LGBTQ | How You See Me

Summary

The speaker recounts their journey of self-discovery and acceptance as a gay individual. Initially, they faced rejection and sought to conform to societal norms, attempting to change themselves. They found solace and support in a best friend going through a similar experience. Despite internalized prejudices, they chose to educate themselves and immerse in the LGBTQ+ community. The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance, even when met with resistance, and the empowerment of publicly advocating for one's identity. They acknowledge the diversity within the LGBTQ+ spectrum and the personal journey of embracing multiple identities.

Takeaways

• 🏥 The individual's mother initially reacted to their coming out by taking them to a psychiatrist, who confirmed there was nothing wrong with them.
• 📺 The pervasive presence of heteronormativity in media and society influenced the person's early attempts to conform to societal expectations.
• 🌈 The person struggled with internalized prejudices and had to educate themselves to overcome these biases and embrace their identity.
• 👭 Having a best friend who also came out around the same time provided mutual support and strengthened their bond.
• 💬 The individual found it challenging to openly declare their bisexuality, often facing pressure to choose a sexual orientation.
• 🤔 They questioned the relevance of gender in romantic relationships, emphasizing the importance of personal feelings over societal labels.
• 😣 Negative reactions from others, including a priest, highlighted the need for the person to assert themselves and advocate for their identity.
• 🌟 The person's experience in a sociology class, where they argued with a teacher, was an empowering moment of self-advocacy.
• 🌈 The script acknowledges the diversity within the LGBTQ community, with many different identities and expressions of gender and sexuality.
• 🔍 The individual realized that they are a complex mix of many identities and that no single label can fully define them.
• 💪 The importance of self-acceptance is emphasized, suggesting that personal validation is crucial regardless of others' acceptance.

Q & A

What was the initial reaction of the speaker's mother when they came out as gay?

The speaker's mother took them to a psychiatrist, hoping to find something wrong with them, but the psychiatrist confirmed that the speaker was perfectly healthy.

How does the media influence the speaker's perception of relationships and gender norms?

The media, including TV shows and songs, predominantly displays heterosexual relationships and norms, which the speaker tried to conform to by attempting to mold themselves into the image of a straight man.

What was the speaker's transition like from identifying as a tomboy to realizing they were different?

The transition was gradual, with the speaker initially identifying as a tomboy and later realizing they were 'really, really different,' which was a significant shift in self-identification.

How did the speaker's best friend's coming out impact their own experience?

Having their best friend come out around the same time was helpful and brought them closer together, providing mutual support during their respective journeys of self-discovery.

What internalized attitudes did the speaker have to overcome when coming out?

The speaker had to confront and overcome negative attitudes towards gay people that they had internalized from friends and family while growing up.

Why did the speaker feel the need to educate themselves and immerse in the LGBTQ community?

The speaker felt the need to educate themselves and immerse in the LGBTQ community to better understand their own identity and to challenge the internalized prejudices they had.

How does the speaker feel about disclosing their bisexuality to new acquaintances?

The speaker is more comfortable talking about their sexuality but still doesn't introduce themselves by stating their bisexuality outright, indicating a level of caution or discretion.

What was the reaction of one of the speaker's closest friends when they shared their dating experiences?

One of the speaker's closest friends became frustrated and challenged the speaker to 'pick' a gender, to which the speaker responded by questioning why gender should matter in how they feel about someone.

How did people's reactions to the speaker's sexuality make them feel?

People's reactions made the speaker feel as if they were in danger or needed to be changed, indicating that their identity was not being accepted or respected.

What was the most empowering moment for the speaker in standing up for their identity?

The most empowering moment for the speaker was publicly arguing with a priest in their sociology class who told them they needed to 'redeem their life,' showing their courage to defend themselves at a young age.

What message does the speaker have for those who are struggling with their identity within the LGBTQ community?

The speaker encourages acceptance of oneself, even if others may not, and emphasizes the importance of self-discovery and owning one's identity, regardless of societal pressures.

Outlines

00:00

🏳️‍🌈 Coming Out and Acceptance

The speaker shares their experience of coming out as gay to their mother, who initially took them to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist confirmed that there was nothing wrong with the speaker. The speaker talks about the pervasive heteronormativity in society and their struggle to fit into the mold of a straight man. They also mention the support they received from a best friend who came out around the same time, which strengthened their bond. Despite coming out, the speaker still had to confront internalized prejudices and educate themselves about the LGBTQ+ community.

Keywords

💡Coming out

Coming out refers to the process by which a person reveals their sexual orientation or gender identity to others. In the video, the speaker shares their experience of coming out as gay to their mother, who initially reacts by taking them to a psychiatrist. This term is central to the video's theme as it marks a pivotal moment in the speaker's journey towards self-acceptance and authenticity.

💡Psychiatrist

A psychiatrist is a medical doctor specializing in psychiatry, the branch of medicine focused on the diagnosis, treatment, and prevention of mental disorders. In the context of the video, the psychiatrist affirms that there is nothing wrong with the speaker, highlighting the theme of normalizing diverse sexual orientations and challenging misconceptions about mental health and sexuality.

💡Heteronormativity

Heteronormativity is the assumption that people are or should be heterosexual, and that heterosexuality is the norm. The video discusses how the speaker was surrounded by heteronormative messages in media and society, which influenced their initial struggle with their identity. This concept is crucial for understanding the societal pressures that can impact an individual's self-perception and acceptance.

💡Tomboy

A tomboy typically refers to a girl who exhibits characteristics or behaviors considered typical of boys, such as engaging in physical activities or dressing in a masculine manner. The speaker mentions being a tomboy, which is a part of their identity exploration and a stepping stone towards understanding their sexual orientation. This term is relevant as it shows the fluidity of gender expression and the speaker's personal journey.

