How to BE TACTICAL with the Narcissist

Summary

In this video, Rebecca Z, a renowned negotiation and high conflict communication expert, shares tactics to effectively deal with narcissists. She advises understanding their manipulative tactics like gaslighting, keeping records of interactions, and using 'we' statements to deflect blame. Rebecca emphasizes setting boundaries, the gray rock technique to appear unresponsive, and employing tactical empathy to navigate challenging interactions. She also stresses the importance of staying calm and seeking support, offering free resources to help viewers negotiate their best life.

Takeaways

• 📚 Understand Narcissist Tactics: Recognize manipulation, gaslighting, and psychological tricks to dismantle their power.
• 🗒️ Document Interactions: Keep records of interactions to counteract gaslighting and maintain reality.
• 🙏 Use 'Thank You for the Gift' Reframing: Stay grounded by acknowledging annoying behaviors without getting defensive.
• 💬 Employ 'We' Statements: Use inclusive language to diffuse blame and find solutions.
• 🔍 Disarm with Facts: Stay focused on the facts and avoid getting drawn into emotional arguments.
• 🚫 Set Clear Boundaries: Be specific about acceptable behaviors and stand firm on your limits.
• 💡 Gray Rock Technique: Become unresponsive and uninteresting to deflect attempts to trigger you.
• 🤝 Tactical Empathy: Show understanding of the narcissist's perspective without agreeing, to move forward constructively.
• 🧘‍♂️ Stay Calm and Centered: Maintain composure and use body language to convey confidence.
• 🤔 Get Curious Instead of Angry: Respond to provocations with curiosity to disarm the narcissist's tactics.
• 👥 Seek Support: Engage with supportive communities and consider professional help when needed.

Q & A

What is the main focus of Rebecca Z's channel?

Rebecca Z's channel focuses on providing strategies and tips for dealing with narcissists in various high conflict situations, including negotiations, court, mediation, and family interactions.

What does Rebecca Z suggest as the first step in dealing with a narcissist?

The first step suggested by Rebecca Z is to understand the tactics used by narcissists, such as manipulation, gaslighting, and psychological tricks, to control and undermine you.

How can one record interactions with a narcissist to avoid gaslighting?

Rebecca Z recommends keeping a record of interactions in the form of notes, emails, or texts to maintain evidence and avoid falling into the narcissist's trap of gaslighting.

What is the significance of using 'we' statements when dealing with a narcissist?

Using 'we' statements helps to avoid direct blame and can facilitate finding a solution by focusing on the issue rather than the person, which is a more effective approach when dealing with a narcissist.

What is the purpose of the 'phrases for disarming narcissists' tool mentioned by Rebecca Z?

The 'phrases for disarming narcissists' tool is designed to help individuals stay focused on the facts and get back to the issue at hand when dealing with a narcissist.

Why is setting clear boundaries important when dealing with a narcissist?

Setting clear boundaries is important because it specifies the behaviors that are tolerated and those that are not, helping to maintain control and prevent the narcissist from manipulating the situation.

What is the 'gray rock technique' and how does it help in dealing with a narcissist?

The 'gray rock technique' involves becoming uninteresting and unresponsive, giving short and neutral responses to avoid triggering the narcissist and to maintain control over the interaction.

How can tactical empathy be used to navigate interactions with a narcissist?

Tactical empathy involves understanding the narcissist's perspective without agreeing with them, and using this understanding to redirect their need for control or admiration towards a constructive outcome.

What does Rebecca Z advise for maintaining composure when dealing with a narcissist?

Rebecca Z advises staying calm and centered, using strong body language, and taking deep breaths to avoid showing any signs of being rattled, which could give the narcissist an advantage.

Why is seeking support important when dealing with a narcissist?

Seeking support is important because it provides a network of understanding and assistance, which can be empowering and help individuals navigate challenging interactions with a narcissist more effectively.

What is the promotional offer for MasterClass mentioned in the script?

