoleon did that made him
such a good
General and is that he's able to build
is he's able to to to to make his his
troops want to please him but how do you
do that because when Napoleon became a
general not when when Napoleon first
went into battle people didn't respect
him because he was short and they didn't
know what to do with him because like
this guy's really going to save us this
dude right but what he did is that he
did he he he he used what I call the
Napoleonic method which is a mix of
harshness and niceness right what he did
this is how it's done you build a bond
with your troops right and the way that
Napoleon built a bond with their troops
was by pe by making sure that his troops
saw him saw him making a sacrifice in
battle in other words he always LED for
on the front he didn't lead from behind
he put himself in danger and said and
looked at his troops gave it
motivational speech and was the first
one to rush ahead when people saw that
that when his troops saw that they were
like okay this [ __ ] is has balls
of steals they gained respect for him
right so from that he built a bond but
then after he built a bond he held
himself back right he held himself back
and created a little emotional space
warm but distant right that was his
strategy right and what he made sure to
do was this he made sure to make
punishment rare so that's why this is
not abusive punishment rare and rewards
rare if you if you if you create that
Dynamic right once they know what makes
you happy and what angers you they'll
start acting in the ways that you want
make yourself hard to please and they'll
work for you this makes motivation a lot
easier if you're like a boss right but
as you guys can see this is very similar
to the lady that I used to work for her
name was Georgina right I always talk
about Georgina I and and I will always
respect her for the rest of my life
simply because of her character and then
what she did she did exactly this she
was rarely she she she was not she was
not shy with showing you when she was
not happy with you but at the same time
she was not shy to show you when you did
did good but those both of those things
were R well for her she she looked mad
more often than not right but because of
her infrequent niceness when she was
nice it lit you up from the inside right
so that so that's why niess blunts this
man you you you have
to I'm sorry uh you have to be
completely okay with causing this type
of pain in people you know what I'm
saying it's not being abusive
right so now that we understand that
right so we want to be able to go beyond
those limits um because if you inflict
pain right what people don't understand
is that people forgive like people want
to forgive you and even when they
forgive you for the pain that You' given
them the reconciliation makes the
experience with you even deeper you see
the the key to this is to make sure
you're not really doing this to break
someone down what you're doing is that
you're calibrating their dopamine their
dopaminergic system you're giving them
lows and you're giving them highs and
the and and and you have to not feel
guilty about this people want this don't
feel guilty they want to feel that it's
like kids right like kids don't want to
be punished right but ask any kid who
doesn't get punished from by ask any
kids whose parents don't really
discipline them what they'll tell you is
that yeah I don't want to be punished
but I wish I wish my parents sometimes
punish me because it makes me respect
them
more a lot of the times people put you
in those precarious situations where you
have to be aggressive where you have to
play a little dirty and they're hoping
that you do that so that they can
respect you because they're sensing that
possibly you are weaker than you appear
to be they're sensing a weakness out of
you and so they do this in the hopes
that you can stand up for them in the
hopes so that's why people would then
which start acting more difficult or
start maybe pulling away because they're
seeing okay let me see if this person is
worth the [ __ ] and any person who's not
willing to call somebody out for being
disrespectful it's not worth this [ __ ] I
think yesterday I went on a date yeah
not I think I went on a date with this
girl she was 30 minutes late and she
told me she'll be there in 10 minutes
and 20 minutes passed and I was like you
know what I'm leaving like I sent her
text I was like hey man I got to go it's
taking too long I left and 3 minutes
later she called me she was like he I'm
here and a [ __ ] I left she's like what
I was like yeah I I didn't know you were
coming I thought you were canceling you
know and I came back and she was
apologetic but that kind of stuff right
you know it may not be much right cuz I
just I just left you know it's no big
deal but the point is is that when you
and and when I came back I wasn't mad I
was like hey nice nice to see you I
thought I got flaked out man [ __ ] like I
was like man you breaking my heart on a
s on a Saturday right I wasn't mad about
it but I'm trying to let her know like
look man I like you but you know this
this kind of stuff you can't be doing
that kind of stuff you know what I'm
saying so why does this work why does
inflicting pain work so well on on
people well look um what you have to
understand is that the
way what ties people down what what what
what what prevents people connecting
with you is the connections that people
have with the past right past
relationships maybe they're used to a
certain type of person physically or
even the way that they behave maybe
they're still still in love with
somebody in the past and you don't even
know it that's a joint that you have to
break break that connection with the
past so before you do anything before
you show how much before you try to get
in a relationship or even ask or even
before you ask anything that's big this
sounds crazy but you have to weaken them
or even marinate them per se right or
some people like say like lube it up
right like like like that's that's a
horrible example but you guys know what
I'm saying weaken them emotionally right
for example if what um one of the things
about Hannibal he was a military General
was that he he always made sure to
appeal to emotions so for example let's
just say Hannibal wanted to tell you
guys to to fight harder right he didn't
just tell you guys to fight harder he
first got you emotional he first got you
to go from one emotion to to another so
he would one maybe pay this pay the war
prisoners um freedom if they fight to
the death so he first put on a show of
fighting right so he got them emotional
right and then after that he put on
another show of maybe a woman singing
right now it's the Arts right so now
he's controlling their emotions from
excitement to fun to death to singing
and then once he once he's able to move
him up and down from different emotional
ranges then he communicates what he
really wants right it's all so so you
first get them emotional through a
through a pleasant experience visual
physical or even pain and then once you
get them to feel different emotions
right then you could make the finishing
blow but you first weaken them by making
them emotional right so you make them
feel weak make them weak by creating
