Love is total attention | J. Krishnamurti

Summary

In this deep philosophical dialogue, the speakers explore the nature of sorrow, love, and awareness. They argue that true love is born from undivided attention, free of self-interest and emotional escape. When faced with loss and sorrow, rather than running from the emotions, one must face them directly with choiceless awareness. This process of self-honesty reveals that what we often call love is rooted in personal desires and attachments, and that true love arises naturally from a deep, clear perception of the world. The conversation illuminates the connection between perception, emotional energy, and love.

Takeaways

• 😀 Sorrow often leads to emotional escape, such as through ideologies or distractions, but true healing comes from directly facing the emotion without escape.
• 😀 Choiceless awareness (simply perceiving without judgment) allows individuals to conserve energy and confront sorrow, leading to greater clarity and energy.
• 😀 Fear, loneliness, and despair are natural responses to loss, but by observing these emotions without trying to control them, they can dissipate.
• 😀 True love is not based on personal attachment or self-interest. It arises naturally from undivided attention and awareness of the present moment.
• 😀 Self-pity is a form of self-centeredness that arises when we focus more on our own suffering than on the person we have lost.
• 😀 When we realize that we never truly loved someone but merely attached ourselves to them out of need, we uncover the potential for genuine love through awareness.
• 😀 Love is not a product of effort or thought, but a natural state that emerges from complete attention and perception of reality without distortion.
• 😀 Sorrow and love are intricately connected. The experience of sorrow can lead to a deeper understanding of love when approached with complete attention.
• 😀 The concept of 'undivided attention' suggests that love and awareness are inseparable—when we are truly aware, love naturally follows.
• 😀 The dialogue stresses the importance of honesty and self-awareness in recognizing how limited or distorted our understanding of love might be, leading to the discovery of love as a deeper, more authentic experience.

Q & A

What does Krishnamurti mean when he talks about escaping from sorrow?

Krishnamurti refers to the tendency of individuals to escape sorrow through ideologies, concepts, or distractions, in order to avoid confronting the overwhelming emotions of loneliness and despair that come with loss. This escape prevents them from fully experiencing or understanding their feelings.

How does Krishnamurti describe the relationship between awareness and the cessation of escape?

Krishnamurti suggests that when one becomes choicelessly aware of their escape mechanisms—whether in the form of ideologies, distractions, or denial—the escape naturally stops. This awareness conserves energy that would otherwise be wasted, leaving the individual with more energy to confront the present reality.

What does Krishnamurti mean by the statement, 'there is no escape, you're faced with the fact of what is'?

Krishnamurti emphasizes that once the tendency to escape is abandoned, the individual must face the stark reality of their loss—whether it’s the death of a loved one or the feeling of loneliness. The fact of sorrow, of loss, must be perceived directly, without distortion or avoidance.

Why does Krishnamurti suggest that self-pity is a form of escape from sorrow?

Krishnamurti argues that self-pity arises when an individual prioritizes their own suffering above the loss of the other person. This focus on the 'self' rather than on the reality of the loss creates a further layer of escape and prevents true understanding or acceptance of sorrow.

How does Krishnamurti define love in this context?

Krishnamurti defines love as a state of total, undivided attention. It is not bound by the ego or by personal desires (such as fear, possessiveness, or jealousy). Love, in his view, is a pure and unselfish awareness of the other, without any division or self-interest.

What role does 'choiceless awareness' play in the perception of sorrow?

Choiceless awareness allows the individual to observe their sorrow without judgment or reaction. This unimpeded awareness helps the person confront their emotions directly, leading to a deeper understanding and a release of the suffering associated with escape mechanisms like fear or self-pity.

What is the significance of Krishnamurti’s statement that 'love is a total attention'?

This statement emphasizes that true love is not fragmented or partial. It involves complete focus and attention, without any personal concerns, distractions, or judgments. Love, in this sense, is a state of pure awareness and presence, not a conditional or transactional emotion.

Why does Krishnamurti argue that many people have never truly loved anyone?

Krishnamurti suggests that many people have mistaken attachment, dependency, or self-interest for love. True love, according to him, is not based on personal needs or desires, but on a deep, unconditional awareness of the other person. This kind of love requires profound honesty and self-awareness, which most people have not cultivated.

What does Krishnamurti mean when he says, 'I have not given my attention to the person who is dead'?

Krishnamurti is highlighting the difference between focusing on one's own suffering (self-pity) and genuinely paying attention to the reality of the loss itself. He suggests that real attention is directed at understanding one's own mind and emotions, rather than fixating on the deceased person in a way that reinforces personal sorrow.

How does the concept of 'undivided attention' relate to the idea of love?

Undivided attention, as described by Krishnamurti, is intrinsically linked to love because true love involves being fully present and attentive to the other, without distraction or self-interest. This total attention creates the conditions for love to manifest naturally, without needing to be forced or defined.