The promotional offer for MasterClass is an additional 15% off any annual membership at masterclass.com using the promo code provided, allowing access to a wide range of classes for personal and professional growth.

Outlines

00:00

🛡️ Dealing with Narcissists: Tactical Strategies

This paragraph introduces a video aimed at providing viewers with strategies to deal with narcissists in various high-stakes situations such as negotiations, court, mediation, or family interactions. The speaker, Rebecca Z, a recognized expert in negotiations and high-conflict communications, encourages viewers to subscribe for more tips. The main theme revolves around understanding and countering narcissistic tactics like manipulation and gaslighting. Rebecca emphasizes the importance of keeping records of interactions, using 'we' statements to deflect blame, and employing phrases that disarm narcissists. She also discusses setting boundaries and the 'gray rock' technique to become uninteresting and unresponsive, thus minimizing the narcissist's power to provoke.

05:02

🧡 Tactical Empathy and Staying Calm with Narcissists

The second paragraph delves into employing tactical empathy to understand the narcissist's perspective without necessarily agreeing with them. It suggests redirecting the narcissist's need for control and allowing them to take the lead in certain situations to reach a resolution. The speaker also stresses the importance of maintaining composure and using strong, confident body language when in the presence of a narcissist. Techniques for staying calm, such as screaming into a pillow or crying in the shower, are recommended to manage emotions. The paragraph concludes with advice on seeking support from a community, therapy, or sharing experiences with others to gain empowerment.

10:05

🏠 Addressing Indoor Air Pollution with Air Doctor

The final paragraph shifts focus to a different topic, discussing the issue of indoor air pollution, which is reported to be more harmful than outdoor air according to the EPA. It mentions the health impacts, including the contribution to millions of premature deaths annually. The speaker introduces Air Doctor, a product that filters out 99.9% of harmful contaminants and allergens, and has been featured in major media outlets. The paragraph promotes the product's effectiveness in improving indoor air quality, especially for those with respiratory issues like asthma. It includes a special offer with a discount, a money-back guarantee, and a warranty for podcast customers.

Keywords

💡Narcissist

A narcissist is an individual with a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. In the video's theme, the term is central to the discussion of how to tactically navigate interactions with such individuals. For example, the script mentions understanding narcissist tactics like manipulation and gaslighting to dismantle their power over you.

💡Tactical

Tactical refers to an approach or method that is carefully planned to achieve a specific goal or outcome. In the context of the video, being tactical with a narcissist involves using specific strategies and mindset to take control and navigate challenging interactions. The script emphasizes the importance of having the right tactics and mindset to reclaim one's life and peace of mind.

💡Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes someone question their own reality or perceptions. The video script describes this as a common narcissist tactic to control and undermine others. To counteract gaslighting, the script suggests keeping a record of interactions as evidence.

💡Deflection

Deflection is the act of redirecting attention or blame away from oneself. The script mentions that narcissists often deflect their faults onto others. To address deflection, the video recommends using 'we' statements to focus on finding solutions rather than assigning blame.

💡Boundaries

Boundaries are limits or points up to which one can proceed without exceeding a certain degree. In the video, setting clear and firm boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissist, specifying which behaviors are tolerable and which are not. An example from the script is instructing the narcissist to let you finish speaking before they respond.

💡Gray Rock Technique

The Gray Rock Technique is a strategy of becoming uninteresting and unresponsive to avoid engaging with a narcissist's manipulative behavior. The script describes this technique as becoming like a gray rock—short, unresponsive, and neutral in response to provocations, thereby avoiding being triggered.

💡Tactical Empathy

Tactical empathy involves understanding another's perspective without necessarily agreeing with them. In the video, employing tactical empathy with a narcissist means acknowledging their perspective to move forward constructively. The script suggests using flattery to redirect their need for control and admiration.

💡Disarming

Disarming, in this context, refers to the act of neutralizing or reducing the effectiveness of a person's aggressive or manipulative tactics. The video script provides phrases for disarming a narcissist to get back to the issue at hand and stay focused on facts, thereby diffusing potential conflicts.

