How to spot a liar | Pamela Meyer | TED

Summary

El discurso explora por qué todos mienten, basándose en la investigación y técnicas para detectar la mentira. Expone que la mentira es un acto cooperativo y que, aunque a menudo se considera negativa, puede tener usos sociales. Se discuten los costos de la deshonestidad, desde fraudes millonarios hasta la traición a nivel de seguridad nacional. Se ofrecen patrones de engaño en el habla y lenguaje corporal, y se enfatiza la importancia de la actitud y la expresividad facial para discernir la verdad. La charla concluye con la idea de que, al ser conscientes y explícitos con nuestra moralidad, contribuimos a un mundo más honesto.

Takeaways

• 😶 Todos somos mentirosos: El orador comienza reconociendo que todos, incluyéndose a sí misma, mienten de alguna forma.
• 🔎 Cómo ser un 'liespotter': Se enseña cómo identificar la mentira utilizando conocimientos científicos y técnicas específicas para llegar a la verdad.
• 🤝 La mentira es un acto cooperativo: La mentira adquiere poder solo si alguien decide creerla, implicando que somos cómplices en el acto de ser engañados.
• 💡 Not all lies are harmful: Algunas mentiras, como las 'white lies', son parte de la etiqueta social y no son necesariamente dañinas.
• 💸 El costo de la decepción: La decepción puede tener consecuencias económicas devastadoras, como el fraude corporativo que cuesta billones de dólares.
• 🧐 Identificar deseos y fantasías: La mentira es un intento de conectar nuestras aspiraciones con nuestra realidad, llenando los vacíos en nuestras vidas.
• 👥 Diferencias en la frecuencia de las mentiras: Hemos aprendido a mentir de distintas maneras; por ejemplo, los hombres mienten más sobre sí mismos, mientras que las mujeres suelen mentir para proteger a otros.
• 👶 La mentira es un comportamiento aprendido: Desde los bebés hasta los adultos, la mentira es un comportamiento que se desarrolla y se perfecciona a lo largo de la vida.
• 🕵️‍♂️ Patróns de decepción en el habla: Los mentirosos pueden usar un lenguaje formal, distanciarse del tema o dar detalles excesivos para intentar ser creíbles.
• 🤔 La importancia de la actitud en la conversación: La actitud de una persona durante una conversación puede ser un indicador poderoso de su veracidad.
• 🚫 Las señales de la mentira no son definitivas: Las señales de la mentira, como el lenguaje corporal o la expresión facial, son indicadores, no pruebas definitivas de decepción.
• 🌐 La búsqueda de la verdad en un mundo cada vez más transparente: A pesar de la tecnología y la sobreexposición en las redes sociales, la honestidad y la integridad de carácter siguen siendo fundamentales.

Q & A

¿Qué es un 'liespotter' según el discurso?

Un 'liespotter' es alguien que posee conocimientos científicos para detectar la engañosa y utiliza estos conocimientos para llegar a la verdad, realizando conversaciones difíciles con personas difíciles, a menudo en momentos difíciles.

¿Por qué la persona que está a la derecha de alguien en la sala es un mentiroso, según el discurso?

El discurso indica que todos somos mentirosos, y esto es una forma de introducir la idea de que la mentira es una acción cooperativa y que todos tenemos la capacidad de engañar o ser engañados.

¿Cómo se define la mentira en el discurso como una acción?

La mentira se define como una acción cooperativa, sin poder por su mera proferencia, sino que adquiere poder cuando alguien más acepta creer la mentira.

¿Cuál es el costo económico de la decepción mencionado en el discurso, específicamente en términos de fraude corporativo en los Estados Unidos?

El discurso menciona que el fraude corporativo en los Estados Unidos por sí solo causó una pérdida de 997 mil millones de dólares el año pasado, lo que representa el 7% de los ingresos.

¿Cómo es que los niños pequeños empiezan a usar tácticas de engaño?

Los niños pequeños comienzan a usar tácticas de engaño desde muy temprana edad; bebés pueden falsificar llanto para ver quién viene, niños de un año aprenden a ocultar algo y a los dos años ya pueden blufar.

¿Qué se entiende por 'duping delight' en el discurso?

