Dealing with the Fear of the Self Breaking Down

Summary

In this reflective dialogue, an individual discusses their meditation journey, which has led to a profound inner transformation. They describe feeling energy and intrusive thoughts, leading to a breakdown of their self-concept. The conversation explores the deconstruction of the self as a series of relationships, memories, and ideas, revealing an underlying unity akin to a canvas behind a painting. The individual finds solace in a 'solid ground' of self-awareness amidst the upheaval. The discussion suggests channeling physical manifestations of energy into creative outlets, like dance, to facilitate the process of self-discovery and acceptance.

Takeaways

• 🧘 The individual has been meditating for years and has experienced a deep sense of bliss, but recently started feeling intense energy and intrusive thoughts.
• 📉 They feel a breakdown of their self-concept and are being forced to let go of their self-identity.
• 🤔 The deconstruction of the self involves the dissolution of memories, thoughts, images, and relationships that form one's identity.
• 🌟 The true self, likened to a canvas or screen, unifies these elements and remains intact even as the elements dissolve.
• 🎨 The analogy of an old oil painting is used to describe how the self's image disintegrates, revealing the canvas beneath.
• 🏝️ The individual feels they have a solid place to stand amidst the storm, symbolizing a core sense of self that remains stable.
• 🌪️ The process of self-deconstruction can be triggered by significant life events and can vary greatly from person to person.
• 💔 For some, the process is gentle and peaceful, while for others, like the individual, it can be dramatic and unsettling.
• 🏋️‍♂️ Physical manifestations of energy should not be ignored; they can be channeled into creative or positive outlets, such as dance.
• 🙏 The advice given is to take refuge in one's own being and allow the process of change to unfold naturally.

Q & A

What is the experience described by the individual in the script?

The individual describes a meditative experience where they feel a lot of energy in their head and body, along with fearful and intrusive images and thoughts. They mention a sense of self-deconstruction and letting go of self-concepts.

What does the term 'deconstructed' refer to in the context of the script?

In the script, 'deconstructed' refers to the process of breaking down the carefully constructed image of one's self, which includes thoughts, memories, relationships, and other elements that contribute to one's identity.

What is the analogy used to explain the self and its deconstruction?

The analogy used is that of an old oil painting where each brushstroke represents a memory, thought, idea, image, or relationship. The canvas represents the true self that holds all these elements together, which is revealed as the paint (self-concepts) flakes off.

How does the individual describe the process of self-deconstruction?

The individual describes the process as both frightening and transformative. They mention that the self has become like an island in a storm, but they have found a solid place to stand, which is their true self.

What advice is given regarding the physical manifestations experienced during meditation?

The advice given is not to ignore the physical manifestations but to channel the energy into a creative or positive outlet, such as dancing, to prevent it from consuming the individual.

What is the significance of the 'solid place' mentioned by the individual?

The 'solid place' signifies the individual's true self or being, which remains intact and is revealed as the various elements of their self-concept dissolve.

How does the script differentiate between different experiences of self-deconstruction?

The script suggests that for some, the process is gentle and peaceful, while for others, it can be dramatic and initiated by significant life events, leading to a more intense experience.

What role does the concept of 'awareness' play in the script?

Awareness is presented as the background that filters through into the foreground of experience as the self-concept dissolves, offering a sense of relief and joy.

Why might the process of self-deconstruction be initiated?

The process can be initiated by various factors such as the breakup of a relationship, loss of a loved one, illness, or other traumatic events that challenge one's identity and security.

What is the recommendation for dealing with the energy experienced during this process?

The recommendation is to give the energy a positive outlet, such as movement or creative expression, to prevent it from becoming overwhelming and consuming the individual.

How does the script relate the process of self-deconstruction to the practice of meditation?

The script relates self-deconstruction to meditation by suggesting that meditation can lead to a deeper understanding and experience of one's true self, beyond the constructs of the ego and self-concept.

Outlines

00:00

🧘‍♀️ Meditation and Self-Deconstruction

The speaker shares their meditation journey, highlighting a period of bliss and later, a challenging phase where they experienced intense energy and intrusive thoughts. They describe a process of self-deconstruction, where their self-concepts are breaking down, and they are being forced to let go of their identity. The speaker uses the analogy of a painting to explain how the various elements of their self, such as memories and relationships, are flaking off, revealing the 'canvas' or the true self beneath. They express fear and emotional turmoil during this transition but also find solace in the realization that there is a solid ground to stand on, which they associate with their true self.