internal division right so that internal
division is could either be doubt do
they like me do they lose interest am I
attractive enough am I good-look enough
is is he going to is she going to leave
me for him is Tyrone the personal
trainer really a personal trainer is he
really giving her a discount for the
sake of discounts right you you divide
them from the from from from the inside
because the divided leadership is always
it's it's always weak it divided
leadership no matter how many troops you
have i' rather go with an army of 500
that has high morale and United with one
leader than an army of 5,000 that has no
United leadership right so then you make
them doubt themselves you divide the
ranks divide their values by making them
choose between their emotional appeal
and rational value I I never text a girl
twice or I never go back to somebody who
cheats on me I never triple text you
make them break those rules oh oh but
I'm I'm seeing a girl that lik and she
she told me she she doesn't double text
yeah she doesn't double text when she
don't like you ass make her break her
rules divide her from the inside right
so when you so so it's all about making
them completely doubt themselves or hate
themselves through hurting their ego and
then rebuilding them right and and this
sounds evil but you what you have to
understand is that when you fall in love
with people this
happens I'm just laying it out for you
guys it just sounds really evil it
really does I get it like I'm I'm I'm
reading this and I'm I'm I'm I'm looking
like I'm like is God going to smite me
for this but it it is true when we have
it relationship when we're longing for a
relationship a lot of the times we just
don't like the way we see ourselves when
we find someone the process of falling
in love put you in such a vulnerable
state that you almost break down right
you you you just you you have moments
where you just cannot control yourself
and so you rebuild yourself up by
building a self-image of you and that
person this is what happens I'm just
teaching you guys how to speed it up the
problem with this is is that this is so
powerful for that a lot of people use
this to really break people down to
traumatize them to completely make them
lose their sense of self this is not
what I'm talking about this rebuilding
is a natural part you divide them from
the inside so that then they can become
United and build a self image of you and
them like that's that's just how that
works and that's why breakups are so
difficult because you've identified of
you you've identified so much being with
this person because of pain and pleasure
that not you got to build up a new a new
a new identity like this is just natural
people um so don't get mad at me I did
not make people all right um and this is
this is why pain is so important and and
if you're Mr Mr Mr Nice mcgurt and
you're like oh I don't want to do this
well you suffer the consequences suffer
the consequences because you're limiting
your options by not inflicting pain like
like like it's almost
like if you really if you anytime if
you're really going to think about
giving your partner a great experience
like a great emotional experience there
has to be some pain there's just too
many examples that I can think of but
that I'm just trying to help you guys
for people who are moralized in this
don't be afraid of this this is a very
natural thing and if you do this you're
going to get more rewards than any than
negatives okay anyways hopefully you
guys enjoy this video um if you guys
ever want to work with me 10one go to
mind forra action.org click on the
description down below and I'll see you
guys next time there you guys can either
check out I'm actually going to be doing
a book club video based on this um today
by Robert Green Book Club so go check it
out and be aware of that's it's going to
be I'm going to do that by tonight um
and I'll see you guys later bye-bye all
right ladies and gentlemen if you guys
ever want to learn how to use your
feminine energy to influence people
learn how to use your masculine energy
to become more assertive and also learn
how to blend both energies to improve
your dating life your spiritual life
honestly um your relationship life your
family life your career life wife this
is the course for you if I had to make a
course for my nieces I have two nieces
one is 819 and one is 14 15 16 holy [ __ ]
oh my God he's a bad [ __ ] he's he's a
bad uncle get him shut up Melissa you
should get this course right and this is
the course that I will make for them so
for example watch the curriculum right
in the first week we're going to be
showing you how to establish a strong
masculine foundation without let it hurt
your feminine energy this masculine
Foundation is a source of who you are
right it's it's your bodyguard without
this your whatever feminine energy you
create will be destroyed by the outside
because your your feem your masculine is
your Shield so we'll talk about goal
setting we'll talk about how to develop
a serious attitude we're going to be
talking about how to um how to use more
logic how to use more goal oriented
behavior it's more how to be a man you
know you know now the next one is how to
embrace the feminine energy right this
one would this one will teach you about
how to minimize excessive masculine
traits developing self-awareness healing
abundant feminine energy regulating your
emotion mastering voice qualities and
and facial expressions surrendering
control and allowing pain to be felt
this is honestly it's it's it this will
supercharge like like kyen your
masculine energy after that we have um
femininity in the workplace and how to
be feminine in the workplace without
letting people take advantage of you and
the nuances of um how women on power
should behave versus women who are
subordinates in the workplace and even
the dress code these are this is based
on psychology people it's kind of insane
I'm actually excited about this one the
next week we talk about navigating the
Labyrinth of male and female friendship
and this a lot of women find confusing
so we talk about that and how to
identify EnV friends how to identify the
good friends how to keep male friends
and how to keep female friends week five
we talk about how to release the burden
of the past and stop D and Destroy
mental projections this is actually
really powerful um in this and then week
six we talk about how to increase your
observation power so that you so that
you can read people better um and we
have a bunch of bonuses it the course
starts at um n at $99 um and you guys
can pre-order the course today at $69
before it goes out um if you're watching
this most likely I'm in The Meditation
Retreat so I really most likely I will
be praying for all of you guys and um
just click on the description down below
of the video right there you'll see it
and you could pre-order that course it's
going to be out by by the end of next
month or the beginning of febru of of
March one of the two people cuz I have a
10-day Retreat to do and I want to I
want to finish the course um after the
retreat cuz I think the the ideas are
going to be so much better all right man
I'll see you guys later free- order man
I'm closing the channel
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