'Duping delight' se refiere a una sonrisa o expresión de satisfacción que muestra alguien cuando se deleita en el engaño que está cometiendo, especialmente cuando piensa que ha tenido éxito en su mentira.

¿Cuáles son algunas de las señales no verbales que pueden indicar que alguien está mintiendo, según el discurso?

Algunas señales no verbales que pueden indicar que alguien está mintiendo incluyen el congelamiento de su torso, mirar demasiado a los ojos, sonrisas falsas sin expresión en los ojos y cambios en el tono de voz.

¿Por qué es importante diferenciar entre una sonrisa real y una sonrisa falsa según el discurso?

Es importante diferenciar entre una sonrisa real y una falsa porque una sonrisa verdadera implica expresión auténtica, mientras que una sonrisa falsa puede ser un indicio de engaño o insinceridad.

¿Qué es la 'contemt' y cómo se identifica en el discurso?

La 'contemt' es una expresión de desdén, marcada por una comisura de la boca levantada y hacia adentro, y es la única expresión asimétrica. Se menciona en el discurso como un indicio peligroso de que alguien puede estar despectiva y posiblemente engañosa.

¿Cómo se sugiere que uno debe abordar la detección de la mentira en el discurso?

Se sugiere que uno debe abordar la detección de la mentira utilizando un enfoque humano basado en el conocimiento científico, observando patrones de comportamiento, en lugar de depender únicamente de tecnologías que aún están en desarrollo.

¿Qué es lo que el discurso sugiere que es más importante que la tecnología en la detección de la mentira?

El discurso sugiere que la integridad del carácter y la decencia humana son más importantes que la tecnología en la detección de la mentira, y que es fundamental ser explícito con nuestro código moral para fortalecer la verdad y marginar el engaño.

Outlines

00:00

😀 La naturaleza de la mentira y la construcción de confianza

El primer párrafo presenta la idea central de que todos somos mentirosos y que el acto de mentir es cooperativo, requiriendo que alguien acepte la mentira para que tenga poder. La oradora revela su libro 'Liespotting' y cómo esto ha afectado su vida social. A lo largo de este segmento, se discuten las razones por las que las personas mienten, desde la mentira blanca hasta las consecuencias más graves de la欺诈 corporativa y la delación de la seguridad nacional. Se enfatiza la importancia de ser capaces de detectar la mentira y buscar la verdad, y se menciona la importancia de comprender que a veces participamos voluntariamente en la mentira por diversas razones sociales.

05:00

🧐 La complejidad de la mentira en la vida diaria

Este párrafo explora cómo la mentira está entrelazada en nuestra vida cotidiana y empresarial, y cómo tenemos una actitud ambivalente hacia la verdad. Se menciona que a pesar de que rechazamos la mentira, a menudo la aceptamos de maneras que la sociedad ha sancionado. Se discuten ejemplos de mentiras en la evolución y la inteligencia, como el caso de Koko la gorila que fue enseñada a comunicarse a través del lenguaje de señas. Además, se habla de cómo los niños aprenden a mentir a una edad temprana y cómo la sociedad moderna está plagada de formas de engaño, desde el correo no deseado hasta los estafadores de identidad y los esquemas Ponzi.

10:02

🕵️‍♂️ Identificar patrones de engaño a través del lenguaje y la expresión corporal

El tercer párrafo se enfoca en cómo los 'liespotters', o detectores de mentiras, pueden usar el conocimiento científico para descubrir la verdad. Se presentan dos patrones de engaño: el uso del lenguaje y la expresión corporal. Se analizan ejemplos de discurso, como las negaciones formales y la lenguaje de distanciamiento, y se muestra cómo la mentira puede ser detectada a través de detalles excesivos y la narración en orden cronológico. También se discuten las señales no verbales, como el uso excesivo de detalles, la expresión de satisfacción al engañar, conocida como 'duping delight', y la expresión de desdén, que es una señal de peligro en las interacciones.

