STOP People Pleasing for Good | Set Strong Boundaries With Feminine Energy
Summary
TLDRIn this video, the speaker discusses strategies to overcome people-pleasing tendencies. She advises making interactions transactional to ensure fair exchanges and setting boundaries by asking what value others bring. The speaker also suggests physical cues like leaning back in conversations to let go of control and recommends inner work to identify areas of life where control is sought. She emphasizes the importance of self-care, being selfish, and eliminating choice fatigue to break the cycle of people-pleasing.
Takeaways
- đ Make interactions transactional to ensure a fair exchange of energy and value.
- đȘ Recognize your worth and set boundaries by asking what you're gaining from interactions.
- đ« Politely decline when you have somewhere else to be or something else to do.
- đ Understand that people-pleasing stems from a desire for control and manipulation.
- đ§ââïž Lean back during conversations to let go of control and relax into the flow.
- đ„ Observe body language to understand who is controlling the conversation.
- đŹ Listen more and speak less to be a better conversationalist and lean into your feminine energy.
- đ Be assertive when setting boundaries by leaning forward after being relaxed.
- đ¶ Reflect on childhood experiences where boundaries were not respected to understand people-pleasing tendencies.
- đ Break the cycle of stress and people-pleasing by acknowledging your new identity and setting boundaries.
Q & A
What is the main focus of the video transcript?
-The main focus of the video transcript is on how to stop people-pleasing tendencies and the importance of valuing one's own time and energy.
What does the speaker suggest as the first tip to stop people-pleasing?
-The first tip suggested is to make interactions transactional, meaning to ensure that there is a fair exchange of energy, connection, or emotions in any interaction.
How does the speaker describe the value of a woman in the context of transactional interactions?
-The speaker emphasizes that a woman's value is precious and that she should ensure that any time spent is exchanged for something of equal value, whether it be emotional support, connection, or other forms of energy exchange.
What role does masculine energy play in setting boundaries according to the transcript?
-Masculine energy plays a protective role in setting boundaries by being transactional and firm with boundaries, which helps in controlling people-pleasing tendencies.
Why does the speaker recommend leaning back during a conversation?
-Leaning back during a conversation is recommended as it helps in letting go of control, allows the conversation to flow naturally, and is a way to relax and be present in the interaction.
How does the speaker link people-pleasing to control and manipulation?
-The speaker links people-pleasing to control and manipulation by explaining that it stems from a desire to manage how others perceive oneself, which is a form of control and manipulation.
What is the significance of the rubber band analogy mentioned in the transcript?
-The rubber band analogy signifies the discomfort and resistance one might feel when stretching their consciousness and breaking away from people-pleasing habits, which is a temporary phase in personal growth.
How does the speaker suggest dealing with choice fatigue as a people pleaser?
-The speaker suggests dealing with choice fatigue by setting better boundaries, valuing one's own time, and not overcommitting to activities that deplete personal energy.
What is the importance of being selfish according to the video transcript?
-Being selfish is important because it allows individuals to prioritize self-care and fill their own cups before pouring into others, which is essential for showing up as the best version of oneself.
How should one react to people unfollowing them on social media according to the transcript?
-One should feel excited when people unfollow them on social media because it means they are attracting a more aligned audience and letting go of those who do not value their content or energy.
What is the final piece of advice the speaker gives for dealing with people-pleasing online?
-The final piece of advice for dealing with people-pleasing online is to protect one's energy by being selective with the content shared and not being afraid of losing followers who are not aligned with one's values.
Outlines
đ Transitioning from People Pleasing
The speaker begins by emphasizing the importance of stopping people-pleasing behaviors, which is a recent realization for her. She suggests making interactions transactional, not in a toxic or masculine way, but as a means of valuing one's own time and energy. The speaker shares her personal experience of how she evaluates the value she gains from interactions. She also discusses the role of masculine energy in setting boundaries and protecting oneself. The speaker encourages the audience to be aware of what they are getting out of their interactions and to set boundaries when necessary, even in seemingly insignificant encounters.
đââïž Leaning Back: A Physical and Energetic Shift
The second paragraph focuses on the concept of 'leaning back' during conversations as a way to relax and let go of control. The speaker explains that this physical act can help in stepping out of the need to control conversations and people's perceptions. She contrasts her past eagerness with her current approach of being more relaxed and open. The speaker also touches on how body language can indicate who is in control of a conversation. She advises that when setting boundaries, one should lean forward to assert oneself, but otherwise, leaning back can help in being more present and a good listener. The concept of choice fatigue is introduced as a stressor that leads to people-pleasing, and the speaker encourages setting better boundaries to avoid it.