05:03

🌀 The Process of Change and Physical Manifestations

In this paragraph, the speaker discusses the variability of the self-deconstruction process, which can be gentle or dramatic, depending on the individual. They mention that external factors like relationship breakdowns or illness can trigger this process. The speaker feels that their experience is on the dramatic side, causing them to feel shaken and in transition. The advice given is to embrace the physical manifestations of this change, suggesting that the speaker should not ignore the energy coursing through their body but instead channel it into creative or positive outlets, such as dance, to prevent it from consuming them.

Keywords

💡Meditation

Meditation is a practice where an individual uses a technique, such as focusing their mind on a particular object, thought, or activity, to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state. In the video, the speaker has been meditating for a few years, which has led to a heightened state of awareness and the ability to perceive oneself and others with a sense of 'blissfulness.'

💡Energy

In the context of the video, 'energy' refers to the vital force or life force that flows through the body and is associated with various sensations and experiences. The speaker describes feeling a lot of energy in their head and different parts of their body, which is indicative of the heightened sensitivity and awareness that can come from meditation practice.

💡Fearful and Obtrusive Images

These terms describe thoughts or mental images that are disturbing and forceful. The speaker mentions experiencing fearful and obtrusive images, which could be a part of the process of self-discovery and self-reflection that can occur during deep meditation or introspection.

💡Deconstruction

Deconstruction, in this context, refers to the process of breaking down or dismantling something complex into its constituent parts. The speaker feels that their self-concept is being deconstructed, which is a metaphor for the dissolution of the various elements that make up one's identity, such as memories, relationships, and ideas.

💡Self-Concept

Self-concept is an individual's perception and understanding of themselves, including their identity, values, and beliefs. The video discusses the process of letting go of self-concepts, which is a significant part of the spiritual journey the speaker is undergoing as they meditate and reflect on their experiences.

💡Disparate Elements

Disparate elements are distinct or unrelated parts that together form a whole. In the video, the speaker talks about the disparate elements of their character, such as thoughts, memories, and relationships, which are unified by a sense of self. The process of meditation and self-exploration can lead to a reevaluation of these elements.

💡Canvas of Self

The 'canvas of self' is a metaphor used by the speaker to describe the underlying, unifying aspect of one's identity that holds all the disparate elements together. It is likened to the canvas behind a painting, which remains even as the paint (memories, thoughts, etc.) begins to peel away.

💡Peeling Away

Peeling away, as used in the video, is a metaphor for the process of letting go of the various aspects of one's identity and experiences that are no longer serving them. It is part of the transformative journey that the speaker is undergoing, which involves a deep introspective look at the self.

💡Solid Ground

Solid ground in the video represents a sense of stability and security. The speaker mentions finding a place to stand, which is a metaphor for finding inner strength and a core sense of self that remains steadfast amidst the changes and challenges they are facing.

💡Physical Manifestations

Physical manifestations refer to the bodily sensations or experiences that can accompany emotional or psychological states. The speaker is advised not to ignore these manifestations but to find positive outlets for them, such as movement or dance, which can help to channel and dissipate the energy they are feeling.

Highlights

Meditation has led to increased energy sensations and fearful thoughts.

The self-concept is breaking down, leading to a release of fear and self-deconstruction.

The self is composed of history, relationships, memories, ideas, and a body.

There is an underlying unity to the self, similar to a movie screen behind the characters.

The process of self-deconstruction involves letting go of thoughts, images, and memories.

The background that holds the self together remains intact even as the self-image falls apart.

The self is like an old oil painting where the paint is flaking off to reveal the canvas.

The self has become an island amidst a storm, suggesting a sense of isolation.

The solid ground to stand on is the true self, which remains firm amidst change.

Meditation experiences can vary greatly, with some having a gentle process of self-discovery.

Traumatic life events can initiate the process of self-deconstruction.

The process of self-deconstruction can be dramatic, leading to a shaken sense of self.

Having a solid ground or sense of being is essential during the process of self-discovery.

Physical manifestations of energy should not be ignored and can be channeled positively.

Creative outlets like dance can help express and dissipate the energy experienced during meditation.