15:04

😢 La diferencia entre la verdad y la mentira en las emociones y la tecnología

El último párrafo contrasta la diferencia entre la actitud y las emociones de una madre que miente sobre un evento traumático con la de una madre que expresa su dolor genuino. Se muestran dos videos, uno de Diane Downs, quien mintió sobre un intento de asesinato de sus hijos, y otro de Erin Runnion, que enfrentó al asesino de su hija. Se discute cómo la tecnología avanza en la detección de la verdad, con herramientas como seguidores oculares especializados y escáneres cerebrales, pero se enfatiza que la habilidad humana de reconocer la verdad es fundamental. Finalmente, se reflexiona sobre la importancia de mantener la honestidad y la integridad moral en un mundo cada vez más transparente y conectado.

Keywords

💡Mentiras

El término 'Mentiras' se refiere a la acción de afirmar algo que no es cierto con la intención de engañar. En el video, es el tema central, ya que se explora la naturaleza de las mentiras y cómo se pueden detectar. Se menciona que todos somos mentirosos en ciertos contextos, y se discute la importancia de convertirse en un 'detective de mentiras' para construir confianza y buscar la verdad.

💡Detective de Mentiras (Liespotter)

Un 'Detective de Mentiras' es alguien que posee el conocimiento científico para identificar la engañosa. En el video, se describe cómo este tipo de personas utilizan su habilidad para llegar a la verdad y manejar conversaciones difíciles con personas difíciles, aceptando que el engaño es un acto cooperativo y que a veces participamos en él voluntariamente.

💡Cooperativo

El engaño se describe como un acto 'Cooperativo', lo que significa que requiere la participación de dos partes: el mentiroso y la persona que acepta creer la mentira. En el video, se argumenta que si has sido engañado, es porque has decidido creer la mentira.

💡Fraudes Corporativos

El término 'Fraudes Corporativos' se refiere a la pérdida de dinero o confianza debido a la conducta engañosa dentro de una empresa. En el video, se menciona que en el año anterior, los fraudes corporativos en los Estados Unidos alcanzaron 997 mil millones de dólares, lo que destaca el costo dramático del engaño en el ámbito empresarial.

💡Engaño

El 'Engaño' es mencionado como un comportamiento que puede tener consecuencias graves, desde fraudes multimillonarios hasta la traición a la nación. El video destaca que el engaño es una actividad seria y no un juego, y puede tener implicaciones en la vida cotidiana y empresarial.

💡Contempto

El 'Contempto' se describe como una expresión de desprecio, marcada por la elevación de una comisura de la boca. En el video, se enseña cómo este gesto es un indicador de desdén y moralidad superior, y es muy difícil de superar en una relación cuando se presenta.

💡Duplicidad (Duping Delight)

La 'Duplicidad', o 'Duping Delight', se refiere a la satisfacción que muestra alguien al engañar a otro y creer que va a salirse con la suya. En el video, se muestra cómo este gesto puede ser un indicador de engaño y cómo es fácil de identificar una vez que se conoce cómo buscarlo.

💡Lenguaje Corporal

El 'Lenguaje Corporal' es una de las formas en que se pueden detectar las mentiras, según se explica en el video. Se desmiente la creencia de que los mentirosos sienten inquietud física, ya que en realidad congelan su torso y pueden mantener la mirada fija para compensar la idea de que evitan oírse.

💡Expresiones Faciales

Las 'Expresiones Faciales' son otro medio para identificar la verdad o la mentira. En el video, se enseña cómo los cambios en las expresiones faciales, como el sonrisa falsa o el gesto de desprecio, pueden ser indicativos de engaño o emociones verdaderas.

💡Veracidad

La 'Veracidad' se refiere a la calidad de ser verdadero o fiel a los hechos. En el video, se muestra cómo la veracidad puede ser discernida a través de la diferencia entre las emociones expresadas y la situación descrita, como en el caso de las madres presentadas al final del guion.

💡Integridad

La 'Integridad' es mencionada en el video como un concepto fundamental en un mundo más ruidoso, donde la sobrecompartición en redes sociales no es equivalente a honestidad. Se enfatiza la importancia de mantener la integridad y el carácter en un mundo cada vez más transparente.

Highlights

Everyone in the room is a liar, and the speaker aims to explain why we lie and how to become a liespotter.

The speaker wrote a book called 'Liespotting' which has led to people avoiding her in person.