đ« Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care
In the third paragraph, the speaker discusses the importance of setting boundaries and self-care. She emphasizes that it's okay to be selfish and prioritize one's own needs, especially for people pleasers who often neglect their own well-being. The speaker suggests that by keeping oneself occupied with personal plans and commitments, one can learn to value their time more. She shares her own experiences with friends canceling plans and how she has learned to value her own time instead of feeling let down. The speaker also addresses the issue of people-pleasing online, particularly on social media, and the need to protect one's energy from being drained by others.
đ Online Presence and Inner Work
The final paragraph addresses the challenges of people-pleasing in the digital space, especially for social media influencers. The speaker advises getting excited when followers unfollow, as it means that those not aligned with one's energy are leaving. She encourages focusing on one's own consciousness and values rather than seeking validation from others. The speaker also stresses the importance of doing inner work to overcome people-pleasing tendencies and offers coaching services for those who need further guidance. She concludes by thanking her audience for their time and support.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄPeople Pleasing
đĄTransactional
đĄMasculine Energy
đĄInner Work
đĄBody Language
đĄValidation
đĄBoundaries
đĄChoice Fatigue
đĄSelfish
đĄSocial Media Influencer
đĄConsciousness
Highlights
The importance of recognizing and controlling people-pleasing tendencies.
Making interactions transactional to ensure a fair exchange of value.
Understanding that setting boundaries is a form of self-protection.
The role of masculine energy in setting boundaries and protecting oneself.
Evaluating whether a conversation is worth your time and energy.
The impact of small talk and how to handle it when it's draining.
Being polite yet assertive when setting boundaries in conversations.
The realization that people-pleasing stems from a desire for control.
Inner work to identify areas where one seeks validation and control.
Using body language to convey control and relaxation in conversations.
The concept of leaning back to let go of control and allow natural conversation flow.
Observing body language to determine who is in control of a conversation.
The advice to lean back physically and energetically to enhance listening and presence.
The importance of leaning forward to assertively set boundaries when necessary.
Understanding the link between people-pleasing and the desire to be perceived well by others.
The impact of childhood experiences on the development of people-pleasing behaviors.
Recognizing the temporary discomfort of breaking the people-pleasing cycle.
The concept of choice fatigue and its relation to people-pleasing tendencies.
The importance of self-care and filling one's own cup before helping others.
Being selective with one's time and energy to avoid being overwhelmed.
The idea of being excited when followers unfollow on social media as a sign of alignment.
Encouragement to do inner work to overcome people-pleasing tendencies.
Final thoughts on the necessity of setting boundaries and valuing one's own time.
Transcripts
welcome girls today we're going to be
talking about how to stop people
pleasing this was the video I wish I saw
when I first started my inner work
Journey because I only just recently
realized how to stop and how to control
my people pleasing Tendencies the first
tip I have is to make things
transactional now I know you're probably
thinking like this is toxic it sounds a
little bit masculine I know I feel you
remember and realize that you're value
as a woman is so precious what are you
exchanging your time and value for it
could be a fair exchange of energies
connection emotions whatever it is it
does not have to be physical but you do
have to get something out of that all of
my friends when I spend time with them I
feel good we have a high vibrational
exchange within each other and I feel
amazing spending time with them and just
being in their presence that to me is
enough of a fair exchange okay this is
editing Jasmine here making things
transactional does sound very masculine
the reason for this is because this is
your masculine energy protecting you by
being transactional by being a little
bit more firm with your boundaries but
the next time you are with someone you
can ask yourself what is this person
offering me are they offering me a good
conversation any kind of energetic
exchange that you feel is worth your
time and your energy this doesn't always
have to be the case sometimes you may be
mentoring someone or coaching someone or
just genuinely being their support so
just know that this isn't the end all
Beall formula but it's definitely going
to help you with strangers or people
that you don't know to help you set that
boundary and realize well what am I
getting from this there would be moments
where I would be in a grocery store for
example and random people would come up
and talk to me or employees would come
and talk to me but I really had
somewhere to be and so the old version
of me the timid version of me with no
boundaries she would say oh that's
amazing and she would try to kind of
make small talk and keep the
conversation going but small talk to me
is so draining and exhausting the
current version of me would ask well am
I getting something valuable from this
conversation no I have something else to
do I have a place to be so instead now I
politely say hey I have somewhere to be
and I leave and I say thank you so much
for your time there are polite ways of
setting a boundary and when you realize
your worth and your time and value as a
woman those boundaries will be set so
naturally for you people pleasing comes
from a place of control you want to be
in control you want to control how
people perceive you once I started
realizing that people pleasing actually
does come from a place of control and
that it is manipulation the first step
is acknowledging that the next step is
to do some inner work so you can ask
yourself what areas of your life do you
like BL control and where am I seeking
validation from so these two questions
are really good to help you get started
to see where this feeling of being out