💡Support

Support in the video refers to seeking help from various sources, such as family, friends, or therapy, to cope with high-conflict situations involving a narcissist. Sharing experiences and seeking support is highlighted as a way to feel empowered and navigate challenging interactions more effectively.

💡MasterClass

MasterClass is an online platform mentioned in the script that offers courses taught by experts in various fields. While not directly related to the main theme of dealing with narcissists, it is used as an example of a resource for personal and professional development, which can indirectly contribute to one's ability to navigate difficult situations.

💡Air Doctor

Air Doctor is an air purifier brand promoted in the script for its ability to filter out contaminants and allergens, contributing to healthier indoor air quality. Although it is a product endorsement rather than a key concept related to the main theme, it represents the video's broader focus on health and well-being, including the psychological health discussed in relation to narcissists.

Highlights

Introduction to the video on tactical strategies for dealing with narcissists.

The importance of understanding narcissist tactics such as manipulation and gaslighting.

Using record-keeping to counteract gaslighting by keeping notes, emails, and texts.

Reframing annoying or triggering behaviors as 'gifts' to stay grounded in reality.

Addressing deflection by using 'we' statements to find solutions rather than blaming.

Free resource for disarming narcissists with phrases to stay focused on facts.

Setting clear boundaries with specific behaviors you will and won't tolerate.

Using the 'gray rock technique' to become uninteresting and unresponsive to narcissistic triggers.

Employing tactical empathy to understand the narcissist's perspective without agreeing with them.

Redirecting the narcissist's need for control by suggesting they take the lead.

Maintaining calm and centered demeanor to avoid being emotionally manipulated.

Using curiosity instead of anger to disarm the narcissist's attempts to upset you.

Seeking support from a community or therapy to share experiences and gain empowerment.

The narrator's belief in the strength and capability of the viewers to overcome challenges with narcissists.

Promotion of MasterClass as a platform for learning from experts in various fields.

Introduction of Air Doctor as a solution for improving indoor air quality and health.

Special offers and discounts for Air Doctor and MasterClass for the audience.

Transcripts

how to be tactical with a narcissist

welcome back to my channel are you ready

to beat the narcissist are you ready to

win are you ready to crush that

narcissist in negotiations in court or

mediation maybe it's communicating maybe

it's just strategizing maybe it's just

in your family but you want to win you

want to be like tactical this is the

video for you

[Applause]