Liespotters use scientific knowledge to spot deception and engage in difficult conversations with difficult people.

Lying is a cooperative act; its power comes from someone else believing the lie.

Not all lies are harmful; some are told for social dignity or to keep a secret.

Corporate fraud in the U.S. alone cost 997 billion dollars last year.

Deception can have serious consequences, including undermining democracy and causing deaths.

Con man Henry Oberlander's rule is that everyone is willing to give something for what they desire.

Lying is an attempt to bridge the gap between our wishes and reality.

On average, one may be lied to 10 to 200 times a day.

Different types of lies are told based on relationships and personality traits.

Lying is complex and intertwined with our daily and business lives.

Lies are part of our culture and history, with evolutionary value to our species.

Children as young as babies exhibit deceptive behaviors.

In a post-truth society, trained liespotters can get to the truth 90% of the time.

Deceptive behaviors are not proof of lying but are red flags that require further investigation.

Technologies like eye trackers and brain scans can help detect deception but are not a substitute for human liespotting skills.

In a world of oversharing, true honesty and character integrity still matter.

By combining the science of deception with the art of observation, one can create an environment of honesty.

Transcripts

Okay, now I don't want to alarm anybody in this room,

but it's just come to my attention that the person to your right is a liar.

(Laughter)

Also, the person to your left is a liar.

Also the person sitting in your very seats is a liar.

We're all liars.

What I'm going to do today

is I'm going to show you what the research says about why we're all liars,

how you can become a liespotter

and why you might want to go the extra mile

and go from liespotting to truth seeking,

and ultimately to trust building.

Now, speaking of trust,

ever since I wrote this book, "Liespotting,"

no one wants to meet me in person anymore, no, no, no, no, no.

They say, "It's okay, we'll email you."

(Laughter)

I can't even get a coffee date at Starbucks.

My husband's like, "Honey, deception?

Maybe you could have focused on cooking. How about French cooking?"

So before I get started, what I'm going to do

is I'm going to clarify my goal for you,

which is not to teach a game of Gotcha.

Liespotters aren't those nitpicky kids,

those kids in the back of the room that are shouting, "Gotcha! Gotcha!

Your eyebrow twitched. You flared your nostril.

I watch that TV show 'Lie To Me.' I know you're lying."

No, liespotters are armed

with scientific knowledge of how to spot deception.

They use it to get to the truth,

and they do what mature leaders do everyday;

they have difficult conversations with difficult people,

sometimes during very difficult times.

And they start up that path by accepting a core proposition,

and that proposition is the following:

Lying is a cooperative act.

Think about it, a lie has no power whatsoever by its mere utterance.

Its power emerges

when someone else agrees to believe the lie.

So I know it may sound like tough love,

but look, if at some point you got lied to,

it's because you agreed to get lied to.

Truth number one about lying: Lying's a cooperative act.

Now not all lies are harmful.

Sometimes we're willing participants in deception

for the sake of social dignity,

maybe to keep a secret that should be kept secret, secret.

We say, "Nice song."

"Honey, you don't look fat in that, no."

Or we say, favorite of the digiratti,

"You know, I just fished that email out of my Spam folder.

So sorry."

But there are times when we are unwilling participants in deception.

And that can have dramatic costs for us.

Last year saw 997 billion dollars

in corporate fraud alone in the United States.

That's an eyelash under a trillion dollars.

That's seven percent of revenues.

Deception can cost billions.

Think Enron, Madoff, the mortgage crisis.

Or in the case of double agents and traitors,

like Robert Hanssen or Aldrich Ames,

lies can betray our country,

they can compromise our security, they can undermine democracy,

they can cause the deaths of those that defend us.

Deception is actually serious business.

This con man, Henry Oberlander, he was such an effective con man,

British authorities say

he could have undermined the entire banking system of the Western world.

And you can't find this guy on Google; you can't find him anywhere.

He was interviewed once, and he said the following.

He said, "Look, I've got one rule."

And this was Henry's rule, he said,

"Look, everyone is willing to give you something.

They're ready to give you something for whatever it is they're hungry for."

And that's the crux of it.

If you don't want to be deceived, you have to know,

what is it that you're hungry for?