Transcripts

um i've been meditating for a few years

and i have a duet background

i was in a very good place able to see

myself and others

very blessed out very blissful about a

year ago i started feeling a lot of

energy in my head

and um different parts of my body and

very

fearful and obtrusive images and

thoughts

i kind of written them down so i can get

through it um

i feel like myself is breaking down and

being forced to let go of my

self-concepts i could

feel like deconstructed a lot of fear

of how to deal with the support and

when you say you're you're

you feel that yourself is being

deconstructed and there's

fear around that what is what is being

um deconstructed is

is the the self that

consists of a

a history a series of relationships a

series of memories a series of ideas

a body a future all of these

ideas go into the into the make of

yourself

and there is something that unifies

all of this and makes it instead of

instead of just having

disparate thoughts memories images

relationships there is something that

unifies

all of these elements of yourself into a

into a hole but that which unifies

all the disparate elements of your

character

is is transparent

it's like the screen behind the movie

that unifies

all the different characters in the

movie

uh what is being um dismantled

uh are other

all the the the thoughts the images the

memories the activities the

relationships these are

these are being um

you are letting these go so this

carefully constructed

image of a self is beginning to to fall

apart

the the the background

that holds all of these elements

together

it remains intact in fact it is being

revealed

as the different elements fall apart

it's like

um it's like a uh what would be a good

analogy

um

it's like a if you if you take a

painting a painting of a portrait

there's a portrait of you

it's a portrait of you it's an old oil

painting

of you and of course the oil painting

consists

of several hundred brush strokes

that's all the painting is several

hundred brush strokes on a single canvas

now when the painting was first

made you couldn't see the canvas the

canvas was invisible

but it was that which held all the brush

strokes together so it didn't look like

several hundred brush strokes it looked

like one painting

so each brushstroke in the analogy is a

memory a thought an idea an image a

relationship etc so now

what's happening is that the the

painting is old you've had it in your

basement for a while it's got damp and

now it's drying out so the paint

is beginning to flake off

so the integrity of the image is

beginning to

to to to disintegrate there are patches

where the paint has fallen off

but what are you seeing through the in

the patch you're beginning to see the

canvas you're beginning to see that

which held the image together and that

is not disintegrating

it's true it's a little frightening to

see

this marvelous image of yourself slowly

disintegrate but what is being revealed

is the canvas of yourself

behind it sir rupert

um i have to say that basically the self

has become like this little island and

the storm

rages around it so i i think um i'm

sorry i got so emotional but

i have i finally have a place to stand

like i i have firm ground to stand on

i was able to build that firm from back

so i have a place to stand which is you

know feels like solid

but um what is that place what is the

solid place you stand on

that is a cell phone okay good

yes so um i think it was been very rocky

uh maybe nine months but today i have a

place to stand but

is this normal is this i don't know what

happened

you know i used to i always you know i

thought meditation was beautiful

well and it it varies it varies for some

people

the peeling away of the paint

to continue with the old analogy the

peeling away of

the paint is a is a gentle process

it's more like a fading of the paint

and as the paint fades them

the canvas in the background begins to

to filter through

so they don't even feel it as a great

loss

of the image they just feel the

background of awareness filtering

through into the foreground of their

experience and it's a

peaceful joyful it's a relief

so for some people it's like that for

other people it's more dramatic

uh it sometimes it is sometimes this

process

is sometimes initiated by

the breakup of a relationship uh the

loss of a loved one

um an illness

uh the collapse of one's

or all sorts of traumatic events in

one's life can

initiate this process and sometimes it

can feel

not as if the paint is just quietly

fading but that it's peeling rather

dramatically

well in your case it might be the latter

you you may you may feel that this um

this dissolution

of all the elements of your experience

in which you have invested your

identity and your security is

is dramatic and it's leaving you a

little shaken

uh not able to you're

you're letting go of the old image but

you're not quite established

in yourself so you find yourself

somewhere in between the two although

you you say you have

solid ground but that's good if you have

solid ground if your

your being is of course the solid ground

if that is so then just take refuge

in yourself and let the paint peel off

thank you robert so is there anything to

do with the uh with the physical

just ignore all the physical

manifestations is that just

no no no no don't don't ignore the

physical manifestations take care

of your body

i mean all the energy is that is that

something

not not to think about or

i'm not quite sure what to do with a lot

of energy coursing through the body or

try to give it some

positive outlet

rather than just sit and feel that you

are at the mercy of this energy

try to try to channel it into some

creative or positive

outlet do you like to dance

i do perfect when you feel this this

energy

move express it through movement

give it a form and then it won't consume

you

you will give it a form and it will

gradually dissipate

if you don't give it a form it will tend

to

just go inwards and and consume you

thank you robert thank you