💡Best friend

In the video, the term 'best friend' is used to describe a close and supportive relationship. The speaker's best friend also comes out around the same time, which strengthens their bond and provides mutual support. This highlights the importance of community and understanding in the process of self-discovery and acceptance.

💡Bisexual

Bisexuality is a sexual orientation where a person is attracted to both men and women. The speaker identifies as bisexual, indicating an attraction to more than one gender. This term is significant as it broadens the conversation about sexual orientation beyond binary definitions and underscores the speaker's personal identity.

💡Self-education

Self-education in this context refers to the process of learning and understanding one's own identity and experiences, often in the absence of external support or accurate representation. The speaker mentions having to educate themselves to overcome internalized prejudices, which is a testament to the importance of personal exploration and growth in the face of societal biases.

💡Empowering

To be empowered means to gain control over one's life and decisions, often through self-assertion and confidence. The video recounts an incident where the speaker argued with a priest in a public setting, which they describe as an empowering moment. This term is central to the narrative as it illustrates the speaker's journey towards self-advocacy and resilience.

💡LGBTQ spectrum

The LGBTQ spectrum refers to the wide range of sexual orientations and gender identities, including lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer. The speaker mentions the diversity within the LGBTQ community, emphasizing the multitude of identities and experiences that exist. This term is key to understanding the video's message of embracing the complexity and variety within the community.

💡Subculture

A subculture is a group of people within a larger culture that has distinct interests, behaviors, and values. The speaker reflects on not fitting into a single subculture within the LGBTQ community, indicating the complexity of identity and the importance of self-acceptance beyond categorical definitions.

💡Acceptance

Acceptance in this context means embracing one's own identity, including sexual orientation and gender identity, without shame or denial. The video concludes with a message of self-acceptance, suggesting that personal happiness and authenticity are founded on self-love and understanding. This term encapsulates the overarching theme of the video, which is about the importance of recognizing and honoring one's true self.

Highlights

Recalling a humorous and affirming experience with a psychiatrist who confirmed there was nothing wrong with being gay.

The struggle with societal heteronormativity and the pressure to conform to straight expectations.

The journey from self-identifying as a tomboy to realizing a deeper difference in sexual orientation.

The supportive role of a best friend going through a similar coming out experience.

The internal conflict of holding onto negative attitudes about gay people despite one's own identity.

The importance of self-education and immersion in the LGBTQ+ community to overcome internalized prejudices.

The discomfort of openly identifying as bisexual and the societal expectation to choose a sexual identity.

A friend's frustration with the need to label one's sexuality and the irrelevance of gender in romantic feelings.

The reaction of others when they discover someone is gay, including feelings of danger and the urge to change them.

A high school priest's public admonishment to 'redeem one's life' and the subsequent empowering argument.

The diversity within the LGBTQ+ spectrum, including various identities and subcultures.

The realization that no single subculture can define an individual's identity.

The acceptance of a multifaceted identity and the understanding that these identities do not necessarily make one whole.

Encouragement to be accepting of oneself, even when others may not be.

The personal revelation that societal labels do not define one's true self.

The necessity to own one's identity and the process of self-discovery.

Transcripts

- My mom when I told her I was gay,

actually took me to a psychiatrist.

And I remember coming out,

and the psychiatrist being,

there's nothing wrong with your daughter,

she's perfectly healthy.

(laughs)

And I was like, "Yeah!"

And my mom was like, "No!"

- Watching TV you see a lot of fairy tales,

and you see men and women, men and women getting married.

You hear it in songs.

You, just everything you're surrounded by

like hetero norms.

So, I was really trying to mold myself into

what a straight man looks like.

A lot of it's kind of blur because

I was trying to be someone other than me.

- It was just like kind of a transition

from I'm a tomboy, I'm a tomboy,

to oh I'm really, really different.

- I had a best girlfriend.

A friend that's a girl who's my best friend.

And about the same time that I came out,

she did as well,

and it was just really helpful to have

two people doing that at the same time,

and it kind of brought us closer together.

- Even when I was coming out,

I still had the things that I've heard

from friends and family growing up

about, you know, gay people.

There was still those attitudes

leftover in my mind,

so I had to really educate myself,

and immerse myself into that community and that world.

- I've been more comfortable with talking about it,

but it's still not something that

I'll come out and say,

"Hi, I'm Jen. I'm bi."

One of my closest friends,

I had been talking to her about

how I had been dating a girl,

and I really thought she was really cute,

but I also liked a guy too.

And she said, she got really fed up with me,

and she said, well you have to pick sometime

whichever one you're going to be with.

What does their gender have to do

with how I feel about them?

- When people find out you're gay,

it raises something in them.

They feel in danger.

They wanna change you.

- And I've even had a priest,

once in high school,

tell me that I need to redeem my life.

In my sociology class, in front of the whole class.

And I had an argument with him.

Speaking up for myself, publicly,

was a really, really, empowering moment

for me at such a young age.

- There are so many different colors

on the LGBTQ spectrum.

You know, there's trans,

there's lesbians, bi,

gender fluid, gender queer.

There's so many subgenres of people

that exist in our community.

- At the end of the day,

I really had to accept that there

wasn't really a single subculture that

was gonna define me.

I had to accept that I was made

of all of these things,

and that all of these identities

don't necessary make me.

- Be accepting of yourself.

Even though other people might not do it.

Maybe I lost a few Facebook friends over it,

but at the end of the day, that's okay.

- How you feel is not what everyone says that you are.

I know that sounds really confusing.

- You're gonna have to own it.

You're gonna have to get your spoon,

and you're gonna have to dig down deep,

and be, like, all these layers are mine.

And the sooner you do it,

the sooner you'll really know yourself.