And we all kind of hate to admit it.

We wish we were better husbands, better wives,

smarter, more powerful, taller, richer --

the list goes on.

Lying is an attempt to bridge that gap,

to connect our wishes and our fantasies

about who we wish we were, how we wish we could be,

with what we're really like.

And boy are we willing to fill in those gaps in our lives with lies.

On a given day, studies show that you may be lied to

anywhere from 10 to 200 times.

Now granted, many of those are white lies.

But in another study,

it showed that strangers lied three times

within the first 10 minutes of meeting each other.

(Laughter)

Now when we first hear this data, we recoil.

We can't believe how prevalent lying is.

We're essentially against lying.

But if you look more closely, the plot actually thickens.

We lie more to strangers than we lie to coworkers.

Extroverts lie more than introverts.

Men lie eight times more about themselves than they do other people.

Women lie more to protect other people.

If you're an average married couple,

you're going to lie to your spouse in one out of every 10 interactions.

Now, you may think that's bad.

If you're unmarried, that number drops to three.

Lying's complex.

It's woven into the fabric of our daily and our business lives.

We're deeply ambivalent about the truth.

We parse it out on an as-needed basis,

sometimes for very good reasons,

other times just because we don't understand the gaps in our lives.

That's truth number two about lying.

We're against lying,

but we're covertly for it

in ways that our society has sanctioned for centuries and centuries and centuries.

It's as old as breathing.

It's part of our culture, it's part of our history.

Think Dante, Shakespeare, the Bible, News of the World.

(Laughter)

Lying has evolutionary value to us as a species.

Researchers have long known that the more intelligent the species,

the larger the neocortex,

the more likely it is to be deceptive.

Now you might remember Koko.

Does anybody remember Koko the gorilla who was taught sign language?

Koko was taught to communicate via sign language.

Here's Koko with her kitten.

It's her cute little, fluffy pet kitten.

Koko once blamed her pet kitten for ripping a sink out of the wall.

(Laughter)

We're hardwired to become leaders of the pack.

It's starts really, really early.

How early?

Well babies will fake a cry,

pause, wait to see who's coming

and then go right back to crying.

One-year-olds learn concealment.

(Laughter)

Two-year-olds bluff.

Five-year-olds lie outright.

They manipulate via flattery.

Nine-year-olds, masters of the cover-up.

By the time you enter college,

you're going to lie to your mom in one out of every five interactions.

By the time we enter this work world and we're breadwinners,

we enter a world that is just cluttered with Spam, fake digital friends,

partisan media,

ingenious identity thieves,

world-class Ponzi schemers,

a deception epidemic --

in short, what one author calls a post-truth society.

It's been very confusing for a long time now.

What do you do?

Well, there are steps we can take to navigate our way through the morass.

Trained liespotters get to the truth 90 percent of the time.

The rest of us, we're only 54 percent accurate.

Why is it so easy to learn?

There are good liars and bad liars.

There are no real original liars.

We all make the same mistakes. We all use the same techniques.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to show you two patterns of deception.

And then we're going to look at the hot spots

and see if we can find them ourselves.

We're going to start with speech.

(Video) Bill Clinton: I want you to listen to me.

I'm going to say this again.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.

I never told anybody to lie, not a single time, never.

And these allegations are false.

And I need to go back to work for the American people.

Thank you.

(Applause)

Pamela Meyer: Okay, what were the telltale signs?

Well first we heard what's known as a non-contracted denial.

Studies show that people who are overdetermined in their denial

will resort to formal rather than informal language.

We also heard distancing language: "that woman."

We know that liars will unconsciously distance themselves

from their subject,

using language as their tool.

Now if Bill Clinton had said, "Well, to tell you the truth ..."

or Richard Nixon's favorite, "In all candor ..."

he would have been a dead giveaway

for any liespotter that knows

that qualifying language, as it's called, qualifying language like that,

further discredits the subject.

Now if he had repeated the question in its entirety,

or if he had peppered his account with a little too much detail --

and we're all really glad he didn't do that --

he would have further discredited himself.

Freud had it right.

Freud said, look, there's much more to it than speech:

"No mortal can keep a secret.