of control is translating into people
pleasing in your life we're going to get
to the root of that my next tip is more
of a body language and physical tip that
you can apply but it is literally to
lean back during a conversation this is
amazing because feminine energy is all
about letting go of control leaning back
and just letting the conversation take
you where it wants to go so for example
if people pleasing comes from a place of
control which we discussed in the last
Point literally leaning back forces you
to step out of control a big problem
with me is often times I felt too eager
or too in somebody's face um and that
was because I wanted control of the
conversation I wanted to control how
they perceived me I would try to talk
over for them things like that so for me
letting go and just leaning back allowed
me to get out of my people pleasing
Tendencies something that I noticed
actually especially with women and men
at restaurants you can really tell who
is in control of the conversation simply
by their body language what I've
observed sometimes it's usually men
they'll be leaning a little bit more
forward and the woman will be leaning a
little bit more back but it can always
switch you can tell who is more in
control control of the conversation just
by their body language which way they're
leaning so as a woman a lot of the times
we want to feel chased we want to feel
like the man is obsessed with us so how
you get this treatment literally Lean
Back Lean Back Your physically and let
go you'll naturally notice that when you
lean back you're going to be so much
more relaxed and the other person might
take control of the conversation a
little bit more if your struggle as a
people pleaser is maybe being too eager
or too much in someone's face then maybe
what you can do is tone that down relax
yourself a little bit lean back this
allows you to naturally be in your
feminine energy most of the time when
people speak of leaning back they speak
of leaning back energetically but you
can also do it physically if you've ever
read How to Win Friends and Influence
People I believe one of the best ways to
be a conversationalist is actually to
just be a good listener a lot of the
times I will just listen to people just
hear what they have to say and certain
people will be like you are such a great
conversationalist and I was like all I
did was
listen so this just goes to show you it
really does work leaning back will help
you just relax in your body and fully
listen and be present in the
conversation on the other side if your
problem is setting boundaries with
people and you're people pleasing and
you're you know too timid and people can
just walk all over you that is actually
when you'd want to do the opposite you'd
want to lean forward when it is time to
set your boundaries lean back so that
when you do lean forward and you are
taking more control of the conversation
when it is time to set up that wall or
that boundary people will take you more
seriously as well because this whole
time you've been relaxed this whole time
you've been content and just calm but
when it is time to leave you speak up
you lean forward it will communicate
that now your body and your energy is
ready to be assertive and people will
take you so much more seriously this way
when you are talking to people just be
conscious of how your body language is
are you leaning back or are you leaning
forward that's just something to keep in
mind if you are familiar with pikme
girls pikme girls are wanting to be in
control it comes from a place of wanting
to be perceived well by men in
particular so a lot of the times they
may put other women down I know this
because as a people pleaser this was
sometimes my tenden as well another
thing that you can do in terms of inner
work is just to make a list of all of
the times that your boundaries were not
respected as a child this makes you feel
like you are not in control this is very
scary as a child and it can make you
feel like you need to people please in
order to fit in in order to feel safe if
your nervous system is not regulated
your nervous system is going to feel
comfortable when you are in a state of
stress this is our our next point you
can have an addiction to stress and an
addiction to people
pleasing that is so scary to think about
if you have been people pleasing from a
young age your nervous system is
probably so regulated to constantly
maneuver and manipulate your emotions
and the way that you are perceived
around other people constantly when you
try to stop your people pleasing
Tendencies You may actually notice that
your body might get really triggered
your body might start to feel like this
is not safe that's normal girls there's
this concept that Alexis came up with
one of my favorite inner work coaches
and she talks about your Consciousness
being a rubber band when your
Consciousness stretches like this rubber
band it is going to be very
uncomfortable for you you're going to
feel like who is this person like I
don't know and you're going to want to
shrink back down into that level of
Consciousness that you originally had
I'm here to assure you that even though
this addiction to people pleasing might
be
scary it's only temporary this
uncomfortable feeling is only temporary
and you will break past it I promise
your rubber band will stretch and you
will feel so much more confident as a
woman just to recap that when your brain
has been in survival mode ever since you
were a child it believes that people
pleasing is the only way that it can
keep you safe so I'm here to assure you
that you can break out of that cycle
accept your new identity affirm to
yourself that I'm no longer available
for people pleasing when you catch
yourself leaning forward in a
conversation when you catch yourself not
valuing your worth as a woman and you
just let people walk all over you set
that boundary tell yourself I'm not
available for that I'm am not available
for people pleasing I only available for
healthy relationships I am only
available to release control and lean
back another note on the addiction to
stress this is a con concept that I feel
like not enough people are talking about
Choice
fatigue Choice fatigue is basically when
you have so many choices so many options
to choose from that you get tired just
from the thought of being overwhelmed
just from the thought of which one do I
pick so as a people pleaser we tend to
fill and occupy our time with so many
