Why Can’t I Find My Self?

Summary

In this discussion, the speaker explores the concept of self-awareness and the difficulty in locating one's 'being.' They explain that knowing oneself doesn't occur in a typical subject-object relationship, unlike other forms of knowledge. Using the metaphor of the sun illuminating the moon but also itself, the speaker suggests that awareness knows itself directly without needing separation. The conversation addresses the challenges in meditation, where sensations like heaviness and coldness arise. Ultimately, the dialogue emphasizes the importance of exploring and experiencing awareness beyond intellectual understanding.

Takeaways

• 🔍 The concept of 'being' is elusive because it is akin to trying to see one's own eyes; we are 'looking through' our being to perceive the world.
• 🌐 All knowledge, except for the awareness of our own being, is based on a subject-object relationship where we stand apart from what we know.
• 👁‍🗨 The awareness of being is unique because it does not involve a subject-object relationship; the subject and object are one and the same.
• 🤔 The difficulty in finding or describing our being is not a sign of ignorance but rather a characteristic of a non-dualistic experience of self-awareness.
• 🌟 Awareness is like the sun, which illuminates everything else but cannot illuminate itself from a distance; it simply 'is' aware.
• 🧘‍♂️ During meditation, the awareness of physical sensations is distinct from the awareness itself, which is the subject of the experience.
• 💭 When introspecting, we often describe our experiences (objects) easily but struggle to describe the 'I' that is aware, highlighting the non-objective nature of self-awareness.
• 🤷‍♂️ The intellectual understanding of awareness is secondary to the direct experience of being aware; the latter is more fundamental and certain.
• 🧠 The mind's natural tendency to formulate answers based on past knowledge can obscure the direct experience of awareness.
• 🌱 Spiritual exploration is not about the accumulation of knowledge but about the clarity, focus, and intensity of interest in one's own experience.
• 📚 The dialogue suggests that questioning and introspection are valuable tools for deepening one's understanding of awareness and being.

Q & A

What is the main point being made about trying to find one's 'being'?

The speaker explains that trying to find one's 'being' is like trying to see your own eyes—it's impossible because you are looking through them. You cannot find your 'being' as an object because it is the awareness itself.

Why can't we see our own eyes, according to the speaker?

We can't see our own eyes because we are looking through them. In order to see something, we must stand apart from it, which is not possible with our eyes.

How does the speaker explain the subject-object relationship in knowledge?

The speaker says that all knowledge occurs in a subject-object relationship. We can only know something if we stand apart from it as the knower, except in the case of knowing our own 'being,' which does not occur in this relationship.

What is the one exception to the subject-object relationship in knowledge?

The one exception is the knowing of our 'being.' In this case, the subject and the object are the same, meaning we know ourselves without the need for a subject-object relationship.

Why does the speaker say, 'You can't find yourself'?

The speaker explains that we can't find ourselves as an object because our 'being' cannot be observed from a distance like other things. However, we still know that we exist, which is an experience beyond subject-object perception.

What analogy does the speaker use to explain how awareness knows itself?

The speaker compares awareness to the sun. The sun illuminates everything around it, including the moon and the earth, from a distance (subject-object relationship). However, the sun also illuminates itself, but not by shining its light on itself because it cannot stand apart from itself. Similarly, awareness knows itself just by being aware.

What does the speaker suggest about the role of intellectual understanding in knowing our 'being'?

The speaker suggests that intellectual understanding is merely a formulation of the experience of being aware. True understanding of our 'being' goes beyond intellectual knowledge and is experienced directly.

Why does the speaker ask Martin, 'Are you aware?' multiple times?

The speaker asks this question repeatedly to emphasize that being aware is not just an intellectual concept but an actual experience. The speaker wants Martin to realize that his awareness is certain and more fundamental than any intellectual doubt.

How does the speaker respond to Martin’s experience of heaviness and coldness during meditation?

The speaker acknowledges Martin’s awareness of sensations like heaviness and coldness but shifts the focus to the one who is aware of these sensations, asking Martin to explore the 'I' that is aware, rather than focusing on the sensations themselves.

Why does Martin struggle to describe the 'I' that is aware?

Martin struggles because the 'I' that is aware is not an object that can be described or observed. It is the awareness itself, and there is nothing objective to say about it, which leads to his difficulty in providing an answer.