If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips."

And we all do it no matter how powerful you are.

We all chatter with our fingertips.

I'm going to show you Dominique Strauss-Kahn with Obama

who's chattering with his fingertips.

(Laughter)

Now this brings us to our next pattern, which is body language.

With body language, here's what you've got to do.

You've really got to just throw your assumptions out the door.

Let the science temper your knowledge a little bit.

Because we think liars fidget all the time.

Well guess what, they're known to freeze their upper bodies when they're lying.

We think liars won't look you in the eyes.

Well guess what, they look you in the eyes a little too much

just to compensate for that myth.

We think warmth and smiles convey honesty, sincerity.

But a trained liespotter can spot a fake smile a mile away.

Can you all spot the fake smile here?

You can consciously contract the muscles in your cheeks.

But the real smile's in the eyes, the crow's feet of the eyes.

They cannot be consciously contracted,

especially if you overdid the Botox.

Don't overdo the Botox; nobody will think you're honest.

Now we're going to look at the hot spots.

Can you tell what's happening in a conversation?

Can you start to find the hot spots

to see the discrepancies

between someone's words and someone's actions?

Now, I know it seems really obvious,

but when you're having a conversation with someone you suspect of deception,

attitude is by far the most overlooked but telling of indicators.

An honest person is going to be cooperative.

They're going to show they're on your side.

They're going to be enthusiastic.

They're going to be willing and helpful to getting you to the truth.

They're going to be willing to brainstorm, name suspects,

provide details.

They're going to say,

"Hey, maybe it was those guys in payroll that forged those checks."

They're going to be infuriated if they sense they're wrongly accused

throughout the entire course of the interview, not just in flashes;

they'll be infuriated throughout the entire course of the interview.

And if you ask someone honest

what should happen to whomever did forge those checks,

an honest person is much more likely

to recommend strict rather than lenient punishment.

Now let's say you're having that exact same conversation

with someone deceptive.

That person may be withdrawn,

look down, lower their voice,

pause, be kind of herky-jerky.

Ask a deceptive person to tell their story,

they're going to pepper it with way too much detail

in all kinds of irrelevant places.

And then they're going to tell their story in strict chronological order.

And what a trained interrogator does

is they come in and in very subtle ways over the course of several hours,

they will ask that person to tell that story backwards,

and then they'll watch them squirm,

and track which questions produce the highest volume of deceptive tells.

Why do they do that? Well, we all do the same thing.

We rehearse our words,

but we rarely rehearse our gestures.

We say "yes," we shake our heads "no."

We tell very convincing stories, we slightly shrug our shoulders.

We commit terrible crimes,

and we smile at the delight in getting away with it.

Now, that smile is known in the trade as "duping delight."

And we're going to see that in several videos moving forward,

but we're going to start -- for those of you who don't know him,

this is presidential candidate John Edwards

who shocked America by fathering a child out of wedlock.

We're going to see him talk about getting a paternity test.

See now if you can spot him saying, "yes" while shaking his head "no,"

slightly shrugging his shoulders.

(Video) John Edwards: I'd be happy to participate in one.

I know that it's not possible that this child could be mine,

because of the timing of events.

So I know it's not possible.

Happy to take a paternity test, and would love to see it happen.

Interviewer: Are you going to do that soon? Is there somebody --

JE: Well, I'm only one side. I'm only one side of the test.

But I'm happy to participate in one.

PM: Okay, those head shakes are much easier to spot

once you know to look for them.

There are going to be times when someone makes one expression

while masking another that just kind of leaks through in a flash.

Murderers are known to leak sadness.

Your new joint venture partner might shake your hand,

celebrate, go out to dinner with you and then leak an expression of anger.

And we're not all going to become facial expression experts overnight here,

but there's one I can teach you that's very dangerous

and it's easy to learn,

and that's the expression of contempt.

Now with anger, you've got two people on an even playing field.

It's still somewhat of a healthy relationship.

But when anger turns to contempt, you've been dismissed.

It's associated with moral superiority.

And for that reason, it's very, very hard to recover from.

Here's what it looks like.

It's marked by one lip corner pulled up and in.

It's the only asymmetrical expression.