things because a lot of the times we
don't value our own time so when people
ask us hey do you want to hang out at
this time you'll be like yeah even
though you have something else at that
time and you're like oh well I'll just
try to fit it in no we are no longer
available for that addiction to stress
we are no longer available to be a
people pleaser eliminate Choice fatigue
eliminate the feeling of getting
overwhelmed when you have so many
options to choose from so many
commitments that you've made with other
people set better boundaries with
yourself tell yourself that I'm not
going to be available for people if I
genuinely have something that I need to
do if I know that this time is meant for
me to relax I am not going to be giving
that time away to anybody else because
in order for me to heal I need to be
able to fill up my own Cup first before
I can pour into other people it is so
important this is how you want to show
up you are not going to be able to show
up as that best version of yourself
unless you take care of yourself and
fill up your own Cup first it is okay to
be selfish sometimes this as a people
pleaser is the biggest thing that we
need to
hear be selfish it is okay it is one of
the best things that you can do for
other people you might think that you
are going to be disappointing these
people if you do disappoint them then
they are not meant to be in your life
I'm telling you this now they are not
your best supporters even though these
people can sometimes be your family
members a parent a close friend no if
they truly loved you and if they truly
respected your boundary they would tell
you that I respect the fact that you
need to go inward right now you need to
relax I respect your downtime a journal
prompt if you are struggling with Choice
fatigue you can ask yourself what areas
of my life do I feel the need to conceal
or run away from so what if you are
having trouble realizing your value as a
woman what you can do is genuinely keep
yourself occupied with your time keep
yourself busy that is one of the best
ways that you actually can realize your
worth value and time as a woman if
people cancel plans on you last minute
how do you feel I had a friend who would
constantly cancel plans on me last
minute all the time and the only reason
she felt like she could do this is
because my energy communicated to her
this was before I started my inner work
my energy communicated to her it is okay
if you cancel plans on me I'm not going
to be mad I know that it's going to be
okay I'll forgive you but as I started
doing more inner work I did not have to
say a word to her my energy just
naturally communicated to her that I'm
no longer available for last minute
plans because I value my time and I
value my energy now I would inform her
if she tried to make plans with me I
would actually tell her no sorry I have
this plan and this plan at this time I
think it's going to be too tight maybe
we can schedule it in on this weekday or
on this day be so aware of how valuable
your time is
this is how you do it by keeping
yourself occupied by making so many
plans for yourself to work on your
business for your health for your
relationships that giving your time away
becomes precious I was going to meet up
with one of my friends and I was really
looking forward to this but she texted
me a few hours before we were going to
meet and she told me hey Jazz I'm so
sorry but something came up I'm not
going to be able to meet up with you the
old version of me would have felt really
uncomfortable and said sad and probably
would have just wasted that day anyways
the best version of myself what I do now
is I create plans anyways I felt no
resentment towards my friend getting to
work with my friend on our businesses
together was just a bonus it didn't
matter if she was there or not the last
tip I have is actually for online but
you can also be a people pleaser online
as a social media influencer it is so
important to protect your energy because
every everybody wants a piece of it so
I'm letting you know now that you need
to be able to protect your energy how do
you do this get excited when people
unfollow
you this might be a little bit
triggering to hear or a little bit
confusing I know you might be thinking
like what like why would I be excited if
I lose followers but the truth is the
people who are not aligned with you are
just falling off they would have
probably left rude or mean comments
anyways I used to feel so afraid of
posting certain things on my Instagram
because on my ASMR Channel I only want
to post ASMR content so that was a
limiting belief that prevented me from
posting regularly on my Instagram and
sharing tidbits of my natural life
before I used to be so afraid when I
would see followers go down when I
posted things that were not ASMR content
on my story I would be like oh no like
these people like I'm not giving them
what they want people are leaving now
when I see those followers go down I get
excited
because I'm like yes I am that much
closer to attracting my soul aligned
audience and I am excited for that I am
happy let those people go because they
were never meant to be in my life in the
first place following these tips I can
guarantee you that you will see a big
difference in your people pleasing
Tendencies girls please also do the
inner work because that will really help
you but the biggest thing if I could
just pick one or two things from this
video it would be to physically lean
back during the conversation that is
something that you can always do and for
online purposes I would say get excited
when you lose followers because that is
a good thing you are constantly speaking
from your level of Consciousness from
the level of you that you align with
that you agree with so if those people
don't see what you are on about what you
have to share and they don't find Value
in that let them leave hold the door
open for them they don't need to be in
your
life well girls that is everything that
I have to offer you today please note
that I do offer coaching my coaching
services are available at slice of
jazz.com it will be linked in the
description box below I really
appreciate you for spending your time
and energy with me today if you made it
this far thank you your support means
the world to me have an amazing rest of
your day thank you so much for being
here bye
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