hi I am so glad you're here I'm Rebecca

Z globally recognized negotiations and

high conflict Communications expert

attorney and the author of the

best-selling book slay the bully how to

negotiate with a narcissist and when

before we dive in make sure you hit that

subscribe button turn on that

notification so you can never miss any

of my tips and strategies for navigating

high conflict situations I am so excited

about this topic because this is

powerful this is fire how to be tactical

with the narcissist and Empower you with

strategies to take control and navigate

these difficult situations and these

challenging interactions with confidence

and Clarity instead of them putting you

on the defensive all the time it's time

for you to be on the offensive you have

the power to reclaim you have the power

to reclaim your life and your peace of

mind it's all about having the right

tactics and having the right mindset so

let's get get started so first of all

you need to understand narcissist

tactics it's crucial to understand the

narcissist tactics narcissists often use

manipulation gaslighting and other

psychological tricks to control and

undermine you so by recognizing these

tactics you can start to dismantle their

power over you they're really the

easiest people to understand in the

world they're difficult but they're easy

so once you understand them then it's

like super easy to gain control over

them they're actually way more free of

you than you are of them so the common

tactic is gaslighting this is the

narcissist trying to make you doubt your

reality if they deny something all you

have to do is keep a record of your

interaction so this can be in the form

of notes emails text so I have a really

special link for you go to Doc the.com

doc.com and having evidence of of what

you do of everything they do is really

helpful so I always have this reframe so

every time they do something that's like

super annoying or triggering you just

say oh thank you for the gift thank you

for the gift so you just write it down

write it down write it down then you can

just stay grounded in reality and not

fall into their trap so another tactic

is lame shifting where they deflect

everything I always say projection and

deflection lying and denying right and

they try to deflect their faults onto

you and so if they try to blame you for

their mistakes you can use statements

like I understand that you're upset and

you can use things like we can find a

solution use like we statements often

really help instead of you this you that

you this you that use we statements

because if you if you say that um that

really can be helpful another really

great tool is my phrases for disarming

narcissist totally free go to disarm

the.com and that'll help them get back

to the issue at hand stay to the facts I

always say just the facts next thing is

setting boundaries set clear firm

boundaries is really really so important

when you're dealing with a narcissist it

means being very specific about what

behaviors you're going to tolerate and

what behaviors you're not going to

tolerate if they're constantly

interrupting you just say I need you to

let me finish before I can respond and

if they keep interrupting just say okay

you might say this approach is not

working for me and just say you know we

we can continue this conversation at

another time you know and just stay calm

don't allow them to trigger you because

as soon as they trigger you you know

then you're going to be in it they go

fishing and then they reel you in and

then you're down in that mud you're down

in that mud with them don't allow that

to happen you just need to like not

allow that to happen so just like SOS so

stop take a breath observe observe their

behavior like as if you're observing a

two-year-old having a tantrum on the

floor I say put an invisible shield down

around you and then State what you're

going to say SOS all right stop top

observe State and the next thing is the

gray rock technique the gray rock

technique you're just become like a gray

rock you're just uninteresting

unresponsive you're just short very

short responses so when they try to like

trigger you you might just say things

like oh I that's interesting as very

little as possible well thanks for the

feedback like very neutral neutral

things to say one of the things I like

to say is I agree with you like I agree

with you that that's your opinion I

agree with you that we're not going to

get to a resolution to here another one

is employing tactical empathy means

understanding The Narcissist perspective

and knowledge and it doesn't mean you're

agreeing with them but you know you're

just like they crave admirations talk

about how you can move forward with this

plan like so you can like oh okay so

like you're just like so great at this

like oh maybe you should be the one to

take the lead on this because you're so

good at this you have the skills and and

nobody else does I call it fluffer favor

vomit later if they want to dominate

conversation you can also redirect their

need for control saying you know you

have a really unique perspective on this

maybe you can help us brainstorm a

solution another thing is like you sort

of see how something can come to a

resolution like sort of let them sort of

take the lead on things sometimes

another one is just how to stay calm and

centered always stay calm and centered I

would say scream in your pillow cry in

the shower but you've got to stay calm

and centered when you are with them

never let them see you sweat you come in

use that strong body language you use

your power body language before you go

in you've got to be super focused when

you walk in super composed very strong

and take deep breaths because if they

see that you are like rattled in any way

then they'll they'll know you can get

curious instead of angry like oh that's

interesting oh you know what makes you

think that oh that's interesting and so

get curious instead of angry right or oh

thank you for the feedback thanks for

the feedback disarm their attempts to

upset you so again disarm the Nar

phrases for disarming narcissist seek

support seek support don't hesitate to

get support again go to my free private

Facebook group narcissist negotiators

seek support from family or friends

again therapy if you need it so sharing

your experiences with others can be

really really helpful and empowering so

make sure you drop a comment below share

your your experiences here remember you

are so much more strong and capable Than

You Think You Are you really are the

fact that you're here the fact that

you're showing up the fact you're

watching these things these videos that

shows that your soul is speaking to you

and you know that you are so much

greater and so much stronger than you

think that you are my programs has

literally helped thousands of people

whenn all over the world which it proves

that no matter where you are now it's

just the place to begin right it's just

your jumping off point you can do this

make sure that you like this video you

share it you subscribe here hit that

Bell the next video that I want you to

watch is use these phrases in tactics to

hurt a Nur narcissist forever remember

today is a great day to start

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