And in the presence of contempt, whether or not deception follows --

and it doesn't always follow --

look the other way, go the other direction,

reconsider the deal,

say, "No thank you. I'm not coming up for just one more nightcap. Thank you."

Science has surfaced many, many more indicators.

We know, for example,

we know liars will shift their blink rate,

point their feet towards an exit.

They will take barrier objects

and put them between themselves and the person that is interviewing them.

They'll alter their vocal tone,

often making their vocal tone much lower.

Now here's the deal.

These behaviors are just behaviors.

They're not proof of deception.

They're red flags.

We're human beings.

We make deceptive flailing gestures all over the place all day long.

They don't mean anything in and of themselves.

But when you see clusters of them, that's your signal.

Look, listen, probe, ask some hard questions,

get out of that very comfortable mode of knowing,

walk into curiosity mode, ask more questions,

have a little dignity, treat the person you're talking to with rapport.

Don't try to be like those folks on "Law & Order" and those other TV shows

that pummel their subjects into submission.

Don't be too aggressive, it doesn't work.

Now, we've talked a little bit about how to talk to someone who's lying

and how to spot a lie.

And as I promised, we're now going to look at what the truth looks like.

But I'm going to show you two videos,

two mothers -- one is lying, one is telling the truth.

And these were surfaced by researcher David Matsumoto in California.

And I think they're an excellent example of what the truth looks like.

This mother, Diane Downs,

shot her kids at close range,

drove them to the hospital while they bled all over the car,

claimed a scraggy-haired stranger did it.

And you'll see when you see the video,

she can't even pretend to be an agonizing mother.

What you want to look for here is an incredible discrepancy

between horrific events that she describes and her very, very cool demeanor.

And if you look closely, you'll see duping delight throughout this video.

(Video) Diane Downs: At night when I close my eyes,

I can see Christie reaching her hand out to me while I'm driving,

and the blood just kept coming out of her mouth.

And that -- maybe it'll fade too with time --

but I don't think so.

That bothers me the most.

PM: Now I'm going to show you a video

of an actual grieving mother, Erin Runnion,

confronting her daughter's murderer and torturer in court.

Here you're going to see no false emotion,

just the authentic expression of a mother's agony.

(Video) Erin Runnion: I wrote this statement

on the third anniversary of the night you took my baby,

and you hurt her,

and you crushed her,

you terrified her until her heart stopped.

And she fought, and I know she fought you.

But I know she looked at you with those amazing brown eyes,

and you still wanted to kill her.

And I don't understand it,

and I never will.

PM: Okay, there's no doubting the veracity of those emotions.

Now the technology around what the truth looks like

is progressing on, the science of it.

We know, for example,

that we now have specialized eye trackers and infrared brain scans,

MRI's that can decode the signals that our bodies send out

when we're trying to be deceptive.

And these technologies are going to be marketed to all of us

as panaceas for deceit,

and they will prove incredibly useful some day.

But you've got to ask yourself in the meantime:

Who do you want on your side of the meeting,

someone who's trained in getting to the truth

or some guy who's going to drag a 400-pound electroencephalogram

through the door?

Liespotters rely on human tools.

They know, as someone once said,

"Character's who you are in the dark."

And what's kind of interesting is that today, we have so little darkness.

Our world is lit up 24 hours a day.

It's transparent with blogs and social networks

broadcasting the buzz of a whole new generation of people

that have made a choice to live their lives in public.

It's a much more noisy world.

So one challenge we have is to remember,

oversharing, that's not honesty.

Our manic tweeting and texting can blind us

to the fact that the subtleties of human decency -- character integrity --

that's still what matters, that's always what's going to matter.

So in this much noisier world,

it might make sense for us

to be just a little bit more explicit about our moral code.

When you combine the science of recognizing deception

with the art of looking, listening,

you exempt yourself from collaborating in a lie.

You start up that path of being just a little bit more explicit,

because you signal to everyone around you,

you say, "Hey, my world, our world, it's going to be an honest one.

My world is going to be one where truth is strengthened

and falsehood is recognized and marginalized."

And when you do that,

the ground around you starts to shift just a little bit.

And that's the truth. Thank you.

(Applause)